Funny / Pinocchio

Moments pages are Spoilers Off. Read ahead only at your own risk! You Have Been Warned.

The 1940 Disney animated film

He's got no strings to hold him down... but that floorboard seems to be doing a pretty good job.

• In "Little Wooden Head", Pinocchio, which is not yet brought to life, plays with Figaro in a playful and mischievous way as Geppetto manipulates him with his strings:
  • He lands behind Figaro, standing up straight, making a clattering noise.
  • Figaro was startled and looked back.
    Geppetto: Say hello to Figaro.
  • He bends down and pets Figaro softly.
  • Figaro enjoys being petted by his new little wooden friend.
  • He stands up straight again, and then kicks Figaro playfully and lightly from the behind.
    Geppetto: Oops! Oh-ho-ho! Up to mischief already!
  • Figaro loses his balance and falls down from the kick.
  • Figaro gets up, glares angrily at Pinocchio, and slaps him back on his foot.
  • His left leg, which he kicked Figaro with, flies up and gets tangled in his strings.
  • Geppetto corrects his leg.
    Geppetto: You see what happens?
  • He lays down and crawls toward Figaro, making the kitten back away and finally fall down the step.
  • When Figaro gets up, he stares at the kitten and yells to scare him.
    Geppetto: [playing Pinocchio's voice] Boo!
  • Figaro yelps and ducks down as he was lifted out of the scene.
• After the clocks scene, in which dozens of clocks strike 9, Geppetto still has to check his pocket watch for the time.
  • Even funnier, count the number of times the bell tower clock (the first to go off) strikes. It rings not 9, not even 12, but 13 times.
    Geppetto: *rather calmly and curiously* I wonder what the time is...
• Geppetto's first loud snore as Jiminy is trying to sleep, as he covers his head with his hat.
• After the annoying clock scene (a CMOF in itself), Jiminy sees a bright light (the Blue Fairy) coming through the window.
  Jiminy: Now what's up?
  • The annoying clock scene in and of itself. Jiminy is unable to fall asleep amidst all the snoring everyone is making and from all the ticking clocks. He finally loses his cool and yells, "QUIET!!", and the clocks immediately stop ticking.
    Jiminy: After all, enough's enough.
• When Jiminy sees the Blue Fairy, he exclaims, "As I live and breathe! A fairy! Mm-mm!"
  • All of Jiminy's lines during the Blue Fairy's introduction, including the scene where she asks him to be Pinocchio's conscience.
• The end of "Give A Little Whistle", where the door in the clock closes without Jiminy noticing as he is walking towards it, causing him to walk smack into it. Pinocchio follows that up by walking into two pots and taking everything off the shelf with him. Jiminy yells "Look out!" as Pinocchio falls.
• Gepetto says, "Who's there?" as a response to the crash, to which Pinocchio replies, "It's me." Gepetto then goes, "Oh, it's me...wh-HUH?!?"
• When Geppetto and Figaro go out to inspect what the loud crashing noise was, Pinocchio touches Figaro, who's walking right underneath Geppetto in his nightgown, and makes the kitten jump in fright, right into Geppetto's nightgown. That had to hurt.
  • The gunfire from his dragon blunderbuss is also apparently powerful enough to make all the clocks in his workshop go off frantically in unison!
• The moment Geppetto realizes that Pinocchio is speaking to him:
  Geppetto: Oh, Pinocchio! How did you get down here?
  Pinocchio: I fell down.
  Geppetto: Oh, you did... Oh! You are talking!
  Pinocchio: Uh-huh.
  Geppetto: No, no, no, no!
  Pinocchio: Yes, and I can move too.
  Geppetto: No, no, you can't! I'm dreaming in my sleep! Oh, wake me up! Wake me up! (pours a pitcher of water over his head) Now we see who's dreaming. Go on, say something.
  Pinocchio: [giggling]...Gee, you're funny. Do it again!
  Geppetto: You do talk!
• Pinocchio's finger on fire.
  Pinocchio: Look, pretty!
  Geppetto: OH! HELP!
  • Jiminy attempting to rush to the rescue with his tiny thimble-sized hat of water... And then falling face-first into it when he trips over a pencil.
  • Geppetto carries Pinocchio and runs around, accidentally stepping on Figaro's tail; the cat lets out a yowl that sounds like a firetruck siren. Very fitting. Until he dips Pinocchio's finger into Cleo's bowl, leaving her water charcoal black. Cleo sticks her head out of the black water to cough smoke rings.
  • And then he just goes to bed, leaving Cleo to sleep in her ink black bowl.
• When Pinocchio asks why he needs to go to school, Gepetto replies, "To... y'know, learn things. Get smart."
• Figaro trying to follow Pinocchio to school! He even throws a pout when Geppetto tells him he can't go.
• Honest John sees Pinocchio walking by and comments, "A little wooden boy. Now — a wooden boy?!"
  • Note that this is spoken by a human-sized talking fox to his human-sized cat partner, who are just walking around with no comment.
• Honest John tells Pinocchio that he'll see his name in lights.
  Honest John: What is your name?
  Pinocchio: Pinocchio.
  Honest John: Pinocchio! (pretends to point on a marquee) P-I-N... Uh, U-O... Uh, P-I... (laughs) We're wasting precious time!
• Gideon the cat attempting to hit Pinocchio with a mallet, only to be stopped by Honest John:
  Honest John: No, no, stupid! [snatches mallet] Don't be crude! [whacks Gideon on the head with the mallet]
• When Jiminy tries to get Pinocchio away from Honest John and Gideon:
  Jiminy: Remember what I said about temptation?
  Pinocchio: Uh-huh?
  Jiminy: [gesturing to Honest John with his umbrella] Well, that's him.
  Pinocchio: Oh, no, Jiminy, that's Mr. Honest John.
  Jiminy: [surprised] Honest John??
  (Gideon lifts the lid of Honest John's hat)
  Honest John: GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!
• The start of "I've Got No Strings":
  Pinocchio: I've got no strings to hold me do—[falls down the steps]
  • Followed by Stromboli making this indescribably hilarious squeal of fury. And followed further by a string of incomprehensible babbling. Then he hears the audience laughing and calms down, tickling Pinocchio under his chin, in an attempt to make it seem like it's All Part of the Show: "Cute kid!" Meanwhile, an irate Jiminy says, "Go ahead, make a fool of yourself — then maybe you'll listen to your conscience!"
  • And just when he thinks that the show is over after he does his bit, Pinocchio is startled by these backdrops dropping behind him. Not only that, but he is quite confused when these inanimate female puppets start FLIRTING with him. He apparently was not told about this before the show. Most particularly when two of the Dutch-like female puppets bump their butts toward Pinocchio.
  • During the segment with the French can-can dancing puppets, Jiminy holds up a pair of spectacles with a big smile.
  • Pinocchio tries to imitate the Russian dancer puppets until he gets tangled in their strings. Even though they're lifeless, they look like they're all glaring at him as if to say, "Nice going, stupid!".
    Pinocchio: There are no strings on me! [covers his mouth]
  • When the audience applauds Pinocchio, he has no idea what they're doing but he thinks it looks like fun so he applauds back at the audience. He enjoys this thoroughly and gets wilder with the applause until he's distracted by the rest of the show.
• Jiminy saying that if Pinocchio became an actor, he wouldn't need him because "What's an actor want with a conscience anyway?"
  • Doubly funny when you realize that the voice of Jiminy Cricket, Cliff Edwards, was himself a professional actor.
• There are a few, probably unintentional examples that perhaps slip into Black Comedy:
  • There's the scene where Stromboli finds and bites a piece of metal among his gold coins, goes into a rant in faux-Italian... then suddenly calms down: "For you, Pinocchio."
  • Even the Coachman's infamous "...as BOYS!" line is pretty funny to watch when one is older, particularly when you realize his nightmarish Slasher Smile makes him look vaguely similar to Wario, who is not nearly as evil or terrifying. (Which is ironic when you consider that Wario's character took more direct influence from Stromboli).
  • Just before that, when Honest John hears about Pleasure Island, he leaps back in surprise, knocking Gideon to the floor. There is an offscreen thump! before Honest John continues talking again.
  • Lampwick's transformation into a donkey was scary, but it could also be funny. Highlights include:
    • At the first step of the transformation, Pinocchio takes one look of shock at him, and casts off his drink. Then at the second step, he tosses away his cigar, too, thinking that indulging in those things were what was turning him into a donkey (or possibly causing him to hallucinate).
    • The way he says, "What the...?" is at least snicker-worthy.
    • When Lampwick's transformation kicks into over-drive, his first reaction was "I've been double-crossed! I've been framed!" as if he'd correctly deduced that someone else was turning him into a donkey. Like you'd really think that way in that situation.
  • Before he starts to notice he's turning into a donkey, Lampwick says, "What's he think I look like? A jackass?", to which Pinocchio replies, "You sure do!"
• Admit it, Stromboli is one of Disney's most hilarious villains ever, even during the scene where he's locking Pinocchio up in a birdcage. You can tell that Bill Tytla was having a blast animating this guy.
  • He yells at Pinocchio, "QUIET! SHUT-A UP! Before I knock-a you silly!"
  • Also hilarious in this note is when Stromboli shakes that big, fat ass of his at Pinocchio when he goes and says, "Constantinopolee!", shaking his big fat ass while his face turns to the viewers.
• As Jiminy tries to pick the lock to Pinocchio's cage, there's this moment:
  Jiminy: [loudly] Needs a little oil!
  ["Needs a little oil" echos]
  Jiminy: ...That's what I said.
• The nose scene, especially the Blue Fairy playing along with Pinocchio's increasingly improbable story.
  Pinocchio: What's happened?!
  Blue Fairy: Perhaps you haven't been telling the truth, Pinocchio.
  Jiminy: [sitting in the bird's nest that's appeared at the end of Pinocchio's nose] Perhaps?!
  • One of his lies is "I didn't get away! They chopped me up into firewood!"
• The entire false medical examination Honest John and Gideon give Pinocchio to dupe him into going to Pleasure Island. A number of the medical terms they use are either gibberish or other terms completely unrelated to anatomy.
  Honest John: [wearing doctor's glasses and feeling Pinocchio's pulse] Bless my soul... [thoughtful hmmming] My, my, just as I thought. A slight case of monetary complications with bucolic semi-lunar contraptions of the flying trapezes.
  [While speaking, Gideon quickly starts writing in a notebook. Honest John then looks into Pinocchio's mouth, with more thoughtful hmmming]
  Honest John: Say "hippopotamus."
  Pinocchio: [unable to speak properly with his mouth opened and tongue being pressed against] Hi-ho-hotamus.
  Honest John: I knew it! [Gideon continues writing, so quickly that his pen eventually goes across the pad] Compound transmission of the pandemonium with spasmodic frantic disintegration! Close your eyes. [Pinocchio does so] What do you see?
  Pinocchio: Nothing.
  Honest John: [puts a polka dot handkerchief in front of Pinocchio's face while his eyes are still closed] Open them. Now what do you see?
  Pinocchio: [somewhat awed] Spots!
  Honest John: Aha! Now that heart! [pulls up Pinocchio's shirt and puts his ear towards his chest while beating his cane against a window to emulate the sound of an abnormal heartbeat] OH, my goodness! A palpitating synocpation of the killer diller [the beat is so catchy that Gideon is actually dancing to it as he writes] with a wicky-wacky stomping of the floy joy! [Honest John bonks Gideon on the head with his cane and snatches the notebook] Quick, doctor, that report! [Honest John with a look of thoughtfulness examines the notebook for a second and then pulls back with a look of shock. While speaking, the camera reveals that Gideon has written nothing but scribbles on the notepad] OH, this makes it perfectly clear! My boy, you are allergic!
  Pinocchio: [looking very weary from Honest John's overly physical medical examination with his clothes disheveled and stretched] Allergic?
• Pinocchio taking a big drag of his cigar, as suggested by Lampwick. The facial expressions made by Pinocchio during this scene are gut-bustingly funny.
  Lampwick: Some fun, huh kid? [Pinocchio nods slowly, looking stoned out of his gourd]
  • Followed immediately by him trying to line up a shot in a game of pool with Lampwick. At one point, there's an Impairment Shot of the 8-ball on the table, and it looks like the "8" is winking at him. Once he gets himself together, Jiminy enters with a sudden shout, causing Pinocchio to make the worst scratch in history (even tearing out a huge chunk of the felt) and faceplant into the table, flattening the cigar. The whole thing is comical.
• When Jiminy finds Pinocchio at Pleasure Island's pool hall, he starts chiding him. Then he kicks a pool ball in frustration, lets out a yelp of pain and goes right back to scolding Pinocchio without missing a beat.
• Jiminy getting so furious with Pinocchio on Pleasure Island that he mixes his metaphors:
  Jiminy: You buttered your bread. Now sleep in it!
  • Even better, when he's putting on his coat, he ends up putting it on the wrong way in anger and wears it flipped around!
• It's a chuckle-worthy moment before a particularly terrifying scene, but when Lampwick grows ears and a tail, Pinocchio looks in his drink and at his cigar in bewilderment and pushes/throws them away respectively.
• During the fishing scene, Figaro slaps one of the tuna in the face after it lands in the trough.
  • And when he puts another one in, the fish's tail smacks Figaro in the face.
• Pinocchio begins to smash up the ship's furniture in order to build a large enough fire to force Monstro to sneeze.
  Geppetto: Pinocchio! Not the chair!
  Pinocchio: Hurry father, more wood!
  Geppetto: Oh, but, what will we sit on then?
• Monstro roused from his short slumber is baffled as to why he's smelling smoke, yet unable to find the source, before recoiling and realizing it's coming from inside him.
• The first time Monstro sneezes, Jiminy gives a rather understated "Gesundheit." Made even funnier considering it occurred during an otherwise very dramatic moment. The staff admitted that during the premiere, that line got the biggest laugh of the movie.
• What was the Tear Jerker moment of the movie reverses itself when the now-real Pinocchio asks Geppetto why he's crying, who answers with "Because you're dead, Pinocchio. Now lie down."
  • However, there's a bit of Fridge Horror in that moment; Geppetto doesn't seem surprised to hear Pinocchio's voice, which could imply that he's been hallucinating in his grief, and doesn't realize that the voice is real this time.