Funny: Pillars of Eternity

  • When discussing what Durance means by "testing" you, he states that "If you strike a lie at the knee... why, you make a cripple with but one leg to stand on". You can then ask if that's why he carries the staff, earning a laugh from him.
    • This joke works two ways, even. Does he carry the staff to strike peoples' knees... or has he been struck in the knee and rendered crippled, requiring the staff to hold him aloft?
  • If you successfully infiltrate a secret meeting, an Initiate remarks on your missing mask. If your Resolve is high enough, you can simply ask to "borrow" his, promising to bring it right back.
    Aloth: (Muttering between clenched teeth) You can't be serious.
  • You can ask Hiravias his opinion about the other party members.
  • At the game's grim climax, Hirvias gives Thaos a wonderfully crude Shut Up, Hannibal!:
    Thaos: Have your friends proven a worthy distraction from the pain of ostracism?
  • In a minor sidequest, a Watcher with a properly vicious reputation can get a drug lord's mercenary to step aside with the following threat:
    The Watcher: Get out of my way or I'll break your sword in half and feed it to you at both ends.
  • When you make it to the Adra dragon, you can make the following response:
    The Watcher: I think I'll go back up, count my loot and money. Yup, that's what I'm going to do.
  • If the Watcher has a background as a nihilistic philosopher, they will have the following response to the revealation that the Gods aren't real.
    The Watcher: I KNEW IT!
  • The Watcher first meets Hiravias (noticing a pattern here?) as he's gorging on a fresh, bloody, deer carcass. If you agree to have some when he offers "the best part," he proceeds to pull out a long intestine while grinning expectantly. If you call his bluff by saying "After you," he'll start eating enthusiastically... only for his face to droop while chewing, then finally break down gagging.
    Hiravias: Ugh! Now I know the last thing it ate was elderberries.
  • After abducting the infant, Vela, as part of the "Sacrificial Bloodlines" quest in Act 3, we get this gem dropped after stating that you intend to keep her.
    Hiravias: If you really want an angry orlan screaming and defecating in the middle of the night, you could just ask me.
  • When you have recruited Pallegina and go to the embassy with her, you have the option to side with her against the task the ambassador is giving her. You then get this wonderful 'Deceptive' dialogue option:
    (Lie) Yes, certainly. I will make sure Pallegina fulfills her task. (winks at Pallegina obnoxiously)
  • In Skaen's Temple, if your Cruel reputation is high enough, the pool of blood will offer you to sacrifice one of your companion for a permanent status bonus. If you do, your companions will react in horror (but won't know you are responsible). If you sacrifice Grieving Mother... No one cares. They don't even know she is here because of her glamour. Doing so will earn you some rather funny reactions from the others, including Durance scratching his buttock with his staff and Edér saying out loud that he is going to eat roasted chicken at the inn, while Grieving Mother is choking in her own blood.
  • When doing Edér's quest, if you have Grieving Mother in your party, you can ask her to help you with examining an object in order to find some clues about his brother's past. If you decide to do so, you get this little gem (remember than no one realizes who Grieving Mother is exactly, because of her glamour, and that is when they realize she is traveling with you at all):
  • As with any Obsidian/Black Isle game your team members don't especially like each other, this leads to some pretty snarky comments when someone collapses in battle.
    Edér: (after Durance has collapsed) Did it get quiet all of a sudden?
  • Edér's love of animals is mentioned by Hiravias as a hint towards his secretly soft heart, but it translates to hilarity and adorableness gameplay wise. From having special dialogue with pets to wondering if a druid will let him pet his stelgaer companion (keeping in mind that stelgaer's are massive predatory cats with sabre cat teeth), sometimes it's a mystery how this man is still alive.

Party Banter

  • Between Eder and Sagani...
    Eder: Sagani, does your fox bite?
    Sagani: Yes.
    Eder: ...can I pet him anyway?
    Sagani: It's your hand.
    Eder: I'm gonna pet 'im!
    (Some time later)
    Sagani: How's the hand?
    Eder: Turning purple.
    Sagani: I warned you not to pet him.
    Eder: If I'm not supposed to pet him, why is he so soft?!
  • Aloth and Sagani:
    Aloth: So... you've been traveling completely alone for five years?
    Sagani: I've had Ituumak.
    Aloth: ...But he can't talk.
    Sagani: My standards changed around year two.
    • And another from that pair.
    Sagani: Son of a moosefucker!
    Aloth: I beg your pardon?
    Sagani: Sorry. Kallu's always telling me to watch my language, 'specially around the kids. Guess I haven't had a reminder in a while.
    Aloth: What happened?
    Sagani: One of them heard me tell a joke about a Glamfellen youth with frostbite somewhere... sensitive. Kids repeat everything.
    Aloth: I meant just now.
    Sagani: Jammed my thumb. Nothing big.
  • Between You and Hiravias...
    The Watcher: Where are you from, originally?
    Hiraivias: My mother's crotch.
    The Watcher: What a coincidence. I TOO came from your mother's crotch.
    Hiravias: Only I'm allowed to insult my mother, but seeing your dedication to banter, I'll let this one slide.
  • Sagani is skeptical of the Watcher's ability to perceive souls. When she finally sees you in action, she changes her tune. However..
    Sagani: Forgive me if I was a little...skeptical of your abilities before. I can't say I've met a real Watcher before.
    Eder: Oh don't worry about him. He just likes doing that from time to time. Seems to cheer him up, so I just let him.
    Aloth: Once you've seen it a few times, the shock wears off.
    Kana Rua: Every time he goes a little strange in the face I try to see if he can hear anything...It hasn't worked so far. See if you can get him to tell you what the spirit said.
  • Pellagina's appearance elicits some comments from the others.
    Eder: So those feathers - that's a blessing of Hylea?
    Pellagina: So they say.
    Eder: That's lucky. Where I'm from, we see a feathered lady, we start worrying maybe her dad got frisky with his hens.
    Pellagina: I guess you can always trust a farm boy's head to go there first.
    Haravias: So, do you have feathers everywhere?
    Pellagina: Eccosi?
    Haravias: You know... does your tiara match your tailfeathers?
    Pellagina: We're about to find out if your viscera match your fur.
    Haravias: Forget I said anything - I rather value my viscera.
  • Sagani and Haravias have this quick exchange.
    Haravias: ...before I knew it, the stelgaer was on top of me and I was face down in the dirt!
    Sagani: Arrow to the throat. That stops 'em.
    Haravias: What? No. I was spiritshifted, and she was in heat. So I aimed for the throat, but not with an arrow...
  • Haravias' nature lends itself well to these.
    Durance: With a cat's nose, how is it you've failed to notice your own rotten stench?
    Haravias: "Failed to notice"? Hardly - I put work into smelling this way!
    Durance: I should have expected.
    Haravias: I never know what sort of game is downwind. I need to smell like part of nature, not an interloper.
  • Sagani trolls Kana Rua.
    Kana: I have never been to Naasitaq. Is it very cold? What creatures wander the tundra? How are your leaders chosen?
    Sagani: Do you always ask this many questions?
    Kana: Well, that's just to get us started! Let me get out some parchment for notes...
    Sagani: Ask whatever you want. If I don't know, I'll make something up.