Funny / Phelous 2023 Episodes

The Jungle Book (Bevanfield)

Spider-Man Robs Rocket Robin Hood AGAIN

Cinderella (Britannica)

Pinnochio (Goodtimes)

Dalmatians (Dingo Pictures Book)

• Four words: Dingo Pictures gets bootlegged.
  • To clarify, the Edutain4Kids book versions of Dingo’s films weren’t officially licensed, meaning that a company is stealing ideas from another company famous for stealing ideas for their films... and then it turns out that the famous Phoenix and Midas games releases of their movies weren’t even officially licensed either.
• The above fact leads to Phelous making a joke about Dingo Pictures now having its own Galaxy Hole
  Wabuu: Being a part of the Galaxy Warriors is sooooo stupid!
• Commenting on Dalmatians’ Sequel Number Snarl, by saying that at least Edutain4Kids didn’t decide to name their adaptation “Dalmatians 5 or something”.
• “The original Dingo movie. That’s something I just said.”
• Commenting on how the book apparently tried to keep the crow as the narrator:
  Phelous: But they forgot the most important part of the crow dialogue. Haah! Zzzst!
  Crow from the original Dingo version: Haah! Haah! Isn’t that idyllic. Zzzst!
• The book’s writer accidentally typed “the dingy of town” instead of “the dingy side of town”:
  Phelous: Ah, right, of course. The dingy of town. I always try and stay away from the dingy of town.
• Speaking of typos, at one point Crumb’s name was miswritten as “Crump”... and the audio narrator just went along with it.
  Phelous: Though maybe this is Edutain4Kids being super accurate and this is there interpretation of Dingo Pictures messing up Crummel’s name as “Crummer”.
• And this single mistake seems to have confused the narrator, who can later be heard saying “Crump” instead of “Crumb” even when Crumb’s name has been written correctly.
• “Which I guess means he’s getting off my wiping his ass on an old radio?”
  • “We were just trying to get some butt radio time!”
• Continuing with the typos, the book later calls Boss “a great, Great Dane” instead of “a gray Great Dane”, Freddy a “Mott”, and Tramp a “Snoozer” - but the narrator somehow says those correctly.
• When talking about how the audiobook still kept the threat of beatings in it…
  E4K!Wabuu: I love the beatings, they deserve it!
  Real!Wabuu: Don’t make me be the one with standards, you messed up version of me.
• Immediately following that, as the crow watches the scene from the dog food factory’s window…
  Narrator: They wished that someone would rescue them from the notorious duo.
  Phelous!Crow: I could do that, but I won’t! Haah! Zzzst!
• Complaining about the Backstreet Dogs’ useless “searching” (which consists of then just chasing Charlie Cat).
• More typos!
  Narrator: Some of gang were still surprised that all this information came from Butcher.
  Phelous: Some of gang wonder why English so good.
• The scene where Dot gets caught in a trap, and narrator says the crow “flies off” but the illustrations just show it sitting in the factory window.
  Phelous: Yeah, look how far it got.
• And, finally, Phelous taking objection to a certain part of the “happy ending”.
  Narrator: Years passed, and Dot and Crumb grew up and had their own little puppies together [...] The crow and Butcher stayed with them.
  Phelous: Bumming off them for the rest of their lives!
• “And now, Wabuu and Bootleg Wabuu are best of friends!”
  Real!Wabuu: I am going to kill you, Bootleg Wabuu!
  Phelous: Eh, close enough…

Pinocchio: A True Story

• Three words: Pauly Shore Pinocchio.
• Apparently, a fantasy movie about a puppet coming to life can somehow receive the subtitle “A True Story”
  Phelous: This is as true a story as Fatal Frame. The game where you fight ghosts with a camera.
• Phelous repeatedly pointing out how wooden the voice acting is.
• Any time Phelous compares the voice acting in the Dueling Dubs, but especially this line:
  Phelous: Wow, it’s a real toss-up who did the better bad horse noise there.
• Later, when Tibalt runs out of the stable
  Phelous: Russian guy wins on the bad horse noise this time
• “How did they even manage to make a cat and a fox look so damn ugly? This cat looks almost as bad as the cats from Cats.”

When Spider-Man Stole a Plot From Spider-Man

Lion and the King 0

• Phelous going over the “Lion And The King” series’s absurd Sequel Number Snarl (with the same movie being released as Lion And The King, Lion And The King 2, and being planned to be released as Lion And The King 3) and swarm of inexplicable retitlings.
• Making fun of the horribly-produced Spanish VCD, which has a bizarre clipart not-Bambi on the cover and, due to the VCD being very shoddily put together, ends the movie prematurely… as in, a few seconds after it begins.
• The famous Uncle Albert makes his triumphant appearance.
• “Oh, and Wuschel also plays a prominent role in this one”.
  Wabuu: Wuschel?! Who keeps putting stupid Wuschel in these movies? This is bullshit! Needs more Wabuu and less Wuschel!
• “This is one of the unnecessarily long Dingo Pictures movies, coming in at 48 minutes and 40 seconds, so you know what that means: A bunch of pointless drawn-out walking scenes!”
• The “trumpeting elephants”, which sound like the last, desperate cries of a dying… squeaky dog toy.
• A random scene of a pelican singing about bananas gets an appropriately confused reaction from Phelous.
• King Mah God’s literature-quoting snake advisor quotes “Well roared, lion” after he roars… and the king apparently finds that reference “too intellectual” to understand.
  Phelous!King Mah God: I mean, I roared, and then you quote that a lion roared. I can’t piece that one together!
• Then Mah God roars again, and the scene of the snake quoting Shakespeare is reused.
  Phelous!King Mah God: Stop confusing me, Book Snake! Yooooou shall be fired!
• Book Snake’s at it again:
  Book Snake (reading from her book): “I feel as stupid, from all you’ve said/As if a mill-wheel whirled in my head”- Goethe
  Wabuu (reading from a book labeled “Wabuu”): “I feel you are so stuuuupid too.” - Wabuu
• “WORK ETHIC INTERRUPTING BEAR!”
• When discussing what humans (who never actually show up in the film) could do to the animals:
  Wuschel: There’s nothing they can make out of me, right?
  Book Snake: Oh, yes, they will clip your tail and use it as a shaving brush.
  Wabuu: Wow, an actual use for Wuschel!
• Phelous’s frustration when the parrot decides to screechily sing “Diamonds are the girl’s best friend!” (In English, when the rest of the movie is in subtitled German).
  Phelous: I hope you enjoyed the parrot saying that part in English, because it parrots it back several times!
• ♫ It’s the Ciiiiircle of Who Cares! And it bores us all! ♫
  • ♫ But perhaps weee could become friends! Mmm, I don’t know I think we should be ennnnemies! ♫
• When King Mah God gets bitten by a “rattlesnake” (which looks more like a cobra) and is weak from the venom, Phelous jokes that he’s actually just “so incredibly high”.
• When Book Snake’s back tooth can somehow cure Mah God of the poison.
  Phelous: Oh, of course! Book Snake is also the Antidote Snake. That only makes sense!
• “Yes, sadly with big smiles. Because Dingo is lazy”
  • “And the Book Snake somehow looks worse in profile!”
• Admitting that he “appreciated the wording there” when the subtitled narration said that King Mah God was “completely useless now”.
• Upon finding out that the rabbit Robin befriends is named “Ringo”
  Phelous: ♫ That bunny wants to be under the sea, in a Dingo Pictures garden. ♫
• And, of course, quoting “I think we should be enemies” when Robin asks Ringo if he wants to be his friend.
• When Robin decides to bribe the vultures with, of all things, computers:
  Phelous: Oh, of course! They’ll just find some of those wild computers growing out in the desert!
• “The bluebirds tell the vultures about the computer betrayal offer, but there has to be a long discussion about also getting color screens, printers, and modems.”
  • “I hope they at least get high-speed dial-up out in the jungle.”
• Dingo’s trademark Losing Horns play when Bokassa the Black Panther collapses from being poisoned.
• The computers are apparently the only loose end Dingo is actually willing to tie up, since the movie takes a break from the actual plot for a diverting scene of the vultures trying to hack each other. Phelous mostly just wonders where they plugged them in.
• The return of Online Wabuu, who ends the review by managing to oust Mah God as king and setting himself up as the jungle’s new dictator-for-life.

Fantastic Four: The Menace Of Magneto

• Magneto's offended when a gas station attendant offers him fuel.

Mouse Police (Dingo Pictures)

• Right off the bat, the review’s opening line is almost a CMoF:on its own:
  Phelous: If you ever want to see The Rescuers meet The Great Mouse Detective meet Mickey Mouse meet Dingo Pictures… there might be something wrong with you. But it exists.
• Making fun of how atrociously designed EastWest’s DVD cover for the movie is: Rather than depicting anything that actually happened in the movie, they appear to have cut two mice out from the Spanish release cover of Nice Cats, slightly (and poorly) recolored & vertically stretched them, and then edited them in front of some “crappy clipart treasure”. At no point in ''Mouse Police'' is there even any treasure involved.
• Phelous then takes a moment to digress about how the Spanish Nice Cats release cover didn’t actually depict anything that happened in that movie either, instead showing a quartet of mice dancing in front of Lucy playing a (very wonky-looking) golden violin.
  Phelous!Lucy: I can’t find my damn violin!
• Phelous repeatedly mocking how much the movie’s villain looks like Mickey Mouse.
  Phelous: Most of the mice in this movie do not have the “Mickey Mouse” style, so it’s interesting Dingo chose that for the bad guy. That’s some real commentary from Dingo Pictures there: “Disney is evil, so we are right to copy them.”
• This exchange:
  Sophie: This [mini golf] course has only been here for six months and we’ve always played together.
  //Shot of Newspaper Mouse laughing//
  Phelous: Oh, come on. That’s not even remotely funny. Now maybe if she said…
  Sophie: I can’t find my damn hairbrush!
  Phelous: That would be funny
• Phelous complains about how much Dingo reuses character names when he finds out that the newspaper-carrying mouse is named “Charlie”.
• “So, I kind of REALLY want to see our main heroes fall into a mousetrap and die!”
  • Note that, at this point, Phelous is less than four minutes in to the review.
• “You know, I always wondered what Mickey Mouse’s weiner cousin who drives a cheese truck was like.”
• Sophie: At last, something’s happened!
  Phelous: A common expression when watching a Dingo movie.
• Calling a long walking scene “non-stop action”.
• “I love…” (Beat) “... awkward line breaks!”
• “Wabuu News”
  Wabuu (sitting at a desk in front of a generic “news-y” background): This Just In!: Incompetent mouse police accidentally shot two more people today by pulling their guns before actually looking at anything!
  
  Wabuu: Big cheese robbery! (beat) Not a single shit given.
• Discussing the possibility of a reward for catching the robber:
  Phelous: The reward could even be crappy clip art treasure!
• “The Greatly Exaggerated Mouse Detective”
• Dingo Pictures has added another Sequel Hook that they don’t intend to follow up on, in the form of the kids winning a trip to Italy.
  Phelous: That’s right! Sophie and Max take down the entire Italian cheese mafia in Mouse Police 2. Coming… never.

Real Ghostbusters: Mrs. Rogers Neighborhood - ABC REDUB

Dingo Pictures Sent Me Something...

• The opening sequence, where Phelous is in utter disbelief at what he’s received.
  Phelous: So, Dingo Pictures sent me a package. Dingo Pictures sent me a package. Why would Dingo Pictures send me a package? What could possibly be in this?
  //Reaches into the package and withdraws a plushie version of Wabuu//
  Phelous: Now I understand. This is Dingo’s way of getting rid of me.
  Plush!Wabuu: You’re sooo stuuuupid! //”Lunges” at Phelous, “knocking” him “unconscious”//
• The camera zooming in on Plush!Wabuu with ominous music and flame effects when Phelous reveals the bag also contained a plush version of Wuschel.
• And the scene immediately following that:
  Plush!Wabuu: Are you shitting me with this? A Wuschel plush?! Who ordered a damn Wuschel plush?!
  Plush!Wuschel: I’m a fan favorite, Wabuu! Deal with it!
  Plush!Wabuu: Oh, I’ll deal with it. I’m gonna rip your stuffing out, you little bastard!
  //Phelous makes the two plushies fight//
  Plush!Wuschel: Oh, nooo! Save me, Oro!
  Plush!Oro: Wuschel, science says soon we will fly! //”Flies” around Wabuu and Wuschel while the Pumaman theme plays//
• “Yeeeeee! That’s the meme! YEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
• Plush!Wabuu: You know, Phelan, that Wuschel plush is just way too big. He’s almost the size of a dinosaur! How’s that work?
  Phelous: I don’t know! I don’t know how sizes work in any Dingo Pictures movies.
  Plush!Wabuu: Eh, that’s a fair point.
• Plushie Wabuu versus Hand Puppet Meeko. That is all.
• Plush!Wabuu insulting Plush!Wuschel’s tail, which leads to them having a tail fight.

Super Mario Movie (1993)

• Allison calling Super Mario Bros. (1993) “1993’s most beloved video game adaptation”.
• JURASSIC YOSHI
  • “It’s not the worst interpretation of Yoshi. At least it wasn’t a baby.”
• Mario: Uh oh! Need to use you as a boost, Yoshi!
  Phelous!Yoshi: AAAAAA! Damn you, Mario!
• “Open Call: Plumbers, come fix something!”

TMNT: Mutant Mayhem

The Movie That Made Rick Moranis Quit

Snow White Christmas

• Grunyon was already the Butt-Monkey comic relief of the special, so Phelous naturally takes every possible opportunity to contribute to this.
  • Grunyon’s literal first line earns him an immediate “Silence, peon!” by Phelous!Snow White Jr.
  • Wabuu pitches in at one point, and even has a doppleganger helping him.
  • When Snow White Jr and Grunyon are given a house-shaped cuckoo clock to sleep in, Phelous!Snow White Jr sarcastically delights in the prospect of sleeping on gears and having Grunyon stink up the place.
  • Near the end, upon seeing a shot of the royal family sitting at their thrones, Phelous laughs at Grunyon having to sit on the floor, guessing that it’s so they can kick him whenever they’re upset.
• Phelous gets more and more dumbfounded as the Wicked Queen keeps pulling out increasingly lethal ways to kill Snow White Jr, and notes that she would’ve been more successful had she just started with the most dangerous methods.
  • Reaches its peak upon the Queen summoning a group of demons to battle the Seven Giants.
  Phelous: The Queen had demons this whole time?!
  Phelous!Wicked Queen: I need to kill Snow White Jr! Obviously, plan A will be “turn into a mouse”!
  Phelous!Wicked Queen: (offhandedly) My last resort will be my demon squad.

  • Phelous immediately retracts this when Hiccer scares off the demons with his hiccuping, concluding the Queen decided to avoid using them because they were cowards.
• Finicky’s Establishing Character Moment earns this gem of a sarcastic comment:

Phelous: Wow, a queer-coded character in a Filmation cartoon, that’s so unlike them.

• As he says this, a picture of He-Man pops up.

• Phelous nicknames Hiccer and Weeper, “Drunky” and “Weenie” respectively.
• Brawny paper towel rolls.

Resident Evil: Vendetta