Funny / Nico B Fire Emblem

There will be unmarked spoilers ahead. Read at your own risk.

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• For this LP, Nico just can't seem to finish his intro once again, since he's the professor of his class. However the students he's teaching happens to be some of his voices. After his "And now back to the Garreg Mach Monastery..."
  • Episode 2: Morishige asks to go to the bathroom, which Nico denies him.
  • Episode 3: Nico catches The Judge and Komaeda making out, which Nico feels grossed out about hearing Komaeda doing it somewhere else after class.
  • Episode 4: Togami is counting money in the classroom.
  • Episode 5: Phoenix asks Nico when the lesson on "ass pulling" evidence out of nowhere will be held, much to the latter's disdain.
  • Episode 6: Kazuichi builds a device for Nico to help him with teaching...only for Larry to replace Nico as the teacher. It turns out he asked help from Miu.
  • Episode 7: Majima challenges Nico to a brawl.
  • Episode 8: Roland starts firing his gun in Nico's class just to kill a fly. Unfortunately, this cause Gonta to get upset for killing it and Roland lies that it was Nico's fault.
  • Episode 9: Monokuma tries to start a killing game by bolting the windows shut. Nico calls Principal Kiryu to punish him, who proceeds to curb-stomp him several times.
  • Episode 10: Nico tries to confiscate Chiaki's game. She promptly crushes his hand.
  • Episode 11: Mayuri leaves a banana peel in Nico's path. She explains that Okabe keeps turning her bananas into goop. Abruptly, Okabe rushes into the room and tells everyone that Moeka is coming to kill her. Moeka comes in and in a twist, Mayuri kills her. As celebratory music plays, Nico exclaims "What the hell is going on?!"
  • Episode 12: Nico's glass falls over in the middle of his intro. The majority of the Ace Attorney prosecutors (Edgeworth, Von Karma, Godot, Klavier, and Blackquill) blame each other for this until eventually Van Zieks confesses to it. As penance for breaking Nico's Holy Grail, he offers to break his own huge pile of glasses with his leg. Chaos ensues as broken glass gets everywhere.
  • Episode 13: Nico gets into an argument with Donald over a test question: How do you help a Teammate? Donald's reply; Light 'em on fire and run like hell.
  • Episode 14: All of the wizards practice their magic: Oliver ("Neato!"), Donald ("I GOT IT"), Melia ("I feel the ether flowing through me!"), and Himiko... ("Whoossssshhhh...") Nico was not amused.
  • Episode 15: Kokichi puts a whoopee cushion on Nico's chair. Trying to avoid detention, he blames Kaito and Shuichi. Since no one fesses up to the prank, he gives all three of them detention along with Maki. Upset, Maki tries to kill Kokichi.
  • Episode 17: After foregoing the skit in the previous episode, he gives out a pop quiz. Since Morishige takes the most issue with this, he forces him to do push-ups even though this is a math test.
  • Episode 18: Principal Kiryu beats Larry up in various curbstomps to give Kuzuryu a tutorial about how to be a better yakuza.
  • Episode 19: Hagakure predicts that Nico will die. Since he always has a 30% chance of being correct, Nico lets him guide him to where it's safest. As soon as he walks out of the room, his ploy to have everyone skip class by Nico being absent is revealed. As everyone celebrates, he realizes he's been played.
    • Even more funny when Nico states that he still has a 60% chance of survival, which leaves the question on where's the other 10% goes to.
    • Well, it is Fire Emblem...
  • Episode 20: The students in Nico's class sing The Edge of Dawn for rehearsal.
  • Episode 21: Nico finds himself in the middle of a Yakuza-style substory as Kiryu once again teaches Kuzuryu how to be a better yakuza. The ensuing brawl over a math problem hurts him a lot but they state that knowledge is power then laugh as he moans in agony.
  • Episode 23: After skipping the previous episode due to time constraints, Felix asks Nico to provide him with a challenge. In response, Nico calls up Simon Blackquill, Peko Pekoyama, Shulk, and Sephiroth, but he's not satisfied with any of them. ^note Blackquill because he doesn't use a sword, Peko because she only uses wooden swords, Shulk because Nico wasn't feeling it, and Sephiroth because Nico wants to save him for the remake. Fed up, he summons Roland to shoot him in the leg. Since gun beats sword every time, Felix passes out.
  • Episode 24: Nico catches Phoenix and Edgeworth passing love notes to each other. As punishment, he forces them to write ten fanfictions about said love notes, to Maya's delight.
  • Episode 25: Kiryu gives Kuzuryu his third lesson on how to be a better yakuza: complete side stories to get a lot of cash.
  • Episode 26: Togami interrupts Nico's intro by breaking a pot due to his frustrations about pottery as a poor man's hobby. Angie gives him inspiration by posing in the nude. However, since he made the statue of David exactly (somehow), he still fails the class since he plagiarized it.
  • Episode 27: Sherlock Holmes teaches a class on logic and reason. He asks what the most important facet of logic and reason is. Kirigiri's, Shuichi's, and Gumshoe's logical responses are shot down (Gumshoe's in particular gets interrupted instantly). The answer according to him is to strike poses as music plays. Iris plays his theme as he instructs them on the correct poses.
  • Episode 28: Kiryu's fourth lesson on how to be a better yakuza goes awry when Kuzuryu discovers that Majima is his role model. He becomes Majima's pupil and together, the two of them gang up on Kiryu, destroying Nico's desk (again) in the process.
  • Episode 29: On the day of the science fair, Kazuichi and Miu compete against each other with various breakfast-themed inventions.
  • Episode 33: After three episodes straight of not making an intro, it's explained in-universe as Nico taking a really long shit.
  • Episode 34: Nico's class sings the twelfth version of the song "12 Days of Christmas" with special lyrics: 12 cups of decaf (Godot), 11 Tutturu-is (Mayuri), 10 desks a-slamming (Phoenix), 9 lasers shooting (Apollo), 8 grails a-smashing (Van Zieks), 7 books of yaoi (Maya), 6 gooses honking (Donald and Goose), 5 hope-filled bagels (Komaeda), 4 despair waffles (Monokuma), 3 hedge funds (Togami), 2 first aid kits (Morishige), and a body pillow of Dimitri (Nico himself).
  • Episode 35: Kiryu's final lesson for Kuzuryu is The Power of Friendship. Now the two of them are equals, protecting Kamurocho from the shit that happens to it on a daily basis.
  • Episode 36: To correspond with the Time Skip where Bizzlead fights in a war, Nico finishes his teaching job to lead his students in the war with the skills he taught them: bagle guns for Komaeda, turkey swords for the Judge, the Jabberwock style for Kuzuryu, a kinky invention for Miu, and no bathroom breaks until the war is over for Morishige. Since this is a more serious part of the game, the elaborate intros are now over.
  • Episode 37: The new intro has Nico leading the class of voices to war, while everyone lets out their own battle cries, ending with someone saying something, such as Donald blowing everything up with an "I GOT IT!"
  • Episode 38: Godot guides Apollo in using his eye lasers.
  • Episode 39: The Judge lets the enemy know his delicious wrath.
  • Episode 40: Roland delivers a message from the President: a bullet.
  • Episode 41: Majima shows what a mad dog is truly capable of by stabbing somebody.
  • Episode 42: Monokuma… decides to just watch from his lounge chair, enjoying the despair, staying out of the war... only for his drink to contain an exploding grenade instead of ice.
  • Episode 43: Oliver lays down the heavy shit with his catch phrase of "Neato!"
  • Episode 44: Maya gives the enemy a taste of her yaoi collection.
  • Episode 45: Dimitri tries to join in but Bizzlead kicks him out.
  • Episode 46: Gonta becomes Crazy Gonta, rambling about eating monkey brains to become a true gentleman.
  • Episode 47: Joshua prepares to use his Jesus powers... but it's just Kokichi doing a strategic retreat instead.
  • Episode 48: Byakuya says he doesn't need to fight when he can just pay others to fight for him.
  • Episode 49: Sylvain says "You just get it, Professor!" and then an inexplicable explosion happens.
  • Episode 50: Franziska whips Gumshoe for being a foolishly foolish fool.
  • Episode 51: Van Zieks serves the opponent with the Holy Grail and a dosage of L E G.
  • Episode 52: Chiaki shoots at the opponent.
  • Episode 53: Monokuma forces Monomi to join in the battle with a kick to the ass.
  • Episode 54: Kiryu gives the opponent a grand slam.
  • Episode 55: Klavier rocks and rolls with a guitar solo.
  • Episode 56: With the war over, Moshirige asks if he can go to the bathroom. Nico says no, because they still have a whole lot of game left. Moshirige despairs at the thought.
• Another Running Gag is Bizzlead's answers for the notes sent to him at the church. As he put it:
  Bizzlead!Nico: Don't tell them what they need to hear, tell them what they want to hear!!!
  • There's one where it's about Ingrid complaining about Sylvain's constant womanizing, which he answered that he will step in... only for Bizzlead to inform her that Sylvain was a lost cause and there was no helping him.
  • There's one where he had to answer Seteth what gift he should give to Flayn, suggesting a cook book. It wasn't something he was happy with, which baffled Bizzlead until he remembered Seteth doesn't want Flayn to cook, even if she would be happy with it.
  • Another one was Bernie asking how to handle going to place at the morning when she's so scared of crowds. Turns out the answer here was to tell Bernie it was impossible and encouraging her to continue her bad habit of staying in her room. Bernie likes it a lot.
  • Then there's the one with Ashe where he asked about a new book for him to read, with Nico suggesting Loog and the Maiden of Wind which didn't work since Ashe has already read it. What follows is Bizzlead talking about his version of the story which ruins poor Ashe's mind.
    Bizzlead!Nico: You love Loogi.
    Ashe!Nico: It's not his name professor!
    Bizzlead!Nico: Yes it is. It is in my head. His name is Loogi and he's know for his incredibly nasty snot riddled spit that he launches on all his enemies!
    Ashe!Nico: NO PROFESSOR! YOUR RUINING THE STORY!!!
  • Then there's the one with Ferdinand asking about the rule of Empire.
    Bizzlead!Nico: You would do well as a ruler Fedinand- HAHAHAHA! Oh I fucking knew it!
    Ferdinand!Nico: Please stroke my ego professor, please!
    Bizzlead!Nico: Fine Ferdinand, it's got to be you.
    Ferdinand!Nico: Really!?
    Bizzlead!Nico: NO!
• Nico refers to forest tiles as bushes.
  Nico: The bush is making it hard to see you.
  Nico: Aw, [Byl.. err, Bizzlead is] just outside the range of all the fuckin' bushes!
• This conversation:
  Sothis: What could've brought you here?
  Nico: I don't know, the fandom? (laughs)
• Bizzlead's credentials.
• Nico lampshades the idiocy of the first-ever enemy he faces in the game.
  Nico: OK, kill that one guy who is supremely ballsy and was like "I'm just going to go straight in guys! Fuck this shit! Leeroy Jenkins!"
• Jeralt immediately shutting down Byl... err, Bizzlead's affection to prevent what happened in the Persona 5 let's play.
• Nico has a bit of trouble reading the character introduction screens:
  • Referring to the Reason and Faith icons as "reading"
  • Interpreting the Strengths and Weaknesses lines as one would for Pokémon.
• Nico's... ''interpretation'' of House Gerth's history.
  Nico: They're known of extending a helping help to other houses in regards to their PEENILE issues. At times like these they must tenderly touch tips in mutual community in order to maintain the LONG and HARD peace that has been so throughly ERECTED over this kingdom for the past many years. The crest of the House of Gerth depicts two, large ball like shapes, surrounded by another, large circle, representing the COMING together of two enemies to put aside their CROSSING OF SWORDS and mutual SOLIDarity.
  Byl.. err, Bizzlead: Wow, I really learned a lot about House of Gerth. Why is this piece of paper so sticky though?
• After winning the mock battle and getting to know Dimitri's sweet nature, Byl... err, Bizzlead becomes a bit too forward with his hug.
  Byl... err, Bizzlead!Nico: You're so warm, Dimitri.
  Dimitri!Nico: What?
• The C-rank support between Mercedes and Annette where they turn out to be lesbians and Nico lamenting that as Joker, he got all the pussy and now they didn't even bother to include him in the character's "social link".
• After Felix becomes the MVP when routing the bandits in The Red Canyon. Nico ad-libs about how MVP maximizes the motivation of the person who won.
  Byl... err, Bizzlead!Nico: Congratulations Felix, you do the MVP this time!
  Nico: And he's like.
  Felix!Nico: Yeah! Yeah! Fuck yeah! I'm so fucking motivated!
• After telling Caspar and Linhard what they want to hear back to back, Nico points out how Byleth is just telling people what they want to hear to gain support. When Caspar calls him out for trying to play favorites, Byleth tells him he can't do anything unless he wants to fail.
  Caspar!Nico: You know I heard you talking to him their right?
  Byl... err, Bizzlead!Nico: Yeah, I don't care. What are you gonna do, huh? That's right, I'm your fucking teacher. That's right, you aren't doing shit! I'm gonna fail your ass!!!
• During the fight against Lord Lonato, his adoptive son Ashe is so distraught about the situation, especially with tie involvement of citizens. Of course Bizzlead's reaction is to tell Ashe that he'll be doing the killing blow against his father in front of everyone.
• The one time Catherine tries to kill an enemy, missing constantly. After dodging two times, his ad-libbing about the man's desperation to survive sets the tone in a comical light.
  Enemy Soldier!Nico: Oh god! Please don't hit me! PLEASE- AHHHH! DAMMIT!!!
  Nico: He's like "Oh god! God! God, I want to live!".
• His adlibs for Sylvain and his horny tendencies. Special mention when Bizzlead admits that Sylvain is a horny bastard, but he's also his horny bastard.
• When doing Dimitri's sidequest to figure out the enemy's true agenda in invading the Monastery during the rite, Nico's given the choice on what he thinks it is. One of those choices is the dining hall, Dimitri's reaction is priceless.
  Dimitri!Nico: What!? Nooooo. Gosh, you have been talking to Raphael again haven't you? God, he's a bad influence on you professor.
• Nico decides to see the support scenes between Dimitri and Felix (who don't get along very well) and puts the two on a task together to make them bond more. Dimitri complains about Felix's attitude during the work and Felix is openly hostile towards Dimitri after they're done, so Nico is caught off-guard when they actually score a "perfect" result.
  Nico: Are you guys tsundere for each other?
  • Shortly afterward, in Mercedes and Dimitri's C-support, the latter offers to teach the former some swordsmanship. Because Mercie isn't built as a weapon user, Nico ad-libs a bit about her accidentally stabbing Dimitri, only for that to almost happen for real, much to Nico's horror.
    Dimitri!Nico: Goddammit, you jinxed me, Nico!
    Nico: I'M SORRY!
• Nico's reaction to seeing the Death Knight. Also his subsequent attempts to defeat him.
  • Which culminates, through both his and Dimitri's deaths, in Mercedes dealing the final blow.
• Much like Dimitri, Ashe gets smothered by Bizzlead's hug, calling him a cinnamon bun.
• When Nico assigns Dedue and Dimitri to weed the yard, Dimitri tries to eat the weeds. Dedue's solution is to cut Dimitri's arm off. One problem solved, but now Dimitri is bleeding out.
• While doing Flayn's C-support, Bizzlead asks the question that's been in Nico's mind all this time ("How old are you?"), triggering a massive freak out. Cue the video exploding. A Chibi Annette singing to Felix appears as things get fixed.
• At the beginning of Mercedes' B-Support, an old man appears to Bizzlead, who demands him to leave due to his date with Mercedes. The old man asks if he can watch; Bizzlead replies...
  Nico!Bizzlead: No! ...OK fine, but if you only pay me 20 dollars.
  Nico!Old Man: Ahh I gotcha son. Alright, here we go. Alright, I'm going to hide in the bushes over there. Don't tell them anything.
  Nico!Bizzlead: It's alright if anyone finds you and tries to hit you, you have at least a 30% extra chance to dodge it! HAHAHAHA! That's the power of bushes old man.
• While doing Cyril's C-Support, Cyril mentions that he's looking for Seteth. It turns out Seteth is actually peeking out in one of the tables in the background, saying that he knows Bizzlead has been giving Flayn gifts and he's watching him before hiding back down. Bizzlead feels a chill in his spine.
• Nico enjoys using Dedue a lot, due to his massive physical defence, and sends him straight into the fray, daring the enemies to break against him. The enemies completely ignore him and kill Sylvain.
  • Overall Nico had a tough time with The Gautier Inheritance map, from thanks to Gilbert jumping into enemy fray and getting himself killed, to Cyril getting ganged up on and killed by mages, to running out of Divine Pulses and being forced to restart twice, struggling to get Sylvain and Miklan to fight each other, and finally, trying to use gambits most efficiently in order to break all of the Black Beast's shields without realizing it had one more HP bar left.
• Nico thinking that the lance passed down in Sylvain's family line that was stolen by Sylvain's brother and reacts to Sylvain's crest will choose Dimitri as the person who wields it.
• When Flayn goes missing in Chapter 6, Nico's theories are that she was either eaten by a giant fish or got trapped inside the McDonalds playplace again.
• Bizzlead doesn't take insulting Dedue lightly.
  Monk: This might be the first time I've even seen Seteth look so worn down. If poor Flayn was lured away by anyone... I personally think the clear suspect is that miscreant from Duscur. Those people are deceptive by nature...
  Bizzlead (Nico): Alright, just for that I'm gonna stab you.
  screen goes red with stab sound effect
  Bizzlead (Nico): Nobody dares diss Dedue. Alright, you hear me, bitch?
  Monk (Nico): Eeeugh, you're such a good teacher, aaug-(gets stabbed again)
• The beginning of Dedue's B-Support.
  Nico!Bizzlead: Hey, we bonded yet?
  Nico!Dedue: No.
  Nico!Bizzlead: I feel like we have! Rank B achieved!
• Upon hearing about Bernadetta's sad backstory, Bizzlead decided to raise an army of kitties against her Abusive Dad.
  • Following getting rank B with her, Nico now was able to recruit Bernie, but as it turns out, a bit of RNG comes into play, as they might or might not agree to join your house even if you meet the requirements. However with possibility of save scumming, you can keep reloading the game to get the option on the same week. Nico had to reload it 11 times.
• When Nico saw Bizzlead's Wyvern Lord appearance, he makes a joke that he brought a dragon in class to help teach the students on how to destroy which leads to the wyvern breathing fire everywhere. Bernie was completely freaked out.
  • Speaking of Bernie, at Ingrid's C-Support, Bernie regrets joining Bizzlead's class, calling it a mistake and demands to go back to her old class.
  • Also while doing Sylvain's support, Bernie thought about the idea of burning her manuscript and Sylvain along with it since he saw it. She ends up going against it because...
    Nico!Bernie: You can't do that! ...Not again.
• Nico outright refers to the map for Ingrid and Dorothea's Paralogue as an active volcano.
• When Flayn demands Sylvain to keep his distance due to what she heard from Seteth, she mentioned that Sylvain charms even men. This surprised Nico who asked him if he can get a gay ending with him.
  Nico!Bizzlead: I don't know... Can you!?
• His entire mess with having Tea Time with Raphael. First, there's the RNG whether Raphael would accept the offer or not. Then his blunder with the topics which has him reset to hopefully do better which becomes an issue due to the aforementioned RNG. Finally he did do perfectly with Raphael... only to accidentally trigger more tea with him which is all Nico could take before he called quits.
• There a few highlights in Sothis' paralogue:
  • Before Bizzlead heads out, he was spotted by Dimitri and Dedue. Nico adlibs that he's going to the groceries until...
    Nico!Dimitri: But why do you have your sword drawn, professor?
    Nico!Bizzlead: The groceries aren't going get themselves. Anyway don't follow me.
    • And later leading to Dimitri and Dedue to get the students to follow him, which Dedue sighs on Dimitri's feelings towards the professor. Dimitri goes full tsundere on it.
      Nico!Dimitri: No! NO... It's not like I have any gay feelings that the Nintendo doesn't let me.
  • And then during battle, Bernie ends up going crit crazy, killing multiple giant birds in one shot. As Nico puts it...
    Nico!Bernie: Agh! BERNIE MAD!!!
• While watching the C-Support of Raphael and Flayn, he can't help but laugh the ridiculous battle cries Flayn lets out to get stronger. For some reason though, it works and she ultimately toss Raphael over her shoulder when they attempt to arm wrestle before going to a rampage.
  Nico!Flayn: I feel like I can fuck a god! Agh! Get out of my way!!!
  Nico!Raphael: Oh god, what have I done!?
• Upon getting asked by Gatekeeper who Bizzlead has on his mind for the upcoming ball, Nico finally gets the option he has been waiting for very long time...except not really.
  • This can trip you even harder if you've been watching Nico for years and realize that it's exact same edit he did for when he discovered that dodge roll is back in his KH2 LP.
• The dance contest has been stated to be Nico's favorite episode to record due to him making all of his students to participate in the contest via Save Scumming leading into a lot of hilarious things. In particular, Dmitri's reluctance to participate in the dance contest made Nico laugh a lot.
• Ashe's paralogue had Nico constantly trying to have Ashe get some fluff dialogue with an enemy....only for him to constantly die; forcing Nico to use a bunch of Divine Pulses. It has gotten to the point where Nico ran out of Divine Pulses, and actually got a Game Over from Ashe dying.
• Hubert's tact after Jeralt is killed:
  Hubert: I've never been much for condolences.
  Nico!Hubert: So fuck you.
  (Conversation ends)
• Nico's entire reaction when he finds out that Seteth is actually the father of Flayn after a Paralogue. He did not see this coming but comment that it makes Seteth less creepier.
  • And then another bombshell was hit in Episode 39. Nico absolutely lost his mind over the revelation that Seteth is Cichol, complete with a planet-sized mind-blow. And just as he's starting to excitedly speculate what this revelation means, the news that Flayn is Cethleann drops, blowing his mind (and the planet again) all over in fast-forward.
• Nico pointing out that every-time the characters are about to say something important, they stopped mid-sentence.
• Seeing Felix's attitude with social events, Nico jokes that all of Felix's endings are platonic and even then they aren't that close. He imagine this is how Annette and Felix's ending goes:
  Annette!Nico: I love you Felix
  Felix!Nico: Hey you know what, fuck this. *shoves Annette* I'm back to training, why am I even wasting my time with this girl.
  Annette!Nico: Come back Felix!
• If you thought Nico's crush on Dimitri was delightful, after the timeskip (which, for the record, he did not expect at all, and his reactions to that are a goldmine of their own) he gets the hots for pretty much all his male students, Ashe in particular.
• In episode 43, Nico manages to figure out a most magnificent combo: put Stride and Retribution on Dimitri (who at the time has low-strength battallion, meaning he goes first regardless of who's attacking), then proceed to teleport him in the middle of the largest cluster of enemies on the map. Cue Dimitri slaying every. single. enemy with critical hits while Nico laughs like a supervillain.
  Dimitri!Nico: Eventually, I too will fall... but it's not gonna be today, bitch! Boo-boo-boo-boo-boom!
• When Dimitri ate something that he didn't like due to the Head Chef Challenge, it turns out that Edelgard was the chef of that plate.
• At the end of the Derdriu campaign, Bizzlead happens to finish off the map's boss with a double critical while Hilda (an ally unit) was next to him. Mood Whiplash ensued:
  Arundel: You're not qualified to look into the darkness... [...] There it is... the light... (dies)
  Hilda: (commenting on Bizzlead's kill) I am so impressed!