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The Computer Is A Cheating Bastard
alt title(s): The AI Is A Cheating Bastard
"The thing about video game basketball is that the computer decides whether or not the ball goes in when you shoot. "
- John Dies at the End by David Wong

"Cheat wherever you can. A.I.s are handicapped. They need to cheat from time to time if they're going to close the gap... Never get caught cheating. Nothing ruins the illusion of a good A.I. like seeing how they're cheating."
- Jonny Ebert, lead designer of Dawn Of War 2 on video game A.I.

"I have to say, though, could the programmers at least have tried to mask the cheating?"
- Brian Clevinger, author of 8-Bit Theater on Puzzle Quest

So you're playing a game - say a racing game. You've blown past all of your AI-controlled competition and are ahead by a good minute. You let off the gas for just a second. All of a sudden, formerly distantly AI cars zip past you! Surprise! The AI is a Cheating Bastard!

The Computer Is A Cheating Bastard whenever the "game world's rules" are different between you and the AI-controlled opponents. When used as a quick-and-dirty substitute for good game design, this becomes a method of adding Fake Difficulty to a game, sometimes leading to Luck Based Missions. On the other hand, until computers replace humans, it's unlikely AI will ever be able to challenge players on human terms. Older games fall victim to this trope more often, since hardware and AI capabilities have evolved over the years, but modern games are often Cheating Bastards too.

Some games have even used the fact that their AI is not a cheating bastard as a selling point. Conversely, arcade versions of games often cheat more, to increase sales.

Sometimes, the computer only cheats at higher difficulty levels. Particularly conscientious games even tell you so. These are often considered exceptions to the trope: The Computer is still Cheating, but not a Bastard, since you asked for it.

The Computer Is A Cheating Bastard does not include "fair challenges" of the game (wide pits, powerful/numerous enemies, etc.); those are Real Difficulty. Likewise, one should not accuse the computer of cheating simply because it plays to a computer's natural strengths (lightning reflexes, comprehensive mastery of the game rules, and so forth), or because you have bad luck. Cheats that work to the player's advantage are a Rubberband AI or plain old cheat code.

Note that this is not a place to bitch about enemies that have skills you don't have, or bosses who have stronger skills than you, or about how unlucky you are and how many times you missed (unless the computer has a different chance of missing with the same skill), or about how hard a certain boss is, or how the computer is actually half decent at some of the game's more advanced maneuvers that you happen to suck at.

See also: Fake Difficulty, Rubberband AI, Nintendo Hard, Random Number God
Subtropes:

Generic Examples:

Note: These are generic examples. They give ways the The Computer Is A Cheating Bastard trope manifests, not specific instances in specific games. See the "Specific Examples" section further down for case studies.

  • In Real Time Strategy and Turn Based Strategy games, the computer ...
  • In RPGs,
    • ... the Useless Useful Spell is always useless on AI enemies, but when used against you, it works every time.
  • In racing games, the computer ...
    • ... has an infinite supply of fuel or Nitro Boost.
    • ... has a car which has superior performance to anything you can drive.
    • ... will apply "realistic damage modeling" to player cars, but not AI cars.
    • ... will know the perfect line to take (the exact path to achieve the best time) and will take the best possible line - even if they crash into you. Almost never crashes on its own.
    • ... possesses 'rubber band' capabilities, meaning that no matter how fast you go or what obstacles you place in their path, if you are in first place then second place will always be close enough to catch you if you make even the slightest mistake.
    • ... will go to their full speed instantly, especially in older racing games.
    • ... will not be eliminated from a tournament for finishing outside the top four in a race, or finishing a race in a certain time. The player will, though.
    • ...will always get all the good positions on the starting grid, while you get stuck all the way in the back.
  • In First Person Shooters, the computer ...
    • ... doesn't have to reload, or reloads instantly (assuming you do have to reload).
    • ... can aim for and shoot you without actually having to face you.
    • ... starts with equipment you have to go find.
    • ... knows where movable objectives like the flags in capture-the-flag are, even if nobody on their team have seen them.
    • ... knows the state of weapons and power-ups at all times so it can go for them the instant they respawn.
    • ... can shoot so far and so accurately that it can kill you before you can even see it.
    • ... Unlike you, is immune to the effects of (conefire) with automatic weapons. What this means is that your bullets will form a pattern around your aiming point, but for the AI all bullets will impact on the aiming point. You'll basically be missing with most of your shots, while most of the AI's shots will hit you.
    • ... has infinite ammo.
    • ... always knows your exact position, and can hunt you down/avoid you at all costs almost effortlessly.
  • In Fighting Games, the computer ...
    • ... has unavoidable/unblockable attacks.
    • ... can use moves from impossible positions.
    • ... can block a move the very instant you pull it off
    • ... can move/attack faster than you.
    • ... can use attacks with magic priority to knock you out of even your fastest moves.
    • ... does any of this for Boss opponents.
    • ... will always know exactly where all invisible characters are - both its and yours.
    • ... can use its special attacks more frequently than you, and its Desperation Attack with more health than you.
    • ... can deal more damage when using the same character and the same attacks you use under the same circumstances.
    • ... can do combos that are impossible for the player.
    • ... can dizzy/stun the player more often than he is allowed to do the same.
    • ... Uses same character as you but with better moves (CPU versions of characters).
    • ... is able to copy any of your attacks.
    • ... can revive itself after you went through hell to beat it.
    • ... beats you with ONE move (usually when it's actually about to lose).

  • In action games in general ...
    • ... touching an enemy damages you but does nothing to the enemy.
    • ... you've got three bullets and a rubber band, but the computer has Bottomless Magazines.
  • In pretty much any game, the computer ...
    • ... isn't limited by the speed at which a joystick/mouse can move, or buttons/keys pressed.
    • ... may be favored by the Random Number Generators.

Notable Offenders:

Note: Since The Computer Is A Cheating Bastard is so incredibly common, only especially egregious examples should be listed here, otherwise this entry would take over the entire wiki. Aversions or subversions should probably be left out as well, since that's (hopefully) the default.

    open/close all folders 

     Civilization 

     Final Fantasy Tactics 

     F-Zero GX 

     Mario Kart 

     Pokemon 

     Super Smash Bros. 

Specific Examples:

     Fighting Game 

     Puzzle/Board Games 

     Racing 

     Role Playing Games 

     Shooters 

     Sports 

     Strategy 

     Tabletop Games 

     Other 

     Real Life