- ANYTHING said by the Commentators Howard and Kreese... Which is to say 99% of the game.
Howard: Well, DUH! It's a mathematical fact that there can only be one number one!Both: (singing) III BLAAAME OOOUR SCHOOOOOLS!
- "Jack is ramming himself against Kojack!" "So basically, Jack is ramming himself against himself. We are watching the most violent masturbation ever!" "(Chuckles) This is nothing..."
- "More proof that there's nothing a liberal dose of pharmaceuticals won't fix! This message is brought to you by drugs. Drugs: take them often and indiscriminately!"
- Although Jack is a little TOO straight-laced to really match the zaniness of Howard, Kreese, or the Baron, his sheer Deadpan Snarkiness more than makes up for it: for example, in the opening cutscene of level two, after Agent XIII demanded to know where Jack ran off to:
Jack: I had to take a piss. What, is "no pissing" part of my contract?
Jack: (Riding up on his motorcycle) So... this is the strip. Think I have enough time for a lap-dance?
- And at the start of the Casino Land level:
- A sample conversation from the announcers:
Howard: It's my favorite time of day again!Kreese: Ooh, time to huff some paint?Howard: No.Kreese: Time to take a dump?Howard: No.Kreese: Well then I give up, what time is it?Howard: Time for another Bloodbath Challenge!Kreese: Whatever - if you need me, I'll be taking a dump while huffing some paint...Howard: So predictable.