Funny / Goblins

• One of the first comics had Forgath offering up a prayer to Herbert for a more challenging adventure, complaining that the last one was a cakewalk. Perhaps he should have chosen his words better.
  Inscription around the fiery pit: Fine! Cakewalk this!
• How about Fumbles -- sorry, Senor Vorpal Kickass'o -- versus Minmax and his purple worm familiar?
  Fumbles: AAAAH! A PURPLE WORM! HAVE AT THEE, FOUL BEAST!
  Minmax: Oh, God...
  *YANK*
  Minmax: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
• Complains' reaction to Fumbles' class suggestion.
  Complains: What? I don't have a temper.
  (beat panel)
  Everyone: [hysterical laughter]
  Big-Ears: "I'll get you Minmax! I swear by the foam coming out of my mouth that I'll get yoooouuuuu!"
  • And moments later: "What kind of stupid name is Shaken-Unfairly?!"
• Forgath taking advantage of Minmax's illiteracy to toy with his head: "Nope. It says you're sexually attracted to small animals."
• THAT WAS MORE OGRE PISS!
• Also, one must not forget the hypothetical situation going out of hand.
• Goblins eat some pretty revolting things, but Complains' reaction to learning how the humans make cheese shows that they have some standards.
• A random Brassmoon guard is talking about how one adventurer, in mid-crawl, crapped in a corner. The GM was so impressed by this attention to detail that he gave him a tiny XP award for roleplaying, which was just enough for them to hit the next level. And we all know how adventurers will respond to that. "They started pooping on everything."
• At one point, a Brassmoon elite guard named Tayshun is trying to persuade another that his cape is reasonable to wear. He claims it's a moon, while the other guard says it's a sun or a mace or something.
  Tayshun: What are you, blind?! That's a crescent moon!
  Other Guard: <sigh> That's no moon, that's a mace, Tayshun.
• "WE'RE NOT JUMPING OFF THIS ROOF TO OUR DEATHS! ... "We're jumping off that roof to our deaths. It's got a tree."
• Big Ears, carrying Fumbles, meets back up with Complains, who is too injured to move. Complains points out this out and starts telling Ears something, but Ears cuts him off, refusing to leave him behind. A pause, then:
  Complains: Are you high?! I was going to say that we should find a board or something to put me on... and you could maybe drag me out of here! Damn right you're not leaving me behind!
• Big Ears and Complains-Of-Names debate Strength Checks vs Dexterity Checks while trying to cross a raging river
  Thaco: Y'know, if one of them gets washed away, I'm not going after them.
  Chief: You kidding? I'm this close to ordering you, as your chief, to go drown them.
• Tied in with Speak of the Devil, this strip.
  "Who else saw this coming?"
  • And K'sellis quickly figures out exactly how to thwart the situation, with Noe looking rather perturbed at the final question.
• When nobody listens to Saves-A-Fox's warning not to touch anything in the Well of Darkness, she loses her patience and this gem happens:
  Fox: Go ahead, touch anything! I won't care!
  (beat panel)
  (K'seliss gooses her)
• Minmax and Forgath arrive in Brassmoon, and Minmax wants to sleep with any attractive women he can find, leading to this moment.
  Minmax: Let's ask her! She's only 13, but still cute. I'd totally do her!
  Forgath: Uh, Minmax, I don't think the locals know you're talking about her Charisma.
  Minmax: Hey! 13 and hot! I love it!
  Forgath: Yeah, we're gonna get lynched.
• Minmax's rather thoughtless but awesome action also doubles as his Crowning Moment of Funny... twice. First up:
  Dellyn: Minmax, I don't know what sorts of mistakes you've made in your life, but I promise you... That was the worst one.
  Minmax: Nu-uh! I've done way dumber things!
• And then:
  Dellyn: You have Improved Unarmed Strike?
  Minmax: I got it by trading in my ability to rhyme on purpose.
  Dellyn: What? That's not even... You can't just trade...
  Minmax: Careful, Dellyn. I heard a rumour about those who die complaining about the rules.
• To K'seliss's people, fighting, eating and mating are strictly interconnected. This has an oddly high potential for comedy.
  • K'seliss won't fight something he cannot eat. His reaction when he's attacked by stone and metal monsters:
    K'seliss: Aw, hell no. I don't swing that way.
  • Later, against the same enemies, his battle instincts kick in and his head fin rises:
    K'seliss: This means nothing, ya hear me? I... I was thinking of a battle I had ages ago!
  • A dramatic moment with K'seliss explaining to Grem that Fox doesn't want a protector takes a turn as he gets into the Interplay of Sex and Violence customs of his own people.
    Grem: I'm a moron because I want to help Fox?!
    K'seliss: That's exactly why you're a moron. You're a protector, I get it, but so is Fox. She doesn't want a male to protect her, she wants a male that she can protect. That's why she'll probably end up with that shaky thing. If you really want a chance with her, you should bite off her finger and eat it. I ate a female's finger once. She was really impressed until this jerk from my clan ate her leg. I couldn't compete with that guy. Y'see, I was full. I'd eaten an elk that morning and...
    Grem: Please stop talking.
• Minmax attempts to catch mice. Unfortunately, he has no idea how to identify wildlife, resulting in him capturing and corralling a furry mushroom.
• After explaining that he chooses not to swear, Big Ears throws his axe across the river while it's tied to a rope so that they can use the rope to cross. Unfortunately, he underestimates the effects of the Bull's Strength spell Chief cast on him, and the axe and rope go sailing out of sight.
  [Beat Panel]
  Ears: Shit.
• From here:
  Forgath: Seriously? A Treasure Plant? Is Herbert even trying anymore?
  Kin: They were first created long ago by a wizard who hated trespassers. Now they grow wild in some areas. They're only a danger to the dumbest of individuals.
  (beat panel)
  Together: MINMAX!!!

And after they pull him free...

Forgath: Are you OK?
Minmax: I will be... As soon as I get my treasure!
(cue body check)

• Kin explains that it is incredibly, instantly, horribly lethal to touch the gateway into the Maze of Many. Minmax ponders this for a minute. "I'm TOTALLY gonna pee on this thing."
  • And Kin has to explain to him, in the simplest of terms, why this would be a bad idea. — "Penis go boom."
• This page. This WHOLE page. Every freaking panel on this whole page. *gasp* Need... some... air...
• This guy's an idiot.
• Forgath's expression at the end of this strip is priceless!
  • And the next strip practically defines Too Dumb to Fool.
    Forgath: We're going to die because he's too dumb to outsmart!
• Just don't eat my legs, alright?
• MINMAX... BEGIN THE ANCIENT, DWARVEN INCANTATION! Combined with a Brick Joke: remember, Minmax traded in his ability to rhyme on purpose in exchange for a skill.
• All three comics where Minmax is playing in the hole in the wall. The last one especially, though, due to the alt-versions doing an immediate about-face.
• Then he uses it for something useful. Also a Moment of Awesome. Then the other shoe drops, since that was his belt...
• Kin having to help Minmax get dressed, as he'd traded his ability to dress himself for an extra feat.
  Kin: No. No, boots go on after pants.
  Minmax: You better check your facts on that one, Miss "I've never worn boots or pants".
  Minmax: This second shirt doesn't even have a hole for my head!
  Kin: Those are the pants!
• "The sword survived for ten-thousand winters and it took you a minute and a half to break it!"
• Later, Kin has more theories.
  Forgath: Wait. Are you telling me that sword is powered by Minmax's stupidity?
  Kin: Well, more accurately, his ignorance, but yes.
  Forgath: By Herbert's dice! In Minmax's hands, that sword is insanely powerful.
  Minmax: I don't get it.
• Senor Vorpal Kickasso creates filler content.
• Biscuit the Orc is unfazed by having been tortured for 600 years, because the members of his clan are trained to be absolutely blasé about anything that can happen to them. The only thing that matters, for them, is their clan. When he hears his clan had been wiped out 200 years ago, he shows just how it works:
  Biscuit: Meh. Oh well.
• Biscuit finds Fox, who is dying. He offers her one of the health potions in his mouth...and she uses half of her remaining life to WASH IT OFF before drinking!
• Biscuit is concerned that there may be side effects to drinking too much health potion. Quite concerned.
• "Pendulum!" "Oooh!" Arguably made funnier by the fact that the page has been edited - the four panel Reaction Shot was to Minmax's original, obscene Malapropism.
• Forgath's beard gets erased from history.
• Reality 214 from the Maze of Many. A hell-god takes over the world and everyone in this reality transcends to a new level of consciousness and enlightenment, beyond pain and past agony. There's a terrible price: the mere notions of goodness and compassion have been rendered nonexistent, demons roam the earth...
  And third, this reality can never invent ice cream. I'm not even kidding, it's a mathematical certainty. You see, the tentacle reality has inadvertently proven that goodness is required to invent ice cream.
• Reality 169, where everyone am 9-16 feet tall, am talk good, get mad at every thing, and know quantum science.
• Psion Minmax makes the best Oh Crap faces.
• Forgath discovers that one of his alternates had a fuzzy little Team Pet: Symun, the amazing licking spider!
• Reality 201 has Lenny, the 280 ft giant golden monkey god, with two lines from his "Book Of Lenny". "Lenny is power. Lenny is might. But Lenny has trouble finding the sacrifice right. Also, Lenny is a monkey." Followed by "Lenny is patient. Lenny is wise. You know... for a monkey. But mostly, he... well, he's a monkey."
• Minmax seems to be rubbing off on Kin. Observe and compare.
• Are these your balls?
  Bowst: Tell me everything you've come to steal!
  Forgath: ...yer nuts, human!
  Idle: Ppfftahahaha!
• Forgath expresses surprise that neither Idle nor Bowst realized that "The Cursewalk" dungeon would be filled with curse traps.
  Bowst: Hey smart guy! Names aren't always accurate! For your information, there was actually fairly little walking!
• Bowst, put out by the fact that Forgath is a higher-level character, uses his power as group leader to demand everybody use the word 'two' when they mean 'four'. Hilarity Ensues: Forgath is used to Minmax, so running circles around this slightly less Idiot Hero is simple.
  Forgath: Oh, I've dealt with a guy like you betwo. So I can do this twoever.
  Bowst: Aaah! Just forget it!
  Forgath: Sure, Bowst, if that's what you want. I will twoget it. Consider it twogotten.
  Bowst: Shut up, Forgath!
  Idle: "Shut up Twogath."
  Forgath: Aw, ya ninja'd me.
  Idle: Hee I like you.
  • Incidentally, this exchange calls back to one Forgath and Kin had with Minmax, where Minmax has been making new words by squishing them together.
    Forgath: Sometimes I just can't keep up with you, Minmax.
    Minmax: That's because I'm quick!
    Kin: And you're adorable.
    Minmax: That's right! I'm Adick! (Beat while he realizes what he just said) Wait...
    Forgath: Ooo, very nice.
    Kin: Thank you.
• Minmax teaches the Goblins how to properly search for a secret door. And it works!
• Minmax and Fumbles continue to get on well together.
  Complains: Oh no... Now we have two of them.
• "I am SO embarrassed to have him as my nemesis." Honestly, between Minmax's stupidity and the deadpan reactions of the goblins, the whole page is hilarious.
• When the group find the pillar that shows who they were in love with:
  Fumbles: Why aren't there any pictures for Complains or Ears? Or me?
  Ears: I guess we've never been in love.
  Fumbles: Oh.
  [Beat Panel as Fumbles looks at Complains]
  Fumbles: [embracing him] I love you Complains! Soooo much!
  Complains: [glaring] Get offa me, you moron! It doesn't work like that! [glances up at the pillar, curious] Does it?
  One of the others, off-panel: No, it's still an image of the serpent folk.
  Complains: [glaring again] It doesn't work like that!
• When the group encounters a pillar that shows an image of what they lust after most, everyone starts giving Complains a hard time for envisioning a busty goblin woman... with hair. Minmax chimes in with the teasing, and we get this exchange.
  Complains: But... you like hair!
  Minmax: Yeah, but I'm a human. It's totally different.
  (an image of an attractive, male, hairless goblin appears on the pillar and everyone looks at Ears)
  Fumbles: ...Seriously, hair?
  Complains: Shut up!
  Fumbles: Are you turned on by my mustache?
  Complains: Shut up!
  Fumbles: Would you like to be alone with my mustache?
  Complains: Shut up!
• In spite of all the evidence to the contrary, Fumbles may have just established himself as being smarter than he looks. And he does this while playing with "action figures" with Minmax.
• A minor example, but, the way Minmax is the only one who seems to feel that Complains' increased demonic transformation is something worth talking about.
• For all of Kin's intelligence, she overlooked a decidedly crucial detail when trying to get a note to Minmax and the GAP, Facepalming when she realizes her mistake.
  • Once she corrects this mistake, Minmax is very eager to reunite.
    Minmax: Kin! Kin, are you up there? Hey! Hey you guys, it's Kin! Kin's up there! We have to save her! We have to save Kin!
    Thaco: (Beat) Sorry, who's up there?
• During a protracted debate over whether or not it's really Kin, Minmax calls Ears a liar, at which point Complains threatens Minmax for insulting his friend. Minmax just rolls his eyes and bats Complains away — sending him tumbling head over heels — before clarifying.
• After Forgath's death, Idle pleads with Ward to "FixhimFixhimFixhim!" Bowst wonders why she's so upset, as they hadn't known him that long. Cue a couple of Beat panels as Ward is in Stunned Silence, before Bowst lets out a Defensive "What?"... and promptly punches himself in the face.
• The goblins continuously referring to the stopwatches as gnome eggs.
• While Vorpal's escape from the Goblin Angel is touching and badass, Complains's escape is badass and hilarious, with him and the Celestial getting into what is essentially an argument about the semantics of becoming Chief as a rite versus becoming Chief as a ceremony. It ends with Complains lopping off the tip of her horn and pulling the "passed the test to go back" lever while she's distracted by the inconvenience of the injury.
  Celestial: I am SO bad at this.
  • Another funny bit is her revealing that she has to kill him and summoning a sword... bejeweled, painted and wrapped to resemble a Transgender Pride Flag. Combined with her tests and later exchange with Ears, it gives the air that she's trying to help these people find their identities, but has been given the tools to do it in the single least helpful way possible and is trying to cope with it however she can.
• Due to Complains being part-Demon, he finds out that Celestials stink insofar as he's concerned. After cutting off the horn tip of one Celestial, and coming back to the land of the living with it, the group uses it to heal Ears' ears. It works — but now Ears is part-Celestial, and thus stinks insofar as he's concerned. Likewise, the feeling is mutual, in so far as Ears is concerned about Complains.
  Ears: Sniff! Sniff!
  Complains: Sniff! Sniff!
  Ears: Complains, you smell disgusting.
  Complains: Ears, you stink.
• The next two strips cross over with Heartwarming, as the Celestial is first enraged that Ears had effectively swiped her horn, and then shocked at just how Lawful Good he is, shushing him so she could pore over his character sheet and relish in his goodness, finishing by remarking on his homosexuality and having that in common.
  Pawlush: Are you gay?
  Ears: Uh...
  Celestial: Oh Gods, were you not out to your talking backpack? Gosh, I am so sorry!
  • It then turns hilarious when Ears fails the test by proclaiming he's not a hero, failing the test - until Pawlush points out that, since Ears had integrated the Celestial's horn, he's literally her flesh-and-blood, causing a Dramatic Drop.
• When it's finally Thaco's turn, he can't be bothered with formalities and just says "No." without even waiting to hear what she's going to ask. Way he figures he's got an even chance of being right, and just doesn't want to waste any time with the question... As it turns, out he was right, much to the angel's irritation.
• After Complains' metamorphosis into a demon is completed, Kickasso tells him that he might now have the ability to summon other demons, and that he should try to see if he indeed can. Complains actually starts trying for a few seconds until realizing how awfully stupid of an idea this is.

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