Quotes / Goblins

Paladin's Handbook: If you hear the minions of evil calling dibs on your gear, pray or run.

Big Ears: I want the power to stop innocents from dying. To protect others instead of just standing around helplessly. What? Is that a dumb answer? It's stupid, right?
Fumbles: Congratulations Big Ears, you're now a first level paladin.

Complains: What? I don't have a temper.
[Beat. The others burst out laughing.]
Big Ears: [imitating Complains] I'll get you Minmax! I swear by the foam coming out of my mouth that I'll get yoooouuuuu!

Chief: Fine. I'll be something that stays out of the way and never has to do anything exciting, but is still pestered by everyone in the group.
Fumbles: Woohoo! We have a cleric!

Forgath: Yer an infant, you know that?

Chief: Your impression of an evil fork is uncanny, but items and objects can not be evil.

Chief: Blaah! That sounds terrible! Why would anyone want to become a paladin?
Big Ears: So others don't have to.

Thaco: Blindly throwing yourself into the fires of hell won't stop others from burning.

Chief: Thaco, if you can tell me that there is absolutely no chance of us being able to rescue Fumbles, then we'll call this mission a failure and leave. But if there's even the slightest chance that we can succeed, then we have to try.
[Very long pause]
Thaco: Alright, here's our plan...

Ears: I detect sarcasm.
Chief: You have to be a paladin to detect Thaco's sarcasm?
Ears: You have to be a noun to detect Thaco's sarcasm.

Complains: Ears, I can't move in the state I'm in and you're already pretty much carrying Fumbles. So I want you to listen very carefully...
Ears: No! I am not leaving you behind, Complains!
Complains: [beat] Are you high?! I was going to say that we should find a board or something to put me on, and maybe you could drag me out of here! Damn right you're not leaving me behind!

Thaco: What happened to you?
Complains: Shield of Wonder. Part demon now. You?
Thaco: Climactic battle with the hero.

Ears: Right now, you have a magically sharpened axe pressed carefully but sternly at the base of your throat. It's there because you've annoyed me. What do you think will happen if you make me angry?

Minmax: Careful Dellyn, I heard a rumor about those who die complaining about the rules.

K'seliss: For the love of meat, shut up! No one wants to hear your emo character background! My hands are literally melting away and I'm complaining less than you are!

Demoness^note and later Fox: I find it astounding how often creatures mistake their own stupidity for a lack of fairness.

Dies: So...we're not responsible for our failures?
Riss: Exactly. It is simply the will of Maglubiyet, so you should feel no shame.
Dies: Then...by that logic, you're not responsible for your success and should feel no pride.

Grem: I am a goblin prince. I know when to fight.

Dies: I am a coward! I know when to run!