Funny / ER

Series

General

• Several Romano-isms. Including, but not limited to:
  Romano: I'm beginning to think ER stands for Everyone's Retarded.
  Romano: They'll be looking for a sacrificial lamb and right now you're looking pretty wooly.
  Romano: This guy's about to lose a leg! I'd say chop chop but that would be in extremely poor taste.
  • Also let's not forget when he brings in his dog to have surgery.
    Corday: Robert, this is a dog.
    Romano: Correction Lizzie: This is my dog.
• Abby giving her version of the ER tour to the new residents.
• A throwaway gag has Greene walk over to a paramedic bringing in two guys with billiard balls in their mouths^Explanation A billiard ball is perfectly sized that it can go into your mouth, but getting it out requires breaking your jaw as you can't open your mouth far enough. Do Not Try This at Home. He sighs and asks what happened.
  Paramedic: Tweedledee here—(points at one guy)—put it in his mouth as part of bet. We showed up and asked what happened, and Tweedledum—(point at the other guy)—showed us.

Season 1

• A brief moment of levity in the first disaster episode, "Blizzard". A young black man walks into the ER. Doug examines his wounded hand, and finds his thumb missing. The guy nonchalantly holds up a plastic bag with his severed thumb in it. He gets a wheelchair ride straight to the OR.
  • Also early in the episode, substitute receptionist Roxanne's complaints are overheard by the wrong person.
    Roxanne: Shoot me if I take this job again.
    Jerry: Find me a gun, I'll shoot you now.
• Kevin Michael Richardson had a small recurring role as Patrick, a mentally handicapped man. When he came to the ER during a snowstorm in "The Gift", we got this conversation:
  Carol: Patrick, how did you get here?
  Patrick: I w-w-walked.
  Carol: Why?
  Patrick: Don't have a d-d-drivers license.
• In an early Season 1 episode, a patient comes in with heroin withdrawal and keeps grunting the same note over and over, sounding like a car alarm, while Greene and Lewis work on their write-ups. They start mimicking him.
• Carter is passed out grabbing a nap in an empty exam room. Greene and Lewis, being two of the more mature members of the staff, busy themselves with putting his leg in a cast. Then they have the receptionist page him, leading to Carter stumbling groggily into the hallway before losing his balance and falling on his face.
  Lewis: Why are we doing this?
  Greene: Because putting his hand in a bucket of warm water would be juvenile.
  • Later in the same episode, a scary-looking biker who had brought his wife into the ER grabs a saw and cut the cast off for Carter, much to Carter's dismay.
    • Not to forget about nurses recording the size of Carter's penis in his medical chart...
• Carter is bringing a patient in while Benton grills him on various medical details of the patient before asking, in the same demanding tone of voice, for the patient's mother's maiden name. Carter frantically flips back and forth through the patient's chart before Nurse Haleh informs him that the last bit was a joke.
  • Benton chuckles as he walks off while Carter fumbles through the chart.
• They receive a phone call from the 911 dispatcher about a pizza guy who has been shot during a robbery attempt, and that he is driving himself to the hospital. Cue the pizza guy's car smashing through the entrance to the hospital and ending up in the lobby. Tag (Carol's boyfriend) steps out of a nearby exam room and sees the chaos:
  Tag: Did someone order a pizza?!
  Doug: Jerry, call security. Someone's in my spot.
• Jerry gets one in an early episode when he's asked to look after a small child while his mother is taken into the ER and delivers this icebreaker:
  Jerry: Hey, kid. You ever see a picture of a diseased gall bladder?
  • Becomes a Brick Joke later on when a patient who needs his gall bladder removed comes in and the kid diagnoses it as, "It must have been diseased."
• Chen's first day as an intern, she and Carter drag a defibrillator in as a patient crashes. Greene calls for the paddles, Carter turns to grab them, just as Chen thrusts them hot onto his chest, shocking him and sending him onto the floor
  Greene: What was that set on?
  Nurse: Two hundred.
  Greene: Well he should be okay.
  • Earlier in the same episode, Carter foists a rectal exam onto Chen. The patient does not enjoy it.
    Carter: Deb, did you use lube?
    [Beat]
    Chen: Was I supposed to?

Season 2

• In the season premiere, Susan and a team of nurses scramble to stabilize a patient in flatline, with no success. As they debib him, dust falls from the ceiling (earlier it had been established that maintenance workers were trying to fix the air conditioning). One of the nurses yells for the worker above them to get out of the ceiling ducts - which he does in the quickest way possible: by crashing through the ceiling, onto the patient.
  • Sending this into pure hilarity, landing on the patient is what gets his heart beating again.
    • Although he did break two of the patient's ribs and his own leg in the fall.
• In a Season 2 episode, Weaver has set up a camera in a trauma room in order to critique the way personnel handles cases. As she's reviewing the tape for the ER staff, she rewinds it to find an accidentally recorded conversation between Mark and Doug. Earlier in the day, Mark had pulled Doug into the room to confide in him that he was nervous about his upcoming date, the first since his divorce. Thanks to Kerry's fumbling, the entire ER staff gets to hear him confess to Doug that the only person he's ever had sex with is his ex-wife.
• In "The Secret Sharer", as Doug prepares to receive a community service award for his heroics in the previous episode, he practices a "The Reason You Suck" Speech that he intends to level at all his supervisors. When he gets up to the podium, he seems to be starting it. Cut to Mark in the audience, clearly praying like crazy that he'll change his mind. He does, and the look of relief on Mark's face is hilarious.
• Benton's Oh, Crap! reaction on realizing that an obese woman's abdominal pains are actually labor—"I haven't delivered a baby since med school!"

Season 3

• In "Homeless for the Holidays", Mark becomes the owner of a middle-aged dog that previously belonged to a patient who died. He intends to give the dog to Rachel as a Christmas present, but after seeing that her stepfather Craig (the man whom Jen left Mark for) already bought her two puppies, he tries to leave. Craig catches him and tries to pet the dog, only for the dog to bite him. Mark chastises the dog in front of Jen and Rachel, but as soon as everyone turns around, he whispers to the dog, sotto voce, "Good doggie."
• Carter taking out Benton's appendix in "Whose Appy Now?", listening to "The Ride of the Valkyries" and actively turning the whole thing into the most portentous, incredible medical procedure ever.
  Carter: Ohhhhh... (starts scrubbing in more gleefully) ...there is a God!
  • What really makes it work is that the authoritative Dr. Hicks seems to enjoy the moment as much as Carter does.
  • To say nothing of the "Peter, I'm pregnant" montage that ensues when Benton is waking up afterward.
• A Running Gag in the otherwise serious episode "Random Acts" is when the nurses and doctors find a trashy novel with characters based on everyone in the show, and they decide Carol wrote it. According to Word of God, it was actually Kerry.

Season 4

• In "Ambush," the live episode, Kerry Weaver is explaining to the documentary crew filming the ER how they run the department and their general function. However, the cameraman becomes more enamored with an attractive young woman with a hand injury in the background who is wearing some sort of period costume, making her look like a fairy tale princess. Kerry has to forcibly bring the attention of the cameraman back onto her. The situation with the young woman is never followed up upon or referenced again.
• "Friendly Fire" features husband and wife arms dealers coming in straight from a gun show where he got shot in the leg. The wife shows off the merchandise and tries to sell guns in the reception area, letting people handle non-functional samples (legally they're not allowed to sell functional grenade launchers but they sell 'kits' that make them functional) . Jerry picks up a grenade launcher and speaks of using it on the neighbor's dog who keeps doing his business in Jerry's yard. He puts the grenade launcher to his shoulder and mimes tracking the dog. "Woof...Woof..." Then he pulls the trigger on the third "Woof" and fires a grenade into the parking lot, where it blows up an ambulance.
  Wife: Damn...I guess Ed used a kit on that one.
• In "Fathers and Sons", Doug has just told Mark that he's reconciled with Carol. Mark is stunned to hear this, as Doug cheated on her left and right the first time they dated.
  Mark: Does she make you take a lie detector test every week or something?
• A Black Comedy example. In "Obstruction of Justice", Carter's cellmate—nicknamed "Shrike" because the name appears on his shirt—is in jail for the same misdemeanor as Carter. He asks Carter if he really is a doctor, and Carter confirms it. When Carter admits that he thought Shrike was in jail for a more serious crime, Shrike suddenly stands up, approaches him, and pulls his pants down, saying "Got something for you." Clearly thinking the worst, Carter freaks out and tries to assure Shrike that he's not making any snap judgments. As it turns out, Shrike has a red sore on his leg that has been bothering him, and he merely wants to get Carter's expert medical opinion.

Season 5

• In "Power", Greene and Corday are suturing up a patients head wounds and the talk gradually turns into That Came Out Wrong, which is even lampshaded by Corday herself as well as the patient they're treating...and the power then goes out.
• Romano gushes about the elaborate plans he has for Mother's Day, much to the astonishment of the staff.
  Romano: "Bet you didn't think I even had a mother, did you?"
  Haleh: ", Can't imagine what she's like."

Season 6

• In the season premiere "Leave It to Weaver", Luka walks into the very chaotic ER carrying a little girl.
  Luka: Have you ever been to the circus?
  Little Girl: No.
  Luka: You have now.
• In "Great Expectations", Malucci is complaining about the slow intake when Carter brings over a patient with a history of vomiting and diarrhoea. Malucci then grills Carter about some other aspects of her history, diagnoses the patient with "Jamaican Vomiting Sickness" (an actual disease) with Carter in disbelief. What sells the scene is the absolute deadpan expressions of Weaver and Finch, who are watching the entire scene.
  • From that same episode, Carol is in the middle of receiving an epidural when Dr. Coburn walks in. She takes one look at the situation and congratulates Mark for being the father. Cue epic "WTF" look on Mark's face.
• This exchange between Luka and Carol in "Be Still My Heart":
  Luka: We even have these little hearts (starts reading off of them) "Be Mine."
  Carol: I don't recommend you eating them.
  Luka: "Dear One."
  Carol: I gotta get to Radiology.
  Luka: "Cut-tie pie?"
  Carol: That's "Cutie Pie."
  Luka: Oh thank you.
• At the beginning of "Be Patient", Dr. Corday walks into her apartment, where her visiting mother is making breakfast. Out of their bedroom, in his underwear, walks Mark Greene's father, who's been living with Mark, but has apparently taken a fancy on his son's girlfriend's mother.

Season 7

• In "Homecoming", Dr. Corday had been having a bad rash all over her hands after a trip to the woods with Dr. Greene. When Dr. Romano asked about her getting exposed to poison ivy, she just looked back at him blankly (being British, she had no idea what it looked like). She asks if it will spread and Benton says that it will spread to other body parts that it has contact with. Elizabeth mutters, "Uh oh", and the next shot is Dr. Green scratching his crotch. But the joke just keeps on giving, Malucci sees him scratching in front of the new med studants and asks him if there's a "problem with the Australian boys? You keep scratching down under." Then while Elizabeth is giving him some cream and a shot for the rash, Haleh enters and can barely hold back laughter as she catches them.
  • Also from that episode, Cleo interrupts Peter while he's with a patient to remind him of his upcoming interview and advise him what suit to wear.
    Old Man: Is she your wife?
    Peter: Nope.
    Old Man: She talks like she's your wife.
    (the two burst out laughing)
• Basically the first five minutes of "Sand and Water" with Mark and Elizabeth. Hell hath no fury like a scorned Elizabeth indeed.
  • Also from that episode, Mark's awkward proposal.
• "Survival of the Fittest" involves prankster Dr. Malucci having been hit with a sedative after a prank gone wrong. He remained pretty much passed out the rest of the episode. Luka decides to have a little more fun with Malucci by dermabonding his hand to his forehead.

Season 8

• Carter's reunion with Susan Lewis in "Never Say Never", while he's looking for a spider that a patient has released in the ER.
  Susan: Funny, that's not how I remember you.
  Carter: (bangs his head on a low shelf in admitting) Ow! Son of a bitch.
  Susan: That is.
• "Orion in the Sky" has Mark dealing with a mildly annoying patient:
  Mark: Alright. What's the problem?
  Old Lady: I have a hangnail, and it is very painful!
  Mark: I have a brain tumor, and it's inoperable. [Beat] I win.
• "Secrets & Lies". Easily the funniest episode in the series.
• In "Bygones", Carter reveals to Susan that he has a box of wonders, or a "gastrointestinal bric-a-brac" full of items that he's pulled out of various patients' stomachs and behinds. Susan notices that her good pen is among the items, and upon seeing that it still works, expresses amazement that Carter pulled it out of someone's stomach. He quickly corrects her and replies that it came from the "other end." Just as quickly, she throws the pen back into the box and says, in a deadpan monotone, "Keep it."

Season 10

• For those who like Black Comedy, the Irony of Romano's death. He had to help send a patient up for a helicopter. But due to his fear associated with losing his arm to one, he got down to the ground as quick as possible. Cue the helicopter crashing down on top of him.
  • Knowing that Romano was, among other things, homophobic, Kerry then takes his large bequest to the hospital and uses it to open an LGBTQ health center. Carter openly questions if Romano's prosthetic survived the fire, saying if it did, it might take revenge on her for that.

Season 11

• In the season finale "The Show Must Go On", Abby, Neela and Ray have to treat the surviving partygoers from the porch collapse with only some of the nurses and no Attendings or residents, as most of the staff is attending Carter's surprise goodbye party. Neela and Ray work together to treat one of the latter's bandmates, Nick. In a moment of levity in an otherwise serious episode, Nick tells Neela that he once had a dream where he was treated by her, and Ray was conspicuously absent. In response, Ray lets out a wry chuckle, while Neela finds this amusing yet touching.

Season 12

• In "Out on a Limb", Neela has to bring something homemade for her Army Spouse Club meeting. She decides to make cookies, and her friends in the ER offer to taste-test them. However...
  Morris: Um... Because we care about you—
  Neela: Since when?
  Frank: You know, it just makes things more difficult if you're...
  Neela: Have you all been hit on the head with a mallet? What are you blathering on about?
  Ray: Your cookies.
  Neela: My cookies?
  Morris: Yeah. Um, after careful consideration from your ER peers, plus Hector in janitorial services...
  Frank: [stammering] Just the feeling is that your cookies are, um...
  Ray: The worst cookies ever made in the history of baking.
  Neela: [laughing] Shut up. [Beat as the guys say nothing. She becomes angry] Bollocks to you all!
  Morris: The truth hurts!
  • Despite being mad at all three of them, Neela only gives Ray a Death Glare. His exasperated eye-roll and expression say it all.
  • Before this, Frank surreptitiously slaps a biohazard sticker on the container to discourage staff from taste-testing them.
• In "Strange Bedfellows", a deaf guy and his girlfriend come into the ER after he got beat up by the cops and she OD'd on drugs. Luckily Ray and Jerry are able to sort the situation out before long. The cops come around to apologise with Jerry translating. The guy signs back "I have a special sign for you" and then flips off the cops. Jerry sheepishly tells the guys that he doesn't need a translation for that one.

Season 15

• When Carter steps in to County General in "The Beginning of the End", Gates initially confuses him with Doug Ross:
  Gates: Carter... Are you the one who got that nurse pregnant and moved to Seattle?
  Carter: No, that was somebody else.
  Gates: My mistake.
• Benton's reaction when Carter shows him a picture of his wife Kem in "Old Times".
  "You married a sister?"
  • Even better, right before he hands the photo to Benton, Carter chuckles, knowing that Benton's going to bust his chops.
• In the series finale, when Benton talks about Dr. Corday with Carter and Susan at the reception for the Carter Center, Reese seems to pick up on Corday and Benton's past relationship, given the latter's flustered reaction.

• Gates and Morris’ reactions to the naked guy being brought into the ER by two cops in the series finale:
  Gates: Hey, put a towel around that guy; there’s women in there!
  Morris: Whoa! I thought streakers went out with disco and the Ford administration.

DVD Outtakes

• George Clooney had a tendency to prank his fellow colleagues while on set. Two incidents from the Season 4 outtakes stand out:
  • The first involves Abraham Benrubi (Jerry) pulling out a twinkie and delivering his line correctly, then afterwards going "it's a little lubey."^note Clooney had covered the prop with lubricant.
  • The second time, he scared the crap out of Julianna Margulies by rigging a drawer.
• One memorable Season 6 outtake has Paul McCrane (in a scene where Lucy bangs on Romano's door in the middle of the night to find him very pissed in "How the Finch Stole Christmas") somehow hide another (gigantic) actor, wearing nothing but a towel and carrying a pair of handcuffs and a bottle of wine, behind him. McCrane then flirts with him, shoo him upstairs, and call him "honey" before asking Lucy to join them. Kellie Martin, the director, and the tech crew utterly lose it.
  • There's a similar outtake from the Season 4 set where Anthony Edwards is banging on the door of an apartment/set (in a scene where he's trying to catch up with Cynthia) only for the door to reveal an overweight, disheveled painter...painting the room. To make matters worse, we are greeted with plumbers crack.
• Alex Kingston starts kissing Laura Innes out of absolutely nowhere in the Season 6 outtakes. Anthony Edwards reacts by turning to the camera, giving a grin and a thumbs up.
  • Paul McCrane returns the favour in the Season 5 outtakes shortly after a stony-faced Alex Kingston delivers her line "The offer you made today, were you serious?" by kissing and glomping her.
• Scott Grimes delivering this line off-camera in the Season 13 outtakes: "This marriage is clearly a marriage truly made in the ER, because if it was [Northwestern or Rush originally] House or Grey's Anatomy, there'd be better food and a lot more viewers!" Everyone loses it.
  • Another attempt: "I'd just like to say...just like to say...that this is clearly not working." Maura Tierney cannot stop corpsing.
• One scene from the Season 13 outtakes has Dubenko explaining to Neela what a key party is. Parminder Nagra walks off screen and clearly states "Makes my labia wet" in one of the most cheery monotones possible. Leland Orser and Aasif Mandvi go off-camera and crack up.
• From the Season 13 outtakes, John Stamos and Goran Višnjić run through a scene correctly together, only for Goran to pause and state "I thought I fucked up but I didn't."
• During a Season 13 episode where the cops are walking Pratt outside in handcuffs, Laura Innes jumps after them, attacking the guys and begging them not to take him.
• From the Season 10 outtakes: "Tell them I'm pregnant, maybe they'll cut me some [slack originally] snack and...(trails off into laughter)" Doubly funny as Sherry Stringfield really was pregnant at the time.
• Sherry Stringfield delivering a line to a patient, ending with "but in situations like these..." Someone off-camera yells "The memory goes first!" All she can do is swear.
• Eriq La Salle's inability to pronounce "Megalomaniacal" in the Season 7 outtakes (this apparently turned into "Maniacal sadist" in the end).
• From the Season 9 outtakes, Paul McCrane absolutely ruining a take by finishing the scene perfectly, only to then turn to the camera and pull a face that is completely inappropriate to the scene.
• During one of the Season 9 outtakes, the monkey escapes out of the net shot at it.
• Ming-Na Wen drops a lid off of a medicine bottle. She bends to pick it up and one of the crew yells out "Not going to this hospital, I'm telling you that." Everyone cracks up laughing.
• Mekhi Phifer and Sharif Atkins play-wrestling mid-scene in the Season 9 outtakes.
• Anthony Edwards encouraging Alex Kingston to moon the camera while singing the Hokey Pokey in the Season 6 outtakes.
• From the Season 8 outtakes, Erik Palladino utterly screwing up his "The Reason You Suck" Speech mid-sentence.
• One of the extras is unable to time his jumping to the defib paddles.
• From the Season 7 outtakes, Anthony Edwards saying "Show me your tits" and Alex Kingston's startled "What?!"
• Basically anytime Alex Kingston appears in a scene; her facial expressions are hilarious.

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