Funny / BuzzFeed Unsolved

Being full of descriptions of grisly deaths and creepy locations doesn't stop this show from being hilarious.^Note Due to Early-Installment Weirdness, what is referred to as the "first season" in the Illuminati video ended with that episode. This was when the supernatural and true crime episodes were not considered separate seasons. To avoid confusion, these are labeled according to how the videos are titled on YouTube.

General

• The sudden and unexplained replacement of Brent by Shane is an ongoing joke in the fandom.
• Ryan's narrator voice, which Shane sometimes imitates.
• Ryan being a firm believer of the paranormal while Shane is staunchly a skeptic drives a lot of their humor.
• Every time they go somewhere there might be demons (something Ryan will only do once a season), Ryan will try to come prepared with holy water and will make a big deal about it if he does not have some on hand.
  • In the third season's demon episode, Ryan goes so far as to get a gun holster and keep a water gun full of holy water in it.
• (wheeze)
• Shane's incessant urge to antagonize anything remotely paranormal they might come across.
• Ryan's inability to pronounce "February" correctly.
• The Hot Daga that happens at the end of every Buzzfeed Unsolved Post-Mortem. Shane's character voices, his narration, the animations and Ryan's facial expressions make this even funnier.
  • This effect only increases over time as Shane puts more and more effort into the Hot Daga and Ryan gets more and more annoyed in return. During one of the musical numbers, Ryan can be seen mouthing "kill me" at the camera, and by the time Shane is cutting together audio clips of Ryan to use as the voice of one of the characters, Ryan concludes that Shane has gone completely insane.
• The Almost 70th Episode Retrospective is full of these:
  • The reason it's called the "Almost 70th" Episode Retrospective is because Ryan didn't want to say 69.
  • During Brent's special guest segment, he and Shane joke that they should film a special where the two of them just explain basic science to Ryan.
    Shane: Just, like, take a radio apart and show him what's inside of it.
    Brent: Yeah, exactly. It's not ghosts talking out of the radio, it's signals that are coming to the radio.
  • While discussing the Goatman's Bridge episode, they mention that fans keep changing the bridge's name on Wikipedia to "Shane and Ryan's Bridge".
• Over on their season of In Control With Kelsey, they both act like psychopaths with The Sims, plotting a wedding where everyone then burns. And then when it doesn't work, their breakdowns which is then followed by them killing themselves.
  Ryan: I'm a broken man!
• The bloopers for season 6 True Crime has them laughing about Stephen King's history with coke, leading Katie Leblanc to remind them (in a tone like she's gently explaining to two five year olds) that they've been told off about defamatory comments before.

Supernatural:

Season One:

The Secret Society Of The Illuminati

• Ryan proposes the theory that world leaders are actually shape-shifting lizards.
• "So the Federal Reserve... was created to spite Jesus."
• Their argument over how busy Satan is
• "XEROXING is not how cloning works, Ryan!"
• Shane looking at a video clip of a zoned-out Beyoncé and saying, "she's writing Lemonade in her head right now."
• Shane saying he thinks Kobe's in the Illuminati and then an earthquake shaking the entire room.
  Shane: Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, Kobe!
• "Don't talk about Toledo."
• "Say lizard people out loud."

3 Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons

• Shane's smirk when Ryan asks if ghosts and demons can harm the living. He's having none of it.
• Shane’s interpretation of Father Thomas’s advice - “Jesus said chill.”
• "No one says, 'Oh, my knuckles feel a little funny. I'm going to build a house with 500 rooms.'"
• The guest investigator Pepe on the Island of the Dolls offering his theory about what the owner did in his spare time.
  Pepe: He probably fucks the dolls... Can I say that?
  • Pepe discovers the island's unique wildlife:
    Pepe: Oh, look, a teddy bear! Oh fuck, a spider.
  • His theory about the little girl who supposedly drowned in the canal:
    Pepe: Probably spiders ate her.
• Eventually they're chased off the island... by the horde of spiders living on the island skeeving them out, not ghosts.
• Shane being thrilled to lock himself in with a ghost.
• Shane's demon-defying hijinks. Stopping at the door to take a selfie ("I'm taking a selfie with the demon, yoooo!"), yelling at the demon to turn on a flashlight "if you hate us" or "if you want to eat Ryan's heart", and topped off by him lying down on the pentagram in the basement just to see what happens.
  Shane: [around the flashlight in his mouth] Rock'n'roll, buckaroo!
  Ryan: You're Insane!
  • The selfie with the demon pans onto Ryan's incredibly unamused face too.
  • Ryan's hysterics when the flashlight does turn on and off by itself. Five times.
  • Shane's delighted reaction to both the flashlight turning on and Ryan's hysterics.
• Ryan informs the audience that a woman named Sallie did live in the house at one time, but she was an adult black woman, nothing like the blonde girl of maybe ten described in the inhabitants' reports. Trying to be scary, he points out that this makes it worse - if "Sallie" isn't the ghost of a former tenant, what is she? Shane takes a different tack.
  Shane: This demon is racist! He was like, "Oh, there was a - a black lady who lived here? Wait a minute... No... I can't haunt with that. What about a little... a little white girl? A little blonde one; I'll give her pigtails."
  [...]
  Ryan: Demons don't present themselves as adults. [...] An entity... like an entity that's not human, it needs energy; it needs souls to feed off of. So if you need that you wouldn't immediately come out with the horns, you'd come out with a little girl, that makes sense to me.
  Shane: Whatever; demon's racist. I don't respect this demon.
• Shane's amusement at the landlord finding an alter, a kettle, and a black robe in the basement.
  Shane: A pointy hat, a broomstick, three newts, a lizard tongue, eyeballs.
  Ryan: That's what he found!
• Around 3 in the morning, Ryan mentions that he doesn't think he can spend the whole night at the Sallie House. Shane implores him not to give up, a dramatic swell of music recalls Father Thomas's wise words not to be afraid... and then Ryan says screw it, yeah, he can't do this.

The Chilling Exorcism Of Anneliese Michel

• Shane trying his best to crush an apple with his bare hands, with no success.
• Shane doing an impression of the girl's demon voice, after listening to the clip in which she claims to be possessed by Judas, Nero, Cain, and Hitler:
  Shane: "We're all here! It's all - I ran out of evil people to think of... Uhh... The blonde man from Die Hard is also in here... Skeletor from Masters of the Universe... Heath Ledger's Joker..."
• Shane and Ryan get scared of a bee near the beginning of the episode.

The Bizarre Toxic Death of Gloria Ramirez

• Ryan and Shane's discussion about how the emergency staff determined the smell emitting from Gloria Ramirez was fruity garlic.
  Shane: I bet they talked about it for ten minutes and were like, "What is that?" and one of them was like, "Fruity garlic!" and everyone was like "Ohhhhh yeah!"
  Ryan: Either that or they were like, "Jesus, Ken... God, we have a patient here."
• When Ryan provides the voice over, it is always just him speaking. However, when discussing Sallie Balderas, one of the witnesses, throwing up you can faintly hear Shane going "Oof"
• "Yeah, we all participated in mass hysteria, it was a - it was a real riot, I was - Gorchynski was... Man - she got fucked up, she was having a great time. What a fun hysteria that was."
• The first three theories are centered around chemical reactions and sanitation, each with science and documentation to report it, so Shane is rather accepting of the theories. The fourth and final theory is that Gloria Ramirez was abducted by aliens to which Shane responds "You just shut your mouth, I'm done."
• "Oh yeah! Bigfoot splooged on her chest!"

The Spirits of the Whaley House

• Shane's complete lack of reaction to sitting over a spiritual vortex immediately after Ryan reported feeling dizzy while sitting in the same spot.
  • "It's not a great chair."
• Thomas Whaley is said to blow tobacco smoke into the faces of some visitors.
  Shane: Now that's just rude.
• Ryan Bergara: GHOST COP.
• Their reactions to Yankee Jim, the reported most feared ghost at the site. Shane doesn't find his name scary
  • Later when they try to communicate with him.
    Shane: Hey, Yankee Jim, I hear you're a fan of boats. I, myself... would love a boat.

The Haunted Decks of the Queen Mary

• "Hmm, this doesn't taste like this is burnin' my tongue, I better swallow it!"
• Ryan getting terrified by a pigeon flying into his face.
• Apparently, when Ryan told the crew of the ship that he and Shane would be spending the night in the most haunted cabin of the ship, they laughed and told him he was an idiot.

Season Two:

The Ghosts and Demons of Bobby Mackey's

• Ryan earlier in the day going to multiple different churches to find holy water. They were all locked.
• Shane accurately summing up the bar's atmosphere.
  Shane: It's like Cheers... with demons!
• Ryan and Shane argue about who's going to step into the bar fist.
  Ryan: You walk in first, how about that?
  Shane: We do this every time and you throw it down like it's a challenge but okay.
  • Cue Shane mockingly freaking out as he walks in.
• When they're trying to communicate with the possible spirits of a mafia boss, Shane points his flashlight towards the ceiling and the whole room lights up with little square reflections, almost giving Ryan a heart-attack.
  Shane: Oh my god! It's a disco ball on the ceiling!
• When discussing a spirit's lost lover, it's mentioned that both him and the current owner of the place share the same first name, which could mean that the spirit confuses the owner for her lover. Cue this reaction from Shane.
  Shane: The ghost looks at him and doesn't even recognize he's a different person?
  Ryan: I don't... I don't know how it works, okay? This is a theory!
  Shane: She's not a very intelligent ghost.
• After yelling at the ghosts of the bar, Shane claims that "Ryan's not scared of you either!" Cue an immediate "No, no that's not true" from Ryan.
• There's a closet with a "Danger, Do Not Enter Sign." After some caterwauling, and sudden dramatic music, it turns out to contain... Peter Frampton tapes.
• Shane and Ryan's utter befuddlement about how a boyfriend performing an abortion could lead to the girlfriend getting her head cut off.
  Shane: "I accidentally lopped a little too much off the top on this one!"
• In response to a spirit's alleged last words promising to return after death.
  Shane: That's the weirdest thing to do before you die, just be like, "I'm gonna haunt you... I'm gonna make creaks!"
• Shane somehow manages to one-up his demon-defying hijinks in the Sallie House, when he once again asks the demons to turn on the light if they want to hurt him. When the light does actually turn on, he gets even more belligerent.
  • "Turn this light off if you want to follow Ryan Bergara home. He lives in Los Angeles." Cue Ryan frantically trying to shut Shane up.
    Shane: Demons! TURN THE LIGHT OFF!
    Ryan: Fucking... I'm not...
    Shane: DEMONS, YOU"RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH!
    Ryan: Fucking shut up!
    Shane: PLUNGE US INTO DARKNESS DEMONS! DEMONS!
    Ryan: You have a death-wish.
    Shane: DEMONS, YOU COWARDS... Turn the light on; no, it's a bunch of bologna!
  • He then casually gets up and asks Ryan if they can check out some other rooms there.
• The now memetic "Hey there, demons. It's me, ya boy."
  • Made even better by what Shane says after it. "I'm standing next to your hole and it's very dark and frankly I don't believe in you so I feel like I'm writing a letter to Santa Claus right now."
  • "If you want to pick me up or slam me into the ceiling, now would be the best opportunity for that... Alright maintaining silence now, do try to kill me." It's the utterly casual way Shane says it, that really sells the moment.
• "Goodbye, demon! Goodbye. I'm now acknowledging you because I'm leaving." "This is the only time Ryan has courage."
• We discover that the end that there are only two Ryan Bergara's in the world and one of them lives in the Philippines. Shane offers a helpful suggestion.
  Shane: You gotta kill him.

Bigfoot: The Convincing Evidence

• Ryan mentions Bigfoot weighing over a thousand pounds. Shane tells him to stop being so harsh which gives us this gem.
  Ryan: I wasn't fat-shaming Bigfoot!
• Ryan wearing a helmet in case Bigfoot decides he wants to knock him out with a rock.
• Ryan attempting to lure Bigfoot out with a beer.
  Shane: If a Foot actually showed up right now, it would be the greatest thing ever captured on film.
• Shane's 'patented' Bigfoot call.
• Shane shouting that Bigfoot is a coward.
  Ryan: He said that, but I agree with him. He meant it more though, so hit him.

3 Real-Life Creepy Cases of Ancient Aliens

• Shane's frustration with the carving of a possible ancient laptop
  Shane: How do they charge it?
  Ryan: I don't know.
  Shane: Why are there USB ports on it if they don't have thumbnail drives?
• "They showed up, gave 'em iPads, gave 'em a Zune, built the pyramids, left, and that's it."
• "I don't doubt that they were mathematically adept."
• Ryan points out ancient artwork of what looks like advanced technology, suggesting that means it was real. Shane draws a picture of Ryan with a third butt cheek on a sticky note, proclaiming that since he drew it, it must be true.

The Haunted Halls Of Waverly Hills Hospital

• At the end, Shane has an existential crisis about his job.
  Shane: I'm a ghost-hunter but... [Horrified look] Am I a ghost-hunter?!?
  Ryan: Oh my God, did your brain just explode?
  Shane: I don't want to be a ghost-hunter! This is all bullshit! Oh no!
• Their differing outlooks on the hallway they're sitting in.
  Ryan: This is the place where nightmares are made.
  Shane: It's very dark. It's a dark hallway.
• "Hey ghouls! The boys are here!"
  • It's Shane's bizarre accent that really sells it.
• The butt print on the couch that Ryan leaves.
  Shane: Someone's gonna come here in a few weeks and be like, "It's a g-g-g-g-ghost butt!"
• Ryan attempts to communicate with the lost spirit of a little boy.
  Ryan: Alright Timmy. My name's Ryan. This is my pal, Shane. I heard you like balls-no, wait, wait-
• After the ball lands next to some graffiti of Ryan's name and Ryan begins to freak out, Shane offers this nugget of wisdom:
  Shane: But it also stopped at the "I love pot" graffiti, so maybe this ghost just loves to blaze it.
  • Ryan's terrified expression is also a sight to behold◊.
• Shane's poetic description of the dead-body chute at the hospital. "It's like Satan's cement butthole!"
• When they reach the end of the body chute.
  Shane: What if I go up there, and you stay down here, and we turn our lights off, and we see if we hear anything?
  Ryan: ...What if you go fuck yourself? How about that?
  [Cut to them doing exactly what Shane suggested.]

The Strangest Disappearances in the Bermuda Triangle

• "So you're saying the ocean is full is ghosts"
• The pair is relatively calm when discussing the first two Bermuda theories, since they were fairly grounded. When they get to the third theory, which posits that the Bermuda Triangle is what remains of Atlantis, both Ryan and Shane can't help but crack up before they even finish the first sentence.
• Ryan's last theory about the Triangle? Underwater Area 51. When Shane wants to know more, Ryan tells him that's it.
• Shane's disparaging opinion of the reported UFO footage.
  Shane: Let's turn that opacity down as it gets into the cloud.

The Murders That Haunt The Lizzie Borden House

• Ryan is holding a doll in attempt to contact a spirit, and it starts laughing, while Ryan is freaking out, much to Shane's enjoyment.
• Shane wondering why it always seems to be murder victims who are ghosts.
  Shane: Why does someone who choked on a peanut not get a ghost?
• Shane and Ryan reciting the "Lizzie Borden took an axe" rhyme in unison in a creepy, singsong-y whisper.
• Shane and Ryan speculating if Lizzie's reported smile at her maid Maggie testifying that the Borden family lived frugally and ate a mutton-based diet was a nostalgic, "the good old days" smile, or a smug smile since she was finally free from the mutton.
  Shane: "No more mutton for me, father."
• Ryan pointing out the money by Mr. Borden's picture and saying that his ghost scratches those who try to take his money. Shane immediately takes all but a penny.
  Shane: I want to give the ghosts significant reason to haunt me.
• "I'd like to see you put on a dress from that time period."
• Ryan attempting to seriously ask the ghost of Mr. Borden who killed him. Shane handles this in typical Shane fashion.
  Shane: (As they zoom in with dramatic music on a cat pillow) Was it you?
  Ryan: (in response) I think they don't like you. I think they can sense energy.

The Spontaneous Human Combustion Of Mary Reeser

• "Can you imagine just being out, having a good night with your pals, drinking? And you know, towards the end of the night when you're like, 'Yeah, what a fun night this has been,' can you imagine just... exploding?"
• Ryan starts his discussion on the theories thusly: "Here are some alternate theories as to how the fire started. The first theory is ridiculous" ^note It was "flying ball of fire attacked her", in case you wanted to know where Ryan draws the line.

The Haunting Of The Salem Witch Trials

• Ryan accidentally insults two of the possible spirits in a house and immediately backtracks.
  Ryan: (to the ghosts) I don't like you– oh, I'm making it worse.
• Shane's exasperation when the chief justice accused a minister of having an invisibility cloak given to him by the devil.
  Shane: If you're an educated man from Harvard who's like, "well surely the chief justice will have something reasonable to say about this. Chief Justice, what have you to say?"
  Ryan: (as the chief justice) "I've seen him use an invisibility cloak, I know who gave it to him, the devil."
• When Shane and Ryan dress up in period-clothing in the attempt to make the ghosts feel more welcome.
• When going over the theories for how the trials began, Ryan mentions that some people, of course, believe that the women really were witches, to which he says:
  I would like to express my own opinions on this notion... no fucking way.

The Haunted Quarters Of The Dauphine Orleans Hotel

• "We've never ghostbusted anywhere."
• The possibility of the mayor's name being Chad.
  Shane: Were there Chads back then?
• Shane's thoughts on the ghost in the library who knocks books off shelves.
  Shane: Ghost 101. One, knock book off shelf. Week two, uh, hold a candlestick in the middle of a hallway. Three... sheets.
  Ryan: You're just going through the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.
  Shane: No I'm not.
• "Stop telling the ghosts to follow me home."
• Shane and Ryan at Bourbon Street with Shane screaming that he stole a pearl necklace from a lady who died at the titanic
• Ryan and Shane decide to use the jacuzzi tub. Cut to both of them sitting in the tub, with completely still water. After a few moments, Ryan states that the jets don't work. Shane starts wheezing with laughter almost immediately.
• Their disparate reactions to the footsteps upstairs.
  Ryan: (Pacing) Oh my god I got fuckin' chills. Is this not alarming to you, Shane?
  Shane: (Still in bed and almost entirely asleep) No.

The Bizarre Voodoo World of New Orleans

• Upon arrival to a voodoo shop:
  Ryan: We're at Voodoo Authentica. It's an authentic voodoo shop, as the name would suggest.
  • Ryan pulls at a push door as they try to enter, claiming he did not see the "Push" sign. Shane responds with a sigh and "I know."
• The voodoo shopkeeper shows Shane and Ryan the various gifts people leave at alters for the loa, including alcohol.
  Shane: Oh, the booze!
  Ryan: Oh, the bubbly! Even in the afterlife, it is appreciated.
• Ryan uses the prospect of making a Shane doll and throwing it into the ocean as an example of a misconception of voodoo created by the media. Shane thinks Ryan literally wants to kill him, which Ryan denies comically as Shane bickers back, saying that they argue, but that he doesn't want to kill him.
• Shane and Ryan visit St. Louis Cemetery to find the spirit of voodoo queen Marie Laveau. The cemetery is locked, so they stand at the gate calling out to Marie. Ryan tries jumping in the attempt to look over the wall.
• Ryan narrates that the media would "spread stories of enormous orgies and sacrificial rituals" that would take place at voodoo gatherings. Shane then interrupts his narration:
  Shane: Sacrificial rituals?
  Ryan: and... enormous orgies.
  Shane: I don't know why that one slipped by me, hehe.
  Ryan: (wheeze)
  Shane: I was like - yeah, sure, orgies - tell me about rituals?
• Shane calls voodoo queen Mary Millan, known as Bloody Mary's house a "hotspot" for spirits when Ryan explains that the rather eccentric house is teeming with spirits, and Ryan simply sighs in response.
• Ryan tells Bloody Mary that he is not afraid, and Shane says "You will be." Ryan gives him a look, before Shane repeats that he will be, and Ryan concurs. Bloody Mary then accuses Shane of "intellectualizing too much". Shane and Ryan share a knowing look and then both admit to that being true.
• Ryan says, "Let's never do that again" in response to his high-five with Shane, faux-disgusted.
• Their faces when Bloody Mary suddenly spits her drink out into the air to feed the spirits.
• Shane comes to a realization.
  Shane: So this sort of a... night out with spirits...
  Bloody Mary: Yep.
• They arrive at the abandoned voodoo temple, and Ryan is terrified before the rituals even begin.
  Shane: You, uh, you look so scared already.
  Bloody Mary: (laughs)
  Ryan: I've been... more comfortable.
• Bloody Mary tells them to go through the threshold dancing. Shane jumps straight into it and comedically bops around in a circle as Bloody Mary claps a beat. Ryan follows suit but with less glee and more blatant fear.
• Shane says "Ryan!" in a deep voice to scare Ryan, who is more annoyed than he is scared.
• When they enter one of the rooms:
  Ryan: Apparently, this was a gift shop in the former voodoo spiritual temple.
  Shane: ...Where you'd sell, like, magnets and stuff?
• When reviewing an EVP of what sounds like a whimper, Shane shrugs and says he's not sure, which Ryan happily counts as a win for the paranormal.
• When coming across a creepy-looking doll by the name of Jodie:
  Shane: (whispering) I'm gonna buy you one of those for Christmas.
  Ryan: (whispering) Shut up, Shane.
• Ryan's noise when Bloody Mary implies that the circle of rocks he finds means something.
• Shane goes off on his own and starts rambling:
  Shane: I took an improv comedy class once... 'cause I'm a white guy.
• The stinger ends with a discussion of which is more probable to be real, a ghost, or the moon's boner.

Season Three:

The Ghost Town At Vulture Mine

• Ryan and Shane survey their surroundings and have this to say.
  Shane: You really out did yourself this season.
  Ryan: Yeah, I just kinda looked into places that would make me want to die and I think this checks that box.
• Not even two minutes in and Ryan accidentally blinds Shane with a flashlight unapologetically.
  • "Good, good! It'll give you the vision." Then he blinds him again.
• Shane's somewhat accurate summary of the Wild, Wild West. "What are you here for?" "I love gold!" "I love gold too!" "I love gold as well!"
  • It's the bizarre old-time cowboy accent that really sells it.
• After three seasons, Ryan is finally aware of how often he says "That being said" and tells the audience to take a drink when he utters the phrase.
  • "Buzzfeed Unsolved does not condone underage drinking or drinking excessively."
• Ryan trying to communicate with the spirits. "Talk to us if you're the guy whose guts got all spun up into the rafters."
  • Shane responds with the probable answer. "I didn't like it. It wasn't fuuuunnnn."
• Ryan and Shane discuss the tale of the Lost Dutchman's mine, where it's believed that a certain fellow named Jacob found a bunch of gold. Others say he was just an unrepentant thief who stole gold from Vulture. Ryan and Shane figure it was probably the latter.
  Ryan: "Where did you get that gold, Jacob?"
  Shane: "Uhh... I found it out in the hills. I found it in a secret mine, only I know where it is, don't check my worrrrrrrrrk! It only appears to me at midnight!"
  • Again, the weird voices Ryan and Shane are doing when they say this are what really sells it.
• The only mine still safe to enter is called the Glory Hole, the two acknowledge that it meant something else back in the day and then proceed to make jokes about the name anyway.
  — "The Glory Hole is a reported site of great tragedy..."
• Ryan and Shane (but especially Shane) get a big laugh from knowing that the miners were mining the support beams, something that led to the mine collapsing in on them.
• Ryan and Shane happen upon a bunch of bats, and are not exactly happy about it.
  • "It was an ass-bat, that bat was going for your ass."
• Ryan and Shane pretending to be from the era in hopes of getting a ghost to trigger the motion detector.
  • "I stole your gold!" "I stole your gold and your wife." All while speaking in horrible Wild West accents.
• While investigating the hanging tree, Ryan gets a sudden surge of bravery which is immediately gone as soon as he hears the camera bumping into the tree.
• Shane shouting "Scoundrels!" at a tree.
• Entering the school house, the two find a chalk board with two messages. The first one reads "They will come for you" and the second one reads "I heart ghost kids" with a flower next to it.
• Shane and Ryan reach two doors, and decide to open each of them.
  Shane: What if I open this [door] and a thousand rattle snakes come out?
  Ryan: Then I'm going to run.
  Shane: Alright. Let's boogie boys! ...It's a mattress... and dirt.
• Shane's input on the EVP recordings in the school house, which Ryan described as a kid's whimper. Shane's not impressed when Ryan insists that it sounds like a kid. "On the first day of kindergarten the teacher goes, 'And what's your name?' and the kid goes, 'Oooouuuullllhhhhhpp."
• When its Ryan's turn to open a door, Shane can't resist teasing him. "I picked this door so now you have to open the other one, and what if you picked wrong and there's a clown with a decaying face in there?"
  • Ryan repeating that back to him with a mocking voice.
• The plethora of Unusual Euphemism they make while entering the bordello. Hint: a lot of vegetable ones.
• Ryan and Shane freaking out over bats.
  • "If I left a yelp review of this place it would say 'far too many bats.'"

Three Bizarre Cases of Alien Abduction

• Shane explains that if he saw a UFO that he would approach it, with his last thoughts probably being "Get a load of this shit."
  • They come to the conclusion that Shane would be the best person to get abducted because he would treat the aliens with immense skepticism and they would get tired of him.
• This episode has both Ryan and Shane confirming that Shane would be the first person to die in a horror movie.
• Shane's solution to any and all alien encounters is to shoot the aliens with a gun.
• Ryan seems pretty convinced that aliens are into butt stuff and makes reference to it three times in the episode.
  • He's later called out for this in the post-episode Q&A session by a guest star. He vehemently denies that he himself is into anything like that.
• Shane points out that the first abduction victim weirdly fixates on the clear skin of the people he saw in the ship rather than ask what was happening.
• It's been shown before, but aliens are actually one of the very few things Shane believes in. When Ryan finishes presenting the third abduction, Shane loves what he has heard and isn't arguing with anything. Ryan points out how unusual this is.
• As soon as it was suggested that the third abduction victim was fascinated with UFOs, Shane immediately says "Okay never mind." moments after talking about how plausible the story was.
  • "He was obsessed with UFOs and wrote fanfiction about himself dying at the hand of a UFO."

The Captive Spirits of Eastern State Penitentiary

• Shane decides to mock Ryan by asking, "Do you think we're going to die here tonight?" Ryan's response? "Well I mean look at it. Visually it's a bit much."
• Ryan has about two seconds of bravery talking about the cell-holes. "I'll just go in one of these holes... No I won't."
• Comparing prison stripes to the Hamburglar
  Shane: Do you think [the Hamburglar] ever got solitary?
  Ryan: Yeah but I always saw him as a funny little man.
  Shane: He's a fucking criminal, Ryan.
• Ryan, reluctantly, goes into one of the cells and lets Shane close the door on him. While Ryans tries to speak to ghosts, Shane begins hitting the door and in a gruff voice, pretending to be a prison guard, tells him he has to be quiet.
• Apparently, the prison had some famous guests in its day. Cue Shane's fake British accent, "So Charles Dickens specifically was like, 'Oh, I'm going to America, see that prison.'"
  • Ryan and Shane lamenting about how Shane's attempts at British accents always come out Australian.
• No words can describe this voice, it just has to be heard.
• In response to the terrible treatment of the prisoners, Ryan has a theory that the founder of the prison was in fact Jigsaw and this was his origin story.
  • Also, the idea that Jigsaw just rolled into a staff meeting one day on a tricycle.
• Ryan tries to be approachable to the spirits.
  Ryan: Don't get scared by my long-legged friend.
• In response to Ryan jumping at nothing, Shane has nothing to say but "What. What the fuck is wrong you?" It's his flat, dead pan voice that sells it.
• Shane wanting to know how it would work if Al Capone was haunted during his time at the prison and is now haunting the prison as a ghost. "Is this a double ghost situation?"
• Shane and Ryan decide to use the Spirit-Box with... mixed results.
  Shane: That sounded like Will Smith! Is Will Smith dead? Has anyone checked the news?
• Shane and Ryan wanting to know what noises the prisoners in a certain cell-block would make as they dug out an escape tunnel.
  Ryan: *Singing* "Not digging a tunnel in here! Don't mind the noise! No more diggin' just a lot of singin' don't come in here and look around! There's nothing were going on in herrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee!"
• Shane points out when they go to the punishment block, that the ceiling is so low that if someone attacks them, he'll probably smash his head. Ryan tells him with not one ounce of sympathy in his voice "Well, that sucks."
• Ryan, who is freaking out about being alone with the spirits of a certain punishment cell, receives these words of comfort from Shane. "You're going to hear a lot of drip-droppies but those are stalactites working over time."
• When Ryan is standing in the Hole, the camera is placed on the ground near the toilet while Ryan stands alert in the opposite corner, giving the impression that he is standing in fear of the toilet.

The Demonic Goatman's Bridge

• "Welcome to Shaneburg... We're all assholes who don't believe in ghosts." This was in response to Ryan saying that the initial town of Alton was founded by one person and Shane saying he wishes he could have a town consisting of just him.
• "Why are you unbuttoning your pants?" "Don't worry about it." "We're in public right n-what are you doing? Oh... Ryan. You've out-dumbed yourself."
  • Ryan took the time and effort to get a gun holster and a toy water gun filled with holy water for the investigation.
• "Do you think Father Thomas ever watches these videos and is disappointed in you?" "Perhaps."
  • Father Thomas's disappointment in Ryan is brought up several times in the video.
• Shane attempts to communicate with the demons. "Any demons here? Any demons out tonight? Any horny boys?"
  • Shane's explanation of this? "What? They have horns."
• "GOATMAN."
• Shane has absolutely nothing to lose when talking to demons. "You feel that? You feel that Goat Man energy? The goat vibes?"
  • In response to these statements, Ryan wants to know if he can at least act worried. Cue an over-exaggerated face from Shane.
• Shane decides he's going to go all out with provoking the Goat-man. "Goat Man! 'M dancing on your bridge! It's my bridge now! You're going to have to kill me to get me off of it. You're going to have to throw me off the bridge yourself. Look at the way I dance, I disrespect your bridge Goat Man!"
  • "FUCK YOU, GOATMAN!!!" "Jesus Christ!”
  • "Children will come here and tell tales of ME!"
  • Meanwhile Ryan is just standing in disbelief as Shane challenges a demon. "Don't bring me into this!"
• The Goat Man entrapment Shane pulls on Ryan to get him to talk to demons.
  • "Trying to goat you into this."
• Shane and Ryan try to pretend they're in on the cult-stuff that supposedly goes on in the woods in order to lure a demon to talk to them.
  Shane: We're here for the cult stuff! Uh, we saw your ad on Craigslist.
• Shane telling the possible cultists in the woods that they should know that Ryan has a squirt gun full of holy water.
• Ryan getting spooked in the forest and Shane saying "Hey man, it's a plant."
• The vague "Fuck" that the EVP captures in the woods.
• "Steve the Goat Man".
• Ryan saying that that Steve is also his dad's name. Shane makes a mock-spooked expression for the camera.
• Shane casually lying on his side as they attempt to communicate with the Goat-man through a Ouija Board.
• Ryan telling the Goat Man that unless he moves the planchette on the Ouija Board, this bridge belongs not only to Shane but to him.
  • Shane's face absolutely lights up at that pronouncement too.
• "Hey, you demon fuck!" Oh, Shane.
• After a rather unsuccessful session with the Ouija Board, Shane blows out one of the candles and says goodbye to the Goat Man. "As we snuff out these candles, so too do we snuff you from this mortal world... you fucking wimp."

The Horrors of Pennhurst Asylum

• Ryan seeing random graffiti of a star and immediately thinking it's a pentagram. It looks nothing like a pentagram.
• Ryan mentions how he wants to help the spirits trapped there, and be as friendly as he can. Shane interprets this in a... different way.
  Shane: Hello spirits! We're here with good vibes. We ask you to let us film you and put you on Youtube.
• Ryan and Shane discover a doctor at the asylum was named Dr. Fear.
  Shane: If your last name is fear, and you receive a doctorate, I believe it is your moral responsibility to be a bad person.
  • They then theorize that Dr. Fear would be the perfect nemesis to C.C. Tinsley, the private investigator that went missing in the Sodder Children Case. After all they don't know exactly what happened to him.
• Ryan decides to take pictures of a certain area of the asylum to see if he can capture a ghost on camera. Shane steps into one of them and the results...have to be seen to be believed.◊
• Shane playing with the toy airplane of a child ghost. Complete with airplane noises.
• Shane walks down an abandoned hallway in the most spiritually active portion of the asylum in the dark by himself to capture evidence for seven minutes.
  Shane: Here's a hallway no one in their right mind would walk down. [Proceeds to walk down the hallway.]
  Shane: Maybe sing a little song for me on my voice-box. ^NoteHe's referring to what's supposed to be a paranormal tool, called a Spirit Box.
  Shane: Come on boys, Ryan's not here right now! It's time to kill me!
  Shane, pointing at a toilet: Moaning Myrtle, this looks like your kind of joint!
  Shane: DO YOU HEAR HOW COCKY I AM? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE ME TO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?
  Ryan: I hate what a good time he's having in there.
• Shane accurately predicts how Ryan's seven minutes walking down that hallway are going to go.
  Shane: Ryan's going to hate this.
  Ryan, literally minutes later: I hate this.
• Ryan who is loudly panicking as he walks down the hallway, asks the spirits who's there. Shane who is waiting at the end of the hallway mockingly tells the camera-man it's the Devil.

Roswell's Bizarre UFO Crash

• Ryan mentions that skeptics and believers in the case disagree on almost everything but where the unidentified object crashed. We then get this gem.
  Ryan: You're clearly on the skeptic side here, already going in, right? *beat* That's a dumbass question. Of course, you are, you're fucking Shane.
• Shane complains about the case's military bureaucracy, when several levels of command had to get involved.
  Shane: Basically, you've got this big, shitty chain of command.
  Ryan: It's like a game of essentially. It's the military: it's a ladder structure, basically.
  Shane: It's... it's Game of Phones!
  Ryan: Oh my god...
• Ryan's incredibly passive-agressive captions to the official government story of what happened in Roswell. The official version of what happened is that the alleged aliens found in the wreckage were actually test dummies dropped from a great height, something that the government revealed decades later. The statement was that details tend to become compressed in these sort of situations, which is why no one said it was one of the test dummies at the time. Ryan has... this to say in his usually professional captions. "4 feet alien vs. 6 feet test dummy. Unclear how this contradiction is also an effect of time compression."
• Ryan finally brings out an actual tinfoil hat to discuss his theories. He later openly admits that it's pretty hard to take him seriously with the hat on.
  Ryan: I thought this was going to be funny, but now I realize I look like a fucking fool.
  • Made even better by Shane utterly cracking up.
• At the end of the episode, Shane actually agrees that this case was pretty compelling, even though he points out that this wasn't much of a win for Ryan, since he believes in aliens. Ryan fires back by putting the tinfoil hat on Shane.
  Ryan: Score one for the Boogaras, case closed. (Puts hat on Shane) Leave my house, town dunce.
  Shane: Town dunce? Because I now believe in the things you believe?
  Ryan: OH SHIT!

The Mysterious Disappearance of Roanoke Colony

• Shane claiming he went to a very "grim" grade-school.
• Shane and Ryan are baffled to why the colonists didn't leave more clues besides the cryptic "Croatoan" on a tree.
  Ryan: They obviously had a tree and a fence post they could carve into. Why not carve a little map?
  Shane: They coulda just added like a "C u there."
  Ryan: Something' like that. Help 'em out.
  Shane: "Fyi, went to Croatoan."
  Ryan: "Be back never."
  Shane: "Ttyl"
  Ryan: "Haha, see you soon... Or not cuz we're dead."
• Shane theorizes the colonists all faked starvation just so that they could get John White to leave under the pretense of him getting them more supplies.
  Shane: "Hee, hee, hee... we got him good!"
  • It gets even funnier when he continues on with his idea that even the Native Americans were in on it.
  Ryan: "The locals are in on it too and are snickering behind some bushes."
• Shane points out that part of reason why the colonists bones may have "disappeared" was because people in the sixteenth century were not all that good at excavation.
  Shane: "The year is 1600. We combed it as best as we could. I went to the top of a large hill and did this... *mimes John White looking into the distance*."
• "Once you get through stuff that makes sense... you tend to land on aliens." Cue an immediate cut to Ryan's fourth theory... aliens.
• This episode presents Shane's favorite theory yet (or at least that's what it said on Ryan's twitter). The Roanoke colonists disappeared because they were victims of a zombie plague.
  • Shane ends up throwing a ball at Ryan. You can see from the look on his face how done he is.
  • It's all the better for the fact that the zombie plague theory FOLLOWS aliens - normally "aliens" is as out there as the theories get, so Shane was half ready to say they were wrapping up only to realize around the point of the words "zombie plague" that there was another theory crazier than "aliens did it."

London's Haunted Viaduct Tavern

• They drink throughout the episode, leading to some drunken silliness from the boys.
• The first line of the episode is "Where we going, Big Guy?" "Umm, uhhh, erhm... London."
• The duo doing a thumbs up in different locations with bored expressions, including the both of them wedged into a phone booth.
• "That being said, why don't we pour ourselves a cold one?"
  • By the end of the episode, Ryan and Shane have about 3 pints of ale each, and it shows.
• "Where's my gin? I want my gin. Ma'am."
• "Gin, ma'am!" "Ignore my tall, idiotic counterpart." "I need me gin!"
• Shane's struggle to sit down in a chair.
• "Whoever put a hole in this painting... do you realize that was extremely dangerous and you probably could have killed somebody inside this bar."
• "Are you expecting to hear on this tape, 'well here's the thing'"
• "Hey! Come on! Do ghost stuff!"
• Ryan and Shane trying to get a ghost to steal a sip off of their pints.
  • After turning around and seeing no change, Shane says "Is that it, then? End of the series?"
• "It's going to be very hard for them to take a sip of a cold one."
• Shane breaks out in laughter after learning there was a hotel that offered views of the hangings across the street with an execution breakfast, laughing so much that Ryan becomes visibly unnerved by him.
  • Shane comparing seeing a parade at Disneyland to watching a man's neck break
• "Is there anyone here?" "NOPE! We should go get more gin."
• Shane struggling to climb a flight of stairs while denying being drunk.
• Thanks to copious booze, Ryan forgets which door is which when they're in the cellar.

The Chilling Chambers Of Colchester Castle

• Immediately on arriving to the castle, Shane decides that this is a Scooby Doo episode.
  Shane: We need a van with flowers all over it now.
• Ryan outlining the starter pack of the Shaniacs: wind, squeaky shoes and mouldy bread.
• When Ryan hears a noise in the Roman foundations of the castle, Shane investigates and gets cobwebs in his hair. When Ryan tries to get them out, he accidentally eats the cobwebs.
  Shane: You're eating history!
• "No-one can see the top of your head except God."
• Ryan can't pronounce Boudicca or Essex.
• When presented with some creepy evidence (a sound some argue is disembodied female singing) Shane instead asks for correlation.
  Shane: What's the correlation there?
  Ryan: "What's the correlation?" We're in a castle, and we're hearing a woman singing, that's what the correlation is!
• *Ryan looks into the camera like he's on The Office*
• Ryan trying to annoy upper-class ghosts by pointing out who walked up their staircase.
  Ryan: It’s a bit- I didn’t mean it.
  Shane: I’m dumber than him.
  Ryan: I meant it.
  Shane: You son of a bitch.
• Shane pointing out that calling yourselves the "Roundheads" is kinda like calling yourselves the "Hole Butts".
• Shane is definitely not incredibly fed up with the spirit box.
  • "Screaming Radio"
• Apparently a wax figure of Ryan would be too small to fit in a normal-sized chair.
  • And Shane's would have a eight-foot-round head.
• "Ryan's going to come in after me. He's like me if you shaved off four feet."
• Apparently the boys are now the ghouligans.
  Ryan: You’re off the ghouligans, you’re off the team.
  Shane: I am the team.
  Ryan: (Beat) Holy shit.

The Subterranean Terrors of the London Tombs

• The Great Plague.
  Shane: Oh, it was great, man. You shoulda been there for that plague–
  Ryan: No, it wasn't like that–
  Shane: –kicked ass! That thing was a hell of a plague.
  Ryan: Yeah, I Tivo'd it.
  Shane: I don't have any family left.
• "We got bones on the track again; I'm from London." Said in a heavy (fake) New York accent.
• Shane's mimicking of the spirit box.
• Shane and Ryan both shout at the haunted dolls in an attempt to get a reaction on the spirit box.
  • When they get no reaction, Shane says he would pay thousands of dollars for ghosts to be real just so they could quit two minutes sooner.
• Shane comes upon a battered mannequin lying in the maze and looks at it for a moment before asking, "Mondays, am I right?"
• Both of them come across the same spider while walking solo through the maze.
  Shane: What's supposed to be the reaction to this spider?
  Ryan: That's a big ass spider, holy shit.
• Shane found cookies and is munching when Ryan gets out of the maze.
• In the post-mortem:
  Shane: (in a British accent) Should I go check on your friend? *weird noises*

Season Four:

The Search for the Mysterious Mothman

• Shane is dissatisfied with the moniker "Mothman," deciding it's not scary enough. He spends the rest of the episode trying to come up with different names, none of which are particularly frightening either.
  Shane: The Sky Beast!
  Ryan: Sky Beast? You literally just put together the two things it's–
  Shane: Moon Monster!
  Ryan: That's pretty dumb.
  Shane: The Cloud Fiend.
  Ryan: No.
  • Ryan's single effort toward the cause is "Wingatron."
  • Ryan finally gets fed up with Shane's attempts.
    Ryan: This just says "Fright Terror."
    Shane: You know, just call him a Batman, why is that hard?
    Ryan: (Crumples up Shane's sticky note and throws it at his head).
• Their first stop once they get to West Virginia is the Mothman statue.
  Ryan: You'll be able to stare at it eye to eye.
  Shane: What's that supposed to mean?
  Ryan: It means you're eight feet tall. It's a tall joke.
  • Neither of them can get over the statue's six-pack.
    Ryan: This guy definitely P90Xes.
    Shane: He's like a George Clooney Batman.
  • Also, as they walk past the statue, they get a view of its surprisingly generous behind.
    Shane: See this guy's ass, by the way?
    Ryan (astonished): Oh my God!
• "It's me, the Mothman. You boys from out of town?"
• Ryan thinks the Mothman is a wine guy.
• Their attempts to figure out a squeaky Mothman call throughout the episode.
  Shane: You sounded like a pig giving birth.
  • Shane's second attempt ends with Ryan facepalming.
• Shane's takeaway from the other supernatural phenomena that surround the Mothman.
  Shane: This is vaguely what I remember from that stupid Richard Gere movie.
  Ryan: Forget about the Richard Gere movie for a second.
  Shane: I will never!
• Their Mothman calls don't attract the Mothman... ...but they do attract coyotes, prompting them to give up and leave to avoid the wild predators.
• One youtube commenter points out that the first part of the episode, where they're just walking around town enjoying the local offerings, makes it look like they "essentially went on a Mothman-themed date".

The Shadowy Spirits of Rolling Hills Asylum

• Shane ropes Ryan into a game of hide and seek by ducking into a dark room. Ryan just uses the thermal camera to find him.
• "'Better than a pit,' Shane Madej, 2018. Put that on a sweatshirt."
• The only things Shane remembers from four years of high school German are "My name is Shane" and "mustard."
• Their enthusiastic response to Roy, the seven-and-a-half foot tall ghost.
  Ryan: That's pretty big. I don't have to do the low-hanging fruit joke here, so I'm not going to.
  Shane: No, you couldn't reach it if you tried.
  Ryan: (beat) Okay, that was good.
• Shane's hatred of the spirit box continues.
  Shane: You ever listen to the radio, Roy? Well this is kind of like that, but it'll make you want to shove a pencil in your ear.
  • When they explore individually, Ryan doesn't even try to make Shane use the spirit box.
• Roy was apparently a big fan of opera music, so Ryan plays some to try and lure out his ghost. That's pretty funny on its own, but Shane gleefully dancing and spinning around the halls of a haunted asylum to "Libiamo, ne’ lieti calicia" is truly a sight to be seen.
• Ryan correctly assuming that Shane is having a great time exploring the haunted hallway and spiritual portal alone. Shane is having a one-sided conversation with a few little dolls and generally enjoying himself.
  • Shane told Ryan he asked Satan to show up while he was checking out the portal, as if Ryan didn't have enough reasons to be unhappy about going into that room.
    Ryan: Thanks for that, fucking Shane.
• Shane's immediate "nope" when Ryan asks if he saw or heard anything while he waited.
  Ryan: That's about par for the course.

The Demonic Bellaire House

• Ryan using Wikihow to figure out how to do a séance on the fly.
  • Neither of them had food to offer the spirits so Shane volunteered a stick of gum.
• Shane's loud "ow" when Ryan turns on the spirit box.
  • Both of them mimicking the odd noise the spirit box makes when it starts up.
• Shane spent several weeks prior to the episode swearing up, down, and sideways that there was some compelling spirit box evidence in this episode. The "evidence"? A collection of blips that sounded vaguely like "spaghetti" and "apple tater." Even Ryan found it hilarious.
  • "Waiting? Yeah, me too, bud."
• Shane comparing demons choosing childish forms as their vessels to a character creator in the Sims.
  Shane: Do they pick out a pink frilly dress and then go, "hm, I don't like that one. Maybe some overalls."
• Ordering a pizza during an overnight stay at a demon house.
  • They were alone in a demon house, late at night, with the lights off. One wonders what the deliveryman was thinking when he delivered the pizza.
• Shane is of the opinion that they're both demon proof.

The Phantom Prisoners of Ohio State Penitentiary

• Shane walking around slamming various cabinets and cupboards to find the source of a thumping noise.
• Their little dialogue while Ryan sets up motion lights.
  Shane: It's the ideal time to kill him.
  Ryan: Future ghost hunters would be like, "This is the spot where Ryan Bergara got murked."
• "Why don't you go back and set 'em off to make sure they work?" "I got a better idea; why don't you go fuck yourself and I won't do that?" "All right."
• Shane's delighted reaction to his own lame "smell ya later" joke about a woman's perfume, regardless of how unimpressed Ryan is.
• "This chair looks fuckin' STUPID in the middle of the room."
• Ryan encourages Shane to antagonize the ghosts in order to get a reaction. Shane is more than happy to oblige.
  Shane: Latch yourself onto my soul, come back to Hollywood with me, and destroy the lives of all my friends and coworkers!
• Shane offering to give a ghost a piggyback ride out of the jail.
• Ryan humming the Jaws theme while exploring a hallway alone.
• Ryan yelling his customary insults to the ghosts on his way out, only to realize he left the spirit box back in one of the cells and that he now has to go back to get it.
• When talking about how overcrowded the prison was, Ryan points out that normal people get put on-edge from being in a crowded room, giving the "hypothetical" example of living in a tiny college dorm with a particularly bad roommate. He gets a little too specific, prompting Shane to ask if Ryan has any particular axes to grind.
  Ryan: No. (pause, then, to the camera) Fuck you, Roland.

The Spirits of Moon River Brewery

• Shane's newly acquired mustache is the source of many jokes and at least one argument during the episode.
• "My name's Ryan." "My name's Shane. And we're the Ghoul Boys."
• Shane standing right at the top of a stairwell and encouraging a ghost to push him.
• Ryan bringing out the spirit box and Shane declaring that he hates this ghost so much that he's actually glad they're using it.
  Shane: If you thought getting shot was bad, wait 'til you hear our spirit box.
  • Ryan's loud scream when the spirit box starts up
• Shane attempting to talk to the ghosts in a Southern accent.
  Shane: Why you look finer than honey butter on a June afternoon.
• Both Ryan and Shane encouraging the ghosts to shove Ryan down the stairs.
  • Ryan's dancing.
  • "Show me the money!"
• "If you're possessed we're not taking you home."

The Horrifying Sorrel-Weed Haunted Mansion

• They find a portrait on the wall that they think resembles Christian Bale and take a selfie with it.
  • Ryan barely makes it into the picture at all because of how much taller Shane is.
• "Maybe say something nice that'll make them come down?" "HI, PLEASE COME DOWNSTAIRS." "That's what you landed on?"
• "I'm shook."
• Ryan and Shane playing hide and seek with a little ghost girl.
  • Shane doesn't believe in asking for or giving hints during hide and seek.
    Ryan: You just stayed hidden? How long would you do that?
    Shane: As long as I had to.
• "I'm Ryan." "That's true. Oh, you wanted- I'm Shane."
• Shane giving Ryan 10 minutes alone with the ghosts, as opposed to the original 5.

The Mystical Villa Montezuma Mansion

• "I got my party boots on!" "They're the same boots you always wear."
• Shane begging the ghosts to speak up before Ryan turns on the spirit box.
  Ryan: This will help you communicate with us. Also more importantly Shane hates it, so I also love doing this.
• Ryan attempting to communicate with a ghost up in a bedroom.
  Ryan: We just want to talk. And if you don't want to talk, you could swing this chandelier into the side of Shane's head and concuss him.
  Shane: You could.
• Their utter disenchantment with the secret passage, as it doesn't lead to a secret room.
  Shane: If you pull this book out of the shelf, you'll get to the kitchen!
  Ryan: Or – you could take the stairs.
• Their off-topic discussion of double and triple negatives.
• Shane just getting up and leaving Ryan with all their equipment.
  Ryan: You're not even gonna help me carry this tripod out?
  Shane: (distant) No.
• "Well, it would have made a good season finale if you appeared in that chair. I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but it's not always about you."
• Jesse Shepherd died while playing the piano. Ryan and Shane both crack up when they point out that the audience watching this performance must've been really, really confused. Especially if he pooped himself.
  Shane: "Wow, this performance is really avant-garde..."
  • The guys take a good long time to pull themselves together, and admitting how disrespectful this is only makes it worse. Shane is laughing so hard, he finds himself wiping away tears from his eyes.

Season Five:

Return To The Horrifying Winchester Mansion

• "Let's tango, baby! Let's dance!"
• Ryan pointing out a big door with a smaller door next to it and saying, "We got a Shane door and a Ryan door."
• Ryan getting scared by the stuffed raven.
• "Going to ghost work, honey!"
• The ghost architect from Brooklyn.
  Shane: [Brooklyn accent] If you build this, it's gonna confuse the living hell out of us.
• Trying to summon a ghost with a rice krispie treat.
  • Shane taking a bite out of the rice krispie treat to show the ghosts that it's food.
• Their preoccupation with the stained glass in one room
  Ryan: That's some really good glass you got there.
  Shane: Some good-ass glass.
  Ryan: That's good glass behind that glass.
  Shane: I'm gonna steal that glass. I won't; I respect this house.
• Shane's delight at the "witches' cap" room, even asking to sleep there during the overnight investigation.
• "What's more likely? Undead souls wearing high heels."
• Shane repeatedly smacking his head on the low basement ceiling.
• Ryan's anxious gibberish while down in the basement.
  Shane: I think we've lost him.
• Shane calling Ryan up early and haranguing him about not being able to make it two minutes quietly and with his light off.
  Shane: You talk to hide from the silence. You know you do.
• Shane up in the witches' cap room saying that he hopes Ryan is doing okay, but probably not, and then the show cutting to Ryan downstairs fretting about a doll staring at him.
• The editing during their night spent apart is hilarious.
  Ryan: This is the worst. This is the worst.
  Shane: [Singing Mamma Mia]
  Ryan: Several bad choices have led me to this moment.
  Shane: [Laughing at something on his phone]
• Ryan screaming when the caretaker walks by to check on him.

The Demon Priest of Mission Solano

• "Our first mission, actually." "And you've chosen to accept it."
• Shane hoping to meet a ghost just so he can make fun of it.
• The history buff dentist.
  Shane: "Would you like to see my maps?"
• Casa Grande
  Ryan: I'm the big general; here's my big house.
  Shane: Look at me, I have big yard, big house.
• Both of them getting scared by the alarm in the barracks. Shane in particular almost jumps out of his skin.
• "You probably just get a bunch of nerdy school kids coming through here, getting excited to eat their pb&j sandwiches. We're a couple of cool dudes." "I don't know about that."
• Asking a ghost to show up and settle their argument over the pronunciation of 'coyotes.'
• Ryan's intense dislike of the potential ghost bear.
  Shane: That would be like an avocado pit made of heroin for me.
• Their attempts at bear and deer noises.
• Shane wondering if there's a delay for a demon to turn on a flashlight, "like Skype."
• Shane's relentless bullying of the demon.
  Shane: You can't stand up to a lanky ol' doofus like me? Unbelievable."
• Ryan asking Shane how his solo investigation went.
  Shane: It was very challenging. This demon is unlike any demon we've faced before.
  Ryan: I don't even know why I ask you I ask you these kinds of questions.
  Shane: Yeah, there's nothing there. It's an empty room.
• Ryan shouting goodbyes and insults at the demon as they leave.
  Shane: This is insufferable.
• "I'm so glad that's over; let's go eat Taco Bell."
• The entire bit at the end with what would happen if Shane got possessed by a demon.
  • "Okay yeah he's fine! He's just a little tired from the flight."

The Terrors of Yuma Territorial Prion

3 Videos From The Pentagon's Secret UFO Program

The Haunted Town Of Tombstone

The Haunting of Hannah Williams

• Hannah's first reaction to seeing a ghost of a creepy little girl, who might be a demon in disguise, staring at her while she slept was to be annoyed, roll over to the other side, and go back to sleep.

• Shane yelling insults at the ghost throughout the haunting.
  Shane: Who's here? Is it Matilda? We don't got all night, DORK!
  Shane: Who ya here for? Who're we talkin' to?!
  Ryan: They may be scared of you. Do you fear the tall man?

-

Ryan: What are you?

Shane: Stop hiding, you coward! And also why the pigtails? It's a little cliché!

• “If we were the ghosts can you imagine how frightening you would be? I see a tall man, he wore squares.”

• Shane loudly roaring at the ghost and the response
  Ghost: Shit.

• Ryan's response to going to the attic, and Shane's concern of not being able to fit up there.

• "I have a vial of holy water. What do you have?" "Me."

• The entity haunting Jackson's room mocking Ryan, while he counted down to turn off the Ovilus.
  Ryan: Last chance. Five...
  Ghost: Five.
  Ryan: You're mocking me. You think this is funny? Because I don't!

—

Ryan: Alright you're gonna make me do it again. I'm gonna turn this off in five seconds. And I mean it this time! Five...

Ghost: Five.

• Shane opening the closet door before going to sleep.
  Shane: Goodnight ghouls. If there’s any demons in here, feel free to slither into my heart.

• When leaving the house:
  Ryan: “Let’s reflect back on it for a just a brief moment. (Beat) …Yeah we probably didn’t do much.”

• “Frankly it sounds like there’s a ghoul war going on in your home.”

• The reveal of Jackson Williams's drawing of the ghost girl he saw.
  Shane: It's essentially if someone drew a smiley face and you said, "Yeah, that looks like the guy that robbed me."

• Ryan getting startled by a toy while grabbing a teddy bear.

The Hunt For La Llorona

• This:

  Shane and Ryan: *screaming and making funny noises*
  Curly, in Spanish: Señora, I don't know them.

• "I'm getting out-Spanished by the white guy!"
• Curly and Shane urging Ryan to show La Llorona his biceps.
  • Ryan refuses, but Shane is happy to show off his legs.
    Ryan: No no no it's too sexy señor!
• "I don't think it's cool that you drowned your kids, lady!"
• Ryan pushing Shane on the swings at the playground.
• "God I'd love it if this lady just showed up and drowned my ass. Can you imagine?"
• They go on solo walks along a riverbank hoping to see La Llorona.
  Curly: Do you think Shane is out there screaming right now?
  Ryan: He's probably doing some stupid bit where he's pretending he's a kid.
  *cut to Shane doing exactly that*
  Shane: Oh hey there miss! It's just me! A little boy! I'm out here all alone at night!
  Ryan: And then when that eventually fails he's gonna move to his old standby of asking La Llorona to murder him in various ways.
  Shane: Oh, I sure would be bummed if a lady showed up and drowned my ass right now.
• Shane, Ryan, and Curly all agree that if they hear the sounds of a woman crying on their investigation, they'll go running towards it to see if it's La Llorona... but then admit that, in all likelihood, that'll just result in them ambushing some poor woman who's already having a bad day.
  Shane: GET THE NET!

The Demonic Curse of Annabelle the Doll

• Shane really wants to try and annoy Annabelle enough that they get into a car accident. Ryan is not happy about him taking this one lightly.
  Shane: What if I creep her out, and then she's afraid of me? And then she gets in a car accident!
  Ryan: Yeah, 'cause she drives home. She's gonna get back into her Prius-
  Shane: "I don't like this place." And then gets in her little Malibu Barbie car...
  Ryan: *cracking up* Her doll car?
  Shane: *mimics a car crash*

  Ryan: Look, I know if she does something crazy that's probably the series finale; but boy do I want this one to be real just so I can see you get your ass kicked by a Raggedy Ann doll.
  Shane: Yeah same, me too.
  Ryan: And I promise I will not help you. I will laugh.
  • Shane actually does attempt to touch Annabelle's glass case during their investigation, and Ryan promptly catches his arm and pulls him away.

• Shane trying to turn the tables on Annabelle.
  Shane: *talking to Annabelle* Could you jump into my body?
  Ryan: You could think of this guy as a very big doll.
  Shane: *in a low, creepy voice* I'm gonna lock you up inside my body like a little canary. You're gonna be stuck inside my ribcage forever, what do you think of that Annabelle?

  Ryan: What I gathered from reading about her was basically, just respect her.
  cut
  Shane: I will say, I do not respect you."

• The EMF meter gives off a small reading when Shane holds it near a cross.
  Shane: Maybe that's our pal JC. I don't know if He just hangs out in every cross in the world, or if He's split among them like a Horcrux... [to Annabelle] Is He gonna show up in The Conjuring cinematic universe at some point to fight you?

• Shane asks Annabelle to turn the flashlight on if she wants to kill him. The flashlight turns on and he just says "okay" before asking her to turn the other flashlight on if she wants to kill Ryan.
  • The other flashlight does eventually flicker on.

• "I'm gonna be so pissed off if we die."

Season Six:

The Hidden Secrets of Area 51

• "I'm not listening to you anymore, Bob!" "We've landed on the moon, Bob."

• the concept that Bigfoot works at the Area 51 reception desk.

The Haunted Shadows of the St. Augustine Lighthouse

• "A full-bodied...apparition"

• Both of them attempting to call out a ghost by using nautical terminology
  Shane: Blue skies at night, sailors get in fights; blue skies in the morning, oh, what a beautiful morning.

• The spirit box apparently saying "we're all tonight" and Shane hearing it as "Warhol tonight."
  Shane: Andy's in the house?

• "Remember all the happy times you had in here listening to your clock? It sure does tick."

• Ryan deciding he's going to sit on a tiny chair to look like Shane.
  • They both sit on the tiny chairs and Ryan looks considerably more awkward.

• Shane saying that a ghost cough "sounds like somebody getting kicked in the nuts."

• "Describing a man pinballing down a lighthouse in old English using words like 'thence' is kinda funny, but, I mean, obviously a tragedy."

• Smokey the cat
  Shane: Good, great. I don't need to hear any more. I love it. This is the best character we've ever had on this show.

• Shane's ghost-seeing glasses and glowstick necklace
  Ryan: You certainly look like an idiot, so–
  Shane: Basically what I strive for on this show

• The editing during individual investigations continues to be exceptional.
  Ryan: I wanna see fear in his eyes. I'd love to cut away to it right now.
  [cut]
  Shane: *calmly and noisily adjusting his headphones*

• Ryan backing out to try and psych himself up for his investigation, only for Shane to chase him back into the lighthouse.

The Lost Souls of the USS Yorktown

• Ryan turning on the spirit box to shut Shane up.

• "I was in Boy Scouts. You can't trust a single one of 'em."

• Shane knocking the shave and a haircut rhythm on a helicopter.

• Shane asking a cockroach if it's seen any ghosts.

• Ryan's discovery of a random chair.
  Ryan: Hey Shane! There's a little chair over here.
  Shane: *excitedly* There's a little chair?!

• Shane trying to commune with the spirits by sitting in the chair.
  Ryan: Do you feel like you have someone else's thoughts?
  Shane: Sometimes.
  Ryan: That wasn't the question.

• "I've run away from every possible fight that's ever occurred in my life except this one, and what does that say about you?"

• "I mean, this sink is absolutely disgusting. This is maybe the scariest thing I've seen in all six seasons of this show."

• Ryan and Shane narrating what they think the other is doing on their solo walks, and then the show cutting to one or the other doing exactly that thing.

The Hollywood Ghosts of the Legendary Viper Room

• Ryan and Shane noting that they're dressed quite a bit like the two housebreakers from Home Alone.

• Filthy McNasty's.

• Their impressions of Johnny Depp and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  Ryan: "Put that paddle down! It's my bar!"
  Shane: "$350,000. I'm a pirate."
  • Just the fact that Johnny Depp outbid Arnold Schwarzenegger for co-ownership of a bar.

• "I had done nothing with my life at 23. Nothing. NOTHING."
  Ryan: Nothing has changed
  Shane: I got these gloves. And I made a friend.
  • Shane explained in the postmortem that he was wearing said gloves because he tripped while running and severely skinned his hands, and that he did this in front of dozens of people "going to see Chumbawamba or something."

• Their careful setup of straws and coasters to see if a glass moves while they're away from it.
  Shane: *Yelling at the glass*
  Ryan: Just a normal thing we're doing at 6am.

• Shane taking the opportunity to relax while Ryan tries to communicate with spirits.
  Ryan: He's just fucking asleep.

• "If you're looking for a party boy, here I am. Let's party, baby! Let's dance!"

• "Bye ghosts. I love you."

• Ryan singing the Ghostbusters theme.
  Ryan: Wait. I gotta do it a little off beat because it's copyright.

• Both of them stepping out onto a residential street during the daytime in full ghost gear.
  Ryan: Do you imagine how weird we must look right now?
  Shane: *waving to a passing car* It's okay; we're ghost hunters!

The Haunting of Loey Lane

• Shane actively deciding to look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo during the investigation.

• Shane "writing off" alleged ghost evidence and going through a bit about putting the letter in the mail.
  • It's even longer in the postmortem, with Ryan pretending to be the mailman who dies of a heart attack.
  Shane: Call it, he's fuckin' dead.

• Shane's potentially possessed cat.
  Ryan: The demon was like, "nah, this guy's–"
  Shane: "This sucks."
  Ryan: "Tough crowd! I'm gonna pack it up."
  Shane: "Later!"

• Ryan comparing his and Shane's investigation to loosening the lid of a pickle jar and saying that there was going to be "pickle juice all over the place" after this.

• Shane deciding he's going to exorcise the house himself.
  Shane: I don't really know how that works, but I'm just going to say that I'm doing it, and I'm pretty sure that's gonna be enough. So Alakazam, bing bang boom."
  • "Hope you like hell, ya loser."

• Ryan shouting at the demon to smite him and overall being okay during his solo investigation, but getting startled when Shane rings the doorbell to signal the end.

• Loey's solo walk, during which she is extremely frightened, is interspersed with cuts of Ryan and Shane chatting on her balcony and Shane trying to teach Ryan how to do the floss dance.
  • Ryan giving almost immediately when he tries to do the actual dance.
  • When they finally do spare a thought for Loey, it's to say "she's probably fine."

The Unbelievable Horrors of the Old City Jail

• "We're all murderers!"

• Shane beatboxing and Ryan attempting to rap along.
  Ryan: My name is Ryan and I'm here to say / We're the baddest ghost hunters in the USA"
  • Shane beatboxing right through a possible voice on the spirit box.

• "I'll believe in ghosts if, on the EVP, we pick up choo choo pickle pie."

• Shane backing out of the frame and then continuing to back up very slowly until he's out the door.
  Ryan: This is a stupid season.

• Shane getting excited at the prospect of being able to talk to a particular ghost.
  Ryan: What if you told her, "Hey, I have something to tell the devil."
  Shane: "Choo choo pickle pie."
  Ryan: And she goes, "Really? That's what you wanna say to the devil?"
  Shane: And I'll say, "You're goddamn right."

• The attempted ghost seduction.

• The show cutting back and forth between Ryan's spiel about how there must be something seriously wrong with Shane if he's having fun by himself in the prison and Shane having fun by himself in the prison.
  Ryan: Who would, in their right mind, be stoked to be in there by themselves?
  Shane: *singing* Oh ghouls, won't you tug on my shirt~?

• Ryan absolutely losing his mind during his solo walk.
  • "What kind of idiot would do this? Me, I realize, I'm the fool."

• Shane trying to talk outside, only to stop because Ryan can be heard screaming in the building.
  Ryan: Fuck you! Fuck you! And especially in the chair, FUCK YOU!
  Shane: That is quite a reaction. I think we're making some headway.
  • The way that Shane just goes quiet and looks off-screen grinning before the camera pans up to the building and Ryan's distant muffled screeching somewhere in the darkness.
  • It's not even a frightened scream, it's just Ryan screeching to scare off the ghosts.
  • "It's gone quiet now and I'm afraid he's dead."

• Shane telling Ryan that he's pretty sure the entire neighborhood heard him yelling and that they should leave.

Season Seven:

The Demonic Possession of the Conjuring House

• Ryan points out how demons probably don't have any big, grand plans, they're just throwing darts as a globe and seeing whose lives they ruin.
• When the pair wonder if the old man who sold the family the house was the devil, Shane says that he would make a deal with the devil; not for anything, just as a general thing. Ryan jokes that the devil would feel uncomfortable and wouldn't want to make a deal.
  Shane: You're in a contract with Shane Madej now.
• In the house's dining room, Shane puts on a cowboy hat that was hanging on the wall, and talks in an accent about how it's been 2 years since they went ghost hunting.
  Shane: I mean how long has it been since we walked around a room together and looked at the stuff?
• "That looks like some witch stuff... all due respect to the witches out there."
• When Ryan notices that the chair he sat on still has a thermal imprint from him sitting there, he and Shane joke about him having "the hottest ass the internet's ever seen". Shane then goes to find his own chair so that they can also see a thermal imprint of his ass.
  Ryan: That's Youtube's ass. Look at how pronounced that asscrack is.
• Ryan and Shane dress as catboys.
  • Directly after this, Ryan hears the sound of a door opening downstairs and goes down, and finds both the front door and the basement door standing wide open. Whether the demons gave up or fled in fear will remain unsolved.
• "Of course, the first thought you have when you wake up in a pool of your own blood is "oh fuck! are there bees here?"
• "Y'know, we don't like to get too political on this show, but that's one where we're gonna draw a line: don't stab a baby in the head."
• Ryan brought two holy water squirt guns this time, one for each of them during the seance.
  • "ARE YOU DRINKING THE HOLY WATER?!"
  • Ryan sprays Shane in the face to check if his water gun works.
  • Shane says they should try closing their eyes and seeing if the planchette would land on one of the letters, and adds that they should hum while doing so. When they do so, Shane quickly opens his eyes, takes out his holy water gun, and sprays Ryan in the face.

The Horrors of Villisca Ax Murder House

The Gettysburg Ghosts of Farnsworth House Inn

• While role-playing Ryan says: "Since they killed my family and forced me to enlist in Union army". Shane does a double check.

The Haunted Halls of Morris-Jumel Mansion

• Upon learning that Aaron Burr was one of the mansion's most famous residents with hauntings being reported in his bedroom, Ryan decides to to goad him into talking by bringing a $10 bill (aka the one with Alexander Hamilton's face on it) and asking "Where's your dollar bill?" before then bringing out a Hamilton playbill just to spite him further.

The Spirits of Pythian Castle

• Doubles as a Moment of Awesome: "apple tater" and "spaghetti" are back on the spirit box! (Even better, it's Shane who gets into it and picks up "spaghetti" from the noise.)

• During Ryan's solo walk, Shane remains outside and tells the crew that they only have one more destination to visit before the series ends. He then asks if he'd be allowed to destroy the spirit box.
  Shane: Could we finish that episode with me smashing the spirit box with a hammer? ...I'll Venmo Buzzfeed money if they let me smash the spirit box with a hammer or my fucking boot. Or on Ryan's head. I'll chew it like a sandwich. I'll swallow it and shit it out. I'm ready to destroy it.

Return to the Demonic Sallie House

• Upon leaving the Sallie House for the final time, Shane keeps his word from the previous episode and viciously destroys the spirit box with a few curb-stomps.
  Ryan: The series is complete.
  Shane: Oh, don't forget the spirit box.
  [Shane goes to hand Ryan the spirit box, but instead throws hard onto the concrete walkway and stomps on it a few times.]
  Shane: Now it's complete. Here you go. [Hands Ryan the remains of the spirit box]
  Ryan: ...I was gonna keep that for my own personal use, but...

True Crime:

Season One:

The Mysterious Death of the Somerton Man

• Ryan says that the victim had eaten a pasty, which is a type of British pastry. Brent thinks that Ryan meant pasty as in nipple tassels.

The Horrifying Unsolved Slaughter at Hinterkaifeck Farm

• Brent calls Ryan out on his lack of credible sources, calling the case "fan-fiction".

The Strange Deaths of the 9 Hikers of Dyatlov Pass

• Ryan proposes the theory that the hikers were attacked by a yeti, which Brent immediately dismisses without question, "Alright, next!"

The Mysterious Death of Tupac Shakur - Part 1

• When Ryan mentioned "Hit 'Em Up" by Tupac, Brent tries to rap it, asking if that's how it goes. Ryan and Daysha make fun of him for it.

The Mysterious Death of Biggie Smalls - Part 2

• Brent's response to the findings within the FBI file on Biggie's death.
  Ryan: Biggie was shot by Gecko nine millimeter armor piercing ammunition.
  Brent: What?
  Ryan: An ammunition so rare, there are only two distributors of it in the United States.
  Brent: What?!
  Ryan: And the same type of ammunition was found in none other than David Mack's^note A police officer who was on the payroll of Suge Knight's record label, with Suge Knight being the leading suspect in the theory of who killed Biggie. home.
  Brent: WHAT?!

The Mysterious Disappearance Of The Sodder Children

• Shane's reaction to the life insurance salesman who yelled something that fit more or less exactly with the suspected motive for the children's disappearance.
  Shane: [as salesman] "I will set this house on fire, and your children are going to die." Who could it be? Who could have done this?
• Both of their utter bafflement (especially Shane's) on how a private investigator could go missing.
  • How impressed they are initially with his name being C.C. Tinsely, which they both agree is perfect for a private investigator.
• "Why is the minister telling rumors?"
• Upon learning that the supposed heart they found was beef liver, Shane does an impression:
  Shane: "Ah, darn it, I acci - oh - fuh - that's my, my darn sandwich"
  Ryan: (wheeze)
  Shane: "No wonder that sandwich tasted so bad the other day, I - I mixed 'em up!"
  • The follow up is even better, as you can HEAR Ryan's shit-eating grin and Shane sounds like a parent scolding their child.
  Ryan: I guess you could say that was a heart-felt gesture?
  Shane: Ryan...

The Odd Death of Michelle von Emster

• In response the victim's autopsy:
  Shane: That's a shark, baby. I've seen Jaws at least six times.
  Ryan: Well, not so fast...
  Shane: Huh?
  Ryan: Don't jump to conclusions.
  Shane: I'm jumping, I've jumped, I've landed. Shark. It's a shark.
• Their (especially Shane's) reactions to the poem written about the victim in the papers.
  Shane: No, sir, the shark was not doing that. The shark is ten times less creepy than you.

The Strange Disappearance of D.B. Cooper

• The theory that D.B Cooper was Richard Floyd McCoy, a Brigham Young University student on spring break arrested while performing a suspiciously similar airplane heist later on, leads to them joking about his shouting "SPRING BREAK!" while jumping out of the plane.
• While presenting the information, Ryan mentions that Cooper ordered a bourbon and soda while on the plane, then theorizing that rather than ordering it to calm his nerves, Cooper ordered the drink simply because he was a badass.
  Shane: (As Cooper) "I'm D.B. Cooper, I'm a mystery man, give me a bourbon."
  • Later this turns into a mockery when Ryan and Shane realize he may have just been a complete idiot trying to look cool.
• As Ryan tells Shane that Cooper gave a flight attendant a note and told her he had a bomb, Shane bursts out laughing. Shane wonders why Cooper would give the attendant a note to be discreet if he was evidently comfortable saying he had a bomb out loud, acting out how he thinks that scene played out.
• Shane continuing to crack up over the case as Ryan reads the note, especially at the part where it says "-or I'll do the job."
• Ryan and Shane, both clearly entertained by this case, make up fan nicknames for D.B. Cooper, mainly saying that they're on the Coop-train and are now Coop-heads.
• Shane's dramatic acting on how he believes Cooper put on his sunglasses
• Ryan and Shane share theories on what the case would be like if it took place in modern times:
  • Cooper would have earbuds in, playing a badass playlist off of his Spotify Premium
  • Cooper would be riding up and down the aisle on a shitty hoverboard making threats.
• Ryan and Shane being oddly disappointed in the fact that Cooper was wearing a clip-on tie.
• "I would like some bourbon and some money or I will do the job. It's me... Dan."
• Upon hearing one theory state that the suspect allegedly told his wife on his death bed that he was Dan Cooper, Shane promptly chokes on his drink from laughter.
  • "I have something to tell you- I'm the Phantom of the Sky" Shane then pretends to die.
  • "Did you cheat on me?" "I am a man of myth."
• Ryan and Shane joke that written in the margins on a book on Dan Cooper is "This was me. Cool guy. I did this too. Coolest guy in history. Nice sunglasses. Wow! Bourbon's great."
• Shane, for at least the third time, bursting out in laughter over a detail about the case. This time there was another alleged deathbed confession from a suspect stating that "There's something you should know... but I cannot tell you." before immediately dying.
• Ryan and Shane discuss what they think might have happened to Cooper after hearing that he was likely an inexperienced jumper: acting like a cool guy up until he jumped out of the plane and screaming due to one parachute being inoperable and the other being unsteerable before getting impaled on a pine tree. Shane then givse a very long impression of him slowly dying, including pained gurgles. The moment is as funny as it is messed up.
• Further details are provided as to why Cooper must have been an extremely inexperienced jumper, leading Ryan and Shane to come to this astounding conclusion: D.B. Cooper was a dumb-dumb.
  Shane: He's a big dumb-dumb floating in the sky with his stupid trench coat blowing in the wind, in his loafers.
  Ryan: That's not how D.B. Cooper does it, baby. He likes bourbon, he likes adventure, and he likes notes.
  Shane: -and flying through the sky, screaming, with a pair of loafers on.

Season Two:

The Terrifying Axeman of New Orleans

• Shane revealing his Nightmare Fetishist tendencies. "I'll tell you what. I love when serial killers have a fun little thing."
• While discussing that the Axeman's first attack involved both an ax and a razor, the two theorize that he was figuring out his style. Shane then adds that he probably went "I'll either be the Axeman or the Razor Boy." which they then revised to Razor Boy being his sidekick.
  • A survivor claimed there were two attackers in her house,
    Shane: Razor Boy! He's back from boarding school!
• While exploring the site of the first Axeman murder and discussing how he would have entered the house, Shane gets suddenly distracted by some beads in a bush, creating a minor Mood Whiplash.
• It was the baker that found two of the victims the next morning, which results in some Black Comedy imagining his reaction. "Good morning! I've got your beigne-oh my god!"
• "My mom took some hard steel to the noggin and then I popped out." It Makes Sense in Context.^ContextThe Axeman attacked a pregnant woman who survived and successfully gave birth shortly after. The boys were duly impressed.
• In old timey voices, Ryan and Shane describe the news reports that ran on the Axeman and what they could have said.
  Shane: Everybody in town's got Axeman fever as terror continues to grip the community!
  Ryan: This just in, throw away your axes!
  Shane: This just in, more skulls crushed!
  Ryan: (wheeze)
  Shane: Wha-oh! Throw out your axes!
• The Axeman writes a rather... over-the-top letter to the press, complete with outlandish threats, and calling himself the Devil. Shane mockingly imagines what his thought process must have been while writing it. "Hmmhmmhmm! The Devil, his Satanic Majesty! Hmmhmmhmm, That'll get them! Time to go murder again!"
• In the Axeman's letter, he claims that he could kill thousands in a single night. The humor comes in when Ryan and Shane point out that for a man killing people in their sleep with an ax, his success rate is rather low. ^{Fun Fact} If all twelve of the alleged Axman killings were done by the same person, then he would only have a success rate of 50%
• The Axeman promised in the letter to go on a killing spree in New Orleans, but was generous enough to make an exception, being a man very fond of jazz music. "One thing is certain, and that is that some of your people who do not jazz it on that specific night, will get the axe." Shane and Ryan both find the term "jazzing it" to be hilarious.
  • YOU BETTER JAZZ IT!
• The Axeman being compared to Santa Claus, because Ryan and Shane can't figure out another way that he would know whether each and every house was playing jazz music.
• Shane's theory that when the Axeman didn't kill anyone the night he threatened to, it was because the killer was actually out of town and was just messing with everyone.
  Shane: "I got a business trip that weekend."
  Ryan: "Let's see how many of those fuckers I can make dance."
• One of the axeman's victims had to be struck over 20 times to be subdued. Shane is duly impressed. "Aw boy, what a bump!" "Uh, alright. Guess I'll hit ya again." "Oh my goodness! That didn't feel much better."
• What makes Shane finally turn on the Axeman? Since he targeted mainly Italians, it is likely that he was motivated to kill by prejudice.
• One theory about the Axeman is that it was multiple people that were part of a blackmailing gang. Ryan and Shane are a bit confused about the actual function of such a gang.
  Ryan: What does a blackmailing gang even do?
  Shane: They just get together and say "I saw this guy fucking a goat!"

The Mysterious Death of the Boy in the Box

• Shane is a bit confused about the case that they're reviewing. "Wait, so I was excited to hear about this boy who lived in a box..." Ryan says that he told Shane it wasn't as magical as it sounded. "They just found a dead kid in a box? I mean I'm sure there's gonna be more weird details, but...I thought it was gonna be like 'ohh and he-boy did he not like his box, and he spent years in his box not liking his box."
  • The conversation eventually delves into talking about John Travolta in The Boy in the Bubble.
• "I imagine your first steps were your head dragging along the floor, like some kind of crab creature."
• "Janet we left the-we left the box! Our boy was in that box."
• "Well the place is beautiful, I'm selling my son tomorrow, I'll take it. How much is it? How many bedrooms? Won't need one of them."
• "So what do you wear [a mask of the boy] and go to people and be like 'do-do you know me? Seen my little boy face? Wahhh!"
• "Do you think he screamed like R2-D2? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
• "You've seen this kid?" "No." "Okay, let me pull out one more thing." Ryan then pantomimes putting on the mask. "Now have you seen me?" "No, can you please leave my home?"

The Bizarre Road Trip Of A Missing Family

• "We owe a thousand dollars to the bear down the street."
• Ryan and Shane going off on a tangent about bears living on farms.
• "How scary is it? You just lock your door. You're in a car, drive away, that's not that scary. And then, you know, if-if the doors don't work and he starts breaking a window, then guess what, time to die and that's a bummer. But see, at that point it's like 'oh I'm dead, guess I don't have anything else to worry about.'"
• "He's in the back, and he's like- you know when you're- when you're in a situation you're like "this is dumb" and you try to give someone a look like a-" Ryan makes a This-is-dumb face, "What are we doing? And they don't give you anything and you're just like 'huh, guess I'll go fuck myself then.'"
• "Off the grid, no more kids."
• "How did this dust get here?" "They must have been wearing our shoes and doing a little dance at night!"

The Tragic Murder Of Jon Benét Ramsey

• Shane discusses how weird the details are in the ransom note, since generally you don't want to give the family any information.
  Shane: You wouldn't be like ... "Dear Mr. Ramsey, it's me, a tall fellow."
• When discussing the smug tone of the letter, Ryan gives us this.
  Ryan: "I've run the permutations through my little computer, and all of them say, 'you're fucked!'"
  • "My murder laptop"
• When Shane says that maybe the reason a practice note was found, was because he needed to make sure all his words would fit on the paper. Ryan is... a bit flabbergasted. "Are you under the impression [the ransom note] was written in bubbly letters?"

The Odd Vanishing of Amelia Earhart

• "Michael Jordan never just went up for a dunk and disappeared"
• "That ocean's going to have nicely groomed hair."
• "Oh these bones? These bo-nah these bones don't belong to anybody. Put 'em back in the ocean."
• "Let me- let me spin you a yarn that you shan't soon forget. I'm being eaten alive by crabs right now."
• "Can you imagine if someone just accused you of being Amelia Earhart?"
• "It sounds like he's very accomplished and distinguished and probably knows what he's talking about...that photo looks like shit so I don't care what he thinks of it. He might as well be looking at a Rorschach blot, being like, 'that's your- that's your mother!"
• "Definitively, can you say aliens did not have part in the disappearance of Amelia Earhart?" "No, I can't." "There we go!"
• Shane says he likes the "marooned on an island" theory because of the "peril of it, the drama." Ryan, however, gets right to the point.
  Ryan: I think you just like her getting eaten by crabs.
  Shane: I love the thought of someone getting eaten by crabs.
  Ryan: There it is!

The Creepy Murder in Room 1046

• The "Glamour Shots".
• Ryan creates a persona called "Ricky Goldsworth" to prove he could pretend to be someone and check into a hotel in their name.
• Upon hearing a suspect described as "commercial woman," Shane and Ryan decide that she looks like the Pine-Sol lady and that she was hanging out with Brawny and Mr. Clean.
• "I will not eat this pauper's salad."

The Strange Drowning of Natalie Wood

• Their impressions of Christopher Walken.
  • After covering all of the theory's, both boys are incredulous to discover that Walken is the only person at the party, including Natalie herself, who was not implicated in any of the theories surrounding Woods death. It turns his appearance on the boat from an interesting clue to a Red Herring so big it loops back around to being bizarre.
• Ryan's attempts, as shown in the post-mortem, to pronounce "Lakshmanan Sathyavagiswaran".
• A darkly hilarious moment after it's revealed that a fortune teller correctly predicted that Wood would drown, and that this prediction led Wood's mother to try and keep her away from the water. The guys muse on how they think that incident went.
  Ryan: I imagine it was like one of those, like, fortune tellers you see at like a carnival, and like, (as mother) "Oh, wouldn't it be funny if you tell my fortune with the little playing cards and it—"
  Shane: (as mother) "Oh, maybe she'll tell ya you're gonna marry a rich man!" She probably... she would.
  Ryan: (as fortune teller) "You're gonna drown one day."
  Shane: (as fortune teller) "Water's gonna fill your lungs."
  Ryan: And the mom was like, (as mother) "Alright, we've had enough of this!" (mimes quickly leaving) "Thank you!"
  Shane: (as mother) "Let's go get funnel cakes!"

The Mysterious Poisoned Pill Murders

• Ryan describing Shane as "the nation's greatest tragedy."
• "Big Advil sounds like a shitty indie band."
• Their assessment of law enforcement in the 80s.
  Shane: I could walk into a store, pocket a cola.
  Ryan: You could pocket a cola, punch the guy in the face, and then be like, "see you later!"
  Shane: "My name's Shane Madej, fuck you!" Cops wouldn't get to your door for weeks.

The Disturbing Murders at Keddie Cabin

• Shane asks Ryan if he tells ghost stories after sex, then doing an impression of Ryan's narrator voice saying, "Let me tell you about the Keddie Cabin murders."
• Shane's response to the possibility of the murders being covered up by the police.
  Shane: "Oh, you murdered someone? You got forty bucks?"

The Suspicious Assassination of JFK

• In the post-mortem from the previous episode, Keddie Cabin, Shane hints at this episode:
  Shane: It's gonna blow your mind.
  Ryan: Jesus Christ, you cannot say that!
• Their reactions to the Secret Service opting to inspect none of the 20,000 windows that were to overlook JFK's motorcade route, doing an impression of what that conversation would look like:
  Ryan: "Eh, there's far too many windows. Eh, fuck it."
  Shane: (wheeze)
  Ryan: "You know what? Eh, we'll just call it a day, we, eh-"
  Shane: "We don't have enough guys to look at all these windows. What if we just, don't do shit?"
  Ryan: hahahahaha
  Shane: "Eh? sounds like a good idea"
  Ryan: "Yeah, but - but, sir, the president's gonna be coming to town" "Eh, he won't care!"
  Shane: "What are they gonna do, shoot 'em?"
• Shane: I just think it's very rich that you're calling me a wimp.
  Ryan: Yeah.
  Shane: 'Cause you hear a footstep and go into "Ooh, I better hide under the bed!"
• Limecat killed JFK!

Season Three

The Grisly Murders of Jack the Ripper

• The entire "bloodhounds" conversation.
• Shane and Ryan going off on a tangent and having a debate about the furry community and Ryan sternly reminding Shane that being a furry is not the same as cosplaying a serial killer.

The Thrilling Gardner Museum Heist

• Right off the bat, Shane is rooting for the thieves.
• Shane apparently has a butterfly in glass that he cherishes, even wanting to have a whole room full of bugs which Ryan describes as a serial killer's den. Shane then corrects him that it would be a well-traveled serial killer's den.
• The duo gain respect for the guard who was on duty for the heist for admitting that he was usually drunk or high and didn't care what happened at his job.
  • The fact that the guard's motivation for letting the police (actually the thieves in disguise) in was because he had a Grateful Dead concert to go to the next day.
  • They also imagine that he was as honest and forthcoming in his interview as well, leading Ryan to wonder why the museum would hire him.
• Why discussing St. Patrick's day playing a role into the heist, the video shows different clips of drunk people in the streets including a man slamming his head into the camera.
• Shane has a checklist of things that makes a good heist.
  • He loves that they wear costumes and hopes that there is a man on a telephone pole.
• The second night guard arrives for his shift and is arrested by the thieves, told that if he caused trouble he'd be shot, the guard replies "Don't worry, they don't pay me enough to get hurt" presumably in a dull tone. Ryan can't help but sympathize.
• Shane muses over how cool it would be to bond with the robbers and would want to hang out with them while their captive.
• "Oh what are you? Some kind of SECURITY expert?" "Yes I am."
• Upon hearing that the robber's escape vehicle was a red Hatchback, Shane was deeply disappointed. He was hoping for a rendezvous point, helicopters, and for the robbers to rip off fake mustaches.
  • "If you get away with 500 million dollars, that's cool but if you don't do it with a lil' pizzazz then Shane's disappointed in you."
  • Shane refuses to drop the lack of mustaches, lamenting how badass it would be for the robbers to have been "We're not arresting you," Rips off mustache. "we're robbing you."
• The security guard claims to not remember what the robbers looked like despite them not concealing their faces, describing years later that one looked like Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes. The boys marvel over how this man is the embodiment of the incompetent security guard.
• They take a minute to question what art thieves do with their art and how they sell it. The hypothesize that they sell it to other criminals and create the idea that Saddam Hussein was commonly outbid by Kim Jong Un.

The Ghastly Cleveland Torso Murders

• "Where'd they find him?" "Oh, the base of Jackass Hill."
• "Are you comparing the torso killer to Batman?"

The Enigmatic Death of the Isdal Woman

• "Alright kids! Let's go for a little hike in Death Valley."
• Shane's shortlist of the Isdal Woman's last actions.
  Shane: Breadsticks, boots, burnin' myself alive.
• They both agree that Gisle Bang is a cool name.
  Shane: Gisle Bang! (finger gun) Pow.
  Ryan: I was gonna say, you could say "you've been banged" but that has different connotations.
• Shane believes he could be a spy with a fake mustache and a fake wig and the name "Banjo Mc Clintock."
  • Ryan disagrees, citing Shane's height, which leads to an argument about whether Shane's size or Ryan's anxiety would be more detrimental to the spying life.

The Strange Killing of Ken Rex McElroy

• Shane is very happy to hear this story takes place in Missouri.
  Shane: I love Missouri! I saw a mosquito there that was almost the size of a bird.
• Shane's summary of McElroy's behavior.
  Shane: This isn't Icarus flying too close to the sun, this is Icarus turning 90 degrees, looking at the sun, and playing chicken with it.
• When discussing how no one called an ambulance with McElroy was shot.
  Shane: Do you think there was one guy who was like, "I'll call—ohhhhhh."
  Ryan: He just got a firm stare. Everyone just... turns their heads towards him.
  • Somehow made funnier by Shane's reenactment giving the impression that this hypothetical person really was fully intending to call for help... until they saw who it was.

The Scandalous Murder of William Desmond Taylor

• The opening conversation.
  Ryan: Let's take a peek behind the curtain and see a little bit behind the glitz and glamour.
  Shane: Well, you know what they say – it's not all glitz and glamour. (beat) But you just said that, right?
  Ryan: Yeah.
  Shane: I don't know how else to restate it. Sometimes people get murdered in Hollywood!
• Shane's response to Taylor's forty films.
  Shane: Forty movies in 1920 equates to... two weeks of work?
  Ryan: Yeah, 'cause they– (wheeze)
  Shane: This movie's called "Man Drops Potato."
• Their visualization of Taylor smoking six cigars at once while operating seven different cameras by himself.
• Ryan reveals that Taylor acted in a movie that became a Hollywood classic.
  Shane: Was he a good actor?
  Ryan: He only acted in one, so...
  Shane: Nope.
• Shane saying that the other Hollywood stars probably showed up to Taylor's murder with Cosmopolitans.
• Shane's story about writing off a possible murder, starting with hearing what sounds like a woman in distress and ending with "nnn...I think someone's having sex in the elevator."
• The return of Ricky Goldsworth.
  • "I want butlers, and you're gonna be one." "I'm the mayor, sir!"

The Historic Disappearance of Louis Le Prince

• Shane's thoughts on the word "movies."
  Shane: It's like calling your teeth "chewies."
• Their dismissal of detective work in the 1900s.
  Ryan: One detective goes out there with a magnifying glass, goes, "he was shot."
  Shane: "He was shot, likely by someone else."
• With Louis Le Prince being about Shane's height, Ryan doesn't pass up a chance to get in a jab. It gets a little off track.
  Ryan: I just thought this was a good opportunity for you, as a fellow Lord of the Rings tree to provide some insight.
  Shane: They're called Ents.
  Ryan: Whatever.
• Another metaphor is ruined a few minutes later.
  Ryan: (About a theory) I'm not buying it.
  Shane: Okay, great.
  Ryan: I'm not.
  Shane: You don't have to.
  Ryan: Good. It's not purchased, it's on the shelf, it's gonna stay there.
  Shane: I'm not selling it.
  Ryan: I didn't say you were selling it. Someone is, and I'm not buying it.
  Shane: This metaphor is... where are we in this?
  Ryan: I don't know.

Season Four:

The Sinister Disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa

• Shane pondering hiring the mob to move his couch, much to Ryan's confusion/horror.
• The boys making fun of Provenzano and Giacalone, complete with bad Italian accents.
  Shane: "Let's take a picture wit' today's newspaper!"
  Ryan: "Here's a big clock!"
• The mention of secondary locations, while not funny on it's own, becomes absolutely hilarious if you know of a certain comedian.
  • Many John Mulaney jokes were apparently cut from the video.
• Ryan's impression of Shane being kidnapped from a Dave and Busters, of all places:
  Ryan: "Some men came over, grabbed him by the arm. He got into a Mercury Marquis yelling, (in a high pitched voice) "I still have tickets!"
• "Get in the fucking car."
• Ryan notes that Charles "Chuckie" O'Brien fled the room when someone confronted him about Hoffa. Cue Shane yelling, jumping from his seat and running from the room.
  Ryan: "I don't like that question- see ya later!"
• Both Ryan and Shane's Vin Diesel impressions.
• Shane's De Niro face.
• Also, this gem:
  Shane: (in a gruff voice) "I'm gonna pull ya guts out!"
• From the postmortem, the fact that Ryan and Shane's mobster names would be Ryan "Night-Night" Bergara and Shane "Legs" Madej respectively.
• Shane describing politics nowadays as, "Like a blockbuster film, except very sad."

The Bizarre Collar Bomb Bank Robbery

• Shane highlighting the poor choice of having "Peacock nest" as a code for a bank robbery.
• Shane playing out a hypothetical phone conversation of asking someone, who's storing a body as a favour, to put said body through an ice grinder with bad results.
• Ryan mentioning a friend, who went to New Orleans and found a house with a sign saying "Not Haunted".
  Shane: "Oh, that house is- I don't believe in ghosts, but... I believe that house is haunted."
• The boys discussing how the smell of dog faeces could be a romantic reminder of someone.
• The boys get a bit off-track, and end up agreeing to do spring cleaning together that weekend.

The Mysterious Death Of The Eight Day Bride

• Shane imagining being at the centre of a love triangle and being fascinated with a professional ballroom dancer.
  Shane: "Who's this friend of yours?"
  Ryan: "What's happening right now?"
  Shane: "Who's this strapping man, who's your friend?"
  • As Ryan explains that it's actually the ballroom dancer being in love with the bride, Shane then tries to imagine it as him, but is cut off by Ryan, who begs him to not do it again.
    Shane: "Oh! So, I'm a professional ballroom dancer..."
    Ryan: "Okay, no, please don't do this again!"
• Ryan and Shane reach the mutual agreement that bringing your best friend along to your honeymoon is a bad idea, especially when it comes to the exact point of the honeymoon ("sexy times" as Ryan puts it).
  Shane (as the third wheel): "We gonna head down to the hot tub after this, or uuuh?"
  Ryan (continues): "Hey you guys, could you uuuh... Get some more beer in here?"
• The police describes a suspect's statement as "fantastic" much to the boys' confusion. They then act out a scenario including a couple of quite impressed police officers.
  Shane (as an officer): "Wish I could read it all over again!"
  Ryan (continues): "Yeah. Good job, sir, you're free"
  Shane: "You ever thought about doing some sci-fi?"
• Almost halfway into the video, Shane discovers that he misunderstood the love triangle.
  Shane: "I was- I was doing some heteronormative bullshit!"
• Both of the boys are astonished by a quote spoken by a lawyer.
  Shane: "I'm gonna remember that word-for-word and just start saying that to people"
  Ryan (wheezing): "Yeah"
  Shane (quoting): "You know what, I gotta be honest with you. You're a liar of the most blatant kind, whose sinister figure permeates this whole tragedy, but whose purpose and design are shrouded in mystery"
  Ryan: "He might as well have finished it off with "In the Twilight Zone""
• As Shane discovers that the case took place in Canada, not the US, he then starts to imagine how the sequence of events would've sounded considering the Canadian stereotype of being awfully polite.
  Shane: "Ah, jeez!"
  Ryan: "Oh no, you're bonked on the head!"

The Incredible Alcatraz Prison Break

• As two escapees were brothers and shared neighbouring cells, Shane and Ryan share positive remarks of having your brother as a fellow prisoner, ending with hypothetical situation of the brothers getting their letter about Alcatraz at the same time and cheering like they got into to the same college.
  Shane: "I wonder if one of them got the letter, like, 'Oooh, where are you going?' And the other one was like: 'I'm going to Alcatraz', and he was like: 'Me too!'"
• Shane, being impressed with the craftsmanship concerning the fake dummy heads used in the escape, says that if he was a prison guard, he would first scream in shock discovering the heads, but then just do a slow clap and praise the effort in front of the other guards.
• The boys discuss how 'happy hour', an hour in which inmates were allowed to play their musical instruments, was a thing at Alcatraz.
  Shane: "What is this prison?! Everybody talks: 'Oooh, The Rock, you don't wanna go to The Rock."
  Ryan: "That's true!"
  Shane: "'Oh, the happy hour at The Rock is only three times a day!'"
  Ryan: "It sounds like the prison from Paddington II."
• Ryan shares a little story about seeing two seals slapping each other playfully at San Fransisco Bay, whereafter Shane envisions seals slapping the escapees while they were paddling aboard the boat.
• The episode concludes with Shane and Ryan acting out how they would enter the US Marshal's office in a wheelchair at the age of 99 years flip and the bird, as the stature of limitations would have been reached, and then promptly dying on spot.

The Covert Poisoning of an Ex-Russian Spy

• The boys take a moment to ask Putin to please not kill them for this video... and then ten seconds later, are right back to making fun of him.
  • "He'd probably send his nephew. Craig."
• Shane waxes a little too poetic about living forever and seeing the world end, creeping out Ryan (not to mention, giving the "Shane is a demon" believers more evidence in the process).
• Ricky Goldsworth makes an appearance too, hinting to Shane he'll see his death coming and there's nothing he can do about it.
  Shane: I don't like this bit, Ryan.
  Ryan/Ricky: What bit?

The Odd Death of Charles C. Morgan

• After covering the possible attempt to kill a journalist investigating the case of the title, the boys covered their bases:
  Shane: For the record, I am not going to be looking into this much more after this episode.
  Ryan: I'm not looking into this, I'm done with it! I'm just reading a tale.

The Bizarre Disappearance of Bobby Dunbar

• "I don't know this lady, I've never met this lady – this lady's gonna give me a pony? This is my mom."

The Treacherous Treasure Hunt of Forrest Fenn

• Ryan's backscratcher-turned-pointer that breaks almost immediately.
  Shane: Well now who looks like an asshole?
  Ryan: Me.
• The over-produced montage, featuring maps, dramatic pointing, coffee, Shane standing on a chair, and Ryan hurling paper at Shane.
• This, after they fail to find the treasure:
  Shane: Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way.
  Ryan: ...No, I want my fucking treasure!
• The hilariously Extra post-mortem, where they pretty much show what Legs and Ricky Goldsworth would look like.
  • The cameo from Worth It's Andrew, who just stands there in confusion and doesn't even try to catch the keys that Ryan throws at him.
  • At one point the camera turns to their producers Devin and T.J., who apparently got their own shares. Devin is sitting bored, looking at her phone and wearing a tiara, while T.J. is counting a stack of money.

Season Five:

The Eerie Case Of The Watcher

• Ryan's reaction after explaining how recent The Watcher's stalkings were is a juvenile "Ew!", causing Shane to crack up at the odd response.
• The guys taking the piss out of The Watcher's blatant Paranoia Gambit, naming a bunch of unfortunate accidents that could happen to anyone in the hopes that if one does, it'll be blamed on him. They then hypothesize what other things The Watcher would take credit for, like tripping on the sidewalk or running out of cooking oil.
• Yes, the person does call themselves "The Watcher" in their letters. Combined with the fact that they claim to have been watching the house after their father and their grandfather did before them, Shane wonders if they think they're Batman.
• One of the suspects is called "The Gamer", so named because he was into video games, including one where he played a character called "the Watcher". Ryan realizes that the guy probably said The Witcher and the investigator didn't recognize it. Shane speculates that the investigators believed in Murder Simulators, and wonders if they'd be in trouble in an investigation for murdering people on The Sims.

The Unusual Australian Shark Arm Murders

• "I'm no marine biologist, but sharks don't have arms."
• The sheer number of sea-related puns Ryan managed to cram into his dialogue.
  Ryan: One thing to mine from all of this, or to fish from all of this…
  (Shane glares into the camera)
• Shane absolutely losing his mind over the concept of a pleasure boat.
• Their delight at the fleet of speedboats.
  Shane: I'm sure by that era's standards a speedboat is a boat that goes eleven miles an hour.
  Ryan: For the time, it was a bitchin' boat.
• "I'm imagining Miami Vice, but with more burlap."
• Linked In for criminals.
• Shane's Australian character who just gets quieter and quieter throughout the episode.

The Suspicious Case of the Reykjavik Confessions

• Shane keeps derailing the discussion segments to talk about the lovely vacation he took to Iceland, much to Ryan's chagrin. Especially funny is when Ryan describes how two of the suspects ran away to Copenhagen shortly after one of the disappearances.
  Ryan: So this is like a Bonnie and Clyde situation.
  Shane: [distracted] Yeah...you know what, actually, now that you bring this up, I did go to Copenhagen right after Iceland, and it is a stunning city.
  Ryan: [Death Glare]
• Shane describing how his tour guide in Iceland told him: "We don't have a lot of crime here. About once a year we do a murder."
  • Ryan asks him if this was exactly how she phrased it, and it was indeed exactly how she phrased it.

The Unexplained Murder of Mobster Bugsy Siegel

• Ryan's announcement that it's time to look into the theories of who killed Bugsy Siegel.
  Shane: Theory one: the mob. See you next week!
• A suspect's son's 400-page powerpoint on the case.
  Shane: "I got something I want to show you. It's crazy; it's gonna take about four and a half hours"
  Ryan: "Hope you went to the bathroom, because there's no breaks."
• Their thoughts on two of the suspects walking out into the desert to have a private conversation.
  Ryan: "Let's prepackage ourselves for this murder!"
  Shane: "You know what we oughtta do? Dig a hole for ourselves."
  Ryan: "They'll never find us down here!"
• The Moosemobile
• "In a shocking turn of events, Shane talked about Chicago again in an episode."

The Shocking Florida Machete Murder

• Shane's story about his nose bleeding the first time he went to church.

The Puzzling Disappearance of Walter Collins

• Shane's consternation over the fact that it took Walter's mother five days to report her son missing.
  Shane: We gotta do the math, and the math involves me hearing you say the words "five days later" and then saying "five?!"
• "Be on the lookout for a big head boy!"
  Shane: Yes, big head boy, that's what they called me, my parents, yes.
• Arthur Hutchins pretending to be Walter Collins because he wanted to go to Hollywood and meet a cowboy actor.
  • Ryan and Shane being absolutely on board with this.

The Curious Death of Vincent Van Gogh

• "I'll put this on something. You put it in front of me, I'll put it to it."
• From the postmortem, Shane's favorite Van Gogh painting is "Skull of a Skeleton with a Burning Cigarette" because, quote, "That's metal as hell."
• Puffalo Pill.
  Ryan: Blow off those pistols, Vince! What a burn!

The Impossible Disappearance of Dorothy Arnold

• Shane's immediate announcement that he'd love to be an heiress.
  Shane: I'd like someone to give me a lot of money for doing nothing.
  Ryan: And then you wanna disappear.
  Shane: Yes. I want to get a lot of money, and then vanish from the face of the earth.
• "Oh that's a lovely scent, what is it?" "*chipmunk noises*"
• "How often do you think this lady's buying gowns?" "I mean if she's buying an evening gown you would assume that she's buying an afternoon gown, and a morning gown, and maybe even a sleepy time gown."
• "'Teen' should never be prefaced by 'hot and searing'."
  Shane: I guess at this point we might as well say it unison.
  Shane and Ryan: Hot, searing teens!
• Shane yelling "You're my friend!" repeatedly at Ryan.
• "Nancy Draw-up"
• Shane's statement that he really wanted to work at a research base in Antarctica.
  Ryan: THAT'S where you wanted to go in your mid-twenties?
  Shane: It's really cool looking! There's a lot of ice.
• "Wouldn't it be this show's greatest accomplishment if we pissed off a vanished so much that they un-vanished themselves?"
  Shane: Like if D.B. Cooper was like "you– assholes."
  Ryan: "I saw what you said about me getting speared by a pine tree."
• Galvin the great detective.
  Ryan, grabbing Shane and shaking him: "I know you! Dorothy Arnold! Come with me!"
  Shane: "Another case CRACKED for Galvin!"
• Keeping up with the Karda-Shanes.
  Shane: "Oh it's me, Kim, it's been a long time. I fell down a hole."
  Ryan: "I have a beard now?"
  • Shane's stumbling delivery of the pun just makes it funnier.
• "Look, I am not going to pass judgement on a family that is going through grieving...but let me pass some judgement here."

Season Six:

The Macabre Death of Edgar Allan Poe

• Ryan didn’t realize that the Baltimore Ravens were named for The Raven.
• Shane says that Poe’s godfather was right to make Poe work for his money to make him strong:
  Ryan: You know, I agree with you. The experience of losing both of his parents probably didn’t make him strong enough.
  Shane: Uh, uh, I could walk back on some of this. I see what you’re saying.
• The boys speculate about what Ryan does when life throws curveballs at him. Ryan says he has a nice cry, whereas Shane states that Ryan films “a gaunt season of Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural.”
• On Poe marrying his thirteen year-old cousin:
  Shane: It’s very easy to condemn from our vantage point in history, and so we do condemn, wholeheartedly!
• The repeated mentions of “Dogs Watch Television for the First Time,” which Shane keeps defending as a good video.
• They take a break to tell the viewers to register to vote, which Shane calls a “Poe SA.”

The Missing Identity of The Lady of the Dunes

• “All rich people are murderers!”
• When Shane mentions that a Dalmatian barked at him while he was running, Ryan asks if, because dogs hate squirrels, maybe the dog thought there was a squirrel tail on his face.
• After Ryan describes the measures the murderer took to obscure the identity of the Lady of the Dunes, Shane just says, “Well, that’s a lot.”
• Ryan would apparently start a conversation where he calls in a body with “Hey, how’s it going?”
• Ryan wrote down a joke asking if Shane, as a a Chicago native, preferred “deep-dish style” dental work. Shane is unimpressed.
• The boys’ complete refusal to even consider that Hadden Clark committed the murder due to the fact that he had confessed to multiple other murders that he wasn’t involved in.
• Shane continues his trend of being impressed by theatrical aspects of the case, this time being Rory Kessinger tying bedsheets together and rappelling out of the window of her prison cell to a waiting car.
  • Just how much he’s crushing on Rory Kessinger in general, being cool with the fact that she tried to shoot a cop and telling viewers to not remind the police of her.
• Shane shares his opinion on psychics:
  Shane: Nobody’s using them. I think they’re just like “You must believe me!” and then some dipshit at the station is like “I think you should hear this lady out.”
• In a blooper reel released after the series wrapped it's revealed that Ryan only has this to say about the police officers concluding that the absolutely grisly state of the victim's body meant she was murdered.
  Ryan: Yeah, no shit.

The Tinseltown Murder of Thelma Todd

• The idea of Hollywood being a city that was trying to figure out whether it should be known for movies, drugs, or murder, but deciding to be known for all of it.
• Shane mumbles for a bit before saying “Body...positivity”.
• Shanes’s depiction of Thelma Todd, her lover, and his wife mixing business with pleasure with their restaurant.
• “My brain is large. Has many synapses.”
• The boys discuss some of the strange places they’ve slept while drunk. Shane slept in the trunk of his car, while Ryan slept on his front doorstep.
• “I’ve never been accused of murder.” “Yet.”
• Thelma Todd died after having eaten peas and carrots, which the boys can’t imagine.
• Shane notes that he dislikes talking to people he cares about and Ryan is surprised to learn that Shane cares about him, because he never talks to him.
• Shane says he has the phrase “agent with underworld connections” on his business card.
• This:
  Ryan: I can’t think of a colder take than “guy who puts hands on women, not a good dude.”
  Shane: I called him a pile of garbage.
  Ryan: I’m just saying, it’s very obvious.
  Shane: Hot take?
  Ryan: Hot take there. “I don’t think this guy’s a good guy!”

The Creepy Quandary of Who Put Bella in the Wych Elm

• “Fun to hunt for eggs with your boys.”
• Shane’s reaction to finding a human skull: “Aw, dude!” Ryan’s reaction: screaming, dropping it, and running to his mom.
• This episode is alternately known as “Ryan Does Not Know A Lot About Human Physiology ” because he initially thought that hair grew through the skull and didn’t know that skeletons don’t stay together after a body decomposes.
• Ryan is surprised that Shane wouldn’t walk out with his arms open, yelling “Take me now!” at a tornado.
• Shane’s confusion about the man who decided to put himself in a hypnotic trance with his car headlights to find out what happened with the woman and the wych elm.
• The spy theory is destroyed by the reveal that the supposed woman was 10 inches taller than the skeleton in the wych elm and died in a hospital in Berlin in 1942. Shane is incredibly upset.
• The entire “Sky Burial” conversation

The Puzzling Case of Marilyn and Sam Sheppard

• "I stole a little Lego man from my friend's house... didn't kill him."
• Shane says that the second suspect, Richard Eberling, should be put in jail. When Ryan reminds him that Eberling already died in jail, Shane comes up with a new idea: skeleton jail.
• Shane's over-the-top "imitation" of Ryan's reaction of a phantom intruder in the house. "911? There's an intruder in my home! Send God!"

The Mysterious Death of the Somerton Man Revisited

• When Ryan says that they first covered the Somerton Man in the first season, when Brett was “still alive”, it cuts to Shane, who blows a kiss up towards the heavens. Brett is standing in the back, behind Shane.

Season Seven:

The Eerie Vanishing Of The Flannan Isles Lighthouse Keepers

• Ryan and Shane's attempts at Scottish accents.
  Ryan: If you're Scottish and you're offended by this, you should be.
• Ryan presents the usual theory of alien abduction, to Shane's expected frustration... only for Ryan to then abruptly have nothing more to say on the theory.
  Shane: Say the rest.
  Ryan, reading from his notes: Theory four, our final theory is that-
  Shane: WHAT?! That's it?
• Ryan mentions a landmark in the Flannan Isles named the Butt of Lewis, and follows it up with the obvious joke.
  Ryan: The nearby Butt of Lewis had at one point been considered by Guinness to be the windiest place in the UK. What's funny about that is the Butt of Shane is the windiest place in the US.
  (Shane starts laughing.)

The Daring Heists of The Elusive Pink Panthers

• Much like in the episode covering the Gardner Museum Heist, Shane is gleefully rooting for the jewel thieves throughout the episode, (until Ryan tells him they were possibly the criminals who took Kim Kardashian hostage in 2016).
• The boys have a brief argument about the obvious wig one of the robbers was apparently wearing during the first case Ryan covers.
  Shane: Lady Gaga wears wigs, people like her.
  Ryan: Yeah, but she's not pulling off a heist!
  Shane: She could if she wanted to!
  • During that same robbery gone awry, Ryan is quite entertained by the fact that the security guard detained the wig-wearing thief by sitting on top of him and then proceeded to berate the thief over how stupid he looked.

The Suspicious Death of Harry Houdini

• Ryan admits during this episode that he's convinced at least one of the places they hunted for ghosts on Supernatural in isn't haunted, getting Shane to perform an improptu drumroll. The video cuts away before he says what it is.
• Shane declares that Ryan has "The Vision" ever since hitting his head.
  Shane: (in a low voice, to the audience) His brain's cracked.
  Ryan: I can hear you.
  Shane: Sorry. (loudly, to Ryan) Your brain's cracked!
• Based on Houdini's famous vendetta against spiritualists, the boys decide that if he lived in the present day, Houdini would be a vlogger who exposes fraudsters.

The Sudden Disappearance of Cynthia Anderson

• Shane's summation of Cynthia's daily life.
  Shane: Too much church.
• Their discussion of the mindset behind renewing the "I LOVE YOU CINDY" message in bigger letters.

The Maritime Mystery of the Mary Celeste

• Shane roleplaying as a sea captain.
• After Shane uses the word "seaman" at one point, Ryan calls him out on suspicion he was just looking for an excuse to say it and tells him to do it again without smirking. He does so - with intensity - while staring unbrokenly at the camera, which proceeds to linger in complete silence on him for several seconds.

The Haunting Murder Case of the Hammersmith Ghost

• Apparently, according to someone on twitter at least, Shane had "colonizer hair".

Season Eight:

The Mysterious Death of George Reeves

• Shane immediately starts the video by making jokes about the death of George Reeves, asking if someone put kryptonite in his Cocoa Puffs.
• Shane admits to being more of a Batman fan, which Ryan takes issue with:
  Ryan: Who brought this Twitter avatar to life? A guy who's going to air out a grievance about Batman versus Superman, on camera?
  Shane: My parents. Mark and Sherry Madej, they brought me to life. They said, "Ooh, this one's going to be good for the internet.
• Shane's titles include: host, actor, asshole, puppet man, ghost hunter, owner of limbs, bridge owner, big head owner. They do not include the title of tap dancer, because Ryan refuses to go to classes with him. Ryan replies that they did talk about it, but there was a pandemic. Shane insists that he's just making excuses.
• Shane's version of how George Reeves got into television:
  Shane: So he shows up, there's an orchestra or something.
  Ryan: Yeah, sure.
  Shane: They're doing ads for cigarettes.
  Ryan: Doing a little dance, shaking his heiny.
  Shane: [mimes dancing while smoking a cigarette] I'm going to be Superman one day! Punch me!
• Shane suggest that, since it's the last season, he and Ryan should start doing videos on Cameo.
  Shane: "Hi, it's me! A ghost hunter that your children love!"
  Ryan: "Hey, Jan! Someone told me it's your birthday, and I wanna say: 'Wow. Hope it's spooky.'"
  Shane: "Now check out what I'm about to do with this ping-pong ball."
• After sharing that a kid tried to shoot George Reeves to see if he really was bulletproof, Ryan and Shane imagine that he would do the same thing to his father pretending to be Santa Claus.
• Ryan has a katana, so he can ward off potential intruders, and brings it up throughout the episode.
• Ryan spins a hypothetical scenario of Shane befriending an older woman (which Shane gets very into) that ends like this:
  Ryan: And then one day while you're doing chess and you move the horse and you're just like, "Alright, your move!", she goes, "Shane..."
  Shane: "I killed JFK!" Is that where you're going with that?
  Ryan: (laughing) It was, actually.
  Shane: Goddamn. "What was it like?"

The Puzzling Disappearance of Agatha Christie

• "I get these case files, just like you do. They just get slapped on my desk, and they say 'Solve it' and every single time, I don't."
• Agatha Christie's mother didn't want her to learn to read until the age of eight, so Agatha taught herself to read at age five:
  Shane: "You won't teach me to read? Fuck you! I'll read!"
  Ryan: Maybe that was the strategy, because kids don't want to read. I'm gonna tell my kids, "Hey, no reading. No vegetables!"
  Shane: And you, like, drive them out to the woods and leave them there.
  Ryan: Okay, I don't know about that part.
  Shane: Well, then they have to sort of, you know, use their wits to get home.
  Ryan: Yeah, but that's not really the reverse psychology. That's just torture at that point.
  Shane: That's a good way to raise kids.
  Ryan: I think you're not going to spend any time with my kids.
• Shane gets incredibly upset by Archie Christie cheating on his wife, claiming that he was rooting for him and calling him a sicko, among other insults.
• Overall the two's amusement over the nonsensical methods police used to try and find her, including trying to get her dog to track her scent only for it to have "whined pitifully", and having spiritualists perform a seance at the crime scene, with Ryan calling these methods the "Scooby-Doo handbook".
  Ryan: "Let's have the dog look for them—"
  Shane: "See what the dog says. No? Nothing? How about some magicians? (Ryan laughs) We got any jugglers in the wings?"
  Ryan: It seems the only thing they didn't do was police work.
  • This is followed by Ryan stating that if Shane went missing, he would go through the proper channels...in order to cover his tracks. Cue a Big "WHAT?!" from Shane.
• Archie Christie continues to be terrible by burning a letter that his wife left him, and telling the police that it contained no information concerning her whereabouts:
  Shane: Archiiiiiiieeeee!!! Up to no good again!
  Ryan: Now, maybe I'm just a paranoid guy, but it seems a little suspicious if your missing wife wrote you a letter and before the—you could hand it over to the police you just said "Hey, trust me—that letter was not important. Also, I burned it."
• The banjo player of a local band thought he spotted Agatha Christie dancing the Charleston to the song "Yes! We Have No Bananas". Shane apparently knows the song.
• Ryan and Shane's utter bafflement that the police investigating Agatha Christie's disappearance never bothered to check the spa she told her brother in law she was going to in the first place.
  Shane: They didn't think to check the spa?
  Ryan: (slaps hand on desk) No!
  Shane: These dipshits!
  Ryan: The first thing that happened in this case was that they got a letter from her brother that said, "Hey, I'm in Yorkshire." and they were like, "Bullshit!"
  Shane: "Call the magician!"
  Ryan: "Get her dog on the horn."
  Shane: "Get those planes up in the air!"
  Ryan: "How many people can we get on this case?"
  Shane: "20,000? Start walking around anywhere else!"
• During a discussion on fake names:
  Shane: Smart to use real names as your fake names, I guess, right?
  Ryan: That's true.
  Shane: Because, if you try to come up with a fake name it sounds like something stupid, like..."Ricky...Goldsworth" or something.
  Ryan: That's the dumbest name I've ever heard. You watch your fucking mouth.
  Shane: What'd you say? Woah, dude, that was weird. (beat) You all right? (another beat) Ryan?
  Ryan: (laughing) Nah, it'd be crazy to check in under a fake name.
• Shane thinks that it'd be kick-ass if the rest of Christie's novels after her divorce were about pilots being murdered ^note Her first husband was a pilot who had an affair.
• While Agatha Christie lost her memory and was convinced that she was Theresa Neele, she apparently noted her resemblance to Christie, but thought that the woman was dead and that she'd acted foolishly:
  Shane: I love the idea of this bloody, muddy woman walking around the hotel with this newspaper and being like, "Can you get a load of this stupid bitch?"
  Ryan: Or just being like, "You think this looks like me? Do you?" (mimes wiping face off) "How about now?"
  Shane: "Well, she can't be me because I'm covered in blood and mud!"

The Menacing Case of the Monster with 21 Faces

• As usual, Shane quickly starts rooting for the criminals because their target is a big corporation. He quickly walks it back with a disclaimer that he doesn't support their threat to poison candy.

  Shane: I'm wondering if I should be rooting for these people. I think I am... not because I think it's good to poison the public.

  Ryan: Okay, glad you cleared that up.

  Shane: I don't agree with that. Do not poison the public.

The Perplexing Disappearance of Judge Joseph Crater

• When discussing the "pulling a Carter" phrase:
  Ryan: Yeah, what would be the equivalent of pulling a Shane?
  Shane: Maybe like taking a nap in the shower.
  Ryan: That or being a D-bag.
  Shane: You've gone for a more cutting route.
  Ryan: Having trouble fitting through doors.
  Shane: What would a Bergara be? Sort of shitting your pants in Thailand?
  Ryan: It was Singapore.
• One of the alleged sightings of Judge Crater was from a prospector who described him as "well-educated but sucked at mining", which Ryan and Shane later join in making fun of the judge.
• After Ryan shares the poignant story of Crater's widow routinely having two drinks at a bar and leaving one untouched in Carter's memory, Shane criticizes her for wasting expensive alcohol and then mimes being a patron in the same bar who steals the remaining drink after she leaves.

The Tragic Death of Princess Diana

The Bizarre Death of Alfred Loewenstien

• In typical fashion, Shane couldn't stop himself from making a pun after hearing that Loewenstein's early life is relatively unknown.
  Shane: Yeah, people grow up pretty quick in Brussels, you know that?
  Ryan: Yeah?
  Shane: Yeah, they really sprout up over there. (starts laughing to himself)
  Ryan: I hope you choke on your coffee.
• In conversing of Loewenstien loving horses more than his wife, Shane is actually curious of the thought of a getting a goodnight kiss from a horse. Ryan and the offscreen producers filming the episode are visibly disturbed by this.

  Shane: I'll say what I'm gonna say!

Sports Conspiracies:

Season One:

The Suspicious Retirement of Michael Jordan

• A picture of Jordan in the introduction is labelled "G.O.A.T.*" ^note *Probably
• Zach's conspiracy that MJ's retirement was all a ploy to promote Space Jam.

The Frozen Envelope That Rigged The NBA Draft

Tom Brady’s Infamous Football Cheating Scandal

• Discussing the suspicious phone calls between Brady and the equipment manager:
  Ryan: (knocks three times) Guilty!
  Zach: Because Tom Brady talked to him?
  Ryan: Six times over a period of three days without talking to him the six months prior. How about that?
  Zach: They're playing phone tag. I've called you six times in a day!
  Ryan: Yeah what the fuck is the equipment manager and Tom Brady talking about on the phone? "Oh, we got the new duffle bags in and they're pretty sweet, they're purple, you wanna fucking see them?" "Nah bro, they're duffle bags!"

The Conspiracy of Muhammad Ali's Fixed Fight

The Controversy of The Crooked Referees: Lakers vs. Kings

• YMMV on this depending on which team you support, but Ryan (a Lakers fan) constantly trash-talking Zach (a Kings fan) throughout the episode provides some zingers.
  • Zach: I've been through, like, two breakups in my life, and the first thing I did was watch this series to get myself to that, y'know, darker place.
    Ryan: That might be the most pathetic thing I've ever heard in my life.
  • "The idea that there was a conspiracy behind the Lakers-Kings series is not just a manifestation in the minds of sad Kings fans". Complete with an animation of an angry fan Flipping the Bird.
  • "Shout out to Scot Pollard, he served me last week at Applebee's, it was a really good meal!"
• Zach shows Ryan a compilation video of all the contentious calls from the game, and Ryan is constantly making excuses:
  Zach: You literally just said sometimes in playoffs you don't call fouls, and all of a sudden there's a little tiny tap to your precious little baby Kobe Bryant. (in a shrill voice) "Please Mr. Referee! Don't touch Mr. Kobe Bean!"
• Despite their constant bickering, Ryan and Zach shake hands at the end of the episode and both agree on one thing at least:
  Ryan: Fuck the Warriors.