Fan Fic: Dave Stdider Pokemon Traner
" why am i stuck with all these homos?"DAVE STDIDER POKEMON TRANER
— Jack Noir
could quite possibly be in the running for the worst fanfiction to ever exist in this world. It is truly a special kind of awful in a way that not even MY IMMORTAL could hope to be. Reading DAVE STDIDER is a feeling comparable to getting a colonoscopy performed on you with a cactus.
Basically, it's really, really
Written by XxXCascadaerXxX, this story combines...
-Super Mario Bros.
-Pirates of the Caribbean
-The Legend of Zelda
...And more. FAR more.
The story details Dave Strider's quest to obtain the Kanto Region's 8 badges and become champion with the help of his friends Will Turner and Terezi Pyrope. Along the way he catches ghosts, meets Thor, enters the battle of the bands, goes on a cruise, and more, all the while thwarting the evil Team Bad (Made up of Homestuck characters Karkat Vantas and Jack Noir) and JAKE ENGLAND THE EVIL POACHER.
Oh yeah, Elite Four Boss too. He's kind of an asshole.
FF.net nuked it, but the ever-vigilant XxXCascadaerXxX re-uploaded it. You can now find it here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9794517/1/DAVE-STDIDER-POKEMON-TRANERAn MST is currently in the works,
courtesy of Jake Englishs Mysterious Theater Of Scientific Romance From The Year 3000
Compare Tarvos And Fairie A Love Story
This sotry includs examples off:
- Action Girl: Terezi has a pretty badass moment during the fight with Team Bad in chapter 22. She's also probably the most competent of Dave's crew.
- Artistic License - Geography: Kanto does not work that way. Examples range from the mild (Dave and Will being able to climb the Insurmountable Waist High Fence to get to Mt. Moon from Cerulean City isn't that difficult to imagine) to the weird (Cinnabar Island being landlocked) to the very bizarre (walking from Pewter City through Lavender Town in order to get to Vermilion City, without going through Cerulean at all).
- Clueless Mystery: Both subverted and played straight in Chapter 20. When both Nickelback is shot and Link is beaten to death, Dave, Terezi, Will, Team Bad, and Elite Four Boss all split up to solve the mystery. It turns out Elite Four Boss shot Nickelback, which makes sense if you note his rather nonchalant behavior when the murder is first revealed. However, he didn't kill Link. Link was beaten to death by Rocky Balboa, who was working for Elite Four Boss and disguised himself as Professor Oak. The problem? Rocky never once appeared in the story before this point, and there were NO clues pointing to him at all.
- Composite Character: Nickelback is one guy.
- Death Ray: Jake England has possession of the Dave Kill Lazer, which, like the name implies, can only kill Dave. It merely incapacitates others, and only has one shot before it needs to reload, so it kinda sucks.
- Disguised in Drag: When Karkat and Jack dress up as Zelda and the King respectively to trick Dave into getting them the Triforce. Karkat complains about it, blowing their cover.
- Deadpan Snarker: Jack Noir and Elite Four Boss
- Disabled Love Interest: Averted, as many times in the series, it is shown that Terezi is not blind like she is in canon.
- Evil Plan: Jack's plan to trap Dave in Mt. Moon
- Evil Poacher: Jake England is literally described as this EVERY TIME HE IS MENTIONED.
- Evil Versus Evil: In Chapter 9, Jack and Karkat team up with Dave and friends briefly to take down Jake England, or try to at least.
- Face Palm: Jack does this THREE TIMES in Chapter 17
- Featureless Plane of Disembodied Dialogue: Done very frequently with Team Bad, to the point where the author flat out forgets the setting and puts whiteboards on desert islands, and random unexplained helicopters in ice caves.
- For the Evulz: Jack and Karkat, who want to kill Dave and take his Pokemon for NO REASON. They wanted this since the first chapter, when they haven't even met Dave yet.
- It's later revealed that Dave still stole Terezi from Karkat as in canon, and that this is why Karkat hates Dave. As for Jack, he just wants to kill everyone, but his grudge against Dave is unexplained. Unless, of course, they both just hate him from what happened in Hart Shaped Love, as Dead Bowser comes directly from that fic — maybe they did too.
- Goldfish Poop Gang: Team Bad.
- Gotta Catch 'Em All: The Gym Badges
- Heroic Albino: Dave is this in Homestuck canon, so it can be assumed that he is here as well.
- Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: Dave is mentioned to be "not gay" several times during the adventure, mainly when the author takes time to describe the hotness of male characters.
- Massive Multiplayer Crossover: This whole story. There's only three characters in this story that are actually FROM Pokemon: Professor Oak, a minor NPC from Red and Blue named Mr. Fuji, and possibly "Elite Four Boss".
- Moment Killer: Terezi and Dave are lying naked in bed after kissing, just as they are about to have sex, Will Turner bursts in the door and tells them that they can't have sex without "Condominiums". Then Dave realizes that he's got more important things to do than banging Terezi, such as exorcising Giratina from his friend John, and leaves her alone naked. The moment is further ruined when Karkat comes in and takes a naked picture of her. Then Jack uses it to blackmail her and stabs Will. Basically, this is the WORST ruined moment in history.
- No Name Given: Elite Four Boss is only referred to by his title. This is very confusing in a Massively Multiplayer Crossover like this.
- Not Blood Siblings: Ross — er, Rose is now John's sister instead, so that she can be Dave's ex.
- Olympus Mons: Dave receives the legendary GROUNDOON as his starter Pokemon, and he steamrolls absolutely EVERYTHING with it.
- Apparently, incredibly strong legendary Pokemon are REALLY easy to obtain as well, because Jack gets both Shadow Lugia AND Zekrom with absolutely no explanation as to how he obtained them.
- In-universe, Jack's unspecified Digimon is stronger than any legendary Pokemon.
- Out of Character: Everyone except possibly Jack. Especially Will Turner, who has a habit of saying things like "Bro" and "Rad"
- Paper-Thin Disguise: In Chapter 8, Jack and Karkat attempt to sneak on a cruise ship by wearing fake mustaches. The nameless "ticket taker guy" calls them out on it and Jack shanks him.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: A typo shows up every few words. A lot of them are easy mistakes, with typo possibly being made because of the closeness of some keys to others. Other typos involve the letters being out of order, such as when Dave falls into Jack's "Tarp" in chapter 3, as well as the frequent misspellings of Dave as "Dvea" and Jack as "Jcak".
- Running Gag: There's a weird one involving the "fact" that ghosts LOVE money, and an equally strange one where Karkat calls Dave gay whenever they fight.
- Sacrificial Lamb: Adrian Brody, the Gym Leader of Cinnabar Island.
- Special Guest: Dead Skeleton Bowser (usually just called Dedbowser) is transplanted from Hart Shaped Love.
- Stupid Evil: Team Bad is the epitome of this. The only thing they ever think about is how to kill off Dave, regardless of the situation. They often even go ridiculously far out of their way to do. Jake England is probably this too, as in one chapter, he goes off and murders a few Scythers because he's bored.
- Surrounded by Idiots: Jack Noir, as seen in the page quote.
- Those Two Bad Guys: Team Bad's Jack and Karkat.
- Transplanted Character Fic: This story basically takes every character from everything ever from their source material and dumps them into the pokemon world with no explanation. Most notably, Will Turner and pretty much all the Legend Of Zelda Characters.
- Unsettling Gender-Reveal: "ZELDA WUZ KAFKAT? dave thog! NOOOO HE THOUGHT SHE WUZ HOTT!"
- Villain Exit Stage Left: Jake England escapes into a submarine after Dave & co. (With Team Bad) defeat him.