Characters / You Don't Know Jack

And now, our hosts...

Cookie Masterson

“This is You Don’t Know Jack 2015, I’m your host, Cookie Masterson, and—Hey, wipe that smile off your face, this is serious.” [lengthy fart sound effect] “Okay, just kidding. There will be farts and stuff.”

—the introduction to the first episode of 2015

Voiced by: Tom Gottlieb

The most well-known host. Started his career as the green-room organizer in Volume 1, Sports and Volume 2, before going on to to host Movies, Volume 3, the Netshow, the PlayStation game, part of The Ride, the online game, 2011, the first iOS game, the Facebook game, OUYA, Party, 2015 and Full Stream. Also the green-room organizer in all of the German games, the host for Fibbage, all three of its sequels, and Fakin’ It. (Tom Gottlieb also voices the host of Champ’d Up, although he is canonically not the same person as Cookie.) Was The Announcer for the short lived live-action game show.

• Ascended Extra: Went from the green-room organizer to the most recognized host of them all.
• Bad Boss: Has killed at least one intern. With a chainsaw.
  • On the other hand, this is the same game where he rummaged through Cookie Monster’s trash and straight-up told the players that they “make this s*** up”, so judging by the lack of repercussions Cookie faced, either it was just an audio gag or interns are just that disposable in his world.
• Can't Hold His Liquor: The Language floor in The Ride is sponsored by Ye Olde Booze Shoppe. For Cookie, it goes about as well as you'd imagine.
  Cookie: Which of these slang terms for "Regurgitation" is NOT a good example of "Onomatopoeia"? Barf, Hurl, Ralph or Upchuck?
• Cats Are Mean: His cats Poopsie and Mayonaise often fall under this.
• Celeb Crush: On Jean-Claude Van Damme, of all people. In the Censorship floor of The Ride, selecting certain wrong answers will encourage him to make comparisons to the actor, until Helen questions why he keeps making them and he stops.
  • In episode 53 of 2011, he’s revealed to have one on Paul Rudd. This only becomes worse in episode 8 of 2015, where he writes an entire episode featuring him as a guest star and he never shows up.
• Deadpan Snarker
• A Glitch in the Matrix: Full Stream reveals that Cookie is apparently stuck inside of a simulation crafted by Binjpipe, and not only do they try to employ Mind Rape to stop getting Cookie to panic about his existence, but once he gains full conscience and tries to cry out for help, Binjpipe resets him to his initial state of a plucky show host, insisting that he and all other life forms are merely “data”.
• Jerkass: In earlier games he’d insult the player’s score, give them an embarrassing nickname if they didn’t enter one in the box, and mock them for not having a social life if they play alone. He gets better once promoted to host. Sort of.
  Cookie, if you start a single-player game on 2015: All by yourself? Yeah, it wouldn’t be the first time.
• Older Than They Look: If you type in "Fuck You" in during the Gibberish Questions in Full Stream, one possible speech he gives the player mentions that he's been hosting for twenty years, which in turn causes him to muse over the fact that he still looks young in his headshot.
• The Announcer: In the short lived live action game show.
• Trademark Favorite Food: Fortune cookies, in fact there's even a question type in 2011.
  • Also implied in the same game that he loves Pringles.
  Cookie: You know what their slogan says, "Once you pop, you can’t stop"? It’s so true!
  • After the third player in a game flips him off in Movies, he mentions that he’s going to Dunkin’ Donuts.

Josh "Schmitty" Schmitstinstein

Greetings, 23 skidoo kids & all that other stuff, listen I'm going to roll back the clock to the early 20th century so listen up.

—The intro to the question "Ancient TV Trivia Huh?" in Televison

Voiced by: Phil Ridarelli

Hosted in TV, part of The Ride, the Netshow, Louder! Faster! Funnier!, 5th Dementia, Mock 2, and The Lost Gold. He also acts as The Announcer in 2011, the Facebook game and 2015, and also serves as the host of the Quiplash series.

• Demoted to Extra: He went from hosting several games in the series to simply being The Announcer in 2011 and 2015. However, he properly hosts the Quiplash series.
• Early-Installment Weirdness: In TV and The Ride, Schmitty acts more along the lines of the other hosts, often getting angry with the player and trying to annoy them. By 5th Dementia, however, he started speaking in a much calmer manner, although he still likes to make fun of you. Mock 2, as a result of taking elements from both of the aforementioned games, features an odd combination of both of his personalities.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: Not him, but apparently his friend circle includes [REDACTED] of Trivia Murder Party (which is the explanation for Schmitty recording voice lines in the special Quiplash events in Trivia Murder Party 2). Apparently Schmitty isn’t entirely sure who is giving him these prompts, but he does note a foul odor and general unnerving vibes coming from the Murder Party host during the game nights they attend.
  • In his later appearances, Schmitty also has a tendency to call pretty much anyone or anything his “close personal friend” regardless of who or what they are.
• Hot-Blooded: He tended to be a bit temperamental at times during his stint as host. By the time he started hosting Quiplash, though, he largely stopped doing this (the notable exception being the Cluster F-Bomb he deploys if someone says that “The world’s most boring video game” is “Quiplash”).
• Only Known by Their Nickname
• The Announcer: In 2011, Facebook and 2015, and various other games before that.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: In The Lost Gold, you flip him off in a Gibberish or Anagram Question the first and second times, and your score will suffer.

Nate Shapiro

Voiced by: Harry Gottlieb

The original host. Starred in Volume 1, the Netshow, the Tiger Electronics Tabletop version and part of The Ride. Currently hosts “Truth Talk 23/7” on Binjpipe, a talk show that secretly attempts to sabotage their plans of world domination.

• Out of Focus: Despite being the very first host, he didn’t make very many appearances after the first game, due to Harry Gottlieb being more involved with Jackbox Games’ sister company Jellyvision. Lampshaded in 2015 during the pre-game chatter.
  Has anyone seen Nate Shapiro? He hasn't come into the office in, like, 15 years.
  • The Bus Came Back in Full Stream, where he's heard hosting "Truth Talk 23/7," a radio program during the credits of the game.

Guy Towers

Voiced by: Andy Poland

The host of Sports and part of The Ride.

• Berserk Button: The Ride reveals that he hates Gibberish Questions.
• Lovable Jock / Jerk Jock

Buzz Lippman

Voiced by: Peter B. Spector

The least popular of the hosts. Buzz hosted Volume 2 and made a cameo in The Ride.

• Butt-Monkey: Was set to host the second episode of The Ride, then Cookie opened the trapdoor below him. He climbs back up again, but he gets trapdoored back down by a different host. Twice.
• Coattail-Riding Relative: In the Green Room/Pre-game section of Volume 2, phone conversations between the two reveal that Buzz is Nate’s cousin.
• Demoted to Extra: Just one cameo appearance in The Ride since he hosted Volume 2.
• The Cameo: He almost hosts the second episode in The Ride.

Bob

Voiced by: Andy Poland

Was the host of Headrush.

A different character called Bob handles the intercom and technical issues in 2011 and the iOS/Facebook game. (Coincidentally, Andy Poland is actually the VP of Audio and Editorial at Jackbox Games.)

• '80s Hair: He’s implied to have this.

Jack Cake

Hosted the British Version of the second volume.

Quizmaster Jack

The host of all German volumes. Hosted Volume 1, Volume 2, Abwärts!, PlayStation, and Volume 4. Voiced by Axel Malzacher in Volume 1 and the latter 4 being voiced by Kai Taschner.

Troy Stevens

“Let’s cheat them—I mean let’s meet them—now.”

—A recurring line every episode before interviewing the three contestants.

The host of the short-lived live-action game show. Portrayed by Paul Reubens. Currently the only host who has been seen. Except we see the four hosts being depicted by their voice actors at the end of The Ride, and even then, still the only host seen in full. Well, besides Masatoshi Hamada, who had been a TV personality well before Jack Japan.

Raul

Replaced Cookie as the organizer in Movies, Volume 3, TV and Offline, and hosted the Netshow.^note One Netshow question asked "Which of these people has never hosted an installment of You Don't Know Jack?" "Cookie" was the correct answer, though it's advertised afterward that he would be hosting Movies. If you chose "Raul", the host angrily told you that he’s Raul.

Masatoshi Hamada

One half of the Japanese comedy duo Downtown. He hosted the only Japanese release^note It uses the Volume 2 engine. (as of 2022, and for the foreseeable future). He is the only You Don’t Know Jack host who is not a fictional character, and has also hosted Variety Shows in real life.

Other Gameshow Staff

Donny

“Questions will ameliorize before you. Select the boutonneer next to the correct answer.”

—a possible set of instructions Donny can give you in 2011.

The organizer for 2011. He's given the task of explaining the rules, setting up the game and occasionally writes questions.

• Delusions of Eloquence: A severe case. Becomes a bit of a problem in Episode 47 of 2011 when a lack of questions forces him to write up his own.

Cookie, if the player answers said question wrong: (reading off cue card) “Oh please, don’t be so... knave.” (sarcastically) Yeah. Right. Right, Donny! We wouldn’t want anyone to be “knave”, would we?!

• The Malaproper: See the quote? That’s how he always talks.
• The Nick Namer: If a player fails to enter their name.
  Donny: Player One, looks like you failed to enter your John Hanclock. From now on, you're Sisyphus. Because you’re like a rock and this game is like a mountain.

Kim

A fact finder in 2011 who would occasionally interrupt questions in order to point out mistakes in the questions or Cookie's comments in great detail.

Helen

The director in many of the games, most notably 2011.

Chad

An intern who is a recurring character in 2011. He is remarkably dimwitted and frequently annoys Cookie with his idiocy and his habit of losing the quotes he’s supposed to hand Cookie.

• The Ditz
• Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Once wrote a Jack Attack for Episode 47, which could be considered the easiest one created. And the funniest one at that.
  Cookie: [in a serious, low-pitched tone] It’s gotta be a match that fits this clue: “Do What I Say and We’ll Get Through This Together”. You wanna pick—
  [reverting to his normal voice, as the round begins] Wait, what the hell did he do here? No, no, we can’t do this! [shouting] Helen! Shut it off! Shut it o—[interrupted by white noise]
• Surfer Dude: Has the speech patterns of one, at least.

Other Characters

Old Man

Longtime stagehand and recurring character who still hasn't died (surprisingly enough), who hosted "Old Man's Moldy Memories" in Head Rush and "Foggy Facts with Old Man" in 2015. He became the spokesperson for Old Man Essence in 2011, Autumn Dusk Feminine Spray in Facebook, and Gerantopalooza in 2015 and is supposedly Schmitty's father. Also the mayor of Doodle Valley, as seen in Civic Doodle. As of Full Stream, he hosts an online show on Binjpipe where he reacts to Internet memes and was also hired as their head of international content acquisitions.

"Voiced by": Andy Poland

• The Announcer: In The Lost Gold
• Ascended Extra: Goes from a recurring character in YDKJ to co-host of Jackbox Party Pack 4 game Civic Doodle.
• Berserk Button: Swear words. See the Easter Egg example on the Main page.
• Dirty Old Man: In Volume 3.
• Disproportionate Retribution: Triggering his above Berserk Button habit often results in wishing horrifying and cruel punishments on the player, including calling the air force and reformatting the player’s hard drive. Of course, the host is usually sensible enough to just give a large hit to the player’s score and change their name to something insulting.
• Gasshole
• His Name Really ''Is'' Old Man.
  • Though at one point in Bomb Corp, it’s implied that his first name is Trevor, but considering that the name “Trevor” is a running gag in that game, extending as far as Trivia Murder Party 2 featuring Officer Trevor from “the bomb squad” in a secret ending, it’s dubious whether Trevor is actually his first name or not.
  • If the result of the “Fuck You” Easter Egg in TV is to be believed, his last name would be Schmitstinstein.
• Luke, I Am Your Father: Played with on TV if you drop the F-Bomb three times in a gibberish question, and press any key as the game's about to exit to desktop, he'll reveal that he knew Schmitty's mother, which means Old Man is his father.
• Pyrrhic Victory: Experiences one in 2011, and after crapping himself, he cries "Foul!"
• Rambling Old Man Monologue: Naturally a fan of these.

Chocky the Chipmunk

A sociopathic cereal mascot of various cereals including Fruity Choco Corn Puffies, but also branching out into more unconventional ones like British Chocky Puffs (which contain blood sausage) and Chocky the Chipmunk's Allergy Clusters, which are about as delicious as Grandma's hard diabetes candy ("Yay...").

Voiced By: Andy Poland

• Catchphrase: "WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Also, "pink and tar-ty."
• Depraved Kids' Show Host: Despite his products ostensibly being marketed to children, he's not above swearing at or bringing harm to them. He also has a perverted side, having also marketed a lewd calendar starring himself and his side characters, as well as a phone sex hotline (the commercial for which includes a subverted disclaimer telling people under 18 to make sure their parents aren't home before calling).
• Funny Animal: As revealed in the Facebook game, he's a cartoon chipmunk who stands upright like many cereal mascots.
• Fun with Homophones: His "Chocolicious Num-Num Bits" turn out to actually Numb-Numb bits, which leave the kid who eats them delirious as he flees.
• Mascot: For various cereals.
• No Inner Fourth Wall: He appears in a news report where he was arrested for indecent exposure during a showing of Pocahontas.
• Older Than They Look: He mentioned once that he has grandchildren.
• Vocal Evolution: In the Allergy Clusters audio commercial, done almost twenty years after his other appearances, his voice is deeper and more strained. Though he had his classic voice in the visible sponsor spot.

Milan The Janitor

(to Bob) “No, not ‘litter’, my thick-headed friend, ‘alliteration’.”

—one of Milan’s question introductions

A character in Headrush who hosted Trash Talking With Milan, a question type which involves English and grammar.

Voiced By Igor Gasowski

The Captain

A character in The Lost Gold who gets cursed after finding Jack Gold. The sign-in host for the game.

• A Pirate 400 Years Too Late: He wasn’t 400 Years Too Late until... (See “Curse” below.)
• Curse: Gets under one in the intro video (for loading the game for the first time), as such he's trapped for eternity being the game's sign-in host that haunts the "Studio" and the player(s) have to accumulate a total of $1,000,000 to free him. In fact, the pirate-themed Impossible Questions in The Lost Gold are him attempting to speed up the process.

Billy O'Brien

"You nean do I say s***, a**hole or notherf***er?"

— One of Billy's lines, before reading question 9 in episode 4.2 in the iOS version

Cookie's Ventriloquism puppet and question reader of the "Who's the Dummy?" questions in 2011, the first iOS game, OUYA, Party, and 2015.

He has trouble pronouncing his Bs, Ps, and Ms, which become Ds, Ts, and Ns respectively. (i.e. bar becomes dar, president becomes tresident, moron becomes noron)

He has a sister named Betty O'Brien and his own ventriloquism puppet named Mikey McBride, which appeared in episode 61 of 2011 in question 8ight. However, he said dirates instead of tirates, when he meant pirates, he said dearl instead of tearl, when he meant pearl, and he actually said the correct pronunciation of doubt with a B, rather than doudt.^note In his defence, the B is silent there.)

• Berserk Button: Don’t put him into his box. He can’t breathe in there.
• Crossover: He appears as a monster in Monster Seeking Monster in the Jackbox Party Pack 4.
  • And again as Player 1's ventriloquist dummy in Joke Boat in Jackbox Party Pack 6 (complete with his voice samples).
  • And again in one of the TV programs shown on the device in The Devils and the Details in Jackbox Party Pack 7.
• Deadpan Snarker: Even more-so than Cookie himself.
• Steech Intedinent: Can’t pronounce his B’s, M’s, and P’s, since he’s a ventriloquist dummy, and those consonants that use both lips are the hardest for a ventriloquist to pronounce. The captions on screen reflect this.