Characters / Fake News Rumble

    open/close all folders 
     Jon Stewart
'Here's what's really going to happen. You're going to pick up your goon squad, put my senior British correspondent back where you found him and get the hell out of my town!'
The main protagonist. After being taunted by Dick Cheney, a glowing baseball bat appears in front of Jon, who uses it to kill monsters. It later turns out that the fate of the world is in his hands.

     Stephen Colbert
'Have yourself a formidable opponent!'
Click here  to see him under hypnosis. SPOILERS
Found a magic staff under his studio, a weapon that renders him nigh-untouchable with its great flexibility. It favors protection of oneself over the accomplishment of one's is not the weapon of one who cannot truly sacrifice himself, but rather the weapon of one who will destroy anything to protect himself. It is the reflection of Stephen's will to survive. As such, it is relatively easy to bend that if it would fall into the wrong hands. It happens. Cheney gets Stephen's weapon, this also causes his will to survive to mentally bend, mangle into the will to evil instead.

     Steve Carell
'When you find yourself presented with a problem, and all else fails, throw some money at it.'
Has the ability to control money to form any shape he desires. Also, occasionally, to exorcise people with it. His money is something he personally designs in whatever form he wants. It represents his nature to "hold on"; he is willing to actively grasp and protect those he attaches him to (with a fetch quest) rather than simply hoping for them to stay with him.
  • Battle Aura: It's green, matching his eyes and showing his affinity with money.
  • Green Eyes: Obviously.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: Steve solves every problem the Hollywood way: by throwing lots of money at it.
  • The Smart Guy
  • Thief Bag: A large sack on his back carries all his money. It's not said it is stolen, but judging the size of it really makes you wonder where he got it.

     Tek Jansen
'Hello, my name is Tek Jansen, you killed my master, prepare to die!'
Tek has increased endurance and focus in a fight thanks to his Alpha Squad training and wears a bracelet that can track others and is information storage. He's also an expert at kicking moves. His weapon is his blaster, which is a reflection of his nature and powerful will. Unlike any of the others, Tek cannot protect cannot block, it cannot clash. It can only strike, just as Tek charges ahead, suffering whatever he must in order to enact his will.
  • Alien Among Us: Hails from a parallel universe.
  • Damned by Faint Praise: All of his compliments to Jon are this, although he upon learning Jon is destined to be the new owner of the bat, respects him.
  • Darkand Troubled Past: On a desperate mission when Tek was still in Alpha Squad training, Tek's Master valiantly gave his life in a fierce battle against the 'Dark One' himself in order to complete their very important task to send the Tesla Bat through the portal. His universe already lost to the darkness, Tek vowed to avenge his fallen Master and set out to defeat the 'Dark One' all on his own.
  • Mr. Exposition: Not to the extent of John Oliver, but he still has his moments.
  • Prepare to Die: Here.

     John Oliver
'I watched it all happen. Because I'm the one who caused it.'
Is a Time Lord, but cannot remember the events leading up to the end of the Time War and his arrival on earth. He has a shrewdriver as weapon. This is significant how he is destined to close the portals in multiple universes, and represents his time travel theme (he's able to 'fix' time). The fact that it is very unpredictable and that it seemingly has a will on its own, signifies that his weapon has the lead, and not John himself.
  • Alien Among Us
    Jon: 'My friends and I are from this planet, and while everyone on my staff has supernatural powers, we're all human.'
    John: 'Er, actually-'
    Jon: 'We get to you later! The point is, start making sense or the fireworks start again. Got it?'
  • Battle Aura: It's yellow, matching his eyes and indicating time travel.
  • Mr. Exposition: When he is asked to explain his backstory, he tells all the things he knows. Everything, yes, everything. Even if they're in the middle of a monster strife.
  • Phlebotinum Breakdown: his vortex screwdriver has been known to break at crucial times
  • Scarf Of Asskicking: In what appears to be a callback to the Fourth Doctor, as there is never an explanation for it.

     Samantha Bee and Jason Jones
'Can't handle two Canadians, eh?'
Click here to see Samantha's second form. 

Sam and Jason mistake the apocalypse for the signal to start the Canadian invasion of America. Sam wields an ice hockey stick, while Jason shoots exploding roses. Samantha's scythe (she names it herself a hockey stick but it's more akin to a scythe) gives her great agility, and also represents her head-on nature.Jason's roses are likely a callback to Sailor Moon, but it's also representative that he wants to throw things off his back and then wait until they land and explode; kind of a onlooker nature. That's why he always sticks to Samantha.

     Dick Cheney
'I should have this miserable rock under control by morning.'
Click here to see his second form. 
Is secretly an evil alien overlord who has taken over multiple universes, with his sights now set on Earth. Apparantly spent years sowing enough fear and hate for his invasion to go off without any major problems.

     Stephanos and Yonathan
'Oh, flattery won't save you now!'
Click here to see their second form. 
Click here to see Yonatan's third form. 
Click here to see Stephanos' third form. 
The evil twins of Stephen and Jon. Cheney's most trusted henchmen, these two act as heralds when Cheney begins his assault on an unsuspecting universe.