Bestiality Is Depraved / Live-Action TV

• Ally McBeal: Richard uses this potential scenario to argue before the judge that the Supreme Court's ruling that the President - and by default a Congressman like his client - could be sued while in office was a bad ruling:
  Don't tell me I can't cripple a Congressman's ability to do his work! With today's media? It's not like they go out and check the facts! I could say something about you having sex with a goat - totally untrue, so what! All I gotta do is say it, Newsweek will print it and boom, your whole docket becomes spin control!
• The Big Bang Theory gives us the following exchange:
  Raj: I'm telling you dude, the only way to make you feel better about Penny going out with other guys, is for you to get back on the whores.
  Howard: ... "horse".
  Raj: What?
  Howard: The phrase is "get back on the horse"... not "whores".
  Raj: That's disgusting, dude!
• In the final episode of Blackadder II, the German Prince Ludwig reveals that the sheep Melchett had... relations with, was actually him in brilliant disguise.
  Closing Chorus: Lord Melchett! Lord Melchett! / Intelligent and deep! / Lord Melchett! Lord Melchett! / A shame about the sheep!
  • Subverted later in the episode, when he's revealing how he knows Queen Elizabeth. It really looks like he's going to reveal that he was her horse and she had sex with him, but then it turns out that he was the German stable lad, and she didn't sleep with him. Her relationship with the horse appears purely platonic.
  • In the premier episode of series one, this is averted and invoked with Edmund who is secretly (and unknowingly) nursing Henry Tudor back to health in his room, hoping for a reward. His mother comes in, and when Edmund implies that there is someone in his bed, the Queen asks if it is a sheep. He denies this. Later on, to keep her from checking the bed he makes bleating noises. Her response: "Oh, Edmund. It's the lying I find so hurtful."
  • In the first series finale Blackadder S 1 E 6 The Black Seal one of the evilest men in the land who turn up is a Depraved Dwarf named Jack Large whose notoriety precedes him as the unspeakably violent, bull-buggering, priest-killing Jack of no fixed abode. This diminutive bull-fighter seems to like big challenges which makes his reputation seem somewhat well-earned and brings a hundred surreal and better left unsaid images to the mind.
• In the first episode of the anthology series Black Mirror, the Prime Minister is faced with a dilemma. The royal princess is kidnapped. The kidnapper's demand is that the Prime Minister have sex with a pig on live television or else the princess dies. It's a bit of black comedy when you first hear the concept, but it's NOT played for laughs. (And that was before the reveal of an unproven anedocte involving a Prime Minister and a dead pig, to the writer's amusement)
• Boston Legal:
  • Denny was shown repeatedly to have a thing for sheep. Also, there was that thing with that camel that one time in the military... The camel, apparently, had no complaints.
  • In another episode, a client has an affair with Wendy... his cow. Which at one point leads Schmidt to say, "But you screw one cow..."
• On Boy Meets World there is a Flash Forward to a potential future in which the whole gang had broken up and in this future Eric became an insane hermit living in the woods who married a moose. Hopefully it was a platonic marriage...
• The Boys (2019): Given The Deep can speak to sea creatures (like dolphins) he's the butt of cruel jokes by Homelander and A-Train who both say he has sex with them, but judging by his side of the conversation he has with a dolphin he attempts to rescue, there may be a grain of truth to the jokes. They're eventually proven right in Season 3 after Starlight walks in on him having sex with an octopus.
  • Interviewed by Inside the Boys, showrunner Eric Kripke revealed Amazon was bothered by this implication of a dolphin wanting to be masturbated... and then host Aisha Tyler mentions that dolphin ejaculation is downright lethal, horrifying everyone and leading to the amusing disclaimer "Do not try dolphin sex at home. It's not only dangerous, we're pretty sure it's illegal".
• The Daily Show started its "Thank You South Carolina" segment after a man from there received press attention for having sex with a horse after having already pled guilty to having had sex with the same horse. And they happened to discover this on the heels of the Sanford scandal.
  • The Colbert Report covered the case of the absurd Conspicuous Consumption of military contractor David Brooks and managed to imply he's been raping his horses (because his reaction to the problem of a staffer testifying against him was to go to his racehorse veterinarian and ask for a "memory-erasing pill").
• One episode of Family Feud had the question "Name something a lazy man might teach his dog to turn on." One of the answers was "his girlfriend", presumably for shock value.
• Father Ted: "No, No, Dougal, we must keep away from the idea that we're in love with the horse. It's more that we're friends with the horse."
• In the Friends episode "The One With The Memorial Service", Chandler (falsely) posts on Ross's college alumni website that Ross created a dinosaur in his lab and has sex with it. To add hilarity, Ross almost seems more offended at the anatomical impossibility of this than the implication that he's a sexual deviant.
• Game of Thrones:
  • The in-universe bawdy song "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" can be taken this way, though the subtext is clear that it's a bear of a man (i.e. large and hairy) who wins said maiden.
  • When Jon tells Ygritte about the Night's Watch Vow of Celibacy, she asks after various potential loopholes, one being if they do it with sheep instead.
  • Tormund attempts to lighten the mood before battle by playing The Münchausen and regaling the others with the time he fucked a bear. In the novels, Tormund counts "Husband to Bears" among his many humorous titles.
  • Implied with Myranda; the reason she wasn't afraid of Ramsay the first time they met was that he couldn't do anything that the dogs didn't.
• On The Golden Girls, Uncle Nunzio and his pet goat are repeatedly mentioned.
• In one episode (s26e03) of Have I Got News for You Paul tells this story of a badger.
• A characteristically bizarre subversion on House: a teenage boy came to the clinic asking for drugs to kill his sex drive, claiming it was because he was very attracted to cows and didn't know how much longer he could hold out. Turned out it was actually his hot stepmother he was attracted to. And he didn't want to admit that. So he pretended he was into cows. Okay.
  • Also, one time, House was talking with Thirteen and another female doctor in his office, while on his computer. The female doctor looks at the computer screen (which cannot be seen) and gets a noticeably squicked out expression. House asks her, "do you have a problem with the naked female form?" Thirteen then says "I just don't think she's used to seeing it spooning with the naked dolphin form." This being House, it was most likely a ploy to get them to go away faster. Probably.
  • In another episode, a clinic patient has a skin condition normally found in horses and related quadrupeds. When she says she's an actress, House jumps to certain conclusions about her "art." In fact, she is playing the Virgin Mary in a live-action Christmas pageant, in which she rides a donkey.
• In the Inside Amy Schumer skit "Stripper for Dogs", Amy and another stripper show up for a bachelor party that, it turns out, a guy is throwing for his dogs. While Amy entertains the revelers downstairs, the other one goes upstairs with the groom for his "last night as a free man." It doesn't end well.
• In Jerry Springer (where else?) there is the shocking case of a man who married his horse.
• Kröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire: One of the prisoners whom Kröd frees is there for raping a horse, who's named Horst Draper. It's Played for Laughs.
• Due to Moral Guardian standards and limited dialogue potential, this is one of the few sex crimes that has never been featured on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. It has, however, been referenced in dialogue between sex-crimes investigators. "His father caught him alone with his new bride, Missy. Missy's a German shepherd."
• On The League of Gentlemen the Tattsyrup family are said to have a bit of pig in their ancestry (which turns up in their noses), and Hilary Briss is married to a cow. The extent of their relationship is unclear.
  • A Local Book For Local People makes it somewhat clearer.
• Letterkenny has a running gag about two residents of the town, Boots and the Ginger, allegedly fucking an ostrich. This continues to devolve into discussions about how only the Ginger did it and how you need at least two people to fuck an ostrich — possibly three.
  • Wayne and Katy later get into a "hick-off" regarding which second-cousin - Daryl's or Dan's - has the bigger hick house. Katy eventually wins by mentioning having seen a gloryhole on the side of the goat pen.
• Referenced in Lexx: "It's all here. You have babes, boys, beasts, thinner, fatter, hunks, chunks, monks, twins dipped in batter, the wiggle, the jiggle, the oo-la-la, people to spank you, and sheep to go baa" - Schlemmi, Luvliner
• In Life On Mars, Chris and Ray make sheep noises at a prisoner ("Dicky Fingers") they're picking up for transport. When Sam asks why, Chris refers to this trope. Later, as they're driving, Chris points out a lamb; Dicky responds, "What d'you think I am, a nonce?" ("Nonce" being UK slang for child molester.)
• The Magicians (2016): Discussed by Margo and some Talking Animals in Fillory. It turns out they want the right to have sex with and marry humans. Her approval of the relationship between a human girl and a talking bear leads them to support her as a write-in candidate in the election to choose a new High King (which wins her the election, since talking animals turn out to outnumber humans in Fillory).
• Manswers has taken this trope to its extreme, by investigating which animal's genitalia bear the closest resemblance to those of a human woman. Sheep were, of course, among the candidates researched. (Their conclusion? If you're kinky enough to care, it's the dugong. At least, it could explain the Mermaid Problem.)
• Married... with Children episode "Get Outta Dodge" has Al staying up all night to protect his Dodge for an important commercial. He decides to listen to the radio, only to hear this on a country station:
  Man on Radio: (singing) ...and that's when my hound dog started lookin' good to me...
  Al: Ah, who's the genius who let West Virginia become a state?
• In one episode of M*A*S*H Mulcahy keeps trying to describe The Yearling (a film that was going to be shown) 'about a tender relationship between a boy and a young deer', and each time, the character (Radar, Potter, etc.) would respond with a "Oh yeah, like my (relative), except it was with a (mule, horse)" with an implication that their relative had a more intimate fondness with their chosen animal.
• In the first season of The Mighty Boosh many "intimate liaisons" with the zoo animals were implied. Howard warns Vince in one episode, not to get too close to any of the animals in the zoo bringing up the example of a (literal) fox in a nearby cage. which apparently was a "Mistake" according to Howard. Apparently in the Mighty Boosh world bestiality is a scandal more like a professor sleeping with a graduate student than how it's viewed in real life...
  • This is probably because animals in the Boosh-verse are sapient. Most of them can talk, and are of comparable intelligence to the human characters. Not only are they capable of consenting to sex with humans, more than often they are the ones who instigate it (who can forget the scene where Vince gets raped by that panda?).
• Gonzo of The Muppet Show has an on-again, off-again relationship with both anthropomorphic Muppet hen as well as real cows and hens.
• Corky from Murphy Brown was first runner up at the Miss America contest, but got the crown when the winner was forced to resign. Why?
  Corky: She told everyone she loved animals, but who would have thought to take her literally?
• In Season 8 of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Mike Nelson and the bots are transported to Earth 500 years into the future. They're shocked to discover that the Earth is now inhabited by apes who evolved from men. Later on, when they look up information on the fate of Mike's family, they discover that virtually all of his relatives were involved with intermarriage between apes. Mike is understandably disturbed by this. A few episodes later, after Mike accidentally destroys the Earth, it's revealed that one of the Apes, Dr. Peanut, is thrown back in time, where he then starts a relationship with one of Mike's relatives.
  Crow T. Robot: Mike, I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Good one, Nelson!"
• Orange Is the New Black: While feeding Little Boo some peanut butter, Big Boo gets the idea to have the dog lick it off more...intimate areas offscreen. Either she had a moment of My God, What Have I Done?, or Little Boo was taken away from her. All she says about it is "It got weird."
• In Phoenix Nights, there is strong innuendo that Keith Lard (a fire safety officer from Bolton) is into bestiality. He is led away by police, only to be released when an Alsatian fails to testify. In real life, Channel 4 had to apologize to Keith Laird (a fire safety officer from Bolton) who claimed that his reputation was damaged by this show.
• One episode of QI has Stephen Fry ask, "What is the difference between a Carlisle Surprise, a Reverse Canterbury Delight, and a sheep tied to a lamppost in Cardiff?" Welsh comedian Rob Brydon attacks Stephen for "institutionalized racism that is accepted when it's addressed at the Welsh," answers the last bit by saying you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Cardiff "a leisure centre," then castigates the other panelists and the audience for laughing.^note The answer, by the way, is that Carlisle Surprise and Reverse Canterbury Delight are bellringing methods.
  • There's also a bit in another episode where Stephen Fry says the "You can get a lot from goats. You can get cheese, you can get wool you can get sex-"
  • And let's not forget Stephen's reaction to the pictures illustrating the question "How can a horse catch an eel?"; "That's a rather attractive horse." (Both Rich Hall and Sean Locke immediately retort that they'd rather have the eel.) Stephen's affections for the horse lasted throughout the episode.
  • During a question about Korean proverbs, Canadian comedian Katherine Ryan compared one of the idioms to the Canadian expression "shagging the dog" (a vulgar expression meaning "doing nothing" or "passing the time any which way while bored"). Made even funnier by the ensuing discussion in which nobody actually bothered to clarify what "shagging" means in British English.
    Stephen: NOT IN THIS COUNTRY, MADAM!! In this country when we shag a dog we know what we're doing, and it's pretty hard work, let me tell you.
• Played for tease on a promo poster for German trash TV eality Queens on Safari. It showed a lady in a very short zebra-striped suit. And three zebras evidently approving.
• Red Dwarf:
  • Lister complains that he's personally broken four of the five holy commandments he supposedly passed down to the Cat people; "I'd've broken the fifth, but there's no sheep on board."
  • Referenced in this exchange from Psirens:
  Pete Tranter's Sister: How long has it been since you last made love to a woman?
  Lister: I admit it's been a while...
  PTS: It's been over three million years, Dave.
  Lister: I prefer to count it in Ice Ages, then it's only four. And if you count it in leap Ice Ages, hardly even one.
  PTS: That's a long time, Dave, for a man of your drives.
  Lister: That's a long time for an Albanian shepherd who's allergic to wool. ^note Incidentally, the original script specified a Welsh shepherd. Presumably, it occurred to someone that Welsh fans of the show might just be a little upset by this.
• Subverted with the usual sense of taste in an episode of The Sarah Silverman Program. Sarah is arrested for bestiality when she's caught licking her dog's asshole... which she only does because apparently, it tastes delicious.
• Probably innumerable examples on Saturday Night Live, but several that stand out include
  • A census worker interviewing an addled Christopher Walken, who reveals that his wife is a bobcat.
  • A spoof of daytime talk shows that send unruly teens to boot camps, in which Christina Ricci plays a girl whose mother catches her playing with the family dog, and is afraid that she will give birth to "biracial dog babies".
  • On one show, Woody Harrelson heads a trio of lonesome singing cowboys - one lyric being "And the horse starts to look good by the campfire..."
  • In one skit of Celebrity Jeopardy, for his answer/wager in Final Jeopardy, Sean Connery draws a picture of Alex Trebek having sex with a horse - of course, we only see the top half of the photo.
  • One skit combines this with the Mermaid Problem in a spoof of The Little Mermaid. After the sailor is saved from drowning, he meets the mermaid, and falls in love with her...until he realizes that not only is her anatomy different, but that she tends to go wild with all sorts of sea creatures. She also reveals that the only reason she exists was because her father, who was an ordinary human got drunk one night, broke into an aquarium, and had sex with a halibut. And he in turn reveals that he's had sex with "a LOT of stuff".
    Mermaid: [singing] I love all creatures equally, wherever they reside.
    Sailor: That's lovely!
    Mermaid: [singing] I get it on with tuna, I've gone down on a shark! I've got films of me with a manatee-
    Sailor: [grossed out] Alright, alright! That's enough! That's enough!
    Mermaid: What's wrong?
    Sailor: You have sex with fish?!
    Mermaid: Fish, shrimp, turtles... I'll pretty much bend over for anything with fins.
• Mick 'The Bull' Daly in The Savage Eye:
  Mick 'The Bull' Daly: You can kill and eat animals - that's no problem, like. That's fine, you kill them and eat them. But once you start riding them, then society's like 'Oh no, you can't ride them.' But you can kill them and eat them, like. But if the animal had a choice, huh?
  [Evil Laugh]
• In Scream Queens, bestiality is apparently among the atrocities that have been committed by Kappa Kappa Tau under Chanel Oberlin's reign, according to Dean Munsch. Chanel swears that that goat had had too much to drink and it was entirely his fault.
• Referenced in Scrubs:
  Dr. Cox: Don'cha see, Barbie, I would rather listen to you go on and on about the joys of dolphin sex.
  Elliot: Dolphin trainer sex. My boyfriend is a dolphin trainer.
  Dr. Cox: Here that's a shame, because the whole dolphin thing used to make you so interesting.
  • Another reference with that dolphin trainer:
    Sean: Why are things so much easier with dolphins?
    Elliot: Probably because you're not trying to date the dolphin.
    Sean: Oh, God, no. Not after that big talk they gave us.
  • Then there's this scene with that same trainer.
  • And again with JD when there's a rumor about JD being into bestiality because he practiced kissing on Rowdy (JD and Turk's dead stuffed dog). Later when they have two dead stuffed dogs (Rowdy and Stephen) JD is able to tell them apart...by feeling their groins. He refuses to explain why.
• This is one of the few kinks Sex and the City never tackled—Charlotte was supposed to walk in on her boyfriend receiving fellatio from his dog (her subplot for the episode was that she didn't like giving them) and dump him in horror and disgust, but TPTB realized that viewers would have the same reaction and stop watching.
• In the Sirens (US) episode "Rachel McAdams Topless", Hank, Johnny and Brian, having agreed to erase a patient's browser history before calling his family, snoop through said history and find a video of a woman and a horse performing an unspecified act. They spend the rest of the episode trying to get rid of the mental image.
• In Sons of Anarchy after Tig spills his bike during a charity run and requires medical attention he's picked-up at the hospital by bounty-hunters over an outstanding warrant in Oregon. The charge? ...indecent exposure in a livestock transport.
• In Strangers with Candy, Jerri Blank never quite got to explain what it was she did with the donkey in Tijuana, but... it's Jerri. This trope was definitely involved.
• Taboo: James is frequently compared to an animal and called a savage. When Zilpha starts to have very vivid erotic dreams about her brother, he claims that he is using his mixture of American and African native magic to reach out for her. Zilpha asks if he is doing this in the form of an animal because she heard the same from a priest who visited an African mission, which James confirms.
• Mentioned in The Thick of It when Malcolm gives Olly a bollocking for questioning one of his more unscrupulous schemes: "Don't start with the moral objections, you fuckin' Blue Peter badge-wearing ponce! Go and make a contribution to fuckin' Amnesty International! Go and buy a goat that a whole village can fuck!"
  • Later on, Phil compares Olly to "the man who fucked the monkey that gave us AIDS", in the sense that he has created a runaway problem and is now moaning about its scale.
• In the Torchwood episode "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", Captain John Hart expresses an attraction to poodles.
  Gwen: Do you ever stop?
  John: What, five minutes to live and you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous...
  Gwen: That's a poodle!
  John: [growling] S'nice!
• In Trailer Park Boys, Ricky randomly tries to make a joke about this to Julian, completely unrelated to what they were doing at the time.
• Owen, on The Vicar of Dibley, is initially implied to do this. When Radio Dibley ran a Moral Maze style programme on the topic "Is Sex With Poodles Always Wrong?", he was the one speaking in favour. By the end of the series, they'd done away with all pretense and flatout stated he was regularly having sex with animals, calling a sheep his girlfriend in one episode. Jim was also stated to be at least attracted to sheep. Luckily, by that point Refuge in Audacity had become a staple for pretty much every character who wasn't Geraldine or David.
• The performers on Whose Line Is It Anyway? tend to default to sheep if they ever bring up this trope.
  • Colin's apparently random bestiality cracks are a Running Gag of sorts. (This clip is a shining example.)
  • Ryan manages to outdo him by pure accident...
    Ryan: [playing Tarzan] Before you come, Tarzan only have animals...
    [audience groans loudly as Ryan tries to continue, cracking him up]
    Ryan: I mean as friends!
  • The UK series wasn't above this (as the mention of Welsh in the foreword indicates), and merely picking "sheep" for a suggestion made the jokes unavoidable.
    Jim Sweeney: [translating Josie's faux-Albanian] I like to stroke the big ones... Some of those sheep play really hard-to-get... [catches Josie in an unfortunate gesture] ...I think that speaks for itself.
  • "I'll give you one point for every time the sheep sound excited me..." ^note Which might actually be a case of Ho Yay instead, given that Ryan was making said sound...
  • In one game of Let's Make a Date Colin was given the character of a man who "gets turned on by danger" and Ryan was a "ravenous" boa constrictor. It was played erotically almost from the start.
• The Wire
  • Ziggy Sobotka buys a duck and brings it into the stevedores' bar with him. When one of his co-workers calls him sick because of this, Ziggy retorts he's hardly the first guy in South Baltimore to seek the affections of a farm animal.
  • Jay Landsman is at one point seen telling the final part of a raunchy joke about a hunter raped by a bear. Jay is funny by default, but there's the silent but appalled reaction to the joke of the woman among his audience. She withdraws, clearly thinking that Jay is an asshole.