We try to kill SCP-682

Result: SCP-682 spontaneously developed an internal organic cold fusion generator, presumably fueled by converting body mass. While this could hypothetically result in SCP-682's termination if conditions necessitating the adaptation are sustained, the feasibility of it is questionable at best.

Let me know when we figure out how to maintain a 682-proof cage at 0 degrees Kelvin for the next 200 years. - Dr. Walter Crowne

Test: Ask SCP-294 for "a cup of SCP-682". Repeatedly.

edited 3rd Sep '10 10:32:55 PM by Ryusui

Result: Failure. 682 regenerated body tissues faster than cups of SCP-682 could be ordered.

Test: Aim SCP-1543-02 at an empty patch of sky and launch 682 out of it.

Result: SCP-682 used its wings to turn around and return to Earth. Adelaide and Melbourne were both destroyed before the SCP could be detained.

Who authorized this? —Dr. Crow

Test: Have Drs. Clef and Kondraki take it on.

Result: [CANCELED]

I already tried going head to head with that [DATA EXPUNGED] thing! You think Kondraki is going to somehow feel better with me backing him up? —Dr. Clef

Note from Dr. Gears: As SCP-682 appears to be of extra-dimensional origin and has no desire to remain within the confines of this universe has it occurred to anyone to try and get it to reveal precisely where it comes from? We may be able to persuade it to temporarily cease its hostility towards us if we are able to determine its point of origin and offer it a way home, as it were. Assuming such a method exists of course.

Test: What Dr Gears said.

Test: Teleport it to the dark side of the moon where it will be hit with a coordinated attack from: [[Gundam00 00 Raiser]], Gundam XX, and the Turn A Gundam. The 00 is to strike with it's Raiser sword while the XX uses its satelitte cannon, the remains are to be hit with the Turn A's full arsenal and the Moonlight Butterfly.

edited 7th Oct '10 3:34:07 PM by n00bguy

^^ Result: SCP-682 expressed great interest in said plan, noting that it wished to reunite with members of his species, and that its planet was suffering from overpopulation.

Test halted under direct orders from O5.

^ Result: SCP-682 suffered major wounds, losing ██% of its body mass. 682 subsequently gained a Beehive Barrier, and proceeded to rend 00 Raiser, XX and Turn A to shreds.

Doctor █████████: Alright! Whoever thought of this is paying for the Gundams.

Test: Expose 682 to 173 and 689. Install minigun turrets firing Depleted Phlebotinum Shells with Bottomless Magazines. Run.

edited 9th Oct '10 7:03:17 AM by dragonKhorse

Result: 682 only hardened its skin to deflect the bullets, maiming any personnel left in the vicinity. Both 173 and 689 were severely damaged. 173 observed to temporarily stop moving when observed.

Experiment: Allow TV Tropes mods to assume direct control of SCP-682 via [REDACTED].

edited 10th Oct '10 2:08:19 PM by JackMackerel

Result: Failure. After having been controlled by TV Tropes mods for [REDACTED] hours, it screamed that TV Tropes just ruined his life and vented his rage on [REDACTED] Class D Personnel.

Experiment: Have Painis Cupcake take it on

edited 11th Oct '10 5:52:54 AM by WartysNeryon

RESULT: Failure,682 was able to eat the soldier before he could even open his mouth.

EXPERIMENT: Drop SCP-682 into a vat pool lake of highly corrosive acid.

edited 12th Jan '11 6:21:55 PM by dontcallmewave

Result: SCP-682 emerged, burned, but not significantly worse for wear, from the acid, and attempted to breach containment.

Test: Close SCP-214. Make SCP-682 open it. Find a recipe, and prepare it for SCP-682. The dish will be served to 682 on SCP-807.

edited 12th Jan '11 10:31:14 PM by Balmung

Result: Failure. The recipe called for [DATA EXPUNGED], [DATA EXPUNGED] and [DATA EXPUNGED]. The first two are not found in any meaningful quantities on Earth, and the third is believed not to exist at all in our reality. Dish was prepared using substitute ingredients (and a great deal of guesswork; there are few substances on Earth that have properties similar to [DATA EXPUNGED], and no one is sure how [DATA EXPUNGED] would even behave in three-dimensional space), placed on SCP-807, and served to SCP-682. SCP-682 was enticed by the meal until he took a bite: he immediately spat out the mouthful, proclaimed it to be "disgusting", and proceeded to eat the personnel who brought it to him.

Test: Feed SCP-682 to a miniature black hole.

RESULT: [EXPERIMENT CANCELLED] please see tests 15,33, and 84.

"Honestly people, what is it with your obsession with black holes?"-Dr.steinberg

EXPERIMENT: Have it take on SCP-3467

edited 18th Jan '11 5:44:49 AM by dontcallmewave

Result: [EXPERIMENT CANCELLED] See 3467's official log.

Test: Launch SCP-682 at the moon using SCP-1543. Also launch the entire combined US and Russian nuclear weapon reserves, or as much as we can acquire at the point of impact, timed such that the nukes reach the exact point where 682 touched down within one minute of impact.

Result: Failure. A small chunk of SCP-682 survives as a small reptile 16km away from the site of impact. It returns and combines with what is left of itself at the site of impact. Then it regenerates to full size, grows avian wings again, and returns to earth. It was successfully contained, but the people involved in that effort had to be taken to the hospital for radiation sickness.

Dr. —-:Maybe we will be successful if we can surround SCP-682 with a perfect sphere of nuclear explosive material. That will have to happen another day, especially now that we have a plutonium shortage.

Test: Suck out the heat and energy from SCP-682 using liquid nitrogen. At the same time, ask SCP-294 for "a cup of SCP-682" repeatedly. Regenerating the lost tissue and mass will take energy that SCP-682 will not have.

Result: SCP-682's mass is separated into the cups, however, acting of its own accord, the mass begins to reform, resulting in its reformation and [REDACTED], causing [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED], and [REDACTED] deaths of class D subjects before containment was achieved.

Test: Pit SCP-682 against the assembled Avengers, Wolverine, and Deadpool.

edited 14th Jan '11 5:06:37 AM by Ronnie

Previous test has been delayed, seeing as Deapool cannot be found, despite the Foundation's best efforst. Shall be commenced as soon as Deadpool is aprehended.

Test: Force SCP 682 to watch every single movie ever reviewed by MST 3 K, That Guy with the glasses.com, Rifftrax, Siskel and Ebert/Roeper. Also include watching bad LP's from Retsupurae.

Result: Failure. SCP-682 could not be adequately restrained or coerced into watching the material, and has destroyed over $100,000 worth of audio equipment in successive attempts. Eventually, driven by coffee-induced insomnia, boredom and a $50 bet, a D-Class personnel successfully placed an old black-and-white television in SCP-682's enclosure, playing a selection of the material on endless loop. SCP-682 became inexplicably docile and began watching the video - one amazed researcher noted that SCP-682 appeared to be enjoying itself. Attempts to remove the television from SCP-682's enclosure have, unsurprisingly, met with violent retaliation; however, the pacifying effect seems to be weakening as SCP-682 seemingly grows bored with the same movies over and over. Recommend switching material out regularly, or placing a larger selection on random shuffle.

Test: Run a bazooka through SCP-914 on "Very Fine", then use the results against SCP-682. (Strongly recommend performing test in adequately shielded bunker.)

Result: Failure. Recieved a "Port-A-Nuke" the input into SCP 914. Test was not conducted, seeing as that nuclear weapons have not worked on 682 prior to this test.

Test: Have an employee read terrible fanfics to 682 aloud. Thes will include My Immoral, The Girl who lived, Shinra High, the kooshball fic, naga eyes, The pokemon story, and The Ultimate Warrior comics. Afterwards, Place printed-out copies of each story between SCP 826, and force 682 into each story. Hopefully, he will be overpowered by the pure Suishness of the stories.

Result: Failure. SCP-682 was subjected to the reading of the material, although it took seven D-Class personnel to complete it (all D-Class personnel involved in the reading are currently in the infirmary with severe head trauma from having tried to bash their own brains out against the wall). When exposed to SCP-826, SCP-682 proceeded to kill and then messily devour (or, alternately, messily kill and then devour) every living being in each story's world, regardless of power level. Afterwards, each fanfic printout became an identical copy of a story titled "SCP-682 KILLS EVERYBODY!", the contents of which are self-explanatory.

Test: Laser dissection into one-inch cubes followed by freezing each cube in a separate container of liquid nitrogen.

Result: Failure. SCP-682 severely damaged the laser cutting equipment and [DATA EXPUNGED] to the personnel attempting to operate it before going on to rupture the nearby tanks of liquid nitrogen. Rest of experiment was subsequently cancelled.

Test: Launch SCP-682 into the nearest black hole.

RESULT: [EXPERIMENT CANCELLED] please see tests 15,33,84, and 138.

"AGAIN with the black holes! I HAVE HAD IT with the black holes"-Dr.steinberg

EXPERIMENT: Have it take on SCP-3467

edited 15th Jan '11 3:45:30 PM by dontcallmewave

Result: Failed. See SCP 3467 Main file.

Honestly, do you people even READ the logs of these SCP's before you come up with these ideas?! "Dr. Bright.

Test: Give it 3 candies from SCP 330, then sear off the stumps of it's limbs with plasma, lava, extremely hot fire, or other heated substances.

Result: Failure. D-Class personnel was handed the instructions and carried them out verbatim, personally removing three pieces of candy from SCP-330 and triggering its effect. D-Class personnel was reduced to screaming incoherently and was immediately decapitated by SCP-682, "just to shut him up" in its own words.

Let's double-check our instructions before we hand them out, shall we? We can't expect our D-Class personnel to keep track of what every SCP does. Hell, I have trouble keeping track of 'em. - Dr. Walter Crowne

Test: Sic SCP-334 on it.

RESULT: [Cancelled] What are we going to do after cutting off its arms? Even after you cauterize the wound, it will still regenerate after 24 hours, and in the meanwhile, it may grow pseudopods or prehensile tails.

TEST: Show it a piece of paper containing SCP-370. Then bring 50 class D personnel and wait 2 weeks so that he kills himself or vanishes.

EDIT: Information out of date due to ninja action.

edited 15th Jan '11 9:06:48 PM by sbluen