Buying Stuff from SCP-261

Output: A sandwich container with the words 404 ERROR: SANDWICH NOT FOUND on it. Did actually contain a sandwich, of which parts were missing in a random-haphazard manner. The edges were blurred, and the sandwich appeared to vibrate and move. Looks startlingly like a sandwich affected by a computer glitch. Output not eaten, deemed 'disturbing'.

Input: 500 yen: Powered. One half of the coins inserted are extremely accurate forgeries.

Output: A can of New Coke, apparently dating back to 1985. When researchers forced a Class-D personnel to drink it, the Class-D immediately collapsed and died, spilling the contents of the can all over the testing area. Nearby researchers quickly began noting sensations of [REDACTED] and collapsed and died in a similar fashion to the Class-D who drank the New Coke. Later analysis revealed that the carbon dioxide that would have been normally present within the New Coke had been replaced with gaseous O-ethyl S-[2-(diisopropylamino)ethyl] methylphosphonothioate by SCP-294. Researchers were notified to request O-5 approval for further purchases from SCP-294 involving counterfeit currency on pain of demotion to Class-D status.

Input: 980 Yen, Unpowered.

edited 24th Jun '10 11:52:01 AM by CaptainNapalm

Output: A floppy disk made out of "gummi" candy, packaged in a cellophane wrapper with an unknown language printed on it. The floppy disk functioned normally when inserted into a computer, and several files were placed on it. When a D-class was ordered to eat the floppy disk, he claimed to feel a strange sensation in his head before [DATA EXPUNGED]. It is currently theorized that the files on the disk were somehow "downloaded" into his mind, resulting in an incompatibility issue that [DATA EXPUNGED].

Input: 9999 yen. Powered.

edited 24th Jun '10 12:21:57 PM by randomguy9

Output: Several hundred small boxes with unidentifiable logos, in yellow and orange, on the sides. Label read as "Sweet, Collectable Pets!" in a different language for each box. Each one contained a miniature version of every SCP on records with a physical form, including several which are not currently on record, made of various sweets. They all also contained an (inaminate, thankfully) plastic figurine, and a copy of the SCP in question's file. Several researchers also had models. Several of the sweets possessed unusual properties in accordance to the actual SCP, such as the marzipan SCP-682, which could not be completely eaten, and regenerated the areas bitten off.

Input: 300 yen, unpowered.

edited 26th Jun '10 1:48:40 AM by MadeOfAxes

Output: A package of gummi worms that gradually cycle through all the colours of the rainbow, as well as becoming black between violet and red. Subsequent analysis reveals thay reflect ultraviolet and infrared light during this time.

Input: 2 perfect ¥200 coins, minted on-site.

Output: Sheet of edible rice paper containing the words "Nice try, Doctor." printed in English along with a 10x10x10cm cuboid composed of golden metal. Cuboid unfolded, revealing intricate patterns on the inside and releasing a cloud of stinging insects which attack Dr. Buddha, who fled the room. Insects died simultaneously after 6 minutes. Insects resembled no genus recorded. Both insect and note were edible but flavourless.

Input: 65 yen. Powered.

edited 26th Jun '10 6:56:27 AM by MadeOfAxes

Output: Three ordinary "Blow Pop" brand lollipops, once cherry-flavored, one grape-flavored, and one blue raspberry-flavored.

Not everything dispensed by SCP-261 is supernatural, you know.

Input: 777 yen.

Output: a 10x5x2.5cm replica of a slot machine made of milk chocolate and filled with nougat. Testing revealed that the lever and reels were fully functional, and the machine would dispense a 1cm diameter candy disk of random texture and flavour for every possible slot combination. Confiscated by Dr. Gears for "research purposes."

Input: 2001 yen, unpowered.

edited 26th Jun '10 4:47:39 PM by SullenFrog

Output: Two chocolate bars shaped like the former World Trade Center towers. When bitten, they disintegrated in a billowing cloud of cocoa with a bitter smell similar to smoke. Subjects commented that the chocolate made them feel "especially patriotic"; subjects are all American citizens.

Input: 300 yen, powered.

Output: A can of "Chill Cola", a soft drink that promises to "never lose cool, no matter how hot!" To test this claim, researchers placed the can in a kiln and heated it to 800° Celsius for ten hours. The drink's temperature was determined to be the same after heating as before. The cola had a slight citrus flavor.

Input: 2010 yen.

^ Please specify whether SCP-261 is powered or not in future experiments, fellow researcher...

Output: A functional vuvuzela made out of hard candy, with packaging in Afrikaans. Researchers described the object as being unbearable to listen to, but delicious.

Input: 1337 Yen, Powered.

edited 27th Jun '10 5:50:25 PM by CaptainNapalm

Output: An internet! Well, part of an internet... the 4chan part... well, the [DATA EXPUNGED]

Input: 42 yen, powered

edited 27th Jun '10 5:52:06 PM by WartysNeryon

Output: One box of 42 pieces of "The Answer" fudge, packaging in German. When consumed, the subject was overcome with a sudden sense of understanding, although the reason was uncertain. Subject began to ask random questions to everyone who would listen. When the question "What is [DATA REDACTED]?" sensors detected that the entire universe briefly [DATA EXPUNGED], although no noticeable effects were apparent, save Dr. Axes suffering a minor breakdown, Dr. ——'s office becoming flooded with penguins, and the death of 4 D-Class personnel on duty outside the vending machine, all of them from sudden heart failure. On closer inspection, box also contained a towel.

Input: 1914 yen. Powered.

Output: A large box of Franz Ferdinand commemorative chocolates, packaging in Serbian. Box contained 36 miniature chocolate busts of Franz Ferdinand, in dark, milk, and light varieties.

Input: One legitimate ¥500 coin which has been split in half and welded back together.

edited 28th Jun '10 2:13:50 PM by VampireBuddha

Output: a 10-inch tall replica of a statue forged during the Northern Wei dynasty of China. The statue was made of some manner of edible wax and was cracked down the middle, revealing it to be hollow; engraved into the base in Mandarin were the words "Protector of Xuanwu, August Star of Heaven."

Input: 41,000 yen, unpowered.

edited 28th Jun '10 2:10:47 PM by SullenFrog

Output: After a short buzzing noise, a full-scale figure of SCP-173 popped out, kicked a D-class in the shins, and exploded into many chocolate fragments. Reported to have an aftertaste of fish.

Input:487 Yen, Powered.

edited 28th Jun '10 2:31:24 PM by gumbal1

Output: A cardboard cage containing an animate, sentient, miniature-sized white chocolate ferret. Its body cavity contained strawberry-flavored goo and a number of hard candy "organs". Tasted slightly stale.

Input: 1200 yen, powered.

Output: A tin container with Icelandic packaging containing hákarl. Subjects who consumed it remarked on it tasting strongly of ammonia, with most describing it as tasting "revolting," though a minority of subjects had dissenting opinions about the taste.

Input: 5 Yen, Powered.

Output: A wad of gum that appears to have already been chewed recently, still wet with saliva. Testing of the saliva revealed it to belong to [DATA EXPUNGED]. Gum not chewed, deemed "gross."

Input: 500 yen, powered. All of the coins put in had holes punched through them with a laser.

edited 28th Jun '10 8:57:58 PM by randomguy9

Output: A 500 yen coin, made of milk chocolate and wrapped in foil. When consumed, several laser blasts came from an unknown source and hit the D-Class personnel, resulting in [DATA EXPUNGED].

Input: One 500 Yen coin on a string. Pull it back after snack has been dispensed. Unpowered.

Output:The supposed gummy bears that fell out of SCP-261 changed into a full sized SCP-682-like being as soon as the 500 yen coin was pulled out. Did not exhibit regenerative properties, yet was still able to kill [REDACTED] personnel before being subdued.

Input: 493 yen, Unpowered.

Output: A jar of assorted Jelly Belly branded jellybeans. The jar included jellybeans of several flavors that are presently pending official release, but confirmed to exist by insiders from the Jelly Belly Candy Company.

Input: 99 Yen, Unpowered.

Output: Packet of green spherical sweets. Unlabelled. On consumption, Class D personnel promptly frothed at the mouth and died. Testing reveals the sweets to contain lethal doses of cyanide.

Input: 256 Yen, Powered

Output: A cardboard 16x16 grid of rainbow-colored jawbreakers. Though pleasing to the eye, the jawbreakers unfortunately all possessed the same bland, slightly cardboard-y flavor, and dissolved fairly quickly for jawbreakers. 14 jawbreakers were consumed; the rest were discarded.

Input: 1101 yen, powered.

Output: One spherical, tinfoil-wrapped "Strawberry Bomb", labelling in both Flemish and Afrikaans. Output was tested by D-Class personnel inside a blast chamber because of concerns fromm supervisors. Output was had a milk chocolate shell, with strawberry-flavoured filling. Contained a hollow capsule of white chocolate. Capsule contained a note, "This machine does not always vend dangerous products, morons." typed in over 50 languages.

Input: 261 yen. Powered.