Gallant and Goofus

Goofus drives standing up, with his head peeking out of the sunroof.

Princess Gallant has a bunch of little animal friends she made with her kindness.

Prince Goofus has an army of robot minions he made with cruelty (and SCIENCE!)

Gallant believes in creating an Honest Rolls Character and never asks for mulligans.

Edited by WillyFourEyes on Jun 28th 2021 at 2:24:45 PM

Goofus always just happens to max out all his stats,and constantly begs for his loopholes and rules lawyering to be allowed.

Gallant goes on hikes in beautiful places and is always happy to take others along.

Goofus also goes on hikes to beautiful places - and litters the fuck out of them

Gallant gains sentience about this thread's existence, and mirthfully adds his own examples to continue the joke

Goofus gains sentience about this thread's existence, and loads it with spam comments, resulting in the thread getting locked.

Gallant rushes into a burning building to save the people trapped inside.

Goofus adds more fuel to the fire

Gallant cashes his paychecks in a timely manner

Goofus makes one bank run every 6 years.

Gallant will washes the dishes in the sink, even if they're not his.

Goofus eats dishes and washes food down the sink.

Gallant learns how to prepare food for people with food allergies.

Goofus makes food containing nothing but allergens, even weird inedible ones.

Gallant makes sure to check the time and address for a scheduled meeting so that he knows when and where he should arrive.

Goofus comes a week late to his job interview and accidentally arrives at walmart.

Gallant makes sure to always follow the law and report anything suspicious to the great leader.

Edited by This on Jul 8th 2021 at 1:18:13 AM

Goofus establishes a network of informants and insurgents to sow dissent in the populace, planting evidence of wrongdoings on loyalists and committing acts of insurrection while the authorities are busy chasing false leads (You know, that actually sounds pretty hardcore to me).

Gallant works hard to maintain good dental hygiene.

Goofus has needed dentures since he was in high school.

Gallant always leaves civil, respectable comments on YouTube videos, even when he disagrees with the opinions shown within.

Goofus starts flame wars and brings nine year old comments back from the dead.

Gallant charges his phone every night

Goofus believed the phone in the microwave prank

Gallant declares war in the face of repeated attacks on his nation

Goofus unconditionally surrenders the moment a soldier (or even a civilian) crosses the border.

Gallant the rogue always checks for traps and disarms them before entering a new dungeon room.

Goofus the rogue also always checks for traps when entering a new room, but doesn't disarm them and intentionally allows the rest of the party to trigger them.

Gallant is a renowned architect.

Goofus learned everything he knows about architecture from playing the Bridge Builder Series.

Gallant always lets the cashier keep the change.

Goofus robs the shop taking the change.

Gallant looks out for others and tries to keep the law in the wasteland.

Goofus is a cannibal bandit that attacks people on the wasteland.

Gallant catches and releases fish so the population remains stable.

Goofus genocides entire lakes with dynamite and leaves the remains in the cars of local Department of Fish and Wildlife employees.

Gallant always builds his buildings to code.

Goofus stacks three wood planks on top of each other and sells it for more than buildings sell for.

Gallant humbly admits to his mistakes and properly makes up for them.

Goofus always keeps a scapegoat on standby, even for things as minimal as getting a meal order wrong.

Even though Gallant’s starship won’t win any awards anytime soon, he still does his best to keep it running.

Edited by Starbug on Jul 10th 2021 at 5:20:49 AM

Goofus only works on his starship to hide problems rather than fix them. It looks impressive on the outside, but it's a miracle it doesn't just crumble to pieces when the engines turn on.

Gallant takes care to learn and use people's preferred pronouns.

Goofus will dead name someone and look them right in the eye when he does it

Gallant is a vegetarian, but he doesn’t give other people crap for eating meat

Goofus eats meat, and force feeds it to anyone that doesn't.

Gallant remembers to take his medicine.