Gallant and Goofus

Goofus climbed a hill and called it a world accomplishment.

Gallant doesn’t spoil E3 conferences.

Goofus tries to, but he's such a tide of unsubstantiated rumors everyone's just as surprised that he's ever right.

Gallant makes sure to never summon anything bigger than his head.

Goofus deliberately summons Lovecraftian monsters just to punch them in the face and insult their parents.

Gallant the GM is willing to take it easy on new players, aware that they're not 100% familiar with the game.

Goofus's campaign starts with him sending a massive, planet destroying meteor to his players.

Gallant doesn't abuse Time Travel.

Goofus has caused so many time paradoxes he can't remember which parts of reality are from the original timeline anymore.

Gallant doesn't fight dirty.

Goofus fights by ineffectively throwing feces at his opponent. And he always loses.

Gallant is so incorruptible that literally no one can make him betray his principles.

Goofus doesn't have any principles to betray.

Gallant keeps his religious and political views to himeslf, unless invited to share them in a polite, moderated discussion.

Goofus is a hardcore militant leftist and regularly goes on rants about how the world needs to band together to take down "The Man, man!"

Gallant Netflixes and chills.

Goofus has never relaxed for a day in his life.

Gallant is the setting's Big Good.

Goofus wishes he could be his world's Big Bad, but he's barely competent enough to scrub the toilets in the Evil Tower of Ominousness.

Inspector Gallant of Scotland Yard is such a brilliant detective that he managed to solve for all time the riddle of Jack the Ripper's identity.

Inspector Goofus could never work for an agency without being fired after a week, because he's so incompetent.

Gallant plays a big drum set.

edited 2nd Jun '18 10:15:10 PM by dave_the_assassin

Goofus uses a large timpani as a trampoline, and calls it "music".

Gallant does his chores for an allowance.

Goofus regularly steals money from his mother's wallet.

Gallant washes the dishes every night so they're all clean for tomorrow.

Goofus destroys the dishes so he wouldn't have to deal with it later.

Gallant treats a sick woman because he wanted to help her.

Goofus, not getting enough money from his mother's wallet, steals from the sick woman.

Gallant, seeing a crime, will immediately call the police, or get involved if he feels it's safe to do so.

Goofus is the one commiting the crime.

Despite having a no killing policy, Gallant was willing to kill The Joker in order to save several hundred people that the The Joker was about to murder.

Goofus killed Gallant’s parents for money.

When Gallant goes to prison, he respectably waits his time out, and treats the guards with respect and obedience.

Goofus went to jail on purpose so he could rape and murder as many guards and prisoners as he could before being stopped.

Gallant fixes mistakes in his posts quickly.

edited 3rd Jun '18 4:17:50 PM by DatLonerGirl

goofus leeves mistakes asis, let otjers figger out what meens he

Gallant never watches any movie above a PG-13 rating.

Goofus has a hidden room BEHIND his snuff films.

Gallant chooses a sword appropriate for his duels.

Goofus brings a sword to a gun fight.

Gallant files his tax returns on time.

Goofus works for the IRS. Because he's the worst.

Gallant only drinks when it is socially appropriate, when he is allowed to, and when he does drink, he does it in controlled, moderate amounts.

Goofus regularly drinks The Demoman under the table out in public.

Gallant doesn't make fun of other people.

Goofus called people racist slurs to their face so often that he ran out of teeth.

Gallant cured cancer.

Goofus causes cancer.

Gallant raises orphaned kittens.