How to Buy a Monthly Plan

1. Select the service you want to subscribe to. You can pick one at random if you want.

2. Get a bank account.

3. Put enough money in your bank account to pay for the subscription.

4. Wait for your debit card to arrive in the mail.

5. Enter your debit card details on the website of the service you chose. They'll take the money out of your account; don't panic if you see your money disappear. That's by design.

6. You have two options here:

• Enjoy the benefits of the service you paid for.
• Never use it and complain that it's not worth the money.

7. When next month rolls around, make sure you put enough money in your bank account to cover it. The service will take the money and you will stay subscribed. If you don't have enough money, you will be unsubscribed.

8. Repeat step 7 until the heat-death of the universe.

How to get a bank account:

1. Go to the bank

2. Ask to start a bank account

3. Insert Money

4. Take out at any time!

5. Keep them in for longer to gain interest!

Edited by DookieIdiotNimrod on Jun 10th 2020 at 4:21:07 AM

Ok bitch it's Weezer and it's Weezy

How to control your emotions (in no particular order!):

• Learn how to vent your negative emotions
• Do some soul searching
• Find ways to control it no matter how impossible a feat people tell you it is
• Find out what works for you
• Do more soul searching
• Learn ways to observe your own thoughts and actions
• Stop giving importance to thing that don't deserve importance
• Stop giving importance to things you don't want in your life
• Detach from unwanted feelings
• Detach from previous identit(es)y and craft a new one for yourself
• Do more soul searching until fulfilment

---

How to tell if you're in the past OR future:

• Realise that the past is nothing but memories
• Realise that all you make are choices
• Realise that there is only the present
• ???
• Profit!

This is my first time hearing about that guy, honestly. Is that where the whole thing came from?

Edited by KingOfStickers on Jun 10th 2020 at 1:11:05 PM

How to realize that there is only the present:

• Realize that there is no present; everything is the near future or the recent past.
• Steal the entire routine from a long-dead comedian.

No, he did not write a routine about controlling your emotions or invent the missing steps plan joke. He had a routine back in the 70's, about human perception of time, where my line "There is no now! Everything is the near future or the recent past" comes from. I may have been a bit ambiguous in my wording, my apologies.

Edited by WilliamRadarStorm on Jun 10th 2020 at 12:58:43 PM

The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.

How to Steal a Routine From a Long-Dead Comedian: Get directions on where he's buried. Go there by whatever mode of transportation you please, depending on your relative location from the grave. Grab a shovel and dig out his corpse, then go to your secret laboratory to perform necromancy on him. Finally, bribe him into sharing his secrets to his perfect comedy act with you, then kill him and return him to his grave. Make sure you don't get caught while doing all of these.

"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!"

How to bribe someone into sharing their secrets:
First off, if you don't already know someone like this, find someone who has a hidden secret you'd like to know. Then, find something to bribe them with. Money is the classic choice, but you can also go for items or even services, it all depends on what the person in question would want or need. Then, give them an offer for whatever your bribe in question is on the condition that they share their secret... if they agree, and everything goes as planned, you'll also know the secret! Congrats!

that's not part of my text, though - you're supposed to use part of the above text to write instructions for. eh, too late to change now

Edited by Zanreo on Jun 12th 2020 at 5:44:21 PM

"Leftover items still have value!"

How to tell if you're dreaming or not:

Drink lots of liquid and pee. If you pee in a dream, then you might pee in real life. If you got anxious while peeing and woke yourself up? Congrats! You were dreaming. If you don't wake up, then you should change your pants. That's gross.

Edited by KingOfStickers on Jun 11th 2020 at 2:41:47 PM

How to Pee Your Pants:

1. Ask yourself if you're wearing pants.

2. If not, put on some pants.

3. Drink a lot of water.

4. Wait a while.

You should see results in at least 3-4 hours.

How to put on pants:

1: Find a pair of pants.

2: Step into the pants so that both feet are in seperate holes.

3: Pull up pants.

Edited by R3Ked on Jun 11th 2020 at 7:20:14 AM

How to pull pants up:

1. Bend down

2. Try to grab the thing you want to pull up

3. Bend your arm back

4. Tighten or loosen pants, depending on size (If pants have strings, pull those, or tie them in a knot.)

Ok bitch it's Weezer and it's Weezy

Hot to Face Your Fears

1. Have your fear close to you

2. Try to do it...

3. ...but if you're afraid, have someone trick you into facing your fear

I can't think of a good signature.

How to have someone trick you

1. Find someone who is willing to trick you.
2. Instruct them to trick you. Be sure to be specific enough that you communicate the desired outcome, but vague enough that they can think outside the box on how to trick you.
3. Wait a few minutes for the someone in question to finish concocting their plan.
4. Carry out plan. If you didn't see the trick coming and have been tricked into doing what you were supposed to do as a result of the trick, then it has worked and you can ignore the next step.
5. If you have failed to be tricked, due to bad planning, unusually good foresight, or just due to your friend not carrying out the plan, go back to step 2 and repeat until success occurs or until your friend gives up from frustration.

The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.

How to go back to step 2

So you realized you messed up something early on in the process? Or maybe you just wanna redo the fun part? No worries! Look through the list of instructions for what you just did or was trying to do, and locate the second one, which will generally be after the first and sometimes marked with the number "2". If there's no written list, think over everything you did up to this point and choose whatever part of your actions could reasonably be considered "step 2".

Then, depending on the specific situation and what would be easiest or possible, either do the steps you've done up until now in reverse so you can return to step 2 and try again, or just do the whole thing over again from step 2 (step 1 not necessary) without reversing anything. If needed, buy the new materials required for your step-2-ing needs.

"Leftover items still have value!"

How to realize you messed up

Unsure if you messed up or not and if you need to go back to step 2? No problem!

First, you should consult the smartest people on the planet. You can find this out by giving various people jigsaw puzzles and seeing how fast they complete them. If someone completes a 10×10 jigsaw puzzle in under 20 minutes you can mark them as a "super-genius" worthy of answering the question of if you messed up.

How to get jigsaw puzzles

Ever heard of them and wanted to try them out? No problem, here's how you can get one! Hit up a supermarket, or a toy store, or anything like that, and look out for a games (or maybe toys) aisle. If you see a box with jigsaw puzzle pieces (or better yet, things labelled as jigsaw puzzles), that's your cue!

Remind me to kill that annoying speaker

But the problem is: You need to find your way to the supermarket.

---

Simple! Just open your map to find a supermarket near you and order a taxi to take you there.

Everything that lives is designed to end...

How to order a Taxi:

That is also simple. Just picks up your phone, dial the number and ask "May I book a taxi at (time... location...)?" You can also wave hands to hail one if you see one driving nearby. A taxi looks like a car, but it usually has the word "taxi" on top and the taxi service brand name on it bodies.

Edited by LucasdaKool on Sep 10th 2023 at 4:45:03 AM

Meow meow meow (I am just a lil’ hungry cat, I have nothing to do with a certain guy who hired an assassin)

How to Dial A Number.

First things first, you will need to acquire the usage of a phone. This part of the instructions will assume you haven’t completed Section 331 “How to Aquire a Mobile Phone”.

1. First, identify your current location? Can you see a phone? If so, skip ahead to 4.

2. If you do not see a phone, you will need to find one. You may do this by heading to a variety of locations, though I find hotels and houses to have the best odds.

3. Walk to the phone.

4. If you have a number already you may enter it by imputing the digits in sequence, otherwise see section 662 “How to Acquire and Use a Phone Book”.

5. You have dialed a phone number!

Try out my new forum game! Man this formating is hard.

How to Acquire and Use a Phone Book

1. Visit your local convenience store or mall. When confronted by another human for bumming say the following: “Gentleman, I am looking for your yellow book.”

2. Once found, use hands to navigate pages of book.

3. Using numbers, identify a phone number you wish to dial.

4. Follow the steps shown above.

5. Repeat the process of 2-4 for any other phone numbers.

Discombobulate.

How to visit your local convenience store or mall

1. First off, locate the building in question. If you don't know where the nearest convenience store/mall/similar is, Google Maps can help.

2. Get to said building in whatever way you prefer or is more convenient, whether that be walking, cycling, public transport or driving.

3. Now that you're here, enter the shop by going through the front door! (If closed, find out the opening times and come back later.)

4. Look around, and see if there's anything you want to buy - that's why you came here, wasn't it? Or just look around and explore the place, I guess.

"Leftover items still have value!"

How to use Google Maps

1. Find a device such as a computer, phone or tablet.

2. Go to the internet and type in "Google Maps" to search for it.

3. Click on the first result

4. Type in the name of the place you need to find in the search box to find it.

5. Alternatively, you can download an app on your phone or tablet to use.

Meow meow meow (I am just a lil’ hungry cat, I have nothing to do with a certain guy who hired an assassin)