WTF news headlines.

I want a plasma diamond.

Bose-Einstein condensate diamond.

Powerful Russian Orthodox cleric summoned to spritz computers with holy water to fight ransomware.

Pack it up, 2017 is over, we can all go home now.

Being An In-N-Out Managers Could Make You Richer Than Beconimg A Lawyer.

[Sic].

Edit: They corrected beconimg, though they still missed managers. XD

edited 15th Sep '17 9:20:48 PM by Eagal

Colorado authorities try to find "serial pooper" caught defecating in people's yards.

And now to wait on confirmation that the culprit is originally from Florida.

Schools are banning besties to 'protect students' feelings'

Seems legit.

Excuse me for a moment...

And if you thought could not get any weirder: Charmin offers "Mad Pooper" free TP to help with "runs".

Well that’s stupid. The idea of having a “best friend” isn’t just a school thing - it’s a general social life thing. Sure, it’s not polite to call someone your best friend in front of your other friends, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still think of them that way. Best they could do is try to stop kids from voicing the sentiment out loud while they’re at school, and good luck with that.

The article also implies that having lots of friends and having a best friend are mutually exclusive concepts. They’re not. If you have a large group of friends, you’re going to be closer to some of them than others, and you might have one or two friends that you’re closest to. That’s normal.

edited 25th Sep '17 4:50:21 PM by SapphireBlue

As third teen joins Kansas governor race, consider this: No rule says a dog can't run

To be fair, a dog would be a great improvement.

I just love the way this is worded. Its DARING it to happen. The only reason it won't is that Kansas exists to disappoint me.

Ever since they made the movie Legally Blonde, I've been wanting to see an Air Bud movie premised on the idea that "There's no rule that says a dog can't run for office as a United States Senator." It'd be called Legally Bud.

Today's political climate only makes me want that movie harder. "Sure, he's a dog, but that's just the kind of outsider we need to clean up Washington!"

On the other hand, he's be much more susceptible to bribery. Anyone with a few snausages would have him eating out of their hand.

I am reasonably sure that Brownback has been bribed with snausages.

Trump Challenges Rex Tillerson to IQ Test

Woman Trades Single Packet of McDonald's Szechuan Sauce for Volkswagen.

Osama Bin Laden was an anime fan and played pirated Naruto games

The headline by itself seems like a weird mix of Hitler Ate Sugar and Digital Piracy Is Evil, (although I don't think either one was the intended takeaway), but the actual article is just as weird. The idea of a notorious terrorist leader going home after a long day of crimes against humanity and playing Animal Crossing of all things is a very strange mental image.

edited 1st Nov '17 4:05:20 PM by SapphireBlue

Osama: Time for a nice long Naruto Ultimate Ninja 3 game with Al-Zawahiri. Man, he plays a mean Sasori.

Was Osama a fan of Sasuke?

Woman charged with burning roommate's ferret in oven.

Are you really, absolutely, totally sure that's not an euphemism?

He was a SasuSaku shipper.

Berlin road rage driver 'threatens' ambulance crew saving a child

Octopus Eats Aquarium Employee's Penis During Sex

Beauty queen lands dream job with sanitation department.

"Trashy but classy."

This man is about to launch himself in his homemade rocket to prove the Earth is flat

"Journey into the atmosflat"