Asexuality in general

Isn't this supposed to be the on-topic subforum?

<Mod Hat ON>

ON-TOPIC, people.

The whole last page and a half has been utterly and completely OFF-Topic.

<Mod Hat OFF>

Wow, that's a lot of off-topic thumping.

Someone said already that claiming that sexuality is better than asexuality is like saying (examples of hetero vs. homo and gender vs. gender), and that it's very rude. Personally, I agree, not that I've seen anyone actually defend sexuality as being better than asexuality (that's probably not going to register with others as I read it to mean... I wonder how many tropers I confuse with my posts).

Asexuality is one of the few sexualities I haven't experienced yet. I'll say that I enjoy having an sexuality, even if it's been difficult recently, if only for the simple reason that it gives me pleasure.

Things will be different if I were, or were to become, asexual. On that topic, that's really all I know, and it's actually kinda scary for me.

I'm curious: how does the asexual community relate to the neutrois community? (That's "agender" for you un-PC types.) They're clearly different things, but I can see potential for both overlap and conflict.

@Enzeru

I think it's more that sexual people just have trouble understanding what being asexual is like. Especially since kids start out as mostly asexual, so there's an instinct to see it as a matter of the person just not having grown out of "girls/boys are ew" yet.

It's also—speaking from experience—really frustrating liking an asexual person in a way that even liking someone who turns out to be gay doesn't really compare to. You can live with "I'd like you if you weren't the wrong sex" and chalk it up to fate, but "I really do like you too, I just don't want sex ever" is sort of... it is admittedly tempting to be a dick and just try to convince the person they'll like it once they've tried it or something.

@feotakahari

Can't help you there, I admit... the asexual people I know personally all identify as male or female. Although I don't really see why gender of any type would have an effect on your sexuality.

edited 22nd May '11 11:35:10 PM by Jeysie

Well, an asexual person might still be willing to have sex - and might even enjoy it - just for the sake of making their partner happy, surely?

Yes. Edmania is an example of such a sort.

Maybe, but this asexual person wasn't.

Plus, I kind of want someone to have sex with me because they're attracted to me and want to have sex, not just to make me happy. (Partly because I don't like being patronized and partly because it's not good for the self-esteem to know your SO doesn't find you attractive.)

Yeah, basically.

edited 23rd May '11 12:09:15 AM by Jeysie

Well, at least some sexual people would find that a tad humiliating.

Well, I can see how a grudging sort of "Oh, fine, I'll have sex to stop you bothering me" might be hurtful. But what if they wanted sex for the emotional closeness?

I guess, speaking personally, I don't really care if a partner thinks I'm sexually attractive. Sometimes I think I'd rather they didn't. I'd much rather have someone who loved me and therefore saw me as beautiful than someone who loved me because they thought I was beautiful.

I just cannot distinguish between "emotional closeness" and "physical attraction" in this way: as far as I can tell, they just reinforce one another.

But I dunno, I suppose it might work, as long as the asexual person has some reason to desire intimacy other than just "I want the other person to be satisfied, and they need this to be so".

Otherwise, the sexual person would feel, well, like some sort of beggar, and this even if the other person was not grudging and was genuinely happy to oblige them — if anything, that would make one feel even worse.

At least, that's how it looks like to me — I don't know how universal it is, and I suspect that it isn't.

edited 23rd May '11 12:30:51 AM by Carciofus

I would just prefer to have my SO find me sexually attractive and want to have sex with me. Otherwise, like Carciofus said, it feels like begging, and making your SO make a sacrifice in an aspect of a relationship that really should be fully mutual.

(As it is, my GF admitting once when the conversation swung towards the topic that she wouldn't find me sexually attractive if she wasn't in love with me (as in, based on appearance alone) was hard enough for me to come to grips with.)

I'm extremely picky about appearance. My ideal world is a place that can force you into the lower class simply because you are ugly in my eyes. I won't want sex for physical pleasure, but I have a weird body that feels better when I successfully make others I love happy rather than myself.

edited 23rd May '11 6:02:58 AM by Edmania

"What I actually don't like are the people claiming to be asexual, when really its just because they can't get laid." - Drunk Scriblerian

And how exactly would you know who that applies to?

Well sometimes there's a lot of weird implications, like someone using a Breast Expansion avatar while claiming to be asexual at the same time (I forgot who that was though.)

And there have been various people who've claimed to be asexual, then turned around and started talking about how "I'd totally do so-and-so".

I still don't get why someone changing opinion about their sexuality should be a big deal for anyone else.

It's like if someone claimed that he does not like chocolate, then changed idea and started eating chocolate: it would be vaguely bizarre, but eh, stranger things happen all the time.

@Drunk G Is that any different from a straight person saying that would "go gay" for a certain person?

@KCK: when they go and do it at the first opportunity, yes it damn well does.

@neo: see above answer.