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"Okay, kids, now listen. Sometimes, there are people out there who don't follow the rules. Sometimes, rules can be broken, but if a rule is essential for something to continue, then make sure not to break that rule, okay? It's a pain in the ass for everyone involved if you decide to be lazy instead of following basic procedure! Now, I'm going to go back to my room. Goodnight."
[Scene: Jodi's kitchen. Jodi is at the counter, in an apron.]
"Hello! Remember that salad in your fridge? Or maybe the half head of cabbage that you can't find a use for? Remember that ground beef? Remember that fish that your son wouldn't touch last night, because he saw one grain of black pepper on it? Ask me how I know about that one. Remember those tomatoes you bought the other day for sandwiches, and then realized you're out of bread and aren't getting any more until payday?"
[Jodi gets fish, beef, cabbage, and tomatoes out of the fridge]
"It's Taco Tuesday!"
[a muffled guitar riff is heard, presumably from the other room, along with a loud but muffled male voice yelling "HELL YEAH TACOS!"]
[Jodi puts the fish in one pan and the beef in another]
"Reheat the fish. You don't want to actually cook it any more than it already is, just warm it up. While that's going, cut the cabbage into ribbons."
[Jodi cuts cabbage, then turns the heat down on the fish, and pours seasoning in the beef]
"Cook the ground beef all the way through, and cut the tomatoes while that's cooking. Then, pull out the lettuce, salsa, cheese, and anything else you'd like to put on your tacos."
[Camera cuts to a beautifully-arranged spread of beef, fish, tortillas, and toppings]
"Happy Taco Tuesday and Leftover Liberation Day!"
[Jodi giggles, the boys and Kent come up and start making tacos]
Adopt a Pet
Hello, this Nina Cortex speaking. And I want to talk about adopting pets. You see, animals in pounds are often neglected and eventually euthanised. A lot people shop for pets at the pet store. But did you know that the puppies at these stores were born in cruel puppy mills? That's just another reason to adopt at your animal shelter. So don't shop; adopt.
edited 4th Mar '18 6:22:54 AM by TheWhiteWolf
Look, I'll be blunt. There are some lines even my Dark Mechanicus doesn't cross. We may be insane. We may be madmen who would make even the worst of scientists stop and stare at us in horror. We may be men who the Devil himself would refuse to admit into Hell, because we're too evil for him. But we have standards.
If any of my Hereteks, Warpsmiths or similar find you're using child labour, we will punish you. Your limbs removed, replaced with spark-whips and nests of claws. Eyes bored from your skull and visors in their places. Your heart and organs fixed with stim injectors. And then, proud in your new body, what remains of your drooling waste of a mind will be turned to our own uses. At a single word of my command, you'll willingly fling yourself into the jaws of Hell, a berserk flesh-machine bound for a long, long death.
Or we'll convert you into a Daemon Engine. your soul ripped from your body, bound and fused into a metal chassis along with daemonic entities. The only part of you that will not be in ceaseless, horrendous agony, is the part that knows how to fight. Those are the two fates that await those who cross the Dark Mechanicus with their use of child labour. Consider yourself warned.
Next PSA Topic: Bullying.
edited 4th Mar '18 7:40:59 AM by Clockwork_Heart
Loud robot noises
Footage of kids bullying someone being obliterated by energy weapons including the victim
More loud robot noises
[Scene: A man looks visibly distressed. He empties his pockets. There is a spoon, a baggie full of needles, and a few pennies. He walks past a pet store, where a large parrot is in a cage, with a price tag reading $1000.
He looks across the street and sees Dyna Blade's nest, with three babies inside. His face lights up. He runs across the street and snatches a baby out of the nest!
Dyna Blade swoops down and bites his arm. He releases the baby. She lets go of his arm and turns her head sideways to get a better look.
The camera switches to Dyna Blade's POV. She sees track marks on the man's arm. She grabs him in one of her talons, flies to the methadone clinic, and shoves him through the door.
A woman in scrubs walks out. "Thanks for bringing this gentleman in. As You Know, addiction is a medical problem, not a legal one. Addicted patients deserve help and compassion."
Dyna Blade nods, then flies off into the sunset.]
edited 10th Mar '18 8:29:10 AM by RaspyMink
(I'm making this lighthearted this time.)
ROBIN: Mo, you really shouldn't drive home if you're drunk. MAURICE: Ahhh, don't worry, Rob, I'll be fine... ROBIN: No, no, no. I'll call you a taxi. BARRY: It's pretty late, all the taxi services are probably closed. MAURICE: I don't need a taxi, I'm drivin' home! (Barry rushes to the door and locks it.) BARRY: Perhaps you should spend the night.
(Cue card saying "The next morning...") MAURICE: Ohhhh, my head... NEWSCASTER ON TV: In other news, A young man is under arrest on DWI and manslaughter charges after a tragic car accident last night which resulted in the deaths of two teenage girls. Trial is set to begin on Tuesday. If found guilty, He will serve a sentence of- MAURICE: Thank god I didn't drive home last night... Thanks for keeping me here, fellas. BARRY: You're welcome. (The Bee Gees then look at the screen) ROBIN: Remember, Drinking and driving is not a good idea. BARRY: If you decide to drink at a party or at a bar, Just call a taxi or a friend to give you a lift home. MAURICE: It's not worth the risk.
edited 10th Mar '18 3:18:16 PM by EeveeGirlChey
"Now when you're a cowboy, you gotta watch out for gun shaped foods. Bananas, sausages, cucumbers, you name it. 'Cause if any of y'all mix 'em up in a fight, well, once the other feller stops laughin' he'll shoot ya. Or even worse, if ya mix 'em up while eating, you'll shoot yerself. So be sure to keep an eye out for gun shaped foods. I'm a big plastic cowboy and I approve of this message!"
Street Crossing Safety
edited 10th Mar '18 7:01:42 PM by Some_Person
Hey, shitty-hair, the hell do you think youíre doing?
Iím crossing the road, bro.
Thereís a car heading straight towards you, you shithead!
Kirishima turns towards the car, which, indeed, is coming towards him at high speed. He immediately activates his Hardening Quirk, picks the car up and places it on the other side of the road. Although the driver is stunned, the car continues on its way.
YOUíRE SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL IT DRIVES PAST, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!
Oh, come on, did I at least use my Quirk well?
Bakugou glances at the camera.
Donít be a show-off like that fucker over there.
Work Health and Safety Precautions
[The inside of a Hell-Forge is shown. Many workers, regular and Servitor alike, are active on production line. Upon closer inspection, there is no kill-switch for the machinery to cut power immediately. One of the workers trips over a loose piece of metal, and falls onto the line. Said worker is promptly carved up by a pair of Servo-Arms with motorised saws, then crushed by a large industrial crusher.]
Kelbor-Hal: (Sigh). That's the third one gone in ten minutes!
(He turns to a group of Hereteks.)
Which one of you idiots is meant to be in charge of health and Safety?
[The Hereteks look at him blankly.]
Damn it. One of you idiots, pencil in an order to get some actual Health and Safety precautions put in. I'm getting tired of paying raiders for new Menials.
(Kelbor-Hal turns directly toward the camera.)
Unless you wish to end up like that guy, I'd advise you get H&S Precautions in place.
Forgot to put the next PSA topic in. My bad. Sorry.
edited 11th Mar '18 2:25:06 PM by Clockwork_Heart
(Doing H&S precautions as well, since it's the last one listed)
[Scene: Dyna Blade walks into a factory with No OSHA Compliance.
There is a man sleeping in the security booth. Dyna Blade screams to wake him up. He runs outside the booth and starts yelling. Dyna Blade bites his tie off and uses her wing to gesture to a sign showing a tie being pulled into the industrial equipment.
Dyna Blade then sees a man operating a press without hearing protection. She screams at him. He doesn't notice. She screams again. He doesn't notice. She grabs a pair of earmuffs in her beak and dangles them in front of the guy's face. He puts them on.
She walks to an exit door and finds it locked, then stomps upstairs to the office. She grabs the supervisor in her beak, by the belt loop, and carries him downstairs. She sets him in front of the locked door and unleashes a terrifying threat display◊. The boss tries to get out, and fails.
Dyna Blade stomps toward the front of the factory, accidentally kicking over a bucket of an unknown substance. She slips, falls, and the substance burns her feathers. She screams at the top of her lungs and kicks over a machine, causing all the factory workers to run out the front door.
She then destroys the factory.
A subtitle appears: Stay Alert. Follow the Rules. Follow the Law. The factory you save may be your own.]
The Importance of Sunscreen
edited 11th Mar '18 7:20:02 AM by RaspyMink
Alright. I never expected to have to say this to you guys *stares down at the other members of the Magic High Council* but it seems as if some of us have been ignoring the importance of sunscreen. The fact that the fire centred one of us is telling this lesson speaks a lot. Now, I want all of you to put on a good dose of if before you ever go to any potential fire or sun specific themed dimensions. It's what Lekmet would of wanted from us.
Kids, fire may be beneficial for cooking and other primal necessities, but you might get burnt if you get too close.
Using high Level magic.
"Attention, all subordinates! It has recently come to my attention that someone has been blatantly disregarding the Lair Rulings on high-level magic and powerful magical objects. So, I find it is my duty, as your Dark Master, to remind you of the content of the Rulings.
"FIRSTLY, high-level magic is not to be cast in an environment with less than three observers. The same goes for powerful magical objects. Regardless of whether it's a Wish spell or a 9th-level casting of Fireball, if someone is meddling that kind of magic without the requisite observers, they are being a danger to themselves, their fellows, and to my lair! And if my lair gets damaged... YOU get damaged!
"SECONDLY! Failure to observer proper safety protocols, especially with high-level summoning magics, is grounds for execution. I will not stand for having the Sibilant Beast roaming my domain because a foolhardy mage thought they could pull off that kind of summon with a Magic Circle!
"Lastly— If i ever find out that a single one of you has even touched my stash of magical artifacts with my EXPLICIT permission, I will personally turn you into new upholstery for my throne. That isn't exactly related to the previous announcements, mind you — I merely forgot to fit that in to the previous Lair Announcements. Now, darken someone's day and get back to work! Except for you, Davis. You get back to being the doorman."
Why you should be a pirate
edited 13th Mar '18 6:30:33 PM by OmegaShadowcry
Wavey (wearing an eyepatch): "So. You're thinking about becoming an astronaut, or an accountant, or a zookeeper? Well get ready to give up those dreams, because the hottest thing right now is becoming a pirate, so get a ship ready. You don't believe me? Well fucko, just look at these happy pirates that are satisfied with their jobs."
Amber (inside a cage, wearing a skull bandana and an eyepatch): "Being a pirate is rad, kids. I've sailed the seven seas many times, and I've enjoyed every run!"
Pen (wearing a peg leg and a hook): "..."
Wavey: "Fuck you, Pen."
Toneth (wearing an eyepatch and a peg leg on his broken leg): "Wavey, I don't want to do this. You're probably breaking my leg even more."
Wavey: "Shut up, Toneth."
Toneth: "You fuck."
A PSA about safe horse riding.
edited 14th Mar '18 1:40:51 AM by Penroses
"Howdy partner. I'm here to teach you how to ride a horse. Y'see, you gotta treat a horse like you'd treat a woman. You love it, you caress it gently, you- Hold on, I think I'm getting somethin' wrong here... Oh,, you gotta treat a horse like you treat a guitar. You touch it a lot and stuff it into a small box... No, that ain't right either. Ah, I'm sure y'all will do just fine when yer ridin' your own horse. The important part is trying not to fall off. I'm a big plastic cowboy, and I approve of this message!"
Melody stands in the kitchen in front of the camera.
Melody: Is this thing working?
Melody smacks the camera.
Melody: Ok! So, um... oh yeah! You need to have good nutritious food or you'll end up like this! [she holds up a picture of an obese person] Or this! [she holds up a picture of a person with scurvy] Or maybe even this! [she holds up a picture of herself] Wait, who put this here?! [she walks over to the stove and points at it] As you can see, I have been making a nutricious meal for myself here. It contains the vitaminesand minerals needed to keep me healthy! [The pan catches fire.] Ack! Umm... [She pours water on the fire and puts it out] Well, there goes my lunch... Be healthy peeps!
edited 15th Mar '18 6:43:17 AM by QuantumMelody29
Wavey: "Okay, so you didn't want to be a pirate. It's time to convince you on a more serious matter. Here, look at me and Randice."
Wavey awkwardly brings the camera towards Randice.
Wavey: "Now, me and Randice are in a positive relationship. We love each other very much. Now, look over to Toneth."
Camera pans to Toneth, who is alone.
Toneth: "wavey fuck you"
Wavey: "Toneth is in an abusive relationship..."
Toneth: "no i'm not, fucker"
Wavey: "...with this CAR!"
Toneth: "wait what the fu"
The apocalypse. Wartorn buildings, burning bridges, armies of undead running throughout the place, and office meetings led by-
BOB THE ZOMBIE PRESENTS, CAR SAFETY
"Hello there! If you're watching this office safety briefing, this has to do with the parking garage, cars, and the people with brains driving them. If you're a zombie, you're probably asking the question, "what is car?" If you're a human, you're probably freaking out that I speak English. Please remain still until a 'friendly worker' arrives to 'escort' you out, and relieve you of your brains. We'll be happy to work with you."
"So, what is a car? You know those metal things people hide in and hit you with? That's a car. Not chewable. Our RND department's tried to chew it, but it's too metal...mettally? I don't know. NEXT FRAME!"
A zombie moves a single slide which was clearly crudely drawn.
"Nice, our art team's working. Anyway, first thing's first, if you don't know how to operate a car, DO NOT GET IN THE FRONT SEATS. Don't touch anything, don't do anything, just sit in the back, and relax."
"Next up, use seat belts so you don't fly outta the car or lose any appendages."
"And remember, if there is an emergency, you can break windows!"
Bob points to a frame showing a zombie breaking into a car, and mauling several humans inside.
"You can also break outta em if the car goes underwater or some garbage. Anyway, next safety topic'll be Elevator Shafts, and how noise from them does not mean "run into while screaming and fall a long way."
The next actual PSA will be about calling 911.
edited 15th Mar '18 2:29:56 PM by RandomWriter413
Hey kids. If there is someone outside your house or your house is like, on fire or got a major gash. Just call 911. You press the 1 twice since there is no 11, bummer.
[Scene: The Panda household. Mei Mei, a young panda girl, comes running in.]
Mei Mei: Mamaaaa! [holds up a bottle of pills] I found these!
Mama Panda: [takes the bottle of pills] Thank you for bringing these to me, Mei Mei. Whose are they? [reads label] I don't recognize the name. I'll just throw them away.
Mei Mei: Mama, why don't you take them when you're sick? Pills help when you're sick, right?
Mama Panda: Yes, they do. But not every pill will help for every illness. Taking pills that aren't for you can make you very sick. Remember, Mei Mei: Only take pills that the veterinarian or the zookeeper give to you.
Remember, I am a toon and you're not. Wear a helmet.
edited 17th Mar '18 7:49:35 AM by Albino_Axolotl
Alright ya fuckin' kiddos. Drunk skateboarding is the hit new trend and you have to know how to do it or...or you're a bitch. First thing to do is drink a bottle of vodka, and then...and then...uh...skaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. hgnghffgdjkf
Remember, galactic go-getters: according to an in-depth scan, an average of 97% of all planets across five registered galaxies are comprised of exactly 0% H2O! You may wonder how life can survive on such a dry planet, and the answer is: they don't! Most of the universe is a cold and lifeless place, and if you venture there unprepared you run an 88% risk of dying a slow death as a direct consequence of dehydration!
To rectify this issue, simply ensure that you bring plenty of water with you! There exist numerous methods by which to transport water - in bottles, in large water tankers, and the ideal middle ground, in Gadgetron Colosso-HydroDisplacer Transporter Mk. IV units! Not only can they transport water, they can also store up-to-date information on its purity content and the required amount for accomplishing any water-related obstacle you need removing! And it can even freeze your beverage of choice solid within 8.5 seconds!
So, in summary; trust us to handle your water, so you don't have to!
Next PSA: Treating your appliances with care and respect.
Everyone knows that an appliance, when treated correctly, will provide you with years of service and enjoyment. That's why I barely use my stove...
Why you should always get enough Vitamin D3
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