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["Ding" noise as Janet teleports in.]

Hello. I'm Janet, and welcome to the Good Place!

I've been compared to a robot and a lady, but I am neither. I am a fully comprehensive, basic operational mainframe for the Good Place, and an anthropomorphized vessel for all of the knowledge in the universe, so ask me anything and I'll know the answer.

I was also created with the express purpose of making your afterlife as pleasant as possible, so ask for anything and I can conjure it.

Before we get started, I must remind you that the Neighborhood that we are in possesses a no-cursing filter, just to let you know. Watch. "Ash-hole", "son of a bench", "forked up." Ain't that fun? Also, if you could, leave your username by your questions and requests so I could keep a comprehensive record of everything that goes on in your Neighborhood.


What would you like to ask her?


  • Can I have a coke?
    • Sure thing! [Conjures a bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola.]
    • Here you go. [Conjures pure, well-regulated powdered cocaine.]
  • Can I have sex with you?
    • I'm sorry, but since I lack any primary sexual characteristics, sex is impossible for me. However, I can make you a list of eligible people in the neighborhood who would be more than happy to do this. Don't worry about any STIs or any unwanted conceptions. Those things are for living people. Have fun!
  • What is the meaning of life?
    • 42. ...I'm just kidding. It's my hand as humor. What do you think?


  • Hi Janet! I'm Starry. Can you help me with some homework?
    • Hi Starry. I'm Janet. I would love to help you with you're homework. Fun Fact: You're in the Good Place. You don't have to do homework.
      • Aww, thank you! You are so nice! Can I give you a hug?
        • You're very welcome, and I would love a hug! [Gives StarryNight05 a hug.]
  • What's your sexual orientation?
    • I don't really do... "sex?" [Does a finger-quotes gesture.] The things that I've been doing with Jason don't really count as sex, but it's the closest we could manage. He compared it to licking a car-battery with a head full of pruno, but it made him happy, so I'm happy. [Give a thumbs up.]
      • So you're asexual then?


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