Original air date: 13 July 2010
Nelson realises that he is the only one in the gang who has never been stroked by a human, making him a "Stroke Virgin" - even Vince has been stroked! He visits a petting zoo, where he quickly discovers that getting a stroke is not always a pleasant experience.
Marion courageously saves a child from drowning, but Destiny dupes him out of his chance to win an Animal of Courage award by taking all the credit for his bravery. Only when Destiny is faced with doing something brave for real does she truly reveal to the world that she is nothing more than a liar, a coward and the daughter of a thousand godless acne-ridden whores.
Kali falls for a muscular crow and decides to go for it with a passionate kiss, only to discover that the crow is a girl and that she is now an accidental lesbian.
This episode contains examples of:
- Abhorrent Admirer: Downplayed. Kali gains the attention of Catherine, a female crow who tries to persuade her to become lesbian. While Kali admits that she's quite persuasive and friendly, she's simply not interested and finds her insistent attentions annoying.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Destiny forces Marion to go save a drowning toddler despite him not wanting to, steals the credit for his heroism and eats his Magnum Classic ice cream.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Nelson takes Kali's advice to go to the petting zoo if he wants a stroke that badly. He does eventually get stroked, but when he finally has had enough, he finds that the door to the pen has locked from the outside and he can't get out. Thus, he ends up subjected to more non-consensual stroking than he can handle.
- Does This Remind You of Anything?: Stroking (petting for US viewers) is equated to something like sex amongst animals. Lampshaded/parodied while Nelson and Marion are trapped in the petting zoo:Nelson: Marion, we are being stroked day in, day out, whether we consent to it or not! How could it be any worse?!
Marion: Well, we could literally be being forced into having sex with people.
Nelson: (sarcastic) Oh, that's right, you just blow the whole subtext. - Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Zigzagged. Vince once knew a kindly old man who used to put out chicken for him every night and stroke him. Quickly subverted on the one time the old man forgot:Vince: So I kicked his ***ing door down and chewed his ***ing bollocks off! (laughs, then catches Marion and Nelson's disapproving glares) ...wrong anecdote.
- Forceful Kiss: Kali does this with Catherine before realizing she's a girl.
- Girl on Girl Is Hot: The entire premise of Catherine the crow's song "Everybody Loves a Lesbian".
- Miles Gloriosus: Destiny takes the credit for saving a drowning toddler from Marion and basks in the adoration it gets her, even going to great lengths to hide the truth (knocking Marion out and dumping him in the petting zoo). But when another child falls into the Thames, she makes excuses to not go in and save him, proving she was never a heroine to begin with. Thus, when the child drowns, she loses all her celebrity overnight.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: Averted - Morgan Freeman Lamb makes his debut here, and his entire character is a pastiche of Morgan Freeman's role in The Shawshank Redemption.
- Marion also demands to speak to Lenny Henry after he wakes up in the petting zoo and thinks he's in a Premier Innnote .
- Vomit Indiscretion Shot: Kali visibly pukes from how pathetic Nelson looks in his attempts to get a stroke from a random passer-by.
