Ladies and gleeks, after six long years, Brittana finally put a ring on it... at least, that's all we thought would happen. However, ever since the title was announced as "A Wedding", Gleeks knew something was up. That suspicious article made the fans realize that by the wont of Ryan Murphy, another couple were going to intrude on the precious event. Would it be Tike? Quick? Faberry? Given that the first four haven't actually done anything all season and completed their 2-episode contracted guest roles, while the third option is the poster child for wishful thinking, it wasn't a massive jump of logic. Hence the "big reveal" was pretty much a Foregone Conclusion, one only a select few were happy with.
We start the wanky wedding proceedings in a random barn in Indiana, because gay marriage was at the time illegal in Ohio. That... and because one day long ago, Whitney and Pierce Pierce took a trip to the Amish country; on the way home, Whitney stopped into a barn to relieve what she thought was indigestion. It turned out to be her water breaking, complete with a cow licking the infant Brittany clean. Why yes, this Crosses the Line Twice, why do you ask? After all and sundry react accordingly, Whitney wants this to be where Brittana get hitched. Mama Lopes says she can work with it, and a whole group of fans started petitioning for a spin-off about the Pierce-Lopez mommas. After wedding planner Artie decides that since Santana and Brittany think it's a great idea he'll go with it, we cut to the various and sundry cast members, current and past, helping to help set up the wedding, which is basically just hilarious abuse of them by Brittany for a whole episode. The new kids get a part at this point, though they themselves don't know why they're stacking hay bales for a random lesbian couple their teachers used to get bullied by, but nothing by the way of plot. This is Brit-Brit's episode, and Heather Morris uses it to prove why there should have been more Britney weeks. After we see Tina complain because what else, we find Brittany freaking out about how it needs to be perfect and "there's dirt on that white thing!" Kurt steps in to help, but when she asks how he coped through his wedding with Blaine he has to remind her that they broke up. Remember that, it'll hurt later. In a way only Brittany could, she replies that she finds their relationship confusing because she doesn't care. Also, there's no officiant for the wedding and Kurt actually proves useful here by saying that Burt can do it. "Who's that?" "...he's my dad." Brittany agrees as we hit the Title Card.
We're at the same bridal suite Rachel was in where Dear Lucille successfully convinced her not to marry Finnegan. We reject your reality and substitute our own. A small fashion show breaks out, where Brittana do all sorts of silly dances in various awesome bridal gowns with Rachel, Tina, and Mercedes helping them choose. BTW, where in the ever-loving hell is the future Mrs. Berry? Are they worried she's going to tell them that they're too young to get married, because she slammed Kurt for that already. Guess they don't need her to cause drama, though, because Santana comes out (hehe) to see Brittany in her dress, but Brit thinks that it's bad luck. And to be fair, given how much bad luck has befallen weddings on this show before, I don't blame her. Thusly, as we cut to the choir room to determine seating, we find Brit-Brit preparing to sacrifice a chicken. Rachel (in a rare moment where we're reminded she's vegan) squeals at her and Santana gets her to leave it in the school hall where, let's be honest, it's probably still roaming. "This is your lucky day, sir!" "Ridiculous." Brittany then starts using math to work out a seating plan that will solve the "glee kids have dated so incestuously, where do we sit them?" problem. It's also when Santana notices that Sue has a chair. No me gusta. Apparently, Santana doesn't like the idea of Sue being at her wedding. This is also reasonable, given how she ruined Will and Emma's (though that sort of worked out for Santana, but not the way Brittana and Faberry shippers wanted. Quinntana fans, though...), but Brittany says that if Sue hadn't put them on the Cheerios! together they wouldn't have met. While Brittana is obviously so powerful and amazing it's definitely endgame in every conceivable universe, the sentiment is nice. I'd still ban her for being able to legally marry herself in Ohio, but somehow they can't. Mercedes agrees, saying that if she's invited there's an 80% chance she'll ruin it. Rachel counters with however, if she's not invited there's a 99% chance she will. Santana says that if Sue's at the wedding, she won't be, and Brittany is understandably not too excited at the prospect. Technically Sue doesn't end up ruining it, but anyone that's not a certain shipper will argue that she did. Cut to the Lima Bean, where we find Walter, Kurt's old boyfriend, asking when they're going to be fitted for suits and, okay, even if Kurt was really into you, you're probably not invited to these strangers' wedding, dude. Kurt says he's going with Blaine, sorry, because it's expected (and no-one knows you, which is creepy). Thing is, as we've said, based on events from last episode, plus the title of this one, pretty much everyone spotted the inevitable. The question then became how to get everyone into their positions, and thusly, Walter says that he understands and to savor young love, even though for another few minutes Kurt still isn't into Blaine. Of course, being told that you love someone equals just that in the world of Glee, and Kurt runs over to Blaine's and Holy Shit could this be any more contrived. Speaking of, we cut to the E? plot - there's lots of big plots, so it's still quite major - that is Tina telling Blaine, Puck, and Artie that she wants to propose to Mike. As in Mike Chang. As in the man who split from her two in-universe years ago. Face Palm. She wants their input and I'm sorry, but she has she ever spoken to Puck before? Is Puck in any way going to be decent relationship advice? The three boys think it's a great idea, but Artie looks sad because he still likes Tina... wait, what? Seriously? Face Palm #2.
After a very welcome break, we're in the Tracksuit Dungeon, where Santana has been summoned. Sue says she's hurt that she hasn't been invited to the wedding, and she wants to know why. "You ruin weddings", "my fiancee was born in a tiny barn, there's only so many people we could invite", and "Even Quinn ain't coming" would have all been great answers, but instead Santana criticizes that Sue can only love herself, so why would she want her at her wedding. Which isn't a great answer. Only then does she mention Sue freaking Emma out so much that she left Will at the altar and how she's angry that Sue can taint the sanctity of marriage by wedding herself and society thinks it's okay, but she has to drive to Indiana to marry the woman she loves and still gets crap for it. Santana's got a point, plus some burly cousins and Puck, probably, acting as security, who'll throw Sue out if she gets too close. Sue's upset. She probably has a heart and really cares about the couple like she showed in season 3. Either that, or she needs to do something to save face. Coin flip gleeks.
And finally, it's the day of the wedding. The new kids are fulfilling their scene quota and earning their paychecks for the week by carrying Artie over the mud into the barn, led by Mike in Harry Shum's only non-Grand Finale appearance. In the background, the ND-vets are are taking selfies, while Blaine's mom (Pam Anderson. "No, not that Pam Anderson.") introduces herself to Carole Hummel, Maribel Lopez, and Whitney S. Pierce and to those who still didn't know that Klaine was gonna steal Brittana's wedding, this gave up the ghost. Fortunately, there's another guest in attendance as seems wedding invites can last a long time. Yes, a certain daughter from the future was allowed one more trip in her moms' time machine as we see Sugar snap Klaine with a pitchfork and Kurt's face is the best thing he does all episode. Cut to Puck making small talk with Mike as Tina arrives and Puck leaves, straightening his tie in what is clear foreplay. Cut to Burt and Carole as Klaine lament over their failed wedding and ENOUGH ALREADY. Burt and Carole then tell the two to make the most out of everything, saying Finn taught them that, cancer taught them that, hell, Kurt's beating last season taught them that. And now, pre-wedding Mood Whiplash as we cut to Brittany still freaking out about the bad luck. They're in another part of the barn, and she tasks Rachel to find a lizard to cross her path. And no, Lucille Fabray's tongue doesn't count, though clearly Rachel will find an excuse to seek out the off-screen Lucy for a quickie. Seriously, Heather Morris and Lea Michele's delivery is perfect - have we already mentioned how much of a goldmine this episode is? Mercedes, Tina, and Rachel are also in the bridesmaids dresses from Rachel's failed wedding. Rachel probably borrowed Santana's, and evidently Quinn doesn't have one because hers is shredded and bloodstained or something. Santana enters the room, telling Brittany how beautiful she is but also, idiota, giving them more bad luck. I can see the barn burning down with all this negative voodoo build-up. Brittany pushes Santana out and closes the door. Santana comes back in (seriously?) and tells Brit that she's cute, but the old tradition doesn't apply to them because it was made so that the groom wouldn't bolt and they love each other and won't do that. Also, you know, there's no groom. They make out. Like, a lot. And then Sue walks in. Goddamnit, Puck!
After the break, we find Santana about to get blood on her dress. However, Sue says that she has a present for Santana. Dirt in her locker? Er, no. Abuela. Holy shit. Sue has somehow talked around abuela in a way that Santana and Brittany were unable to: reverse Sue-cology. By Sue saying that because she wasn't invited she wants to destroy the wedding, asking Alma to assist her and suggesting all the things that people have used to kill homosexuals, Alma realizes that she loves Santana and Brittany and doesn't want anyone to hurt them. Awwww. She tells the girls that family is the most important thing, and they are going to be each others family, as well as not wanting to miss her granddaughter's wedding. Santana says that Sue can stay because she managed to both know and bring the one gift she wanted. Brit and Santana hug abuela, and Sue nearly joins in, beaming and in a rare case, it seems to be legit. Then... (sigh). We cut to Sue finding Klaine, asking them to follow her. They refuse until she says that it's genuinely a Brittana-mergency and they would be fools to refuse the brides anything they want on their wedding day, especially when they're Brittany and Santana. They oblige, and Brittany asks them to get married and share the wedding. Haha, please god no. No, seriously, they got back together earlier in this episode. Thankfully, Kurt says that even if they wanted to, Santana would kill them. Yeah, about that... yes gleeks, in the greatest OOC moment in Glee history (and yes, that does include the whole of Season 4), Santana says Brittany convinced her it was a good idea. Okay, maybe if Brit asked nicely it's not entirely impossible. Blaine says it's not that bad of an idea, and Sue says she's already got the rings - and presumably a marriage license, too.
After the break, we bare witness to the beautiful and the idiotic, as with Mercedes on vocals, Kurt and Blaine walk Brittany and Santana down the aisle, and crash their vows. Whitney keeps saying that her husband (Pierce Pierce) is in the bathroom and missing everything. In a way, smart man. The vows are read, and regardless of the circumstances, they do convey the right feelings in regards to everything the four have gone through:
And they do. Kissing ensues, during which we can see Sugar thanks, for her moms are okay, and her existence is secured. We also see the neckbrace Cheerio! from last season, apparently closer friends with Brittany than any of those spare glee kids were. Kitty's also a bridesmaid, Will a groomsman with Sam, Mike, and Artie. Puck wasn't allowed to join them because of his refusal to take off his airman dress shirt. Doves are released from behind, and we're pretty sure that Heather had no idea it was going to happen.
After the break, we're in the reception, where Pierce finally emerges from the bathroom to give a toast. In a manner we've come to expect from his (adopted) daughter, he thought they said "toaster", but Target is closed so he's just going to say a few words instead. Once he starts pointing out girls that are less pretty than Brit, Whitney drags him away. Santana instead stands up to make the speech, and says that she and Brittany are her OTP and we're not making it up, that is exactly what she says. She then gives out hats that say "OTP" and if it wasn't already obvious that whoever wrote this episode (hi, Ross Maxwell!) has been scouring the internet after pulling that, Artie then launches into "Hey Ya!" (as in Heather and Naya, HeYa, the Actor Shipping version of Brittana). Yes. Afterwards, Tina finds Mike and takes a knee; as you'd expect says that he loves her but they can't get married, and Tina realizes that asking her high school boyfriend to marry her when they've only just started texting again was a bit too far. At least she realized it, unlike some others. They kiss, and Mike says that she still owed him a dance. But they're not together. They're welcomed back out to the party by the mothers of the two couples getting ready to sing. Finally, because when Romy Rosemont (Carole Hummel) had to sing in her audition seven years ago, she wouldn't have been bargaining on it taking them this long to give her a song. They also reunite the Troubletones, Sugar happily performing with her newly married parents, and the group's dresses form a rainbow flag, just in case you didn't know that this episode is one of the gayest episodes of the gayest show on television ever. Oh, Santana/Naya's in white pant suit pants again. Pierce climbs Whitney, yes, as we go to break.
We start the matrimonial home stretch with Kitty and Rachel close enough to make off-screen Lucille slightly jealous, while the couples call everyone to the floor so they can sing their own song, because that's what people do at their own wedding; Mike dances with Tina, Puck with Blaine's mom, Beiste with Sue, and Sugar with herself, because Sugar Motta Pierce-Lopez is her own woman, dammit! Afterwards, we're in the choir room, where Tina and Artie (referring to themselves as "Tartie" and "Artina" because this episode is stupidly meta) are eating lunch when Tina admits that she just wants something exciting to happen to her for once in six seasons. Artie proposes a Fallback Marriage Pact in case they turn thirty and are still single. There will be a payoff to this in the Grand Finale as we cut to the auditorium where Sue has called the "gender-gentle Anderhummels" and "autistically fierce Lopierces". She gives them honeymoons - Kurt and Blaine to a B&B in New England for a weekend, which they think is wonderful until they hear that Brittany and Santana are going to the Atlantis resort on Paradise Island ("that's where Wonder Woman's from!") for a month. Sue then comments that she has no couples to ship anymore, and will have to find a new one, suggesting "Faberry, can't get enough of the lesbians". Everyone's jaws drop, because that's been avoided for six seasons and trust the show to pick an episode entirely sans Quinn to mention it. And, really, where was Quinn - "The Unholy Trinity: starting together, ending together"?! The answer, BTW, is that she's off-screen making out with Rachel in their bathroom. Then Brittany says that they share an anniversary with Klaine and have got to celebrate together every year. This is the moment when Santana truly realizes that she has made a terrible, terrible, mistake.
No, the only mistake was Klaine's sudden wedding because ladies and gleeks, that mess aside, this is the perfect end to Brittana's story. After years of hookups, makeups, the most unnecessary of breakups, and all manner of Gayngst and angst, Brittany Susan Pierce-Lopez and Santana Marie Lopez-Pierce have earned a very well deserved Happily Ever After. As for the rest of us, well...
Next Time: Glee's version of a Cousin Oliver. Seriously.
- At Last, the most overused wedding song ever, by Etta James, performed by Mercedes and Artie.
- Hey Ya!, seriously, by OutKast, performed by Artie, Jane, and Madison with Brittany and the wedding guests.
- I'm So Excited, as are we, by The Pointer Sisters, performed by the couples' mothers and the Troubletones.
- Our Day Will Come, and it's today, by Ruby and the Romantics, performed by Santana and Brittany, Kurt and Blaine.
- Absentee Actor: Nobody once makes mention of Quinn, when her not being at the Brittana wedding is something you'd expect them to comment on.
- Big Damn Kiss
- But Not Too Gay: The episode is the manifestation of the exact opposite of this trope.
- Call-Back: Of the three glee kids that performed "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)", two get married (being the first glee kids to do so) and the other one tries to get engaged before forming a Fallback Marriage Pact.
- The Cameo:
- One-Liner: Episode quotes page is a work in progress.
- Portmanteau Couple Name: In-Universe. Brittana, Klaine, Puckcedes, Faberry, Anderhummel, Lopierce, Tartie, Artina.