Title: The Bird
Directed by: Noam Pitlik
Written by: Frank Dungan, Jeff Stein, Richard Beban, and Judith Nielsen (story), Frank Dungan and Jeff Stein (teleplay)
Air Date: November 8, 1979
Previous: Strip Joint
Next: The Desk
Guest Starring: Michael Lombard, Miriam Byrd Nethery, Martin Garner
"The Bird" is the seventh episode of the sixth season of Barney Miller.
Barney is a little startled to walk into the squad room and find a parrot. It turns out that Wojo, in one of more Cloudcuckoolander moments, saw a parrot in a pet store window and just had to have it. He named the bird "Crackers". Unfortunately, in a plotline that may or may not have been inspired by Monty Python's Flying Circus, Crackers keels over dead within hours. An angry Wojo calls the pet shop, but the owner refuses a refund—until Wojo accidentally lets slip that he's a cop. Suddenly a much more cooperative Mr. Tragash shows up and offers Wojo his $225 (in 1979 money!).
While all that's happening Dietrich and Harris go out on a potential suicide call. They return with a Mr. Elkins, whom they simply yanked off the ledge. It turns out that Mr. Elkins was driven to despair by his job...as a suicide crisis hotline phone operator. Mr. Elkins's depression is not helped when Ms. Dunbar, the lady whose depressing phone calls have driven Mr. Elkins to the brink, comes into the squad room.
In the meantime, Harris's novel about police work has gotten a new title, going from "Precinct Diary" to "Blood on the Badge". He brings in release forms for his coworkers to sign. Wojo signs cheerfully, while Barney is rather reluctant given the sometimes almost "libelous" comments Harris makes about him. Dietrich for his part flatly refuses to sign, which is a problem, since as Harris admits Dietrich provided some of his best material.
Tropes:
- Bait-and-Switch: Wojo comes into the office with a stricken expression and says, "He's dead." A horrified Barney says "In the cage?", and Wojo says "Where else?" Barney dashes out of his office to find that Mr. Elkins is alive and well in the holding cell, and Wojo was actually talking about his bird.
- Black Comedy: A dead bird in the squad room. Barney, slightly uncomfortable, asks Wojo to put his dead parrot somewhere "a little less prominent". Wojo wraps the parrot up in a newspaper and puts it in his desk—which irritates Dietrich who hadn't read the paper yet.
- Chekhov's Gun: Harris needing to get releases from the people portrayed in his book. Later in the series, in a storyline that would run all the way through the final season, it would turn out that Harris did not do this for sleazeball defense attorney Arnold Ripner, which eventually led to disaster.
- The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes: Mr. Elkins, pulled off a ledge before he killed himself, works on a suicide crisis hotline. In fact, that's exactly what has driven him to despair.Barney: Things aren't as bad as they seem.
Mr. Elkins: Don't you think I've said that? - The Eeyore: Myrna Dunbar, whose depression and depressing phone calls have driven Mr. Elkins to the brink of suicide. She pops into the squad room, where talk of Mr. Elkins's despair leads her to start rambling about "the boat people" and "the meaninglessness of existence", until Mr. Elkins screams "oh for God's sake, hang up!".
- Idiot Ball: Wojo and Barney are so offended by Mr. Tragash's implications—he is giving a refund because Wojo is a cop, and he assumes that Wojo and the cops will retaliate if he doesn't—that Wojo insists on Mr. Tragash taking back the $225. Mr. Tragash does so and leaves, and after a Beat, Wojo says "Something went wrong there."
- Pun: Dietrich is full of them in this episode. When he spots Crackers he asks, "What's up with the jailbird?". He tells Barney that Wojo "didn't want to ruffle your feathers." When suggesting that Ms. Dunbar might see Mr. Elkins socially, Dietrich says "It would be a good jumping-off point."
- Take That!: Mr. Tragash simply assumes that the men of the 12th are corrupt and will come after him if he doesn't give back the money. When Barney asks why, Mr. Tragash simply says that he used to live in Philadelphia, which draws an "Ooooooh" from both Barney and Wojo.
- Talking Down the Suicidal: Harris and Dietrich cut to the chase, it seems, and simply yanked Mr. Elkins through a window. This is actually Mr. Elkins's job.
