Majin: Do you have any family members?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you have any PhDs?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you remember any of the schools you went to?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: ...Do you remember what your favorite color was?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you remember what your childhood game was?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you remember who your childhood friend was?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you have any friends?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Oh, my- What the hell are you doing here, then!?
Unused: I would like to apply for a job!
Majin: GET OUT-
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you have any PhDs?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you remember any of the schools you went to?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: ...Do you remember what your favorite color was?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you remember what your childhood game was?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you remember who your childhood friend was?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Do you have any friends?
Unused: Nope!
Majin: Oh, my- What the hell are you doing here, then!?
Unused: I would like to apply for a job!
Majin: GET OUT-
— The pilot episode in its entirety.
Unused: This just in, there was another train that-
Majin: Whoa-wait-wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, who's Justin?
Unused: Ohhh, I get it... (Majin: Hahahaha, yeah.) cause I said "This just in" and Justin, I get it, getcha-
*SLAP*
Majin: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Unused: Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's what happens, man! Yeah, just in time to gargle on deez NU-!
Majin: Whoa-wait-wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, who's Justin?
Unused: Ohhh, I get it... (Majin: Hahahaha, yeah.) cause I said "This just in" and Justin, I get it, getcha-
*SLAP*
Majin: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Unused: Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's what happens, man! Yeah, just in time to gargle on deez NU-!
— Episode 1
Majin: We have a special guest, his name is... Hog... Say hi, Hog.
Hog: IHop.
Majin: Okay, that's not what I asked you to say, but whatever.
Hog: IHop.
Majin: Okay, that's not what I asked you to say, but whatever.
— Episode 2
Hog: The sun just had a baby, and a cat just claimed that it's the father!
Unused: Where the hell did you get that info from!? What are your sources?
Hog: My source is that I made it the f**k up!
Majin: Of course you did, all of our sources is that we made it up! I mean, ask Unused, he spews the most bullcrap!
Unused: You are lit- You literally spew the same amount of bullcrap that I do, man! What are you talking about!?
Fleetway: HEY! SHUT THE F**K UP!
Unused: Where the hell did you get that info from!? What are your sources?
Hog: My source is that I made it the f**k up!
Majin: Of course you did, all of our sources is that we made it up! I mean, ask Unused, he spews the most bullcrap!
Unused: You are lit- You literally spew the same amount of bullcrap that I do, man! What are you talking about!?
Fleetway: HEY! SHUT THE F**K UP!
— Episode 2
Majin: And now that we have formalities out of the way, a building just collaped because of an overabundance of McChickens and Chicken Nuggets, someone just created - not discovered, created - a new element simply by existing, Pluto just gained mass, making it a planet again, and to top it all off, yet another train derailed, and you'll never guess why. (Lord X: Was there a plane on it?) It was because there was a plane on it!
— Episode 3
Lord X: (partially muted by Unused's talking) The rabbit is a traitor.
Unused: W-What was that?
Lord X: Nothing! I didn't say anything!
Majin: Um... X... y- You did say something. W-What did you say?
Unused: It sounded like he said "the ra-".
Lord X: SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP! I didn't say anything! I promise you I didn't say anything! You're going crazy!
Majin: Um, X? Are you trying to gaslight us?
Lord X: Gaslighting isn't real, either. You're also going crazy. [Beat] I'm just kidding! I j- I only did that for a joke!
Unused: Oh, it was just the ga- Like, "gaslighting isn't real" joke?
Lord X: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Unused: Oh, okay. I see. What did you actually say, though?
Lord X: I said "the rabbit is a traitor".
Majin: What the hell does that mean?
Lord X: I'm gonna be completely honest... I don't even know. I just felt compelled to say it.
Unused: Alright, fair.
Unused: W-What was that?
Lord X: Nothing! I didn't say anything!
Majin: Um... X... y- You did say something. W-What did you say?
Unused: It sounded like he said "the ra-".
Lord X: SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP! I didn't say anything! I promise you I didn't say anything! You're going crazy!
Majin: Um, X? Are you trying to gaslight us?
Lord X: Gaslighting isn't real, either. You're also going crazy. [Beat] I'm just kidding! I j- I only did that for a joke!
Unused: Oh, it was just the ga- Like, "gaslighting isn't real" joke?
Lord X: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Unused: Oh, okay. I see. What did you actually say, though?
Lord X: I said "the rabbit is a traitor".
Majin: What the hell does that mean?
Lord X: I'm gonna be completely honest... I don't even know. I just felt compelled to say it.
Unused: Alright, fair.
— Episode 3
"Okay, I have a small suggestion, it might help. Try just... being better."
— Majin, Episode 4
Majin: A lot of drama's going around with, um... you-know-who.
Unused: What do you mean "you-know-who"?
Majin: You know.
Starved: ...who?
Majin: Okay, that was a stupid joke. Erm... you know... her.
Unused: Majin, who's "her"?
Majin: Her! Duh- You know who I'm talking about!
Starved: No offense, but, um... I don't think any of us know what you're talking about.
Majin: Gosh damn it! Okay, never mind.
Unused: What do you mean "you-know-who"?
Majin: You know.
Starved: ...who?
Majin: Okay, that was a stupid joke. Erm... you know... her.
Unused: Majin, who's "her"?
Majin: Her! Duh- You know who I'm talking about!
Starved: No offense, but, um... I don't think any of us know what you're talking about.
Majin: Gosh damn it! Okay, never mind.
— Episode 5
Majin: Alright, what do we have on the agenda?
Unused: Somebody just caught a time-travelling panda!
Majin: Gosh darn, bruh, is that the only thing that we have?
Unused: Well, a Reddit user quit because he found his dad!
A pterodactyl flew in and blew up the Eiffel Tower,
A grilled cheese gained sentience and is rising up to power!
Majin: Some guy managed to turn light into a consumable powder,
he used it to make a very special kind of clam chowder!
Unused: A rabbit tried to land on planet mars but she failed
An alligator became best friends with a snail
A cow with a beard found the friccin' holy grail
And some species of rock are able to eat kale
Majin: Someone was caught stealing hair gel
He confessed to the crime so they sent his ass to jail
Someone found a fruit that was a little too pale
And one more thing...
Unused: Another train derailed~!
Unused: Somebody just caught a time-travelling panda!
Majin: Gosh darn, bruh, is that the only thing that we have?
Unused: Well, a Reddit user quit because he found his dad!
A pterodactyl flew in and blew up the Eiffel Tower,
A grilled cheese gained sentience and is rising up to power!
Majin: Some guy managed to turn light into a consumable powder,
he used it to make a very special kind of clam chowder!
Unused: A rabbit tried to land on planet mars but she failed
An alligator became best friends with a snail
A cow with a beard found the friccin' holy grail
And some species of rock are able to eat kale
Majin: Someone was caught stealing hair gel
He confessed to the crime so they sent his ass to jail
Someone found a fruit that was a little too pale
And one more thing...
Unused: Another train derailed~!
— Special Episode
Unused: Anyways, another train derailed, because of course it did!
Majin: Yeah, of course, a train has to derail every single episode, if it- If a train doesn't derail, we make it derail-! (Corpsing)
Unused: Man, we're really out here breaking the law for a freakin' show on the internet.
Majin: We're just out here committing crimes!
Unused: But, like, actually... we're doing it just so we can have something to talk about! We're the ones- (Corpsing)
Majin: Officer, you have to understand something- You have- You have to say- You have to understand something, officer, I derailed the train for the meme, I did it for the meme!
Unused: Please don't actually derail trains, by the way.
Majin: Yes, please don't- Please don't actually do that! I beg of you, please do not actually do that!
Unused: You're gonna get in trouble if you do that, I promise.
Majin: Like, it's not safe, don't do it, you might- you probably will get in trouble.
Unused: Yeah.
Majin: Alright, well, thanks to the other two videos, we've gone way past the three-minute mark, so... (Unused: Oh, gosh!) Yeah.
Unused: Oh my goodness!
Majin: Alright, see you later, everyone!
Unused: It's the end of the episode, GET OUT-
Majin: Yeah, of course, a train has to derail every single episode, if it- If a train doesn't derail, we make it derail-! (Corpsing)
Unused: Man, we're really out here breaking the law for a freakin' show on the internet.
Majin: We're just out here committing crimes!
Unused: But, like, actually... we're doing it just so we can have something to talk about! We're the ones- (Corpsing)
Majin: Officer, you have to understand something- You have- You have to say- You have to understand something, officer, I derailed the train for the meme, I did it for the meme!
Unused: Please don't actually derail trains, by the way.
Majin: Yes, please don't- Please don't actually do that! I beg of you, please do not actually do that!
Unused: You're gonna get in trouble if you do that, I promise.
Majin: Like, it's not safe, don't do it, you might- you probably will get in trouble.
Unused: Yeah.
Majin: Alright, well, thanks to the other two videos, we've gone way past the three-minute mark, so... (Unused: Oh, gosh!) Yeah.
Unused: Oh my goodness!
Majin: Alright, see you later, everyone!
Unused: It's the end of the episode, GET OUT-
— Episode 7
Unused: NO DAD! NO MOM! NO FRIENDS! NO FAMILY! NO CREATIVITY! NO DREAMS! NO ASPIRATIONS! NO HOPE! NO LOVE!
Majin: No fellow Americans.
Unused: NO JOB! NO MONEY! YOU LIVE IN A FRICKIN' BASEMENT! UNDERNEATH THE ORPHANAGE! YOU HAVE TACO BELL EVERY NIGHT FOR DINNER! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LISTEN TO THREE DAYS GRACE!note YOU LOOK LIKE AN EDGY SONIC OC FROM 2012!note SOMEBODY MADE YOU IN THE BACK OF THEIR MOM'S CAR!note YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOSE YOUR BREATH AFTER RUNNING FOR TWO SECONDS!note
Majin: Okay, okay. That-That's enough, Unused. He's gone.
Majin: No fellow Americans.
Unused: NO JOB! NO MONEY! YOU LIVE IN A FRICKIN' BASEMENT! UNDERNEATH THE ORPHANAGE! YOU HAVE TACO BELL EVERY NIGHT FOR DINNER! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LISTEN TO THREE DAYS GRACE!note YOU LOOK LIKE AN EDGY SONIC OC FROM 2012!note SOMEBODY MADE YOU IN THE BACK OF THEIR MOM'S CAR!note YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOSE YOUR BREATH AFTER RUNNING FOR TWO SECONDS!note
Majin: Okay, okay. That-That's enough, Unused. He's gone.
— Episode 8
Rewrite: Majin, what did you do?
Majin: What do you mean "what did I do"? I just got here!
Rewrite: Look to your right, moron! The cell that I had is broken and there's a bunch of cash inside!
Majin: Shouldn't you be happy about that?! You got your bail, didn't you?
Rewrite: Yeah, but now I'm gonna have to replace a cell! Do you know how expensive they are?!
Majin: Really not that expensive if your dumbass can afford it!
Rewrite: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!
Majin: I called you a dumbass. Bite me!
Rewrite: GET OUT-!
Majin: What do you mean "what did I do"? I just got here!
Rewrite: Look to your right, moron! The cell that I had is broken and there's a bunch of cash inside!
Majin: Shouldn't you be happy about that?! You got your bail, didn't you?
Rewrite: Yeah, but now I'm gonna have to replace a cell! Do you know how expensive they are?!
Majin: Really not that expensive if your dumbass can afford it!
Rewrite: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!
Majin: I called you a dumbass. Bite me!
Rewrite: GET OUT-!
— Episode 12, following Lord X's jailbreak
"I hate you, Jubilee. Do you understand me? Do you hear me? I hate you. And I hate... how you're using my image... my likeness... to represent yourself. I hate you. I hate everything you stand for... and everything that you do. You are not worthy of bearing my face. You are the bugs that crawl in the dirt beneath my feet. Do you understand me, Jubilee?
I hate you. WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING, I HATE YOU."
I hate you. WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING, I HATE YOU."
— Season 2 Episode 3; Unused's harsh and hateful speech to an harasser seen on VR Chat
"You f***king f***king you f***king reek of sh*t!"
— Season 2 Episode 7; Unused's "cover" of "Free-4-Me/Obituary"
