"Drugs"
Bruno Brookes: "We all like to party, right? Absolutely. But only the fool would say, 'yeah, I'll enter the nightmare of cake.'"
Noel Edmonds: "What is 'cake'? Well, it has an active ingredient which is a dangerous psychoactive compound known as dimesmeric andersonphosphate. It stimulates the part of the brain called 'Shatner's Bassoon'. And that's the bit of the brain that deals with time perception. So, a second feels like a month. Well, it almost sounds like fun...unless you're the Prague schoolboy who walked out into the street straight in front of a tram. He thought he'd got a month to cross the street."
Bernard Manning: One girl threw up her own pelvis bone, before she snuffed her lid...What a fucking disgrace!"
"Paedogeddon"
Neil Fox: "Now that is scientific fact. There's no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact."
Chris Morris: "The orgy of sly-winking usury was only brought to an end by a stairwell nonce bashing - which left North braindead and quadraspazzed on a life glug."
Chris Morris: "Why can we no longer think of the British Isles without the word "paedoph-" in front of them?"
