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Funny / The Spellmonger Series

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  • During the initial raid on Minden's Hall, Minalan commands one of the peasants;
    Minalan: Arstol, lead this group around the barn, and on my signal, kill everything with more hair than you do!


  • when Min makes his demands known to the Castali high nobility, Minalan shows off his sarcasm chops
    Prime Minister Kindine: Relax the Bans and destroy the status-quo, or be eaten by goblins. (sigh) Shall we offer our daughters to these warmagi too?
    Minalan: Could I look at the daughters, first?
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  • Wenek gives a...vivid description of the intelligence of the duchess of Alshar:
    Wenek: If you took a retarded cow, wrapped its head in a blanket, and then beat it senseless with a rock, it would still be a towering intellect next to Enora.
  • Really any interaction Minalan has with the Duke of Alshar counts as this. But my here two personal favorites.
    Minalan: I could care less about your honor, your dignity, or your position - but you do have an army sitting outside your walls, and I want to borrow it if you aren't going to use it.
    • Even the in universe crowd was laughing at this one.
    Duke Lenguin: In my own palace you seek to extort my cooperation?!
  • This exchange between Minalan and the Censor general :
    Hartarion: Have you ever heard of . . . the Forsaken?
  • The fact that, up until its successful deployment, All the warmagi refer to the fire elemental in universe as "The Big Secret Weapon"


  • The entire court case involving Joppo the adulterer and his ...root. particularly, the following:
    Minalan: Fine of two silver pennies, deducted from your bail.
    Husband whose wife cheated: If I let you keep the other two, Magelord, can I beat the bastard again?!
    Joppo quit smiling when I didn't immediately say no.
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  • This sentence.
    Minalan: If you want to see a town throw a party, slay a dragon for it sometime.

High Mage

  • When Lorcus casts his mass paralysis spell on a group of trolls, he then yells at them:
    Lorcus: My good trollish gentlmen of the shadow realm, allow me to ask you a question. Can you scratch your balls?


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