- Melinda's parents each having a go at cooking a frozen turkey.
- Becomes a Brick Joke when Melinda brings the bones to art class to make a sculpture, and her initial attempts to make them into expressive art.
- "It's firewood, get it?"
- Mr. Freeman's reaction of utter excitement is also worth a chuckle.
- The Running Gag of the school mascots constantly changing, finally settling on the "Horny Hornets". On a televised game, a sportscaster "did a segment showing the 'Hornet Hustle,' with the cheerleaders shaking their stingers, and the crowd bumping and grinding their horny, Hornet heinies."
- "WE ARE THE HORNETS/HORNY, HORNY HORNETS!"
- Any time Melinda becomes a Deadpan Snarker. Her introspection on her life is also greatly amusing.
"My goal is to go home and take a nap."
- When she goes over to Heather's house, Heather talks about how she is setting goals for herself. Melinda's response?
- "Exchange students are ruining the country", though context makes it a Tear Jerker since Rachel has friend-dumped Melinda for the exchange student posse.
- Not a particularly snarky remark, but when Heather, after friend-dumping Melinda, comes to her to ask for a favor while suggesting that she redoes her room in Seafoam Green or Eggplant wallpaper. Though she doesn't say it in the book, you can feel Melinda's disdain dripping off her description of Heather.
- When asked to conjugate Spanish verbs, Melinda settles on traducir (to translate) and fracasar (to flunk). Her sentences respectively are "I traducate." and "Yo am almost fracasaring."
- "If you're that strong, you don't care if people make comments about your boobs or rear end."
- Melinda's Spanish teacher breaking her own no-English rule two months into the school year just to tell the class to stop pretending not to understand the homework assignments.
- Hairwoman's obsessive dissection of every little word and detail of The Scarlet Letter.
Funny / Speak