- Mikey: (drops one of Albert's ceramic soldiers) Yeah! Let's trash this place! (stomps on it) Take that, Tonto.
Mikey: Ugh, too much fruit.
- Before that, Mikey needs a diaper change:
Albert: Is he taking a dump?
Mollie: No, he's thinking real hard!
- Mollie slamming Mikey's shitty diaper on Albert's desk.Albert: For Christ's sake, Mollie, that's a $10,000 desk.*shlorp!*Mollie: Now it's junk!
- As Mikey sees his mom and James kiss at the end of the film:Mikey: Should I tell them I need a new diaper? (beat) Nah, I'll wait.
- Mikey looking at a pair of huge breasts: "They come in different sizes? What are these, jumbos?"James: What are you looking at? I'll bet you're thinking the same thing.
Mikey: Yeah, lunch!
- Mikey's first interaction with his grandma.Grandma: Who's got a wet tushy?
Mikey: I give up.
(Grandma baby talking Mikey)
Mikey: Oh yeah. She's gone.
- Mollie is informed that as far along as her pregnancy is, the baby's gender will now become apparent. Cut to inside the womb:Mikey: Hey, look at that. I've got another arm growing there. What's it doing way down there? Now how am I going to get that in my mouth?
Julie: Okay, let's see; two arms, two legs...two mouths??
- Gets a callback in the second movie:
- At the end of an argument James and Molly are having in her apartment:James: Now that's it! NOW GET OUT!Molly: I LIVE HERE!James: I KNOW IT! *storms out*
- Molly's demonic turn during her contractions in the second movie.
- The scene where Julie learns to walk is set to the TriStar Pictures logo theme of the time.
- After finding out Albert is cheating on her with another womannote , Mollie walks away heartbroken, while her friend Rona beats the crap out of him while wearing a dress she hasn't paid for yet.
- Newborn Mikey suddenly figures out that crying will bring "that Mommy person" to help him.Mikey: Crying. I can definitely handle crying. *cue montage of baby crying to Janis Joplin's "Cry Baby"*
- Somewhere in the montage is an exhausted Molly prepping both a bottle and coffee in the middle of the night. She carefully pours coffee into the baby bottle and tests it on her wrist before realizing what she's done.
Funny / Look Who's Talking