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  • Duke, at the time the Governor General of American Samoa, pauses as he's ditacting a report about the series of disasters that have overtaken the island.
    Duke: I'm a reasonable man, Macarthur, so I know this isn't snow.
    Macarthur: Don't worry, sir. It never sticks.
  • Most any time Honey provides a Tactful Translation.
    Duke: A further goal of mine is the speedy implementation of normalization.
    Honey: (translating) A further goal of his is the speedy implementation of normalization.
    Duke: Lastly, I come to China in the hope of fulfilling a life-long ambition - dropping acid on the Great Wall.
    Honey: (translating) Lastly, he wishes you good health and long life.
    Duke: In conclusion, let me just say that I look forward to a new spirit of cooperation from our Chinese friends. I sincerely hope it won't be necessary to shell any pagodas.
    Honey: (translating) He also wishes your wife good health.
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  • B.D. giving marriage advice to Toggle
  • There was one strip where U.S. military recruits were being trained to go through a minefield. Except the brass decided to save money by using a cow field. "* SQUISH!* " "You're dead, cupcake!" "* SQUISH!"*
    • Curtis giving the eulogy at Uncle Duke's funeral, especially with Zonker's deadpan reaction.
      Curtis: "What can you say about a 25-year-old girl who died? That she was beautiful. And brilliant. That she loved Mozart and Bach and the Beatles. And me."
      Zonker: "Thank you, Curtis. What the hell was that?"
      Curtis: "It's from Love Story. It was the closest I could find in the library."
  • One story arc has Duke and Honey being stranded on an island. Not only is the reveal that they were right by civilization the entire time and found by a couple of birdwatchers hilarious, but there's this gem when their rescuer learns of their situation.
    Dick: Are you sure you want to be rescued? Most men dream of getting stranded on an island with a charming young lady.
    Duke: Hell, so do I but Honey is all I ended up with.
    Honey: Compliment received on this end, sir.
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