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Funny / As Time Goes By

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  • Lionel articulates why he's reluctant to have Sandy move in:
    Lionel: There'll be women everywhere! I don't function very well around masses of women.
    Jean: Three is not a mass!
  • Lionel and Jean arguing over turning his office back into the spare room for Sandy turns to them wrestling the bed around the room like a pair of twelve-year-olds.
  • Jean appeals to the Almighty after Lionel is curt to the point of offensive towards the airheaded producer in charge of greenlighting their miniseries.
    Jean: God, give me strength.
    Lionel: I heard that!
    Jean: I hope God did!
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  • Lionel's whole proposal of marriage. He gets down on one knee, and Jean insists on popping a pillow under it. Then he starts talking about how he feels like he has something to offer and Jean interrupts with "Yes, I'll marry you," leaving him rather miffed because he'd rather have finished the sentence first.
  • During the filming of the miniseries, Jean excuses herself and Lionel from a tour of the set (Rocky and Madge's house) by saying "Lionel and I were going to make love this afternoon." Frank Middlemass' flabbergasted reaction in the background is priceless. (She thought it sounded more interesting than her real plan of having a snooze in the garden.)
  • Alastair feigning drunkenness in the most over-the-top way so Judy and Sandy can sneak into Jean's room and pack a suitcase.
  • Jean's deadpan reaction when she finds everyone waiting rather obviously for her to return from the psychotherapist:
    "I've brought you all here to name the murderer."
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  • After Penny and Stephen have quarreled, Lionel and Alistair take him to the pub to talk about it, but Stephen is distracted by a crack in the ceiling that looks exactly like a lady with a parasol. When getting the pair to make up starts badly, Alastair advises "tell her about the crack in the pub ceiling, Stephen." Better yet, Stephen looks really enthusiastic about telling her this story until he's interrupted.
  • In the leadup to his wedding to Judy, Alistair has to take anti-anxiety medication that has the side effect of making him very emotional. When he visits the house and finds out that Lionel has lied about interrupting dinner to spare his feelings, he winds up sobbing in Jean's arms: "Do I deserve to be so happy?!"
  • Jean and Lionel having to play board games with Penny and Stephen, and the ensuing Scrabble Babble:
    • Penny wanting to get a dictionary and Jean saying she won't go to the library "in case I get savaged by a woodworm."
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    • Stephen trying to take away letters to place new words.
    • Penny asking Stephen where else he's been playing Scrabble with as though he's been having an affair.
    • Jean interrupting their bickering by placing "Flug" and claiming it's Old English.
    • Mrs. Bale clearing away the tea and saying "Flug?"
  • When Alistair gives Lionel a Romanian novel, Thunder and the Moon, to read. The first line is:
    "I am alone with my sheep. But my sheep are not alone with me."
The book continues in a melodramatic and depressing vein, never mentions thunder or the moon, and ends with all the characters in an asylum, except for the shepherd, who has turned into a sheep.
"We sheep are not alone."

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