I Have No Son-in-Law!
is a Rocko's Modern Life fanfiction by BornAgainKishin. It takes place shortly after Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling.
Rocko and Rachel have been secretly dating each other for the past two years. Nervously (and with some typical inconveniences), Rocko proposes to Rachel, but the lovely engagement is soured by the fact he has to tell her parents about their relationship. While Bev Bighead is thrilled, Ed Bighead considers the ordeal a literal nightmare. If Rocko wants to make his future wife happy and avoid breaking up a family, he'll have to get in good with his future father-in-law.
Tropes in the fanfiction include:
- All Just a Dream: Subverted. The first chapter, where Rocko and Rachel get engaged, ends with Mr. Bighead waking up after a disturbing dream he had. While he is having bad dreams about his daughter marrying Rocko, the engagement did happen.
- Curse Cut Short: When Rachel realizes she gave her overbearing mother the right to plan her wedding, she remarks, "Ohhh, sh—"
- Dating What Daddy Hates: Rachel dates and becomes engaged to Rocko, the neighbor her father hates more than anybody on Earth.
- Obviously Not Fine: In Chapter 1, Rocko tries to look normal in front of Rachel, but he's clearly sweating bullets due to his proposal plans going awry.He desperately tried to pretend Rachel didn’t notice that he looked freshly emerged from a pool. Nope. He was perfectly normal. A perfectly normal man about to propose to the perfectly perfect love of his life.
If he could only remember how to move.
“You’re kind of scaring me. Do you need me to get an ambulance or something?”
“No, no, I’m fine!” Rocko wheezed, the most painfully forced smile frozen on his face. “I’m just... meditating! Nothing like a good meditation before a meal!” - Operation: [Blank]: Rocko, Filbert, and Heffer give their plan to get Rocko to bond with Mr. Bighead three different names: "Operation Bighead and Son," "Operation Toad-all Recall," and "Operation Male Bondage." They resolve to figure it out later.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Rocko delivers a biting rant towards Cliff for harassing Rachel. It sends the donkey away literally crying uncle.“[L]et me make one thing straight: I have no idea who you are. I’ve never heard of you until tonight. But you were a nuisance to the guests, a pest to me, and you harassed Rachel! I don’t give a flying damn who you are, who your uncle is, or what kind of clout you have, and I still don't understand what clout is! In the eyes of myself and everyone else at this party – which you weren’t even invited to – you are the lowest, filthiest, and the most CLASSIC definition of a SELF-serving, SELF-absorbed, SELF-RIGHTEOUS ASS!”
- Straw Misogynist: Cliff Pundance. According to Rachel, he thinks that women aren't good artists and that abrasive men like him are the only true artists. When he starts talking to her, he condescends her, cracks sexist jokes, and invades her personal space. Luckily, he is swiftly humiliated (and stabbed in the hand).
- That Came Out Wrong: To help Rocko befriend Mr. Bighead, Heffer decides to look up some ways for men to bond. What does he type into his search bar? "Male bondage activities." Needless to say, the results are a bit disturbing. Even worse, he keeps shouting "Woo! Male bondage!"
- Title Drop: Every chapter is titled after a line of dialogue from the fic. For example, Chapter 1's title "A Very Sweaty Wallaby" appears in the chapter when Rocko looks at himself in the mirror, Filbert asks him, “Rocko. What do you see in there?” and Rocko replies, “A very sweaty wallaby?”
- True Art Is Incomprehensible: Rachel's film is just a loop of a Mr. Fathead popsicle melting on the sidewalk, set to loud polka music. Nobody gets it until Rocko stirs the audience into applauding her.
- Unfortunate Search Results: To find ways for Rocko to become closer to Mr. Bighead, Heffer looks up "male bondage activities" online and comes across some apparently disturbing results.
- Visual Pun: Cliff Pundance is a very rude donkey, so he's an ass figuratively and literally.
- Whole Episode Flashback: Chapter 3, "A Very Dangerous Night," is dedicated to the night Rocko and Rachel started dating.
