Ugh... What’s next on the chopping block, Watty?
Wataru: Uh... It’s a Mega Crossover...
Yeah, I know.
Wataru: No. I mean, it crosses more than three-to-four works. And it’s based off Beast Wars apparently from the description.
And yet, from the title, “Here Come The Clones
”, it suggests something different.
Wataru: Well, if you need me, I will be in the other room. {leaves the room}
Alright... Let’s see what it is...
We start off with an LBT character named Ozzy in the Great Valley, because the author knows that nearly all the fanfics have the characters shoehorned in and figured that they should just start off with an LBT charater. {chug} And said character gets captured by N.I.M.H.
However, I will refer to Ozzy as Ozzy Osbourne, because that would be very funny. Also, this is what I mean when I said that the author was trying to spell psychic in the previous fanfic, because here we have another instance of the misspelling. So, what are physic powers? Like the power to defy the laws of physics?
And so Ozzy decides to make clones of Spike, Zazu, and Nala... Why those last two, I have no idea. At least he’s getting a good idea with Spike.
We then go back to the Rugrats, who are swept away by some green wind that is actually a portal. Meanwhile, in another part of the world, Simba, Nala, and Zazu all get taken by that wind as well. And so do Littlefoot and his friends. And so they all get put on a small dock. And Littlefoot sees Tommy.
“I gave you your morphing powers, derailed your meeting with Catdog, and was your Pokemon! You must recognize me now!” No, actually he recalls the very first fanfic, Revenge. You know, the one where he came out of nowhere and saved the Rugrats from the Zira knockoff? Anyways, after some stupid laugh montage, our heroes decide to head to an island, however, there’s a hurricane in their path. Angelica doesn’t know what it is, so Simba tells her...
... OBJECTION!
That is a pretty hefty claim, and while several hurricanes have taken that claim, I wouldn’t go as far as call them the most deadliest or strongest. It depends on how its categorized. If it’s a Level 4 or 5 hurricane, then yes, it will be pretty deadly, but if not, then it’s not all that strong. But they decide to go to the island anyways, and after some pointless sentences, the Rugrats make it to shore. After some “convincing” from Simba and Spike, Petrie and Zazu explore the ruined lab. They discover some machines, including a mechanical hand
... Do pteranodons even have scales? Anyways, Petrie finds out he’s been cloned and he flies out, telling the others that there’s a cloning machine. Tommy decides to go in, but everyone else is too chicken shit... However, when Spike comes along, the others do as well. Hello, revolving doors. Anyways, they enter the lab and explore. They come across a dining room and Angelica eats some of the cookies on there. I won’t call her an idiot since she didn’t know that Ozzy Osbourne was staying in the lab.
Wow, he freaking acknowledges that he’s dealing with tons of different species. That is a great feat in the Boskeyverse, where dinosaurs just appear out of nowhere and no one says anything about it.
He then lifts Angelica with his psychic powers. Though he stops when Cera tells him to. For some reason.
... Okay, seriously, this guy kicks ass. Ozzy in Land Before Time was, to the best of my recollection, not that great of a villain. This fanfic? It makes him the Big Bad and a Large Ham. And it’s awesome. Sure, it’s possibly a character derailment, but unlike Chuckie, he wasn’t that fleshed out of a character. However, Stu!Lil suddenly goes apeshit and decides to take on Ozzy.
"LIL!!!!" Everyone yelled as they ran to her. Lil got up and was a littlebeat. This angered everybody.
... What did he do? Did he Mind Rape her?
Did... Did Tommy just lampshade animals roaring when they can’t really roar in real life?
They can also hear the sound of the clones bumping into the door because it didn’t open.
Curb-Stomp Battle ensues (no, really, the fight between the clones and the originals last about a few words save for Clone!Spike vs. Original!Spike) .
... You mean a gym? When you say stage, it makes me feel like they’re gonna do a musical (YOU ARE THE PRINCE OF TENNIS!) and a better Curb-Stomp Battle ensues, complete with Fearful Symmetry. Original!Spike gets his ass handed to, and suddenly they get attacked with black balls that captured anyone who isn’t a human or cloned. Yeah, I think you guys can figure out what story this is ripping off.
The psychic destroying the lab and then setting it up to be his lair? The psychic deciding to clone some animals to form an army to take over the world? The initial battle between clones vs. originals ending in a curbstomp battle followed closely by more cloning? Yeah, this is Pokemon The First Movie. With Rugrats. Yeeeah. Hey, Rule #2, how are you feeling? Broken beyond all repair? Shit. #4 experienced the same thing in the previous fanfiction. And then suddenly the grey wolf appears. And then Yoshi appears. Who was he cloned from? And then the narrator spoils that two Digimon (thankfully without the s) are in this story. Shellmon and Agumon. Agumon pops by and talks to Tommy for a bit.
Okay, first off, it’s good that the narrator pointed out the fact that there are two (or three, counting the clone) Spikes, but the way they decided to separate them... Really? Spike2? Spiketwo would be a good name for his clone.
Next up, it’s pretty clear that Ozzy is just trolling. He’s not aiming to take over the world, he’s just having a good time going all large ham, and watching the chaos unfold. Seriously, it’s hard to imagine Ozzy’s voice without it being either Ozzy Osbourne or freaking John De Lancie!
Oh, suddenly Strut appears. And instead of them being brothers, Strut is the original and Ozzy is the clone. Well, looks like we found our Mew and Mewtwo. Wait... Early on in the fanfic, they said Ozzy was taken from the Great Valley, blew everyone up, and set up base in the lab. When the fuck did they decide to make Ozzy a clone? This is starting to sound like a bad comic book plot.
Pfffft hahahaha. Sorry but that was unintentionally funny. Anyways, massive clone battle ensues, Tommy gets hurt and realizes that clones are people too, the clones and originals get tired, and Clone!Simba tries to get Original!Simba to fight him to no avail. Oh and he cries at the fact that Original!Simba is not putting up a fight. Guess Clone!Simba is blood thirsty?
Then... this light appears... Huh? And apparently it can make things into cyborgs... what? What the fuck? Where did it come from? Anyways, the dinosaurs (Sans Yoshi) get hit with the light and become beast machines... and then...
...
...
...
WHAT.
THE.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKED UP REVELATION? THIS TWIST FUCKS UP EVERYTHING ESTABLISHED AND JUST RIPS OPEN NEW HOLES!
HOW THE HELL DID OZZY GET DNA SAMPLES FROM ZAZU, NALA, AND SPIKE WHEN HE WAS ON A DIFFERENT PLANET? WHY THE HELL WERE HUMAN SCIENTISTS ON A ROBOT FILLED PLANET? THIS ISN’T A TWIST! THIS JUST MAKES EVERYTHING CONFUSING! AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG! MUST! GET! MOMENTAI!
{runs off to grab some}
{Meanwhile, Wataru is watching Psyga flip out via computer monitor. The door opens and he turns to the door}
Wataru: Okay, let me get your- {sees that the person isn’t Psyga, but rather the man with the blue tinted glasses, he recognizes him and expresses shock} Oh, no. {tries to turn back to the computer keyboard, but the man’s backhand knocks him in the head, knocking him out}
???: {puts Wataru on the floor and sits in his seat, watching as Psyga returns, drinking a cup of water}
{Psyga walks back in, drinking a cup of water}
There. That’s better. Alright, let’s resume the fic! We have the Beast Machines song play for no reason.
What Beast Wars? There was none in this fan fic!
So... They became cyborgs... and yet... the author decided to scrap that idea? WHAT THE HELL? WHY THE HELL DID YOU MAKE THEM CYBORGS IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WITH THEM! ISN’T IT ALL POINTLESS!?!?!
Then Shellmon comes out of nowhere. Much like the Catdog Crossover, this guy becomes the main focus for the next few minutes. I’m starting to think the author is having trouble deciding just what to make the story about. Is it a rip-off of Pokemon? Is it supposed to be something like Beast Wars? Suddenly it becomes Digimon. Ozzy barely gets mentioned for the duration of the Shellmon fight, so I think this is gonna be one large Big-Lipped Alligator Moment. After Shellmon hurts Tommy for a bit, Agumon digivolves into Greymon. He kicks Shellmon’s ass and throws him into the ocean...
Wait... Does Cybertron even have water?
Uh... YEAH! Why the hell was that fanfic so distracted by the pointless Shellmon fight? What purpose does it even have?
Oh, and guess how this ends. Guess how the fight between Ozzy and Strut ends. Tommy goes in between a potential Beam-O-War and nearly gets killed for it. Nah, he doesn’t get Taken for Granite.
Woah, who the hell are you? Are you the author? Some random narrator? Pinkie Pie? Gah! So confusing! So Tommy isn’t really dead and like the movie, everyone gets amnesia. Well, except for Tommy.
KAMEN RIDE: DIEND!
Good God, did that suck. It wasn’t as bad as The Great Pokemon Fight, however. Ozzy was a good large ham and he’s entertaining to read. However it’s pretty much a plot-for-plot remake of Pokemon The First Movie, if you add in the fact that it all takes place on Cybertron and that there’s a Digimon fight in it... Come to think of it... That kind of reminds me of the Early Bird Cameos Toei is recently doing in their movies. Somewhere near the end of the film, a Digimon shows up and shows what he’s got. The twists it pulls are pretty bad and more out-of-left-field than actual twists.
But other than that, it’s still bad. Well then, I think I am almost done...
{suddenly, a voice is heard via intercom}
???: No, you are not done.
Huh? Who’s there? What happened to Wataru?
???: He’s a little...
Tied up?
???: ... Yes.
Who are you?
???: Turn on your TV.
... Alright. {gets the remote and turns on the TV, on it is the man with the blue-tinted glasses}
???: Recognize me?
... No, I don’t.
???: Hm... {takes off glasses} How about now?
Look, just tell me who you are and what you want. I’m not here to play guessing games.
???: Peh. My name is Kenzaki Kazuma. Does that ring any bells?
Hm... Kazuma... Kazuma... Oh! Are you that rabbit dude?
Kazuma: No, you idiot. I’m Kamen Rider Blade!
... Oooooooooooooooh...
Kazuma: And you claim to be a Kamen Rider fan.
Hey, not my fault I didn’t recognize you! You’re way different than how you looked in the show!
Kazuma: Yes... That... that can be attributed to many things. But I’m not here to discuss my life story. I’m here to finalize this experiment.
Wait... Experiment? What do you mean?
Kazuma: Wataru never told you, did he? Much of the liveblogs you do were made for one reason: to gauge your anger. However, you tend to display less than favourable results. Most of those are because of Wataru calling for “breaks” and “Momentai dosages”, and thus stop you from reaching your true anger. I’m here to make sure that isn’t the case.
Wait... So you want to feed on my hate? Should I make a Profion joke?
Kazuma: No. Profion failed in trying to anger you, even when you beat him up.
Shit! You’re Arc Welding now?
Kazuma: Is that what you’re calling it now? Peh. There is one more fanfic left. And you will read and finish it. No technical difficulties. No breaks. Nothing. You will read the entire fanfic.
Oh shit, you mean that large-ass one?
Kazuma: Don’t worry, it will be broken up into parts, but there will be no promise that you will have room to breathe. Prepare yourself, because the next fanfic you read will be "All Dogs, and Spike, Go To Heaven".
... Ah crap.
