History for Website/TheOnion

Some people mistakenly think ''The Onion'' [[PoesLaw is a legitimate news source]], ranging from [[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in Christians against Harry Potter]], [[http://articles.sfgate.com/2002-06-08/news/17547059_1_fancy-new-capitol-onion-yu-bin People's Republic of China.]] [[http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/11/26/fox-nation-readers-confuse-onion-article-real-news/ to, as it]] [[http://www.mediaite.com/online/foxnation-com-repurposes-anti-obama-article-from-the-onion-forgets-to-mention-its-a-joke/ seems,]] FoxNation.com,]] a news website operated by the FoxNewsChannel [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j10A6eINUVw reposted the first two paragraphs in their culture section with nary a sign as to its fictional nature.]] [[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2012/11/27/heres-the-onion-article-on-kim-jong-un-that-fooled-chinas-state-newspaper/?hpid=z4 Twice.]] Others are aware of its parody nature.

to:

Some people mistakenly think ''The Onion'' [[PoesLaw is a legitimate news source]], ranging from [[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in Christians against Harry Potter]], [[http://www.mediaite.com/online/foxnation-com-repurposes-anti-obama-article-from-the-onion-forgets-to-mention-its-a-joke Fox Nation.com,]] a news website operated by the FoxNewsChannel [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j10A6eINUVw reposted the first two paragraphs in their culture section with nary a sign as to its fictional nature]] and [[http://articles.sfgate.com/2002-06-08/news/17547059_1_fancy-new-capitol-onion-yu-bin People's Republic of China.]] ]] [[http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/11/26/fox-nation-readers-confuse-onion-article-real-news/ to, as it]] [[http://www.mediaite.com/online/foxnation-com-repurposes-anti-obama-article-from-the-onion-forgets-to-mention-its-a-joke/ seems,]] FoxNation.com,]] a news website operated by the FoxNewsChannel [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j10A6eINUVw reposted the first two paragraphs in their culture section with nary a sign as to its fictional nature.]] [[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2012/11/27/heres-the-onion-article-on-kim-jong-un-that-fooled-chinas-state-newspaper/?hpid=z4 Twice.]] Others are aware of its parody nature.

Narutaki2012

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Jan 21st 2013 at 4:46:13 PM

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Some people mistakenly think ''The Onion'' [[PoesLaw is a legitimate news source]], ranging from [[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in Christians against Harry Potter]] to the [[http://articles.sfgate.com/2002-06-08/news/17547059_1_fancy-new-capitol-onion-yu-bin People's Republic of China.]] [[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2012/11/27/heres-the-onion-article-on-kim-jong-un-that-fooled-chinas-state-newspaper/?hpid=z4 Twice.]] Others are aware of its parody nature.

to:

Some people mistakenly think ''The Onion'' [[PoesLaw is a legitimate news source]], ranging from [[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in Christians against Harry ~~Potter]] to the~~ Potter]], [[http://articles.sfgate.com/2002-06-08/news/17547059_1_fancy-new-capitol-onion-yu-bin People's Republic of China.]] [[http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/11/26/fox-nation-readers-confuse-onion-article-real-news/ to, as it]] [[http://www.mediaite.com/online/foxnation-com-repurposes-anti-obama-article-from-the-onion-forgets-to-mention-its-a-joke/ seems,]] FoxNation.com,]] a news website operated by the FoxNewsChannel [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j10A6eINUVw reposted the first two paragraphs in their culture section with nary a sign as to its fictional nature.]] [[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2012/11/27/heres-the-onion-article-on-kim-jong-un-that-fooled-chinas-state-newspaper/?hpid=z4 Twice.]] Others are aware of its parody nature.

dmcreif

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Jan 21st 2013 at 3:41:32 PM

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** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-takes-leave-of-office-to-stand-in-line-for,743/ One article]] written during the [[BillClinton Clinton administration]] mentions the President planning to see ''Film/ThePhantomMenace'' at least twenty times during its opening weekend, after which he will return to his office and follow a once-a-day viewing schedule.
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-googles-matt-damons-address-because-well-hes-c,30303/ A man googling Matt Damon's house address because he's crazy and wants to murder him]] is said to have recorded ''Film/OceansEleven'' on his DVR and have viewed the film "more than 200 times in the past month". It's also said that the man is in possession of 100 DVD copies of ''Film/TheLegendOfBaggerVance''.

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** ~~[[http://www.~~"[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-takes-leave-of-office-to-stand-in-line-for,743/ ~~One article]]~~ Clinton Takes Leave Of Office To Stand In Line For ''Star Wars: Episode I'']]" written during the [[BillClinton Clinton administration]] mentions the President planning to see ''Film/ThePhantomMenace'' at least twenty times during its opening weekend, after which he will return to his office and follow a once-a-day viewing schedule.
** ~~[[http://www.~~"[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-googles-matt-damons-address-because-well-hes-c,30303/ ~~A man googling~~ Man Googles Matt Damon's ~~house address because he's crazy and wants to murder him]] is said to have~~ Address Because, Well, He's Crazy And Wants To Murder Him]]". He's also recorded ''Film/OceansEleven'' on his DVR and ~~have~~ has viewed the film "more than 200 times in the past ~~month". It's also said that the man~~ month", and is in possession of 100 DVD copies of ''Film/TheLegendOfBaggerVance''.

dmcreif

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Jan 17th 2013 at 6:37:08 PM

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* CrazyCatLady: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-put-the-spark-back-into-your-relationship-w,14398/ How To Put the spark Back Into Your Relationship With Your Cat]]."

to:

* CrazyCatLady: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-put-the-spark-back-into-your-relationship-w,14398/ How To Put ~~the spark~~ The Spark Back Into Your Relationship With Your Cat]]."

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* {{Deconstruction}}:
** With regard to the idea of realistic video games, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfare Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks]]".

to:

* {{Deconstruction}}:
** With regard to the idea of realistic video games, {{Deconstruction}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfare Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks]]".

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* {{Defictionalization}}: [[http://www.closerangegame.com/ Play the demo of "Close Range".]]

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* {{Defictionalization}}: [[http://www.closerangegame.com/ Play the demo of "Close ~~Range".]]~~Range"]], the game that consists of nothing more than [[BoomHeadshot shooting people in the face]].

dmcreif

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Jan 17th 2013 at 12:36:43 PM

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* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Constantly; one is "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_refuses_to_set_timetable_for Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/ Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack]]"

to:

* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Constantly; one is "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_refuses_to_set_timetable_for Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House ~~Banister]]".~~
Banister]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/ Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla ~~Attack]]"~~Attack]]" seems to be a TakeThat on the entire gun debate following the Newtown shooting.

dmcreif

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**"[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/ Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack]]"

dmcreif

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Jan 17th 2013 at 12:31:32 PM

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* JurisdictionFriction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/local_authorities_more_than Local Authorities More Than Happy To Let FBI Take Over]]".

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* JurisdictionFriction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/local_authorities_more_than Local Authorities More Than Happy To Let FBI Take ~~Over]]".~~Over]]"

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* JustTrainWrong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/murder-mystery-on-train-not-so-fun-in-real-life,2238/ Murder Mystery On Train Not So Fun In Real Life]]". It's supposed to be on a train in Wisconsin, yet the page image choice is of a Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) train in San Francisco.

dmcreif

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Jan 14th 2013 at 10:23:56 AM

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* BigBad: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/dept-of-evil-all-of-you-must-die,2200/ Dept. of Evil: All of You Must Die]]".

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* BigBad: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/dept-of-evil-all-of-you-must-die,2200/ ~~Dept.~~ Department of Evil: All of You Must Die]]".

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-->"According to officials, at least 13 circus performers have died, with dozens more suffering severe burns as a fire spread through the mile-long train, eventually igniting a fuse that launched a human cannonball 200 feet above the devastating and not-at-all amusing scene."

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-->"According to officials, at least 13 circus performers have died, with dozens more suffering severe burns as a fire spread through the ~~mile-long~~ mile long train, eventually igniting a fuse that launched a human cannonball 200 feet above the devastating and not-at-all amusing scene."

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* EverybodyHasLotsOfSex: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/byu-students-protest-brandon-davies-dismissal-by-h,19679/ "BYU Students Protest Brandon Davies' Dismissal By Having Sex All Over Campus"]]

to:

* EverybodyHasLotsOfSex: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/byu-students-protest-brandon-davies-dismissal-by-h,19679/ ~~"BYU~~ "Bringham Young University Students Protest Brandon Davies' Dismissal By Having Sex All Over Campus"]]

Chariset

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Jan 13th 2013 at 7:13:03 PM

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** [[FridgeBrilliance Maybe he lost the debate at dawn.]]

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** [[FridgeBrilliance Maybe he ~~lost the debate at dawn.~~lost.]]

StarSword

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Jan 11th 2013 at 8:26:34 PM

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It has a TransatlanticEquivalent (which predates it) in the form of ''Magazine/PrivateEye''.

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It has a TransatlanticEquivalent (which predates it) in the form of ~~''Magazine/PrivateEye''.~~
''Magazine/PrivateEye'', and another more recently called [[http://www.njuz.net NJUZ]].

dmcreif

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Jan 10th 2013 at 5:48:05 PM

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* SoBadItsGood: TakeThatAudience variant in "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/russell-crowe-praised-for-stunning-portrayal-of-ma,30839/ Russell Crowe Praised For Stunning Portrayal Of Man Who Cannot Sing Or Act In 'Les Misérables']]"

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* SoBadItsGood: ~~TakeThatAudience variant in~~ InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/russell-crowe-praised-for-stunning-portrayal-of-ma,30839/ Russell Crowe Praised For Stunning Portrayal Of Man Who Cannot Sing Or Act In 'Les Misérables']]"

dmcreif

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Jan 10th 2013 at 6:56:57 AM

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*SoBadItsGood: TakeThatAudience variant in "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/russell-crowe-praised-for-stunning-portrayal-of-ma,30839/ Russell Crowe Praised For Stunning Portrayal Of Man Who Cannot Sing Or Act In 'Les Misérables']]"

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** Another example: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/russell-crowe-praised-for-stunning-portrayal-of-ma,30839/ Russell Crowe Praised For Stunning Portrayal Of Man Who Cannot Sing Or Act In 'Les Misérables']]"

dmcreif

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Jan 9th 2013 at 6:52:36 PM

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**Another example: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/russell-crowe-praised-for-stunning-portrayal-of-ma,30839/ Russell Crowe Praised For Stunning Portrayal Of Man Who Cannot Sing Or Act In 'Les Misérables']]"

dmcreif

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Jan 9th 2013 at 5:30:09 PM

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* ''Film/TheFugitive'': "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/fugitive-doctor-accuses-devlin-macgregor-of-fraud,30796/ Fugitive Doctor Accuses Devlin MacGregor Of Fraud]]"

dmcreif

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Jan 6th 2013 at 7:16:35 PM

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* ShapedLikeItself: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_turkey_sandwiches_an Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey Sandwiches]]".

to:

* ShapedLikeItself: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_turkey_sandwiches_an Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey ~~Sandwiches]]".~~Sandwiches]]"
**"[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/investigators-determine-air-france-disaster-caused,2749/ Investigators Determine Air France Disaster Caused By Plane Crash]]"

dmcreif

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Jan 6th 2013 at 1:20:17 PM

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* OverlyLongGag: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-hobbit-to-feature-53minutelong-scene-of-bilbo,30727/ 'The Hobbit' To Feature 53-Minute-Long Scene Of Bilbo Baggins Trying To Figure Out What To Pack"

to:

dmcreif

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MysteriousF

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Jan 6th 2013 at 11:32:25 AM

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** [[FridgeBrilliance Maybe he lost the debate at dawn.]]

SeptimusHeap MOD

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Jan 6th 2013 at 10:28:44 AM

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* ButYouScrewOneGoat: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33600 I Think I'm Going About This Cat-Breeding Thing All Wrong]]".

dmcreif

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Jan 5th 2013 at 10:13:48 PM

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* AfterTheEnd: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"]] claims that the USA will be a post-apocalyptic wasteland by the time a newly-born baby reaches adulthood.

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* TheAllegedCar: Jim Anchower's [[RunningGag perpetually abused Ford Festiva.]]

to:

* TheAllegedCar: Jim Anchower's [[RunningGag perpetually ~~abused~~ abused]] [[ChronicallyCrashedCar Ford Festiva.]]

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* BestYearsOfYourLife: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/best-years-of-area-mans-life-apparently-never-goin,94/ Best Years Of Man's Life Apparently Never Going to Happen]] brutally mocks this trope.

to:

* BestYearsOfYourLife: ~~[[http://www.~~"[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/best-years-of-area-mans-life-apparently-never-goin,94/ Best Years Of Man's Life Apparently Never Going to ~~Happen]]~~ Happen]]" brutally mocks this trope.

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* {{Bulungi}}: The TropeNamer originated in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-ambassador-to-bulungi-suspected-of-making-count,790/ this article]].

to:

* {{Bulungi}}: The TropeNamer on fictitious African countries originated in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-ambassador-to-bulungi-suspected-of-making-count,790/ this article]].

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** There's a ''lot'' of articles that involve dreadful things happening to former U.S. President GeorgeWBush.

to:

** There's a ''lot'' of articles that involve increasingly dreadful things happening to former U.S. President GeorgeWBush.

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* ConvictionByContradiction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29537 Idaville Detective]] [[EncyclopediaBrown 'Encyclopedia' Brown]] Found Dead In Library Dumpster". In this case, "I could not have done it because I was at the North Pole watching the penguins."

to:

* ConvictionByContradiction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29537 Idaville Detective]] [[EncyclopediaBrown 'Encyclopedia' Brown]] Found Dead In Library Dumpster". ~~In this case, "I could not have done it because I~~ What was the perpetrator's alibi? [[spoiler:He was at the North Pole watching the penguins."]]

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** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/entire-precinct-made-up-of-loose-cannons,2306/ Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons]]".

to:

** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/entire-precinct-made-up-of-loose-cannons,2306/ Entire LAPD Precinct Made Up Of Loose ~~Cannons]]".~~Cannons]]" takes this UpToEleven.

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* LoopholeAbuse: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2OObOM3R_U "Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation with Wish for Unlimited Wishes]]"

to:

* LoopholeAbuse: ~~[[http://www.~~"[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2OObOM3R_U ~~"Child~~ Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation with Wish for Unlimited Wishes]]"

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** Also, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ U.N. Orders]] [[WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory Wonka]] [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspections]]"

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* NoOSHACompliance: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ U.N. Orders]] [[WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory Wonka]] [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspections]]"

SeptimusHeap MOD

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Jan 5th 2013 at 2:22:53 PM

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The Onion has in the past extended into a movie (critically derided, even by its own AV Club), and most recently two TV series — ''OSN Sportsdome'' on ComedyCentral and ''Onion News Network'' on IFC. There have also been two original Onion books - ''OurDumbCentury'', a history of the 20th century told through fake Onion front pages, and ''OurDumbWorld'', a HollywoodAtlas filled with stereotypes and DeadBabyComedy.

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* HollywoodAtlas: ''Our Dumb World'' is constructed largely out of this Trope, with a dash of DeadBabyComedy here and there.

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* HollywoodAtlas: ''Our Dumb World'' is constructed largely out of this Trope, with a dash of ~~DeadBabyComedy~~ BlackComedy here and there.

Narutaki2012

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Jan 4th 2013 at 11:14:13 PM

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* ItsQuietTooQuiet: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn5c1FuLDd4 Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet]]

to:

* ItsQuietTooQuiet: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn5c1FuLDd4 ~~Tea~~ "Tea Party Quiet... Too ~~Quiet]]~~Quiet"]]

Narutaki2012

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* ItsQuietTooQuiet: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn5c1FuLDd4 Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet]]

SeanMurrayI

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* HighAltitudeInterrogation: It's reported in their web video [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JjNh7L5jiE "Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time to Play Games"]] that "hardass cops can be fucked with for two more hours, at which point they will resume dangling lowlifes from rooftops until they get the answers they want."

TropeEater

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[[quoteright:350:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the-onion-logo_2521.jpg]]

->''[[PretentiousLatinMotto Tu Stultus Es]]'' [[labelnote:Lat.]][[TakeThatAudience "You are stupid"]][[/labelnote]]

[[{{Satire}} Satirical]] newspaper devoted to all aspects of American life and culture, frequently parodying tropes mentioned on ThisVeryWiki. Started in 1988 as a print newspaper in Madison, Wisconsin (by a pair of students at the University of Wisconsin), it has since branched off into the internet, including video clips supposedly originating from the [[{{CNN}} Onion News Network]].

Some people mistakenly think ''The Onion'' [[PoesLaw is a legitimate news source]], ranging from [[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/harry_potter_books_spark_rise_in Christians against Harry Potter]] to the [[http://articles.sfgate.com/2002-06-08/news/17547059_1_fancy-new-capitol-onion-yu-bin People's Republic of China.]] [[http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2012/11/27/heres-the-onion-article-on-kim-jong-un-that-fooled-chinas-state-newspaper/?hpid=z4 Twice.]] Others are aware of its parody nature.

''The Onion'' also has an entertainment/pop culture newspaper and website called [[http://www.avclub.com/ the AV Club]], which features pop culture news, reviews of almost every form of media (TV, albums, books, etc.) and interviews presented in a humorous but factual tone. The site's head writer is NathanRabin. The AV Club maintains a separate identity and has very little (if anything) in common with ''The Onion'', mostly to avoid people mistakenly thinking that the AV Club presents fake news like ''The Onion''.

The Onion has in the past extended into a movie (critically derided, even by its own AV Club), and most recently two TV series — ''OSN Sportsdome'' on ComedyCentral and ''Onion News Network'' on IFC. There have also been two original Onion books - ''OurDumbCentury'', a history of the 20th century told through fake Onion front pages, and ''OurDumbWorld'', a HollywoodAtlas filled with stereotypes and DeadBabyComedy.

In Summer 2012, the Onion's Website/YouTube arm debuted ''Onion Digital Studios'', producing parodies of non-news programming ranging from nature documentaries to [[WebVideo/SexHouse reality television]].

It has a TransatlanticEquivalent (which predates it) in the form of ''Magazine/PrivateEye''.

Can be read [[http://www.theonion.com here.]]
----
!!Parody Newspaper Names Following Tropes:

* {{Bulungi}}
* ManicPixieDreamGirl: named by Nathan Rabin in the AV Club.

----
!!Area Man Embodies And Parodies Following Tropes:

* AbortedArc: The [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-announces-dark-horse-candid,2141/ mysterious congressman's presidential campaign]] initially seemed like just another funny article, but it was then followed up by [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-challenges-leading-candidat,2245/ him challenging the other candidates to a debate at dawn]]. Since then, nothing.
* AbsentMindedProfessor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29701 Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere']]".
* AdventurerArchaeologist: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38680 Archaeologist Tired of Unearthing Unspeakable Ancient Evils]]".
* AfterTheEnd: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"]] claims that the USA will be a post-apocalyptic wasteland by the time a newly-born baby reaches adulthood.
* AgeInappropriateArt: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secondgraders-wow-audience-with-school-production,1883/ Second-Graders Wow Audience With School Production Of Equus]]".
* AIIsACrapshoot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/voting-machines-elect-one-of-their-own-as-presiden,14286/ Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President]]".
* AintNoRule: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/kentucky_violated_ncaa_rules Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/washedup-air-bud-signs-with-greek-pro-team,27510/ Washed-Up Air Bud Signs With Greek Pro Team]]".
* AirVentPassageway: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28978 Clinton Escapes Through Air Vent]]".
* TheAllegedCar: Jim Anchower's [[RunningGag perpetually abused Ford Festiva.]]
* AllGirlsWantBadBoys: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28748 Irrepressible Bad Boy Slays Seven]]".
* AllMenArePerverts: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVifPkbYsk 12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Offer To Give Breast Exams]]".
* AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-adds-all-your-base-are-belong-to-us-amend,3638/ Congress Adds 'All Your Base Are Belong To Us' Amendment To Bankruptcy Bill]]"
* AlphaBitch: ''Fact Zone'' host Brooke Alvarez.
* AlternateHistory: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alternateuniverse-scifi-channel-show-asks-what-wou,2846/ Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War]]"
* AmericansHateSoccer / AcceptableHobbyTargets: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xLn-X8YJRg Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay]]".
** [[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/ In the Onion Sports Network's main page]], if you look at the list of sports categories, "{{Soccer}}" is lumped in the same category as "Women's Sports".
** "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/suffering-cleveland-bans-all-professional-sports,19701/ Suffering Cleveland Bans All Professional Sports]]".
* AnachronismStew / TimeyWimeyBall: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/historical-archives-civil-war-preenactors-have-sta,6356/ Historical Archives: Civil War Pre-Enactors Have Stage'd Battle Of Bull Run]]".
* AndIMustScream: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-hearing-loved-ones-voice-induces-excru,27035/ Study Finds Hearing Loved One's Voice Induces Excruciating Pain In Coma Patients]]".
* AnimalWrongsGroup: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39180 Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit]]".
* AnimatedAdaptation: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/aaron_sorkin_announces_new_west Aaron Sorkin Announces New 'West Wing' Animated Series At SorCon]]".
* TheAntiNihilist: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths]]"
* AntiquatedLinguistics: The book ''[[http://store.theonion.com/product/our-dumb-century-paperback,17/ Our Dumb Century]]'' loves these.
** Subtle, but a few distinctly old fashioned terms in an article is a clear trend of the website's.
*** For example: "Per the Mysterious Congressman's directive, the debate will held in one fortnight's time on the shores of the Tidal Basin at day's first light. It will be broadcast simultaneously by all network and cable-news channels."
* AreYouPonderingWhatImPondering: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-only-there-were-some-way-i-could-watch-premium,17805/ If Only There Were Some Way I Could Watch Premium Movies In The Comfort Of My Own Home]]".
* ArtifactOfAttraction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/45795 Wool Blanket Destroys Commune]]".
* ArtifactOfDoom: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/ashton-moves-on-from-demi-dating-evil-black-disc,26880/ Ashton Moves On From Demi, Dating Evil Black Disc]]".
* ArtifactTitle: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/steeler_defense_renamed_mid Steeler Defense Renamed 'Mid-Level White-Collar Curtain' To More Accurately Reflect Contemporary Pittsburgh]]".
* ArtisticLicenseAnimalCare: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/as-much-as-i-hated-putting-my-dog-to-sleep-i-know,11522/ As Much As I Hated Putting My Dog To Sleep, I Know He'll Feel Better When He Wakes Up]]".
* AsLongAsItSoundsForeign: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33632 I Bet I Can Speak Spanish]]".
* AsLongAsThereIsEvil: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/osama-bin-laden-found-inside-each-of-us,1131/ Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each of Us]]".
* AssholeVictim: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/teen-with-cancer-vows-it-wont-keep-her-from-being,18176 Teen With Cancer Vows It Won't Keep Her From Being Mean, Moody Little Shit]]".
* AttackOfTheFiftyFootWhatever: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/update-giant-bin-laden-destroys-new-york-washingto,20536/ Giant Bin Laden Destroys New York, Washington]]".
* AuthorTract[=/=]WriterOnBoard: Many of their recent entries.
* AwesomenessByAnalysis: Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/it-doesnt-look-that-cold-out-reports-man-who-doesn,19082/ It Doesn't Look That Cold Out, Reports Man Who Doesn't Have Thermo-Sensing Eyes]]".
* AxCrazy[=/=]CuteAndPsycho: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/a-vote-for-my-husband-is-a-vote-for-me-not-breakin,11427/ A Vote For My Husband Is A Vote For Me Not Breaking Your Fucking Neck]]".
* BabiesMakeEverythingBetter: Subverted: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/autistic-child-ruins-marriage-he-was-born-to-save,16914/ Autistic Child Ruins Marriage He Was Born To Save]]".
* BaitAndSwitchComment: Several horoscopes are like this.
--> [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-25-2012,29686/ Gemini:]] You will uncover an ancient Aztec curse this Thursday, one frightened locals say translates to [[PrecisionFStrike "motherfucker."]]
* BankruptcyBarrel: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/why_am_i_the_only_homeless_man Why Am I The Only Homeless Man Still Wearing Pickle Barrels?]]"
* BasementDweller: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-cuts-funding-for-26yearold-stepson,19965/ Congress Cuts Funding For 26-Year-Old Stepson]]".
* BestYearsOfYourLife: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/best-years-of-area-mans-life-apparently-never-goin,94/ Best Years Of Man's Life Apparently Never Going to Happen]] brutally mocks this trope.
* BigBad: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/dept-of-evil-all-of-you-must-die,2200/ Dept. of Evil: All of You Must Die]]".
* BiggerThanJesus: Published an apology in their corrections section after purportedly making such a remark, consequently revealing {{Inverted|Trope}} intentions:
--> "We would like to apologize for stating last week that ''The Onion'' is 'bigger than Jesus'. What we meant to imply is that ''The Onion'' is more important and influential than Jesus, not that our newspaper is in any way physically larger than He was. We regret any confusion."
* BilingualBonus: The so-called founder's last name is Zwiebel, German for "Onion".
* BlackComedy:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43212 More Americans Falling For 'Get Rich Slowly Over A Lifetime Of Hard Work' Schemes]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/university-implicated-in-checksfordegrees-scheme,1193/ University Implicated In Checks-For-Degrees Scheme]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/budget-mixup-provides-nations-schools-with-enough,20350/ Budget Mix-Up Provides Nation's Schools With Enough Money To Properly Educate Students]]".
* BlackComedyRape:
** "[[http://members.fortunecity.com/mtracey/christy.htm Black Bear Attacks, Rapes Zookeeper]]" is notable for being one of the few articles [[DudeNotFunny removed from the main site]]. A subversion, as the article's clownish treatment of the horrific subject matter was itself the joke.
** From ''Our Dumb Century'', "January 30, 1969 - U.S. TROOPS PULL OUT OF VIETNAMESE PEASANT GIRL; 27th Infantry Division ordered to fully withdraw from Sia Nguyen, 14. 'That's enough for now, boys' says captain."
* BlatantLies: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/massive-flow-of-bullshit-continues-to-gush-from-bp,17564/ Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters]]".
* BOOMHeadshot: ''Close Range'', "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists The Game That Consists Of Nothing But Shooting People In The Face]]".
* BotheringByTheBook: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/regulation-spitefully-obeyed-to-the-letter,430/ Regulation Spitefully Obeyed To The Letter]]".
* BottledCool: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27642 Area Man Buying Not So Much A Soft Drink As An Image]]".
* BreadAndCircuses: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/48-syrian-civilians-massacred-during-claire-danes,29666/ "48 Syrian Civilians Massacred During Claire Danes' Emmy Award Acceptance Speech"]]
--> "At press time, government soldiers were throwing the bloodied corpses of the civilians into a large mass grave as Lena Dunham was anxiously waiting to hear if Girls would win the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series."
* BreadEggsMilkSquick:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-think-mcdonoughs-auto-repair-you-think-cr,17998/ When You Think McDonough's Auto Repair, You Think Craftsmanship, Murder, And Pride]]".
** An autistic reporter covering a [[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ train accident]] said that "Before the train came to a complete stop, it ran over three trash bags, a piece of gum, a Snickers wrapper, a man, and a glove."
* {{Bulungi}}: The TropeNamer originated in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-ambassador-to-bulungi-suspected-of-making-count,790/ this article]].
* BuriedAlive: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive,17339/ No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]]".
* ButtMonkey:
** There's a ''lot'' of articles that involve dreadful things happening to former U.S. President GeorgeWBush.
** Madison Daly and Tucker Hope are treated poorly by Brooke Alvarez.
* ButYouScrewOneGoat: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33600 I Think I'm Going About This Cat-Breeding Thing All Wrong]]".
* CallBack: One article makes reference to an online voting system that allows millions of masturbators to take part in the voting process. Two days later, the article "Nonvoter Knew It Would Turn Out This Way" ends with the nonvoter admitting he might start voting if the online voting for masturbators was up by 2012.
* TheCameo: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/psa-ben-stiller-speaks-out-against-shaken-manchild,19732/ Ben Stiller]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjmW_20-iYA Rachel Maddow]], and Mike Huckabee were all on the TV show. The last two were on the same episode.
* CanadaEh:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/perky-canada-has-own-government-laws,19927/ Perky 'Canada' Has Own Government, Laws]]".
** From the cartoons, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/editorial-cartoon-november-12-2007,12321/ The THREAT Across the OTHER Border]]".
* CanonDiscontinuity: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mans-life-riddled-with-continuity-errors,20492/ Man's Life Riddled With Continuity Errors]]".
* CanonWelding: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/disney-reveals-that-every-disney-movie-takes-place,28141/ Disney Reveals That Every Disney Movie Takes Place In Single, Unified Universe]]".
* CaptainObviousAesop: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/third-amendment-rights-group-celebrates-another-su,2296/ Third Amendment Rights Group Celebrates Another Successful Year]]".
* CaptainSpaceDefenderOfEarth: Crash Comet, Space Commander from the Year 2000, the recurring enemy of EvilOverlord columnist [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/gorzo-the-mighty,1026/ Gorzo the Mighty]].
* TheCasanova: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/7_million_people_direct?utm_source=c-section 7 Million People Direct Descendants Of Single Smooth-Talking Ancestor]]".
* CasanovaWannabe: How they portray U.S. Vice President Joe Biden.
* CausticCritic: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/awful_man_offers_witty_acerbic Awful Man Offers Witty, Acerbic Take On Everything He Sees]]".
* ChekhovsGun: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gun-goes-off-during-lifes-third-act,17286/ Gun Goes Off During Life's Third Act]]".
* TheChewToy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/universe-admits-to-wronging-area-man-his-entire-li,18556/ Universe Admits To Wronging Area Man His Entire Life]]". Also, the protagonists in their reality TV spoofs "Sex House" and "Porkin' Across America".
* ChildrenAreAWaste: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/department-of-education-study-finds-teaching-these,18461/ Department Of Education Study Finds Teaching These Little Shits No Longer Worth It]]".
* ChinaTakesOverTheWorld:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/well_ive_sold_the_paper_to Well, I've Sold The Paper To The Chinese]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-china-to-overtake-us-as-worlds-biggest-assh,17277/ Report: China To Overtake U.S. As World's Biggest Asshole By 2020]]".
** From the week which featured the header article, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/china-strong,2756/ China Strong]]".
* ChurchOfHappyology: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31006 Scientology Losing Ground To New Fictionology]]".
* CirclesOfHell: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28898 Tenth Circle Added To Rapidly-Growing Hell]]".
* ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obama_warns_he_may_cease_to Obama Warns He May Cease To Exist Unless America Believes In Him]]".
* ClicheStorm: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/perfectly-marketed-tv-show-somehow-fails,2333/ Perfectly Marketed TV Show Somehow Fails]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-massive-wildfires-geopolitical-crises-aids,20830/ Report: Massive Wildfires, Geopolitical Crises, AIDS, Human Rights Violations, Deadly Shootings, Africa, Trapped Travelers, Ethical And Moral Issues, Child Labor, Drug Wars]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-to-bet-the-farm-on-one-last-big-bill,21192/ Congress To Bet The Farm On One Last Big Bill]]".
* CloudCuckoolander: Several of the columnists, but particularly flaky stoner dude Jim Anchower.
** Jean Teasdale is a vicious and tragic deconstruction, as she's almost (but not entirely) oblivious to the living hell that is her life. This is PlayedForLaughs.
* ClusterFBomb: Oy.
** "[[http://members.shaw.ca/rlongpre01/moon.html Holy Shit: Man Walks On Fucking Moon]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of Sony Releases Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-upholds-freedom-of-speech-in-obsceni,17372/ Supreme Court Upholds Freedom Of Speech In Obscenity-Filled Ruling]]".
** The whole week of articles directly after [[TheWarOnTerror 9/11]] was called "The Holy Fucking Shit Edition".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-are-tests-biased-against-students-who,17966/ Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/where-the-fuck-is-diane-with-my-fairtrade-coffee,11085/ Where The Fuck Is Diane With My Fair-Trade Coffee?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/department-of-education-study-finds-teaching-these,18461/ Department Of Education Study Finds Teaching These Little Shits No Longer Worth It]]".
** From ''Our Dumb Century'': "Last Night's Fireside Chat Just A Stream of Cuss Words."
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: Uses this humor a LOT, especially their [[http://www.youtube.com/show/todaynow Today Now!]] and [[http://www.youtube.com/show/intheknow In The Know]] segments.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43014 CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighter All These Years]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc9JzvuvNkA Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man]]".
* TheComputerIsACheatingBastard: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/hawaii_wins_little_league_world Hawaii Wins Little League World Series]]".
* ConceptAlbum:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-launches-david-bowie-concept-mission%2C2907/ NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bruce-springsteen-releases-new-scifi-concept-album,21358/ Bruce Springsteen Releases New Sci-Fi Concept Album About Struggles of Poor Miners Working On Mars]]".
* ConspiracyTheorist:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/construction-complete-on-911-truther-memorial,18034/ Construction Complete On 9/11 Truther Memorial]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-has-elaborate-explanation-for,1917/ Conspiracy Theorist Has Elaborate Explanation For Why He's Single]]".
* ContentWarnings: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28047 Teen Exposed To Violence, Profanity, Adult Situations By Family]]".
* ContinuityCreep: The show on IFC has some recurring stories, such as the one involving time travelers trying to kill Suri Cruise and the FDA official yelling for everyone to start eating healthier.
* ContinuityNod:
** Joad Cressbeckler, first introduced as an "even more grizzled and ornery" alternative to John [=McCain=] during the "War For The White House", now has his own series (''The Cressbeckler Stance'') parodying FOX News' primetime commentary shows.
** Several stories about an "Area Man" visiting restaurants are about the same man (Don Turnbee of Erie, PA) with the same photo model.
* ConvictionByContradiction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29537 Idaville Detective]] [[EncyclopediaBrown 'Encyclopedia' Brown]] Found Dead In Library Dumpster". In this case, "I could not have done it because I was at the North Pole watching the penguins."
* CorruptCorporateExecutive: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/layoffs-are-necessary-if-we-want-to-keep-the-light,26250/ 'Layoffs Are Necessary If We Want To Keep The Lights On,' Says CEO Halfway Through Tasting Menu]]"
* CousinOliver: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cousin_oliver_to_join_white_house To Join White House For Last Year Of Clinton Presidency]]".
* CoveredInGunge: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30578 Ex-Nickelodeon Stars Relate Horrors Of Green Slime Syndrome]]".
* CowboyCop:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30550 Lone Wolf Ashcroft Given Rookie Partner]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/entire-precinct-made-up-of-loose-cannons,2306/ Entire Precinct Made Up Of Loose Cannons]]".
* CrapsaccharineWorld: The world seen in ''Today Now!''
* CrapsackWorld:
** "[[VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoIV Liberty City]] [[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/liberty_city_police_face Police Face Allegations Of Incompetence, Brutality]]".
** The world as a whole. ''In The Know''[='s=] world has ghouls, robot overlords, baby skulls as jewelry... RuleOfFunny produces some hilariously-horrific things.
* CrazyCatLady: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-put-the-spark-back-into-your-relationship-w,14398/ How To Put the spark Back Into Your Relationship With Your Cat]]."
* CrazyEnoughToWork: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/area_idea_so_crazy_it_just_0 Area Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work]]".
* CreatorBreakdown: "Study: Children Of Divorce Twice As Likely To Write Bad Poetry".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/abusive-father-cant-wait-to-see-the-art-hes-inspir,27192/ Abusive Father Can't Wait To See The Art He's Inspiring His Kids To Create ]]".
* CrisisCrossover: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-goes-back-in-time-teams-up-with-goldenage,8828/ Clinton Goes Back In Time, Teams Up With Golden Age Clinton]]".
* CrossesTheLineTwice: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive,17339/ No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]]", a perfect example of crossing the line '''way''' more than twice.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/look-are-we-going-to-spend-the-rest-of-this-board,17871/ Look, Are We Going To Spend The Rest Of This Board Meeting Talking About Why I'm Covered In Blood And Feces Or Are We Going To Talk Business?]]"
* {{Cult}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-call-this-a-doomsday-cult,10783/?utm_source=related/ You Call This A Doomsday Cult?]]"
** TheMoralSubstitute: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29745 Former Cult Members Find New Life In Christ]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cult-divided-on-whether-to-let-women-become-telepa,17842/ Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics]]".
* TheDanza: Tracy Toth, aka ''Today Now''[='s=] Tracy Gill.
* ADateWithRosiePalms:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ho-ho-ho-i-saw-you-masturbating,2107/ Ho Ho Ho, I Saw you Masturbating!]]" Also an example of {{Squick}} and TakeThatAudience
** "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/video/13year-old-nearing-record-for-most-masturbations-i,18828/ 13-Year-Old Nearing Record For Most Masturbations In One Day]]".
* ADayInTheLimelight: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-is-pundit-duncan-birch-a-worthless-idi,18591/ Is Pundit Duncan Birch A Worthless Idiot?]]"
* {{Deconstruction}}:
** With regard to the idea of realistic video games, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfare Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks]]".
** Several articles are deconstructions, often by having something frequently portrayed in media happen to real people and showing what it would really be like, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romanticcomedy-behavior-gets-reallife-man-arrested,757/ Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]]".
* TheDeepSouth: Repeatedly.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/supreme_court_rules Supreme Court Rules Tennesseans are Sentient Beings]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28559 South Postpones Rising Again For Yet Another Year]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-visits-southcarolinaravaged-south-carolina,26114/ Obama Visits South-Carolina-Ravaged South Carolina]]."
* {{Defictionalization}}: [[http://www.closerangegame.com/ Play the demo of "Close Range".]]
* DeliciousFruitPies: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32002 Spiderman Distracts Dr. Octopus With Delicious Hostess Fruit Pies]]".
* DevelopmentHell: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/script-has-been-floating-around-hollywood-for-75-y,18172/?utm_source=recentnews Script Has Been Floating Around Hollywood For 75 Years]]".
* DidYouDie: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/candidate-may-have-lied-about-heroic-death-in-viet,17600/ Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death In Vietnam]]".
* DinnerOrderFlub: In ''Our Dumb World'''s entry on Burkina Faso, there's a joke about the very low literacy rate of that country when one of their diplomats tries to order a notice that an extra gratuity may be charged for large groups.
* DirtyOldMan[=/=]LovableSexManiac: Almost every article about Joe Biden portrays him this way.
* DiscriminateAndSwitch: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-wont-have-my-daughter-bringing-a-black-man-into,17246/ I Won't Have My Daughter Bringing A Black Man Into This House Until I've Tidied Up And Created A Welcoming Environment]]"
* DisproportionateRetribution: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDWo6m5hbG4&feature=channel Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar]]".
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Constantly; one is "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_refuses_to_set_timetable_for Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister]]".
* DoorStopper: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27769 Girlfriend Stops Reading David Foster Wallace Breakup Letter At Page 20]]".
* DoTheyKnowItsChristmasTime: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43960 Important Christmas Lessons Already Forgotten]]".
* DownerEnding: See MoodWhiplash example below.
* DudeNotFunny: In-Universe: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/circus-train-wreck-not-funny-investigators-emphasi,21252/ Circus Train Wreck Not Funny, Investigators Emphasize]]", has examples like:
-->"According to officials, at least 13 circus performers have died, with dozens more suffering severe burns as a fire spread through the mile-long train, eventually igniting a fuse that launched a human cannonball 200 feet above the devastating and not-at-all amusing scene."
-->"Other straight-faced sources confirmed none of the accident's sights and sounds were even remotely entertaining, from the spectacular fireworks launching every few minutes to the whimsical strains of carnival music echoing endlessly through the night as a result of smoke billowing through a steam calliope."
* DumbIsGood: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28779 Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]]".
* DysfunctionalFamily: Pretty much the whole point of Jean Teasdale's regular column, and strongly implied in Roger Dudek's.
* {{Eagleland}}:
** Both types at once, in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-public-actually-kind-of-endearing-in-some,18277/ American Public Actually Kind Of Endearing In Some Ways]]"
** Type 2: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7c_OMWp21g Has Obama Failed To Reduce Hostility Toward Obnoxious Americans Abroad?]]"
* EarlyBirdCameo: In "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/biden-criticized-for-appearing-in-hennessy-ads,14392/ Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy ads]]", a spokesperson for Hennessy was seen on ''Fact Zone'', which is where the show on IFC would take place about a year after the video was released. The show would occasionally be mentioned on the news ticker on some other videos.
* EightPointEight: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pitchfork-gives-music-68,2278/ Pitchfork Gives Music 6.8]]".
* EldritchAbomination: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/after-obama-victory-shrieking-whitehot-sphere-of-p,30284/ After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016]]"
* EveryoneIsGay: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jack-nicholson-leonardo-dicaprio-tom-hanks-denzel,28904/ Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, And Daniel Day-Lewis Come Out As Gay]]".
* EverybodyHasLotsOfSex: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/byu-students-protest-brandon-davies-dismissal-by-h,19679/ "BYU Students Protest Brandon Davies' Dismissal By Having Sex All Over Campus"]]
* EverythingIsBigInTexas: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/texas_constructs_u_s_border_wall?utm_source=a-section Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans]]".
* EverythingsDeaderWithZombies
** BrainFood: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38541 Zombie Nutritionist Recommends All-Brain Diet]]".
** ZombieApocalypse:
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41676 Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie Attack]]".
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/low-voter-turnout-blamed-on-electionday-zombie-att,1102/ Low Voter Turnout Blamed On Election-Day Zombie Attacks]]".
* EverythingsWorseWithBears: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34147 Whoooooo! Bears! vs. Aaaaaggh! Bears!]]"
* EvilDetectingDog: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31229 Family Dog Barking At Evil]]".
* EvilOverlord: [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/gorzo-the-mighty,1026/ Gorzo the Mighty]], Emperor of the Universe since the 1930's.
* EvilOldFolks: T. Herman Zweibel, the fictional Editor of the ''Onion'' since 1888, is the epitome of this Trope.
* EvilPowerVacuum / JerkJock: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secondmost-popular-kid-in-school-assumes-power-fol,18088/ Second-Most Popular Kid In School Assumes Power Following Death Of Star Quarterback]]".
* ExaggeratedTrope: Many of the articles get their humor from taking a regular trope, such as the CowboyCop example above, and cranking it up full blast.
* ExecutiveMeddling: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/network-executive-cancels-show-after-ruining-it-in,3334/ Network Executive Cancels Show After Ruining It In Development]]".
* ExponentialPlotDelay: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zgb8N-5py0& Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]]".
* FagHag / PetHomosexual: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/gay_man_unattractive_woman_form Gay Man, Unattractive Woman Form Tight Bond]]".
* FanDumb: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jon-hamm-to-overenthusiastic-fan-youre-ruining-me,19443/ Jon Hamm To Overenthusiastic Fan: 'You're Ruining Me For Everyone']]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-dont-they-make-a-second-godfather-movie,11434/ Why Don't They Make A Second 'Godfather' Movie?]]"
* FelonyMisdemeanor: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1FuGpGlRFw USDA Official Takes Brave Stand Against Interstate Potato Pricing]]".
* FerrisWheelOfDoom: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-40000-people-died-on-ferris-wheels-this-sum,26414/ Report: 40,000 People Died On Ferris Wheels This Summer]]".
* FetusTerrible: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/ Kate Middleton: Cut This Monster Out of Me]]". Closely followed by "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-family-releases-kate-middleton-ultrasound-im,30613/ Royal Family Releases Kate Middleton Ultrasound Image]]".
* FinishingMove: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nhl-to-allow-finishing-moves-in-fights-this-season,18189/ NHL To Allow Finishing Moves In Fights This Season]]", with an obligatory ShoutOut to ''MortalKombat''.
* FiremenAreHot / EvenTheGuysWantHim / BlackComedy: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrsLMcJn_cA Incredibly Sexy Firefighter Tragically Dies In Steamy Blaze]]".
* FirstContactMath: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30246 Earth Contacted By Extraterrestrial Nerds]]".
* FiveTokenBand: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39035 Graphic Artist Carefully Assigns Ethnicities To Anthropomorphic Recyclables]]".
* FlockOfWolves: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27823 Klan Rally 70 Percent Undercover Reporters]]".
* FlyoverCountry: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/indianapolis-announces-really-embarrassing-bid-for,26149/ Indianapolis Announces Really Embarrassing Bid For 2020 Summer Olympics]]".
* FoeYay:[[invoked]]
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27830 Sexual Tension Between Arafat, Sharon Reaches Breaking Point]]".
** Mentioned in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/massachusetts-supreme-court-orders-all-citizens-to,1135/ Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry]]".
* FormerChildStar / FutureLoser / GreenAesop / ContractualPurity: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/entertainment_scientists_warn Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted By 2013]]".
* FranchiseZombie: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/final-minutes-of-last-harry-potter-movie-to-be-spl,20528/ Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]]".
* {{Funk}}:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-threatens-to-drop-da-bomb-on-iraq,787/ Clinton Threatens to Drop Da Bomb on Iraq]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-funk-congress-deadlocked-on-get-upget-dow,625/ National Funk Congress Deadlocked on Get Up/Get Down Issue]]".
* FunnyAneurysmMoment: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-outraged-catholic-priest-did-that-thing-e,17184/ Everyone Outraged Catholic Priest Did That Thing Everyone Jokes About]]".
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-celebrates-full-week-without-deadly-mass-sh,29293/ Nation Celebrates Full Week Without Deadly Mass Shooting]] The day after this story was published, a gunman opened fire inside the Empire State Building. The title was quickly amended to add "Update: Never Mind."
* FunnyBackgroundEvent: The news ticker at the bottom of Newsroom videos.
** Also, some screenshots of websites have headlines as funny as the news ticker's.
* FutureBadass / EvilOverlord: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital]]".
* GameShow:
** ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'': "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alex-trebek-deftly-prolongs-agonizing-small-talk,3614/ Alex Trebek Deftly Prolongs Agonizing Small Talk]]", "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ken-jennings-mistaken-for-subways-jared-again,4874/ Ken Jennings Mistaken For Subway's Jared Again]]", "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jeopardy-viewer-had-no-idea-he-knew-so-much-about,5620/ 'Jeopardy!' Viewer Had No Idea He Knew So Much About Weasels]]".
** ''Series/ThePriceIsRight'': "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/price-is-right-demands-pullout-of-us-forces,1124/ 'Price Is Right' Demands Pullout Of U.S. Forces]]", "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/what-am-i-going-to-do-with-all-these-dog-uteruses,11413/ What Am I Going To Do With All These Dog Uteruses?]]"
** ''Series/WheelOfFortune'': "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/desperate-wheel-of-fortune-receives-approval-to-us,3681/ Desperate 'Wheel Of Fortune' Receives Approval To Use Swear Words]]", "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/wheel-of-fortune-contestants-hit-hard-as-vowel-pri,6159/ 'Wheel Of Fortune' Contestants Hit Hard As Vowel Prices Skyrocket]]".
* GameWithinAGame: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw8gE3lnpLQ Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play a Character Playing Warcraft]]".
* GangOfCritters: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38926 Woodland Pals Hold Impromptu Oompah-Band Jamboree]]".
* TheGenericGuy: "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/tim-duncan-announces-shoe-deal-with-florsheim,18718/ Tim Duncan Announces Shoe Deal With Florsheim]]".
* GenreSavvy / CallBack: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sadly-nation-knows-exactly-how-colorado-shootings,28857/ Sadly, Nation Knows Exactly How Colorado Shooting's Aftermath Will Play Out]]"
* GentlemanThief: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/bad_boy_fencing_star_implicated Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Daring Jewel Heist]]".
* GetALoadOfThatSquare: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38778 Area Father Must Have Read Some Drug-Slang Brochure Or Something]]".
* TheGhost: Clifford Banes, the [[InformedAbility supposed host]] of ''In The Know''. The various reasons given are Troperiffic:
-->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who has been accidentally [[UnPerson erased]]."
-->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is battling his nemesis to the death on top of a [[EvilTowerOfOminousness clock tower]]."
-->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is [[TheStoryteller regaling the interns with tales of his days at sea]]."
-->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who [[JumpedOffTheSlipperySlope messed with the wrong people and got involved in some]] [[SophisticatedAsHell serious shit]]."
-->"[[BlatantLies I'm Clifford Banes]], wearing a perfect latex Juliana [=McKannis=] mask."
* GiantEnemyCrab: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/experts_agree_giant_razor_clawed?utm_source=a-section Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat]]".
* GirlfriendInCanada: Appears in "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29378 Area Homosexual Thinks He's Still In The Closet]]".
** The entirety of [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/canadian-girlfriend-unsubstantiated,1484/ Canadian Girlfriend Unsubstantiated]]
* GirlsHaveCooties: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/10yearold-denies-girlliking-allegations,3909/ 10-Year-Old Denies Girl-Liking Allegations]]".
* GloriousLeader: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-declares-self-president-for-life,191/ Clinton Declares Self President For Life]]," complete with CommissarCap and ChestOfMedals
* {{Glurge}}: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27621 Nation Afraid To Admit 9-Year-Old Disabled Poet Really Bad]]".
* GoneHorriblyWrong / MyGodWhatHaveIDone: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/what_kind_of_powdered_chocolate What Kind Of Powdered Chocolate Drink Mix Have We Unleashed Upon The World?]]"
* GoodCopBadCop:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/good-cop-avidstampcollector-cop-routine-not-workin,6088/ Good Cop, Avid-Stamp-Collector Cop Routine Not Working]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/good-cop-bad-cop-both-racist,1702/ Good Cop, Bad Cop Both Racist]]".
* GretzkyHasTheBall: Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/even_british_able_to_see?utm_source=slate_rss_1 Even British Able To See Holes In Buccaneer's Defence]]".
* TheGrimReaper: Frequently appears in the cartoons.
* HandPuppet: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30192 Local Puppet Ignores Repeated Audience Dragon Warnings]]".
* HandsOnApproach: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-stands-behind-ryan-to-show-good-campaigning,30008/ Romney stands behind Ryan to Show Good Campaigning Stance.]]"
* HarmfulToMinors: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30883 U.S. Children Still Traumatized One Year After Seeing Partially-Exposed Breast On TV]]".
* HeavyMetalUmlaut: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/united-states-toughens-image-with-umlauts,4230/ Ünited Stätes Toughens Image with Umlauts]]".
* HeroesWantRedHeads: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33324 I'm Certain That Sex With A Redhead Will Be More Fulfilling Than Other Sex]]".
* HistoricalBeautyUpdate: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_would_have_been_considered I Would Have Been Considered Very Attractive In The Middle Ages]]".
* HiveMind: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/residents-of-indiana-join-together-to-form-collect,27668/ "Residents of Indiana Join Together To Form Collective Consciousness".]]
* HollywoodAtlas: ''Our Dumb World'' is constructed largely out of this Trope, with a dash of DeadBabyComedy here and there.
* HollywoodPsych: Michael Falk is an autistic reporter in "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man]]"
** And "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-michael-falk-enchanted-by-prison,26712/ Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine]]."
* HollywoodScience: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-coal-lobby-warns-wind-farms-may-blow-e,20876/ Coal Lobby warns Wind Farms may blow Earth off-orbit]].
* HoYay: [[invoked]] "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-power-brokers-hold-annual-summit-where-they,18474/ World's Power Brokers Hold Annual Summit Where They Show Each Other Their Penises]]".
* HulkSpeak: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33980 Why No One Want Make]] Film/{{Hulk}} [[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33980 2?]]"
* HumanoidAbomination: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/neverland-ranch-investigators-discover-corpse-of-r,1303/ Neverland Ranch Investigators Discover Corpse of Real Michael Jackson]]"
* HumansAreTheRealMonsters: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/deaths-of-20000-japanese-afford-planet-solid-15-mi,19785/?utm_source=recentnews Deaths Of 20,000 Japanese Afford Planet Solid 15 Minutes In Which Everyone Acts Like A Human Being]]".
* HuntingTheMostDangerousGame: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44462 Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings As Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected]]".
* HurricaneOfEuphemisms: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/renowned-hooha-doctor-wins-nobel-prize-for-medical,2692/ Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize For Medical Advancements Down There]]"
* HypeAversion: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/new-apple-friend-bar-gives-customers-someone-to-ta,17693/ New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products]]".
* IDontWantToRuinOurFriendship: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/ But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them]]".
* IfItBleedsItLeads: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/missing-girl-probably-raped,14164/ Missing Girl Probably Raped]]".
* IHaveThisFriend: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_asks_advice_for_this Bush Asks Advice For This Friend Of His Who Invaded Iraq]]".
** [[http://www.theonion.com/video/political-talk-show-host-suddenly-very-interested,14340/ "Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes"]]
* IKnowMaddenKombat: "LBJ Deploys Green Bay Packers to Vietnam".
* ILoveNuclearPower: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46035 We Must Expand Our Nuclear Power Program If We're To Realize Our Dream Of Superhero Mutants]]".
** Parodied by ''Our Dumb Century''; one of the 1963 articles is about a 17-year-old boy named [[ComicBook/{{Spider-Man}} Peter Parker]] who dies from leukemia caused by a radioactive spider bite. The article goes on to mention other radiation-induced deaths that month, including [[ComicBook/FantasticFour the four-man crew of an experimental rocket]] and [[ComicBook/IncredibleHulk a scientist bombarded with gamma rays from the bomb he was testing]].
* ImmoralRealityShow: ''WebVideo/SexHouse'', of course.
* IncrediblyLamePun: Roger Dudek's regular column is basically just a [[HurricaneOfPuns nonstop barrage of the most horrible puns imaginable]].
* IndianBurialGround: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/report-economy-failing-because-us-built-on-ancient,20638/ "Economy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds"]]
* InnocentInaccurate: A blend of this and ''The Onion'''s usual style is ''heartwrenching''.
* TheInternetIsForPorn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/naked_woman_picture_gains Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity On Internet]]". ({{NSFW}})
* ItHasBeenAnHonor: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-been-an-honor-gentlemen-shift-supervisor-says,28522/ "It's Been An Honor, Gentlemen," Shift Supervisor Says As Giant Vat Of Molten Cheese Erupts]]
* ItIsBeyondSaving: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0AEarudEdI "FDA Commissioner: I Give up On You Pigs"]]
* ItsPopularNowItSucks: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film?utm_source=a-section Trekkies Bash New 'Star Trek' Film As 'Fun, Watchable']]".
* IWantMyJetpack: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-thought-wed-have-flying-slaves-by-now,27000/ I Thought We'd Have Flying Slaves By Now]]".
* {{Japandering}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-earns-money-for-us-by-appearing-in-japanese,21292/ Obama Earns Money For U.S. By Appearing In Japanese Television Commercial]]"
* JigglePhysics: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/new_video_game_technology?utm_source=c-section New Video Game Technology Finally Allows Rendering Of Smaller Breasts]]".
* JoggersFindDeath: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-joggers-sick-of-finding-dead-bodies,2145/ Nation's Joggers Sick of Finding Dead Bodies]]".
* JurisdictionFriction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/local_authorities_more_than Local Authorities More Than Happy To Let FBI Take Over]]".
* JustJokingJustification: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/come-on-lighten-up-im-just-being-a-total-asshole,11456/ Come On, Lighten Up, I'm Just Being A Total Asshole]]".
* KilledOffForReal:
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/whiteonwhite-violence-claims-life-of-accounts-rece,5683 Herbert Kornfeld.]]
** Averted with [[http://www.theonion.com/video/extremely-wired-tim-duncan-explodes-for-50-points,27866/ Doc and Kenny]], who [[http://www.theonion.com/video/insecure-miami-heat-cant-figure-out-who-garnett-ca,28450/ came back]] a couple months later with their heads wrapped in bloody bandages.
* KillThePoor: in the wake of stories of Hurricane Isaac threatening to hit Tampa, FL at the time of the 2012 Republican Party Convention, ran an article titled, [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rnc-builds-levee-out-of-poor-people-to-protect-con,29337/ "RNC Builds Levee Out Of Poor People To Protect Convention Site"]]
* KnightInSourArmor: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays Three Deaths]]
* LampshadedDoubleEntendre: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/peyton-mannings-wife-tired-of-his-constant-audible,5043 Peyton Manning's Wife Tired Of His Constant 'Audibles' At The 'Line Of Scrimmage']]".
* LethalDiagnosis: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27808 Lackluster Marriage Enlivened By Cancer Scare]]".
* LetsSeeYouDoBetter: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/well_you_try_to_reconstruct_iraq 'Well, You Try To Reconstruct Iraq,' Says U.S. Defensive Dept.]]"
* LifetimeMovieOfTheWeek: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33436 Oh, My God - The Baby!]]"
* LighterAndSofter: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-david-simon-project-to-investigate-happy-upper,17426/ New David Simon Project To Investigate Happy, Upper-Middle-Class Streets Of Wilmette, IL.]]"
* LiteralMetaphor: A good deal of the horoscopes.
--> [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-18-2012,29600/ Capricorn:]] You can learn a lot by putting yourself in another person’s shoes. Go the extra mile and put yourself in their clothes, their delicate hosieries, and their [[BreadEggsMilkSquick intoxicating undergarments.]]
--> [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-4-2012,29430/ Taurus:]] You always knew your girlfriend was going to be high-maintenance. Still, never did you imagine you'd be replacing the internal combustion engine by yourself.
* LiteralMinded: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]]".
* LonelyAtTheTop: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rich-guy-feeling-left-out-of-recession,17181/ Rich Guy Feeling Left Out Of Recession]]".
* LookOnMyWorksYeMightyAndDespair: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-chuck-e-cheese-restaurant-forged-in-iron-and-b,905/ New Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant Forged In Iron And Blood]]".
* LoopholeAbuse: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2OObOM3R_U "Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation with Wish for Unlimited Wishes]]"
* LoveHotels: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37469 Longtime Married Couple Subjected To Excruciating 'Romantic Weekend Getaway']]".
* LowestCommonDenominator: InUniverse-- "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmCjJ0VBjjU Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-admits-to-singing-writing-producing-nations,2236/ No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song]]".
* MadScientist:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38877 Corpse-Reanimation Technology Still 10 Years Off, Say MIT Mad Scientists]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29346 Mad Scientist's Plot Thwarted by Budget Cuts]]".
* MadwomanInTheAttic: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lapd-discovers-hidden-deformed-olsen-triplet,576/ LAPD Discovers Hidden Deformed Olsen Triplet]]
* TheMagazineRule: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/star-wars-gamer-magazine-boldly-claims-to-be-the-l,3698/ Star Wars Gamer Magazine Boldly Claims To Be The Leading Magazine For Star Wars Gamers]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-pompous-asshole-magazine-to-compete-with-cigar,4208/ New Pompous Asshole Magazine To Compete With Cigar Aficionado]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-demography-today-magazine-targets-demographer,3908/ New Demography Today Magazine Targets Demographer Demographic]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rat-fancy-magazine-fails-to-catch-on,4259/ Rat Fancy Magazine Fails To Catch On]]".
* MagicalNegro: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/maya-angelou-honored-for-courage-blackness,1643/ Maya Angelou Honored For Courage, Blackness]]".
* MalevolentArchitecture / NoOSHACompliance: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28338 Video-Game Characters Denounce Randomly-Placed Swinging Blades]]".
** Also, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ U.N. Orders]] [[WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory Wonka]] [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspections]]"
* TheMan: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29703 The ONION's 1997 Man Of The Year]]".
* ManChild: Inverted, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-down-to-last-hundred-grownups,20491 Nation Down To Last Hundred Grown-Ups]]".
* ManicPixieDreamGirl: TropeNamer.
* MediumAwareness:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ominous_music_heard_throughout_u Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]]".
* MindScrew: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/ Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde]]".
* MissingWhiteWomanSyndrome / BeautyEqualsGoodness:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30112 Ugly Girl Killed]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/missing-girl-probably-raped,14164/ Missing Girl Probably Raped]]".
* MistakenNationality
** {{Spexico}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38654 Restaurant Turns Out To Be Spanish, Not Mexican]]".
* MoneyDearBoy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nobel-fever-grips-research-community-as-prize-swel,306/ Nobel Fever Grips Research Community As Prize Swells To $190 Million]]"
* MoodWhiplash:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-bipartisan-law-would-make-dog-neckerchiefs-man,26301/ New Bipartisan Law Would Make Dog Neckerchiefs Mandatory]]". Everyone gushes about how cute they all are, and then you get to paragraph 15: "As of press time, an estimated 800,000 dogs had been euthanized for failing to comply with the new law."
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"]] swings wildly between "D'awww, look at his cute widdle fingers" and "...which he will form into an iron fist and crush all who dare to oppose him".
* MostDefinitelyNotAVillain: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/cindy-mccain-claims-shes-just-like-any-other-femal,14282/ "Cindy McCain Claims She’s ‘Just Like Any Other Female Human’"]]: "Despite the media's portrayal of her, Cindy [=McCain=] says she is a down-to-earth person who enjoys breathing oxygen and consuming earth food for energy" "...who loves her children with both her hearts" but wonders why the man-creatures dare to doubt their masters. Just a normal person!
* MSTing: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-in-audience-shouts-out-perfect-thing,19938 Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing]]".
* MultipleDemographicAppeal: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV32uLQGFR8&feature=youtube_gdata Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series]]".
* MundaneMadeAwesome / CallingYourAttacks:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/excited_red_sox_fans_eagerly_await Excited Red Sox Fans Eagerly Await Debut Of Matsuzaka's 'Ultimate Galactic Dragon Gyroball Pitch Power Explosion']]", complete with an "[[Manga/DragonBall Z Over Nine Thousand]]" reference.
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU2SWgP9qao Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yard-sign-with-candidates-name-on-it-electrifies-c,18321/ Yard Sign With Candidate's Name On It Electrifies Congressional Race]]".
* MundaneUtility: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41904 NASA Chief Under Fire For Personal Shuttle Use]]".
* MurderSimulators:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28732 Video-Game Violence Blamed In Giant-Robot Shooting Spree]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39131 Study Finds Cable-TV Violence Leads To Network-TV Violence]]".
* MusicalSpoiler / GenreSavvy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ominous_music_heard_throughout_u?utm_source=a-section Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic]]".
* MustHaveNicotine: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29141 Smoking Now Permitted Only In Special Room In Iowa]]".
* MyGreatestFailure: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mall-justice-is-swift-and-harsh,10892 Mall Justice Is Swift And Harsh]]".
-->"Thursday, November 3, 1995. Early afternoon. I have been working as a security guard at Clover Square Mall for two, maybe three months. The world is my oyster. I veer off my usual route and stop for a Mountain Dew at Mrs. Fields.
-->As I lean against the counter, shooting the breeze with Gail, I hear a distinctive clap-clap sound coming from the direction of Electronics Boutique. That sound can only mean one thing–running. Past Waldenbooks, Eddie Bauer, Lane Bryant and Sbarro runs a young Caucasian male. Paul, the assistant manager of Electronics Boutique, is pursuing him. I give chase, but I am too late. The perpetrator has escaped with a brand-new copy of Madden '96.
-->YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that."
* {{Narm}}: {{Invoked}} with "Study: Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to Write Bad Poetry" (no longer available online but can be found in the book ''[[http://www.amazon.com/Dispatches-Tenth-Circle-Best-Onion/dp/0609808346 Dispatches from the Tenth Circle]]'').
* NetworkDecay: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39135 Learning Channel Switches to All-Gilligan Format]]".
* NeverMyFault: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/shitty-human-being-blames-decreased-daylight-this,18290/ Shitty Human Being Blames Decreased Daylight This Time]]".
* NeverLiveItDown: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/man-who-shit-pants-in-grade-school-awarded-purple,19332/ Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Heart]]".
* NewTechnologyIsEvil: The cartoons often mock/demonize teenagers using these, referring to the devices as "gizmos".
* NietzscheWannabe:
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1feEqgRZQI Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths]]".
* NightmareFuelColoringBook: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJkWS4t4l0k Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday]]".
* NinjaPirateZombieRobot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hurriphoonado-cuts-swath-of-destruction-across-eas,2629/ Hurriphoonado Cuts Swath Of Destruction Across Eastern, Western Hemispheres]]".
* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-once-again-comes-under-sway-of-pinkfaced-ha,18076/ Nation Once Again Comes Under Sway Of Pink-Faced Half-Wit]]".
* NoIndoorVoice: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-enjoy-yelling-things,10821/ I Enjoy Yelling Things]]".
* NoodleIncident: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/there-should-be-no-secrets-in-our-relationship-exc,11524/ There Should Be No Secrets In Our Relationship Excluding The Events Of March 2, 2004]]".
** Semi-regular columnist [[TheSpymaster Dept. Head Rawlings]] makes frequent reference to [[MyGreatestFailure "the Barcelona debacle"]] in his articles.
* NotListeningToMeAreYou: The AV Club reposted a wildly popular shot of two female leads from ''Series/{{Community}}'' re-enacting a famous picture by BettiePage. About halfway through [[http://www.avclub.com/articles/fine-here-is-that-picture-of-alison-brie-and-gilli,59026/ the one paragraph article]], they conclude [[JustHereForGodzilla no one is there to actually read it]] and just start listing random factoids.
* OffToSeeTheWizard / ItsAWonderfulPlot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sitcom-resorts-to-wizard-of-ozthemed-fantasy-episo,3532/ Sitcom Resorts To 'Wizard Of Oz'-Themed Fantasy Episode]]".
* OffWithHisHead: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/white-house-jester-beheaded-for-making-fun-of-soar,17495/ White House Jester Beheaded For Making Fun Of Soaring National Debt]]".
* OldShame: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29964 Energy Secretary Just Assumed Cabinet Knew He Did Porn Films In The '80s]]".
* OnlySixFaces: The ''American Voices'' feature has been showing the same six or so photos for over a decade, with different names and occupations each time (though one of them is often a systems analyst).
** Ambiguously used in the similar sports feature ''Fan on the Street'', which always shows the same three photos with [[NoNameGiven no names or occupations given]]. Lampshaded [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/on-tiger-woods-victory-at-bay-hill,27808/ here]].
* OpinionMyopia: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-enjoys-thing-informed-he-is-wrong,7057/ Man Who Enjoys Thing Informed He Is Wrong]]".
* OrganicTechnology:
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8du60e0ANuE&feature=channel Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot May Hold Clues To The Crash]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/interim-apple-chief-under-fire-after-unveiling-gro,19111/ Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook]]".
* OurSloganIsTerrible: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-small-n-flaccid-ad-campaign-least-successful-e,968/ New 'Small 'n' Flaccid' Ad Campaign Least Successful Ever]]".
* OverprotectiveDad: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/underprotective-father-demands-daughter-arrive-hom,6257/ Underprotective Father Demands Daughter Arrive Home By 10 A.M.]]"
* PantyThief: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30461 Six Dead In West Point Panty Raid]]".
* ParanoiaFuel / YouSuck: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-women-always-answer-their-phones-unless-they,18254/ Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They're Having Great Sex With Someone Else]]".
* ParentalObliviousness / DrugsAreBad: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-hope-my-baby-doesnt-come-out-all-fuckedup-and-sh,10917/ I Hope My Baby Doesn't Come Out All Fucked-Up And Shit]]".
* ParentingTheHusband: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-girlfriend-boyfriend-achieve-perfect-motherso,2714/ Area Girlfriend, Boyfriend Achieve Perfect Mother-Son Relationship]].
* PeripheryDemographic: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28009 Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up In 'Harry Potter' Craze]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/man_not_belonging_to_movies?utm_source=a-section Man Not Belonging To Movie's Target Demographic Escorted From Theater By Hollywood Officials]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV32uLQGFR8 Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series]]".
* PerverseSexualLust: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmmAdbDF1xA FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It's Alyson Hannigan]]".
* PleaseWakeUp: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/daddy_put_in_bye_bye_box Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box]]".
* PoesLaw: Many, many times some articles have been mistaken for legitimate ones. "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/republicans-vote-to-repeal-obamabacked-bill-that-w,19025/ Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth]]" actually provoked [[http://volokh.com/2011/02/15/asteroid-defense-and-libertarianism/ a Libertarian blogger]] to agree.
** The most famous example, arguably, is the Chinese newspaper falling for the story about Congress threatening to leave Washington D.C. unless a better building was built (a parody of threats made by sports teams to relocate unless they received a new stadium). The one about Harry Potter sparking a rise in witchcraft, as well as the video about the boy bankrupting the Make-A-Wish Foundation with infinite wishes, have shown up in some email forwards.
** [[http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.com/ This site archives Facebook reactions treating the articles as real.]]
* PoliticalCartoons: A series of over-the-top conservative cartoons. Most of them feature the Statue of Liberty weeping profusely while the cartoonist says something cynical in the corner.
* PoorCommunicationKills: In ''Our Dumb Century'', WorldWarOne ends when Archduke Franz Ferdinand is unexpectedly found alive; he had apparently been living as a Croatian peasant for several years and was completely unaware that everyone thought he was dead. The Allies are obviously displeased that the war was just a big misunderstanding, so the German chancellor orders Ferdinand's real execution to appease them.
* PopularityPolynomial: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28763 Lava Lamps Revert From Passé Retro Kitsch Back To Novel Retro Camp]]".
* PottyFailure: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-25-2012,29686/ The Capricorn of this horoscope list.]]
--> A car accident awaits you in the coming days, which is unfortunate, [[BaitAndSwitchComment as it's the kind that involves too many Mountain Dews and not enough gas stations.]]
* PrecisionFStrike: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/playboy-centerfold-has-big-dreams-tits,1019/ Playboy Centerfold Has Big Dreams, Tits]]".
* PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy: [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/herbert-kornfeld,1019/ Herbert Kornfeld]], Accounts Receivable.
-->'''Kornfeld''': 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a LeeVanCleef on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a ''mother fuck''.
** Not all that fly. Kornfeld was a big fan of Music/{{Chicago}}.
* ProductPlacement / TooIncompetentToOperateABlanket: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEFL4mZa8ys Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze?]]"
* ProfessionalWrestling: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28666 Vince [=McMahon=]'s X-SPAN Promises Bone-Crunching Legislative Coverage]]".
** HeelFaceTurn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28125 Formerly Evil Wrestler Realizes the Error of His Ways]]".
** ProWrestlingIsReal: Inverted. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x83M3_RdbJY It's the fans that are fake]], not necessarily the wrestlers.
* PublicMediumIgnorance / SnarkBait: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG2OcW_Hwkg NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast]]".
* RaisedByWolves: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]]".
* TheRashomon: Point/Counterpoint, particularly "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/european-men-are-so-much-more-romantic-than-americ,11552/ European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy]]".
* RealDreamsAreWeirder:
** "MLK: I Had A Really Weird Dream Last Night", from ''Our Dumb Century''.
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg0nYhUB7CA Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelette' That Came To Him In A Dream]]".
* ReallyGetsAround: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/towns-teenpregnancy-spike-due-to-one-impressive-yo,19275/ Town's Teen Pregnancy Spike Due To One Impressive Youth]]".
* RecklessGunUsage: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/8yearold-accidentally-exercises-second-amendment-r,725/ "8-Year-Old Accidentally Exercises Second Amendment Rights"]]
* RecursiveReality: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/physicists-discover-our-universe-is-fictional-sett,28429/ Physicists Discover Our Universe Is Fictional Setting Of Cop Show Called 'Hard Case]]"
* RedScare / EvilOnlyHasToWinOnce: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ussr-wins-space-race-as-us-shuts-down-shuttle-prog,21007/ USSR Wins Space Race As U.S. Shuts Down Shuttle Program]]".
* RefugeInAudacity: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mexico-killed-in-drug-deal,18109/ Mexico Killed In Drug Deal]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/they-can-never-take-away-my-memories,29877/ They Can Never Take Away My Memories]]", by Jerry Sandusky.
* ReleasedToElsewhere:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34174 We Gave Rex To A Nice Farm Family vs. They Had Me Put To Sleep At The Vet]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/packers_tell_fans_they_gave_favre Packers Tell Fans They Gave Favre to a Nice Farm Family]]".
** Subversion: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fire-consumes-big-happy-farm-where-families-send-s,20641/ Fire Consumes Big Happy Farm Where Families Send Sick Dogs To Run Free And Play]]"
-->"To be honest, we'll probably spare everyone the grisly details and just say we were forced to euthanize them."
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/land-before-time-vi-released-straight-to-landfill,3766/ Land Before Time VI Released Straight To Landfill]]"
* ReligionTropes
** GodIsFlawed: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-diagnosed-with-bipolar-disorder,348/ God Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder]]".
** GravityIsOnlyATheory: The article "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/ Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory]]", where fundamentalist Christians are no longer content to get equal time with biology to preach theology in biology class. They now also want equal time in the physics class, demanding that the theories of Newton and Einstein step back in favor of the theory that the universe is held together by Jesus' love.
** JesusWasCrazy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-converts-to-islam,754/ Christ Converts To Islam]]"
** ActivistFundamentalistAntics: Millions more, however, have decried the recalcitrant Christ's apostasy, breaking ties with Him and calling His conversion "a heathen act" of "utmost blasphemy before Himself".
** ThouShaltNotKill: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/ God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule]]".
* RepurposedPopSong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38780 Song About Heroin Used To Advertise Bank]]".
* RetailRiot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/42-million-dead-in-bloodiest-black-friday-weekend,30517/ 42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record]]"
* {{Retraux}}: All of ''Our Dumb Century''.
* {{Robosexual}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ford-assembly-line-foreman-thinking-about-asking-o,28362/ Ford Assembly Line Foreman Thinking About Asking Out Cute Welding Robot From Work]]".
* RubberForeheadAliens: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32439 Star Trek Introduces Alien Character With Totally Different Forehead Wrinkles]]".
* RuleOfCool:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-demands-tax-dollars-only-be-wasted-on-stuff,17704/ Nation Demands Tax Dollars Only Be Wasted On Stuff That's Awesome]]".
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyph_DZa_GQ Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass']]".
* RunningGag: Many.
** When the print versions need to fill a small space, they put in a small article with nothing but the repeated phrase "Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood." (which also [[ItMakesSenseInContext appears in context]] during "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/blood_blood_everywhere Blood...Blood Everywhere]]").
** Recurring article types include "[Corporation] scientists discover [related discovery]", among others. In the sports section, any article about Tim Duncan will make fun of how bland he is.
** Clifford Banes has [[TheGhost never actually appeared]] in his self-titled panel-discussion series ''In the Know with Clifford Banes''; there's always a sit-in newscaster who gives a reason, often completely absurd, for Banes' absence.
** The Statue of Liberty crying appears in many Kelly cartoons.
** According to ''Our Dumb World'', every single African country has at least one resident named [[NamesTheSame Mtumbe]] [[PlanetOfSteves Ngoube]].
** All the GeorgeWBush injury articles (see ButtMonkey and TakeThat) end with "Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital."
** "This Week In History" always includes Professor Timothy Hendry sidetracking into a long rant. Now that he's apparently killed colleague Eric Kaufman, he's starting in on some daddy issues instead. After that, he started arguing about payment with the hosts.
** Dr. Eli Wasserbaum is a recurring "expert" quoted in many articles.
* {{Sampling}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-rappers-down-to-last-two-samples,793/ Nation's Rappers Down to Last Two Samples]]".
* SamusIsAGirl: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31739 Hotshot Test Pilot Removes Helmet, Reveals Female Status]]".
* SapientCetaceans: Parodied this with the article "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28315 Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs: 'Oh, Shit,' Says Humanity]]". The article is then filled with stories of the Dolphins' incredibly rapid technology development, and marine biologists committing suicide or preparing to serve the Dolphin overlords.
* SarcasmFailure: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/muscleman-put-in-charge-of-worlds-fifthlargest-eco,877/ Muscleman Put In Charge Of World's Fifth-Largest Economy]]", filled with legit facts and news due to being so unbelievable at the time.
* SaveOurStudents: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39341 Naive Teacher Believes in Her Students]]".
* SawStarWarsTwentySevenTimes:
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-takes-leave-of-office-to-stand-in-line-for,743/ One article]] written during the [[BillClinton Clinton administration]] mentions the President planning to see ''Film/ThePhantomMenace'' at least twenty times during its opening weekend, after which he will return to his office and follow a once-a-day viewing schedule.
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-googles-matt-damons-address-because-well-hes-c,30303/ A man googling Matt Damon's house address because he's crazy and wants to murder him]] is said to have recorded ''Film/OceansEleven'' on his DVR and have viewed the film "more than 200 times in the past month". It's also said that the man is in possession of 100 DVD copies of ''Film/TheLegendOfBaggerVance''.
* ScareEmStraight:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38588 Driver's Ed Class Finally Gets To See Legendary Safety Film]]".
** "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/kids-in-scaredstraight-program-visit-horrifying-cl,19156/ Kids In Scared Straight Program Visit Horrifying Cleveland Cavaliers Practice]]".
* SceneryPorn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-parks-closed-for-annual-remajestification,17484 National Parks Closed For Annual Remajestification]]".
* SchmuckBait: During ''Fact Zone'''s intro, if you pause at just the right time you'll see a [=TinyURL=] address. It leads to a {{Rickroll}}.
* ScrewedByTheNetwork: InUniverse. On the season finale of the show on IFC, ''The Cressbeckler Stance'' was canned so the network could introduce a new program about motorcycles [[spoiler:in the spirit of the new American Dream]].
* ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/wealthy_teen_nearly_experiences Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence]]".
* ScrewTheRulesImBeautiful: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-okay-im-attractive,11436/ It's Okay, I'm Attractive]]".
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_troops_draw_up_own_exit U.S. Troops Draw Up Own Exit Strategy]]".
* SeasonalRot: InUniverse: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/5yearold-says-sesame-street-has-sucked-since-2010,30432/ 5-Year-Old Says 'Sesame Street' Has Sucked Since 2010]].
* SecondPersonNarration: The paper's preferred method to point out ThisLoserIsYou, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]]".
* SeizeThem: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/seize-him,16505/ Seize Him!]]" (Which also includes [[{{Troperiffic}} a bunch of other tropes expected in this scene]]: the EvilOverlord, JustBetweenYouAndMe, YouHaveNoChanceToSurvive, AgonyBeam, SurroundedByIdiots, etc.)
* {{Sequelitis}}: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/vindictive-movie-studio-threatens-to-make-coyote-u,2719/ Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel]]".
* SeriousBusiness:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/modern_day_martin_luther_nails_95 Modern-Day Martin Luther Nails 95 Comment Cards To IHOP Door]]".
** Anything by Larry Groznic, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-are-ready-to-have-a-serious-conversation,16308/ When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My E-Mail Address]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/general-mills-star-wars-episode-ii-cereal-gets-it,10706/ General Mills' 'Star Wars: Episode II' Cereal Gets It All Wrong]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/americans-bravely-go-to-polls-despite-threat-of-el,18394/ Americans Bravely Go To Polls Despite Threat Of Electing Congress]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-scramble-two-with-bacon-when-the-muse-move,10691/ I Shall Scramble Two With Bacon When The Muse Moves Me]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/helvetica-bold-oblique-sweeps-fontys,263/ Helvetica Bold Oblique Sweeps Fontys]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/what-foolhardy-mortal-thinks-he-can-shelve-faster,10960/ What Foolhardy Mortal Thinks He Can Shelve Faster Than I?]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/juicer-infomercial-sweeps-early-morning-emmys,2518/ Juicer Infomercial Sweeps Early Morning Emmys]]".
** In many other stories, the event itself is entirely plausible; the joke is simply that anyone would consider it newsworthy:
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/whaler-sandwich-not-sitting-too-good-with-area-man,987/ Whaler Sandwich 'Not Sitting Too Good' with Area Man]]".
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-struggles-to-understand-why-area-pie-didnt,18587/ Nation Struggles To Understand Why Area Pie Didn't Come Out Right]]".
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/honey-im-not-going-to-stand-here-and-debate-the-me,18952/ Honey, I'm Not Going To Stand Here And Debate The Merits Of The First Two B-52's LPs In Front Of The Whole Supermarket]]".
* SettingUpdate: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/unconventional-director-sets-shakespeare-play-in-t,2214/ Unconventional Director Sets Shakespeare Play In Time, Place Shakespeare Intended]]".
* SevenDeadlySins: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28001 All Seven Deadly Sins Committed At Church Bake Sale]]".
* SexIsEvilAndIAmHorny: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pope-forgives-molested-children,101/ One article]] commented on the scandal of the Catholic Church covering up for pedophile priests (by moving them around instead of ousting and reporting them, thus covering their tracks and giving them access to new victims) by having the Pope announce that God will forgive the children for their crime of leading his priests into temptation.
* SexSells / AllMenArePerverts / DistractedByTheSexy / GirlOnGirlIsHot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-finds-majority-of-male-voters-would-have-elec,18436/ Poll Finds Majority Of Male Voters Would Have Elected Naked Woman]]". ({{NSFW}})
* ShapedLikeItself: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_turkey_sandwiches_an Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey Sandwiches]]".
* ShavingIsScience:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28385 Haggar Physicists Develop 'Quantum Slacks']]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/brookstone_scientists_10_years Brookstone Scientists 10 Years Away from Towel Alarm Clock]]".
* SheCleansUpNicely: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bearded-lady-cleans-up-real-nice,17342/ Bearded Lady Cleans Up Real Nice]]".
* ShoddyKnockoffProduct / TheThemeParkVersion: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yellowstone-national-park-concerned-about-competin,20675/ Yellowstone National Park Concerned About Competing 'Yello-Stone Natural Park' Built Right Across Street]]"
* ShoutOut: An allusion to ''The Emperor's New Clothes'' in "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/apple_claims_new_iphone_only Apple Claims New iPhone Only Visible To Most Loyal Of Customers]]".
* SideEffectsInclude: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28349 Pfizer Launches 'Zoloft for Everything' Ad Campaign]]".
* SillyRabbitIdealismIsForKids: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/ Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy]]".
* SingleTear: The editorial cartoonist is fond of depicting the Statue of Liberty shedding this.
* SmallNameBigEgo: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/somebodys-got-to-save-this-country-from-certain-do,21135/ Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me]]".
* [[Horrible/{{Music}} So Bad It's Horrible - Music]]: InUniverse with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-just-going-to-grab-guitar-and-old-fourtrack-go,20682/ Man Just Going To Grab Guitar And Old Four-Track, Go Out To Cabin In Woods, Make Shittiest Album Anyone's Ever Heard]]" and "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-admits-to-singing-writing-producing-nations,2236/ No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song]]".
* SophisticatedAsHell: [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/smoove-b,1022/ Smoove B.]]
-->'''Smoove B''': Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. ''I will hit you doggy-style.''
* SoUnfunnyItsFunny:
** The entire point of Roger Dudek's "[[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/roger-dudek,1027/ Write On The Funny!]]"
** Also present in [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/jean-teasdale,1021/ Jean Teasdale's column]] (with lines like "Osama bin Laden should take a chocolate pill!") and some of the cartoons (when they're not full of PatrioticFervor and YouCanPanicNow).
* SoWhatDoWeDoNow: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/voice-inside-cheering-libyan-rebels-head-oh-fuck-n,21204/ Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?']]".
* {{Spoiler}}: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/final_harry_potter_book Final Harry Potter Book Blasted For Containing Spoilers]]".
* StalkingIsLove: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29546 Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]]".
* StartOfDarkness: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMzyI6cIbek Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide to Create Role]]".
* StealthCigaretteCommercial: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/56014 Philip Morris: 'Please Talk to Your Cooler Children About Cigarettes']]".
* StepfordSmiler: The hosts of ''Today Now!'' are Type B, although [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GW0XApwZpt0 it's possible Tracy Gill is Type A.]]
* StonersAreFunny:
** TheStoner: [[http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/anchower Jim Anchower.]]
** EverybodyMustGetStoned:
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-top-scientists-ponder-what-if-the-whole-uni,712/ World's Top Scientists Ponder: What If The Whole Universe Is, Like, One Huge Atom?]]"
*** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/everyone_involved_in_pizzas Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High]]".
* StoryArc: In July 2009, T. Herman Zweibel [[ChinaTakesOverTheWorld sold the Onion]] to [[http://www.yuwanmei.com a Chinese salvage fishery]], and the publication was quickly filled with pro-China propaganda and ads for fish byproducts. However, after a few days, the Chinese realized the collapse of the newspaper industry made their purchase worthless and gave the ''Onion'' back to its original management. This did not affect the AV Club, although they did let worried readers know that the company was indeed ''not'' sold to the Chinese.
** In June 2011, a week of articles blatantly touted ''TheOnion'' as deserving a Pulitzer Prize, following a [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-now-exact-my-final-revenge-upon-that-jacka,20832/ Zweibel editorial]] stating that he hated Pulitzer and decided it would be the best possible way to piss on his grave. A [[http://afajp.tumblr.com/ lobby group]] was formed, whose president turned out to be an embezzler. Several celebrities appeared in Website/YouTube videos promoting the campaign.
* StrawmanPolitical: The editorial cartoons are done by a strawman conservative who draws even more ridiculous strawman liberals.
* StrictlyFormula: All of Jim Anchower's articles pretty much follow the same formula — first he complains about his car, then mentions he lost whatever job he had for the intermittent time between articles.
* StudentTeacherRomance: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lonely-teacher-outcast-student-begin-somewhat-ende,21153/ Lonely Teacher, Outcast Student Begin Somewhat Endearing Sexual Relationship]]". Also includes ShipperOnDeck.
* StupidSexyFlanders: "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/running-backs-buttocks-undulate-hypnotically-in-se,3711/ Running Back's Buttocks Undulate Hypnotically In Sexuality-Challenging Slow-Motion Replay]]".
* SturgeonsLaw: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/internet-scam-alert-most-kickstarter-projects-just,28655/ Internet Scam Alert: Most "Kickstarter" Projects Just Useless Crap]]
* SuddenlySexuality: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/newly_out_gay_man_overdoing_it Newly Out Gay Man Overdoing It]]".
* SuperDeformed: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Mw1ARQc7vw Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size]]" explores the [[FridgeLogic ramifications]] of even the mild form (4 heads) seen in Franchise/{{Bratz}} dolls.
* SuperSerum: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-injected-with-highly-unstable-experimental,686/ Clinton Injected With Highly-Unstable Experimental Growth Serum]]".
* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial:
** Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/google-responds-to-privacy-concerns-with-unsettlin,16891/ Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology]]".
** Played straight with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-i-have-kids-im-not-going-to-drown-them,10692/ When I Have Kids, I'm Not Going To Drown Them]]".
** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/attempt-to-recreate-incredible-night-out-from-yout,20319/?utm_source=recentnews This one, maybe.]]
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/life-jackets-issued-to-all-americans-for-some-reas,95/ Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason]]". Nothing to worry about though! Also, Homeland Security recommend wearing them at all times and the Navy is building shipyards in Ohio. No reason.
--> "My fellow Americans, you may have noticed some small changes in the way we're asking you to go about your daily business," said Bush, his words muffled by a brass diving helmet. "The government is not trying to scare you. We just want you to be prepared for the very remote possibility that your lives will never be the same."
* SwordOfPlotAdvancement / ReforgedBlade: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-sets-sail-in-search-of-fabled-sword-of-bi,18250/ Congress Sets Sail In Search Of Fabled Sword Of Bipartisanship]]".
* TakeThat:
** Against RushLimbaugh, with "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_even_want_to_be_alive I Don't Even Want to Be Alive Anymore]]".
** The closing months of 2008 saw weekly stories about outgoing President GeorgeWBush getting increasingly-bizarre and horrendous injuries.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-honors-911-first-capitalizers,18856 Congress Honors 9/11 First Capitalizers, Recognizes Those Who Rushed To Cash In On Tragedy]]".
** ''Today Now'' [[http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/ interviews the 5-year-old screenwriter of]] ''[[Main/TheFastAndTheFurious Fast Five]]''.
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-cheney-memoir-reveals-hes-going-to-live-full-s,21262/ New Cheney Memoir Reveals He's Going To Live Full, Satisfied Life Without Ever Feeling Remorse And There's Nothing We Can Do About It]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]]".
** Against OprahWinfrey: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-just-want-to-say-that-i-hated-every-moment-of-th,20683/ I Just Want To Say That I Hated Every Moment Of That Piece-Of-Shit Show]]".
** Against Rep. Todd Akin: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-misspokewhat-i-meant-to-say-is-i-am-dumb-as-dog,29256/ I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being']]"
* TakeThatAudience: Known to do this from time to time.
** One poignant example from [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/ the article]] about the 2012 Connecticut school shooting:
-->Americans reported feelings of overwhelming disgust with whatever abhorrent bastard did this and with the world at large... and above all with their own pathetic goddamn selves, sitting in front of a fucking computer instead of doing fucking ''anything'' to help ''anyone''..."
* TheTalk: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38548 Daughter Thinks It's Time To Have Sex Talk With Parents]]".
* TerroristsWithoutACause: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/conceptual-terrorists-encase-sears-tower-in-jello,2303/ Conceptual Terrorists Encase Sears Tower In Jell-O]]"
* TeensAreMonsters: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/15yearold-girl-viciously-torn-apart-by-rabid-pack,20962/ 15-Year-Old Girl Viciously Torn Apart By Rabid Pack Of Peers]]"
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/braindead-teen-only-capable-of-rolling-eyes-and-te,27225/ Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized]]".
* TestosteronePoisoning / RealMenWearPink "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-texasstyle-yogurt-to-feed-mansize-hunger-for-y,2422/ New Texas-Style Yogurt To Feed Man-Size Hunger For Yogurt]]"
* ThereIsNoGod: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/eons-of-darwinian-evolution-somehow-produce-mitch,17635/ One article]] had a StrawLoser whose very existence was an affront to both the theory of evolution (what purpose can this guy possibly serve?!) ''and'' the existence of a kind and loving god (If we're made in God's image, well...), with each side parading him around as the ultimate argument against the other.
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverKill: “[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nypd-apologizes-for-accidental-shootingclubbingsta,739/ NYPD Apologizes For Accidental Shooting-Clubbing-Stabbing-Firebombing-Choking-Impaling-Beheading-Electrocution-Lethal injection death]]"
* TheyChangedItNowItSucks: InUniverse.
** "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7mekhFTrXM NHL Woos Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line]]".
** Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sun-chips-abandons-biodegradable-bag,18237/ Sun Chips Abandons Biodegradable Bag]]".
* ThreeMonthOldNewborn: "Woman on TV Gives Birth to Four-Month-Old Baby".
* ThrowItIn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27759 Police Interruption Hastily Written Into Student Film]]".
* ToiletSeatDivorce: Parodied in the Libra of [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-18-2012,29600/ this set of horoscopes.]]
--> You’re about to go through a really messy divorce, thanks in large part to the Philly cheese steak you’ll refuse to put down.
* TokenMinority: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38641 Black Guy Photoshopped In]]". As [[http://www.11points.com/Misc/11_Photos_Where_Black_People_Were_Awkwardly_Photoshopped_In_or_Out 11points demonstrates]], this is TruthInTelevision.
* TooHotForTV: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39114 C-SPAN Releases 'Too Hot For C-SPAN!' Video]]".
* TooIncompetentToOperateABlanket: The host of the "Troublehacker" videos.
* TooSoon:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27638 'Beltway Sniper' Video-Game Release Delayed Out Of Respect For Victims]]".
** In a RealLife version, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29298 Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying]]" wasn't printed in the UsefulNotes/{{Denver}} edition.
* TrailersAlwaysSpoil: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBM3j7x4Lcw&NR=1 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film]]".
* TransformingMecha: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27590 Kim Jong Il Unfolds Into Giant Robot]]".
** [[HeyItsThatGuy Hey, It's That Robot!]]: Sharp-eyed anime fans may recognize Kim's robot body as the [[CharsCounterattack Nu Gundam]][[note]]Specifically, the Gundam Fix Figuration action figure[[/note]].
* TransparentCloset:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29378 Area Homosexual Thinks He's Still In The Closet]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_experimenting_with Area Man Experimenting with Homosexuality For Past Eight Years]]".
* TropeName: Used in perhaps the most spot-on parody of 24-hour cable news ever, "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo& Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere]]".
* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/ Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde]]".
* UnderdogsNeverLose: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28032 Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]]".
* {{Understatement}}: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8nrdiQqFAs Tensions Mount After North Korea Destroys All Of Asia]]".
* UnexpectedSuccessor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/last-remaining-politician-must-rebuild-entire-gove,18384/ Last Remaining Politician Must Rebuild Entire Government Following Bloodiest Midterm Election In American History]]".
* UnintentionalPeriodPiece: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-consults-internet-whenever-possible,1515/ Area Man Consults Internet Whenever Possible"]], written in 2000, is supposed to be a satire of people who are obsessed with the Internet. Now it's hard to find the joke in the article.
* UnstoppableRage: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/twelve-customers-gunned-down-in-conveniencestore-c,339/ Twelve Customers Gunned Down In Convenience-Store Clerk's Imagination]]".
* UpdatedRerelease: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/classic-movie-avatar-updated-for-todays-audiences,18052/ Classic Movie 'Avatar' Updated For Today's Audiences]]".
* VideoGameSettings: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/neighborhood-would-make-a-great-video-game-level,18196/ Neighborhood Would Make A Great Video Game Level]]".
* ViewersAreGoldfish: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fcc-all-programming-to-be-broadcast-in-adhdtv-by-2,1841/ FCC: All Programming To Be Broadcast In ADHDTV By 2007]]".
* ViewersAreMorons: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/microsoft-word-now-includes-squiggly-blue-line-to,19739/ Microsoft Word Now Includes Squiggly Blue Line To Alert Writer When Word Is Too Advanced For Mainstream Audience]]".
* VillainHasAPoint: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-authorities-cant-really-fault-alqaeda-for-deadl,19105/ U.S. Authorities Can't Really Fault Al-Qaeda For Deadly Bombing Of Carnival Cruise Ship]]"
--> Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America.
* VillainWithGoodPublicity: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pr-firm-kills-innocent-child,20226/ PR Firm Kills Innocent Child]]".
* VisualPun: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-who-normally-holds-up-letter-d-sick-this-week,18404 Guy Who Normally Holds Up Letter 'D' Sick This Week]]".
* WackyFratboyHijinx: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30685 Online University Cracks Down on Rowdy Online Fraternity]]".
* WalkingTechbane: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/my-computer-totally-hates-me-vs-god-do-i-hate-that,11538/ My Computer Totally Hates Me! vs. God, Do I Hate That Bitch]]".
* WallOfText:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_shudders_at_large_block_of Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-obama-sends-nation-rambling-75000word-e,18516/ Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail]]".
* WellDoneSonGuy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-spends-day-tearfully-apologizing-at-fathers,30312/ Romney Spends Day Tearfully Apologizing At Father's Grave]]".
* WhamLine: The very last line of the aforementioned "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cult-divided-on-whether-to-let-women-become-telepa,17842/ Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics]]" article. [[spoiler:"This whole argument will be moot in six days when we board up the windows and [[ManOnFire burn ourselves alive."]]]]
* WhatCouldHaveBeen: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/97yearold-dies-unaware-of-being-violin-prodigy,18194/ 97-Year-Old Dies Unaware Of Being Violin Prodigy]]".
* WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-10-million-killed-annually-by-stepping-out,17949/ Report: 10 Million Killed Annually By Stepping Out Of Comfort Zones]]".
* WhatDoYouMeanItsNotDidactic: InUniverse
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25742 I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39205 Freshman Term Paper Discovers Something Totally New About 'Silas Marner']]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27794 Grad Student Deconstructs Take-Out Menu]]".
** RealLife example: An article was used for the 2005 English Language and Composition Advanced Placement exam...meaning that there was actually something to analyze in that article.
* WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-i-had-one-piece-of-advice-for-todays-youth-it-w,18438/ If I Had One Piece Of Advice For Today's Youth, It Would Be To Throw A Baseball Really, Really Well]]".
* WhereEverybodyKnowsYourFlame: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-bar-comes-out-as-gay,2447/ Local Bar Comes Out As Gay]]".
* WildChild: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]]".
* AWizardDidIt / TechnoBabble / QuantumMechanicsCanDoAnything: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sci_fi_writer_attributes?utm_source=a-section Sci-fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux']]".
* WordSaladPhilosophy / TalkativeLoon / TechnoBabble: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/raving-lunatic-obviously-took-some-advanced-physic,1145/ Raving Lunatic Obviously Took Some Advanced Physics]]".
* WorstNewsJudgmentEver: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28660 No Jennifer Lopez News Today]]".
* WrongGenreSavvy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-will-die-in-great-eastern-seaboard-flood-o,30726/ Man Who Will Die In Great Eastern Seaboard Flood Of 2023 Preparing For Mayan Apocalypse]]".
* XtremeKoolLetterz: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/alphabet_updated_with_15_exciting Alphabet Updated With 15 Exciting New Replacement Letters]]".
* YouBastard: #2 in "The People Who Mattered in 2010" was "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/snooki-just-try-not-to-think-about-who-should-real,18634/ Snooki - Just Try Not To Think About Who Should Really Be In This Spot]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-do-of-course-realize-that-this-is-going-to-end,29734/ You Do, Of Course, Realize That This Is Going To End Very, Very Badly]]"
* YouCantFightFate: Most of the [[http://www.theonion.com/features/horoscope/ horoscope entries]], although [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-january-18-2011,18855/ this list's Scorpio]] is probably the most blunt example.
** Inverted in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-11-2012,29525/ this list's Pisces.]]
--> Try as they might, the stars can’t see the point in telling you about next week. You’ll just do whatever you damn well please, anyway.
* YouLookFamiliar: Todd Alan Crain (Tucker Hope) and Suzanne Sena (Brooke Alvarez) both were news anchors on the web clips as Jeff Tate and Ana Gentry, respectively.
* YouMakeMeSic / ComicallyMissingThePoint: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30157 Nation's Educators Alarmed By Poorly-Written Teen Suicide Notes]]".
* YouShouldHaveDiedInstead:
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]]".
** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/firefighter-died-to-save-unimpressive-teen,18967/ Firefighter Died To Save Unimpressive Teen]]".
* ZeroWing: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31812 Congress Adds 'All Your Base Are Belong To Us' Amendment To Bankruptcy Bill]]".
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History Website / TheOnion