History TooDumbToLive / Literature

* ''Literature/TheWitchOfKnightcharm'': In this story, Myth/TheScholomance is a WizardSchool which teaches young witches how to cast TheDarkArts. Class rank there is mostly determined via WizardDuel, meaning the top-ranked students are the best fighters. Despite knowing all this, the brash and arrogant rookie Julia Medina arrives at the Scholomance and immediately challenges the the top-ranked student in the entire school to a WizardDuel in order to establish dominance. Suffice to say that things go very badly for Julia, who winds up as the first casualty of her class.

** Vernon Dursley in ''[[Literature/HarryPotterAndThePhilosophersStone Philosophers Stone]]''. When [[HalfHumanHybrid Hagrid]] shows up Vernon spends the whole time acting like an abusive jerk to Harry and insulting his parents and [[TheMentor Dumbledore]], this after knowing Hagrid really cares for them. Have I mentioned Hagrid is a half giant with [[SuperStrength Super Strength]] and he can use magic? Although Dudley ends up paying for it instead of his father.

*** Voldemort also uses notorious items to make his Horcruxes, hiding them in places related to him, places that can be easily tracked down by anyone who knows his background, instead of using random rocks and and just drop them in the bottom of a lake. What's worst is that the latter is pretty much the first thing that Harry think he did.

** In the TWOW preview chapters, Raff the Sweetling. Go on Ralf, abandon your guard post (while on duty!) and follow a girl who [[DeathBySex promised sex]] to you to her flat. [[SarcasmMode There is no way]] it could be a trap, is there?

* In the background of ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'', it's revealed that Eärnur, the last king of Gondor, met his fate in a manner befitting someone "like his father in valour, but not in wisdom." Seven years into his reign, the Witch-King of Angmar, whom he had faced on the battlefield with an inconclusive outcome some years prior, issued him a challenge requesting he ride out to Mordor and face the wraith in a duel. The Witch-King happens to be an incredibly powerful immortal sorcerer and warrior dripping in magical protections and gear, the fight would be occurring on his home turf where he'd be backed up by all his soldiers and minions, and a prophecy (which Eärnur was present at the making of) had proclaimed that [[NoManOfWomanBorn he would not die at the hand of man]]. Nonetheless, and ignoring the begging of his steward Mardil, Eärnur decides to answer the challenge anyway, escorted only by a personal guard of knights. Unsurprisingly, he never returns home. The narration suggests that he never even got the duel he wanted, with his men being trapped and captured and him dying as a tortured prisoner of Minas Morgul.

* In the background of ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'', it's revealed that Eärnur, the last king of Gondor, met his fate in a manner befitting someone "like his father in valour, but not in wisdom." Seven years into his reign, the Witch-King of Angmar, whom he had faced on the battlefield with an inconclusive outcome some years prior, issued him a challenge requesting he ride out to Mordor and face the wraith in a duel. The Witch-King happens to be an incredibly powerful immortal sorcerer and warrior dripping in magical protections and gear, the fight would be occurring on his home turf where he'd be backed up by all his soldiers and minions, and a prophecy (which Eärnur was present at the making of) had proclaimed that [[NoManOfWomanBorn he would not die at the hand of man]]. Nonetheless, Eärnur decides to answer the challenge anyway, escorted only by a personal guard of knights. Unsurprisingly, he never returns home. The narration suggests that he never even got the duel he wanted, with his men being trapped and captured and him dying as a tortured prisoner of Minas Morgul.

* The father in the 1998 Newbery Medal winner ''Literature/OutOfTheDust'' instigates the main [[DeathByNewberyMedal plot]] of the book by leaving a pail of kerosene by the stove. A pile of ''highly combustible fuel that has a flashpoint of roughly 100-150 degrees Fahrenheit and that gives off toxic fumes''. Not to mention that, since it's oil, it's hard to extinguish with water... not that they had any, given that they're living in the middle of the Dust Bowl. This all ends with his daughter and his pregnant wife both being seriously burned. [[spoiler:His wife and newborn son both quickly die after the birth]].

* The trolls in ''Literature/TheHobbit'' spend all night arguing about how they're going to cook Bilbo and the dwarves, apparently forgetting [[TakenForGranite what happens when sunlight hits them]].
** Of course, the implication was that Gandalf successfully got them so busy arguing that they simply lost track of the time and didn't notice it was getting to dawn. Of course, one would assume that with such a weakness, the trolls would have the sense to take better care, but yeah...
** WordOfGod says that most trolls are extremely low in intelligence and the mere fact that these three could speak basic English meant they were the troll equivalents of astrophysicists.

* ''Literature/TheHorseAndHisBoy'': Yeesh, Rabadash sure earned his epitaph of "Rabadash the Ridiculous"! First, his whole plan relies on speed: step one is take the royal castle in Archenland by surprise, then step two is quickly rush to Cair Paravel before Susan's ship arrives there. [[spoiler: Shasta successfully warns King Lune in time, so the Archenland castle is sealed. Rabadash ought to know full well that he doesn't have time to lay siege to the castle.]] He should've called it quits and turned around right then and there, but whether from pride or lust, he doesn't. [[spoiler: He wastes critical time trying to take the Archenland castle, and now, instead of him being at Cair Paravel in time to catch Susan, [[RussionReversal King Edmund (who was on Susan's ship, no less!) rides out with an army from Cair Paravel]] to rescue his Archenland allies at the besieged castle.]] [[EpicFail Basically what happens is the polar opposite of Rabadash's plan.]] Next, [[spoiler: Rabadash gets captured in battle by the Narnians and Archenlanders and, even though they treat him quite nicely as a royal prisoner of war, he continues to throw fits and refuse to negotiate with them and threatens them all, even though they could just as easily have his head for it.]] This despite the fact that his father had told him in so many words that Calormen would not rescue or even avenge Rabadash if he fails. Then [[spoiler: he continues to act like this while [[CrystalDragonJesus Aslan]] is in the room, even when he's ''told'' to shut up or something bad will happen to him.]]

* Carpathia's plan in ''Literature/LeftBehind'' is to follow every step of the divine plan that leads to his inevitable defeat, as opposing to try and Screw Destiny by, for example, ruling fairly and trying to create a better world, or just nuking the whole planet to spite Him. Well okay, he did intend to deviate from the plan at the last possible minute by waiting until Jesus actually returned and then shooting him. This works about as well as you'd expect.
** Not like Carpathia totally had a choice, if he was to fulfill every aspect of ''Literature/TheBible'' prophecies concerning the Antichrist. But like Satan, Nicolae thinks he's got a chance of ascending to the heights of the clouds and becoming like the Most High, so it's not just being TooDumbToLive, but also too arrogant.

* "Literature/LittleRedRidingHood": Creator/TerryPratchett said it best in ''Literature/TheWeeFreeMen'':
-->"... some girl who can't tell the difference between a wolf and her grandmother must either have been as dense as teak or come from an extremely ugly family."
** The modern version rubs salt in the wound by producing an awful mixture of DeusExMachina, UnexplainedRecovery, and {{Bowdleris|e}}ation. Not only does she suffer nothing for her impressive stupidity, but the original version's moral of "don't trust strangers" is completely dropped in favor of a happy ending.

** You too, Boltons. If it had just been Robb and Catelyn Stark that had been killed, you would still be in a bad position, Roose, because the Starks were beloved in the North. But to add insult to injury, you and the Freys killed representatives from almost every noble house in the North, ensuring that ''none'' of them will ''ever'' forgive you. And if that wasn't enough, you let your insane bastard son torture everything in sight, which will ''not'' endear you to anyone. Your House is so despised that [[TeamSwitzerland the Night's Watch]] has [[NeutralNoLonger outright sided against you]]. How much longer do you think you can last like this?

** Oh, Victarion, trusting your caring and compassionate brother Euron Greyjoy and use a horn to tame a dragon... You're absolutely going to come back in one piece with Dany in your arms, are you? What could possibly go wrong? Hell, what could possibly go ''right'' with that. Euron will be reeeeeeaaaaaally happy to see your roasted ass along with a FantasticNuke! (Could potentially be subverted if Victarion decides to betray Euron and swear loyalty to Dany.)

* ''Franchise/StarWarsLegends''

* In the ''Franchise/StarWarsLegends'' novels this pretty much sums up the New Republic/Galactic Federation of Free Alliances. The Old Republic lasted "a thousand generations". The New Republic lasted less than one, largely because it was so mired in politics that it was wholly unable to adequately respond to an extragalactic invasion. Thanks to the tireless efforts of our [[RebelLeader passionately individualistic heroes]] the invaders are eventually stopped and the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances is formed. During its brief existence it has allowed a [[GalacticConqueror Sith Lord]] to exploit a legal technicality to seize power, the second time this had occurred in less than a century. Once our heroes sort that out, the GFFA then arbitrarily appoints a [[GeneralFailure former enemy who once tried, unsuccessfully, to destroy their capital planet]] as their new Chief of State for no apparent reason other than that a real election would be too much trouble and there were seemingly no qualified candidates amongst the ranks of their own government. Needless to say, more trouble quickly ensues. All of this keeps the Jedi in a role of [[LaResistance constantly having to oppose their own government]] and likewise routinely being out of favor with said government, who are deeply offended by the Jedi's ceaseless attempts to stop their lemming-like drive towards self-destruction.
** The latest Galactic Government, the Galactic Federation Triumvirate seems destined to fail too: The Empire forms one branch, the New Republic another, and a Jedi the third.
** The Fel Empire decided it was a good idea to side with the One Sith, sure they are different from the previous Sith, but they still have the same old ChronicBackstabbingDisorder prevalent among them and won't settle to being second banana to anyone.
** Admiral Thrawn's death is a direct result of trusting the Noghri, a species the Empire directly tricked into servitude. Despite recognizing that something was wrong with the Noghri and thus refusing to trust them with missions during [[Literature/TheThrawnTrilogy the last book,]] he keeps his own Noghri bodyguard around and said bodyguard eventually kills him. This is all the more [[IdiotBall idiotic of a death]] as Thrawn is easily the best strategist in all of Star Wars, Legends canon or not.

* ''Literature/ThePlot'': The reader may be unaware of ''Crib'' 's killer plot twist until the end of the book, but Jacob has known about it all the time. Still, when it dawns on him that the twist in Evan Parker's story about the mother killing the daughter and assuming her identity actually happened in real life, it never occurs to him that his new wife Anna is about the same age. That same wife whom he met the very day he began to receive threatening e-mails. A woman with a very sketchy past and a name suspiciously similar to "Dianna". Somebody who knew where to mail threatening letters and the only one who knew in advance that he was going to visit Arthur Pickens, Esq. Want some more of that delicious soup, Jake, before you take a very long nap?

** The Kzinti are formidable-looking 8' tall, 500-pound tiger-men, but a combination of room-temperature IQ and uncontrollable hair-trigger tempers means that they ALWAYS lose, even in hand to hand combat with humans ⅓ their mass. Specifically, their only tactic is [[LeeroyJenkins "scream and leap"]]. Niven, ''actual'' cats [[ArtisticLicenseBiology know more complicated tactics than that.]] Part of it can be chalked up to HonorBeforeReason, but societies whose honor codes start hurting them learn how to RulesLawyer the honor code pretty fast, if they don't junk it outright. Even worse, their race supposedly got its space-age tech by overthrowing an advanced spacefaring civilization that conquered their planet. (They did so ''before'' they were that dumb. They were tribal warrior primitives before they overthrew the spacefarers and stole their tech. Then they used the biotech they'd stolen to genetically engineer themselves to be perfect - as defined by a primitive tribal warrior culture, i.e. massively aggressive, status-conscious, and utterly truthful. They actually rebuilt their descendants to be ''unable'' to RulesLawyer their honor code. This doesn't change much until evolution kicks back in... once they attack humans.)

* In the Literature/HannahSwensen series, the titular baker/sleuth can make some particularly dumb moves. A prime example is in the 5th book, ''Fudge Cupcake Murder''. There, Hannah is in the auto shop of [[spoiler:Ted Koester]] and notices not only the "used" auto parts being new [[spoiler:as Ted has been part of a stolen car parts ring]], but the tire iron [[spoiler:he]] used to bash in Sheriff Grant's head. Now, at this point in the book, there is no-one in the auto shop, and Hannah has been left there alone, so the logical thing to do would be to slip the tire iron into her car since no-one is there to stop her. What she does is ''try to'' '''''buy''''' ''the tire iron from [[spoiler:Ted]] when he returns''. Understandably, [[spoiler:he]] recognizes the thing immeadiately and tries to kill Hannah. She's just lucky she had cupcakes to throw out of the window of the car she was locked in and put in the crusher, or she'd be dead.

** Wandering into the Shades in Ankh Morpork is also a definite form of suicide.

** ''Literature/FeetOfClay'' features a RunningGag about a vampire whose employment choices (including holy water bottler, sunglasses tester, picket fence builder and worker in a pencil factory) take it UpToEleven, seeming to indicate an intense desire to end his afterlife.

** Vincent Crabbe casting Fiendfyre, a jinx so deadly and unpredictable that even Hermione was afraid to try it in ''[[Literature/HarryPotterAndTheDeathlyHallows Deathly Hallows]]''. For most of the series, he and Goyle were portrayed as too stupid to think without Malfoy. In [[Literature/HarryPotterAndTheChamberOfSecrets the second book]], they choose to eat ''cakes left in a random location'' without showing the slightest suspicion. [[Film/HarryPotterAndTheChamberOfSecrets The film]] makes it [[UpToEleven even more jarring]] when they eat the cakes which are ''floating in midair''.

* In ''Inheritance'' of the ''Literature/InheritanceCycle'', King Orrin takes this UpToEleven with his plan to send an envoy to Galbatorix, try to negotiate a peace agreement, and tell him the Varden's position. Because to do otherwise would be discourteous.

** Taken UpToEleven with Nila Weaver, who, at least once a chapter, will monologue about how she can't possibly escape from her captor. The original capturing process pretty much amounted to "Come with you, obviously dangerous man? Okay!" and involved her captor Jethro leading her through multiple crowded public places, undressing her in public, leaving her unsupervised in an airport bar, and not taking away her cellphone. Jethro not only ''leaves the cellphone with her'' throughout the multiple books of her supposed enslavement/imprisonment, but allows her to go running outside without supervision, bragging that his manor's lands are too big for her to possibly run to the edge of, despite stating in the first book that they were "a thousand hectares", [[WritersCannotDoMath which is only about four square miles]].

* '''Literature/IWantMyHatBack'': Yeah, harebrain, steal the bear's hat and wear it in public. WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong It's not like the bear is perfectly willing to dine on you.

** The Gardeners, who had been running the Reach in souther Westeros for about a thousand years, decide to face Aegon (the Conqueror) head-on, which is perfectly understandable if you don't know about dragons. Which they did. Adding to this stupidity, King Gardener's entire family goes into the fight with him, and none of them have any kids sitting around far away from the imminent fight in case something happens. Cue the Field of Fire, and the line of Gardener going up in flames.

** The Gardeners, who had been running the Westerlands of Westeros for about a thousand years, decide to face Aegon (the Conqueror) head-on, which is perfectly understandable if you don't know about dragons. Which they did. Adding to this stupidity, King Gardener's entire family goes into the fight with him, and none of them have any kids sitting around far away from the imminent fight in case something happens. Cue the Field of Fire, and the line of Gardener going up in flames.

* Literature/IronDruidChronicles. Atticus fakes his death and the Morrigan, [[PsychoPomp the Celtic Chooser of the Slain]] shows up to "claim his soul" and reclaim a MagicSword he had stolen from the Tuatha De Dannan back in the day. One of his would-be killers, [[Myth/NorseMythology the Norse god Vidar]], tries to claim the sword as the spoils of victory but the Morrigan says oh heck no. When he tries to get uppity with her she offers to let him win it off her in a sword fight. Just to reiterate. The Morrigan is a {{psychopomp}}. Not just any old psychopomp, but a ''chooser of the slain''. Meaning '''''she can choose who dies in battle'''''. What's more, that magic sword they're fighting over? Its ability is to [[AbsurdlySharpBlade go "not happening" at any armor that gets in its way]]. It goes about as well as you might expect.