History Quotes / ImmediateSelfContradiction

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheOwlHouse'', "[[Recap/TheOwlHouseS2E1SeparateTides Separate Tides]]"

->''"Just generally: even if you preface something that isn’t racist with 'this isn’t racist,' it will still sound racist. I’ll show you: if you said, 'A lot of people buy jeans at Old Navy' — totally fine. But if you said, 'A lot of people — and this isn’t racist, yeah, try it, try it anyway, this isn’t racist — but a lot of people buy jeans at Old Navy,' now that suddenly sounds like something that’s going to require about three pages of your Notes app."''

-Death Knight breaks through the bone prison-\\

'''Sun:''' No! As the Sun Knight, [[EvilPowersGoodPeople I mustn't use this evil magic!]]\\

-->--''Manhua/TheLegendOfSunKnight''

->'''Rosa:''' "It's just that you can be a bit . . . judgmental."\\
'''Captain Holt:''' "What a stupid thing to say. Name one time when I've been judgmental."''\\
'''Rosa:''' Okay.\\
'''Captain Holt:''' (''flashback'') "What a stupid thing to say".\\
'''Captain Holt:''' (present) [[LampshadeHanging "Oh, I see."]]
-->-- ''Series/BrooklynNineNine''

->'''Gus''': What’s your greatest strength?
->'''King''': My decisiveness. No, wait! I changed my mind!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheOwlHouse'', "[[Recap/TheOwlHouseS1E15UnderstandingWillow Understanding Willow]]"

->'''Luz''': Wow, the Emperor is really taking over.
->'''Eda''': I see it too, Luz. And I'm trying to stay civil. ''([[{{Slapstick}} kicks]] a nearby Emperor's Coven demon)''
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheOwlHouse'', "[[Recap/TheOwlHouseS2E1SeparateTides Separate Tides]]"

-> I get it!\\
'''''I don't get it.'''''
-->-- '''Jon''', ''WebVideo/JonTron'', ''Plug & Play Games''

-> "I'm a survivor. We're a dying breed."
-->--'''Xavier''', ''WesternAnimation/XavierRenegadeAngel''

->''"Genji 2 is an action game which is based on Japanese history. Uh, being based on history, the stages of the game will also be based on famous battles which actually took place in Ancient Japan.''\\
{{beat}}\\
''So, here's this giant enemy crab..."''
-->-- '''Bill Ritch''', ''VideoGame/{{Genji}} 2'' Sony presentation, E3 2006

->Even poor Bruce is forced to admit that this passage defies (refutes, destroys, demolishes and salts the earth of …) his alleged "literal" hermeneutic. He starts out by warning his congregation that they must never treat such passages as "symbolic" and he mocks those who would see its description as "mere symbolism." But on the very next page he veers away from his promised "literal" approach and sketches out what he believes this passage ''signifies''.
-->--'''Fred Clark''' on ''[[Literature/LeftBehind Tribulation Force]]'', [[https://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2009/07/31/tf-bruces-sermon-part-3/ Slacktivist]]

->''"Have confidence!"''\\
[immediately dies]\\
''"No confidence!"''
-->-- '''Inugami Korone''', ''WebAnimation/{{Hololive}}''

->But okay! There was no screwing around anymore! I was determined and would not sleep until I got sixteen more Green Stars! So I then took a nap so I could get a fresh mindset in how to go about solving this problem.
-->-- ''WebVideo/InfiniteBits''

->I'm a gentleman, what can I say? I'm also really mentally stable.\\
''({{Beat}})''\\
''I'm gonna kill myself\\
if you don't go out with me.''
-->-- '''Music/WilburSoot''', "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atUs-pEuJjU The "Nice Guy" Ballad]]"

->In the depths, no one can hear you scream. Well, they ''can'', but it's, really muffled.
-->--Naga Royal Guard StopPokingMe quotes, ''VideoGame/WarcraftIII''

->''"When in doubt, play dead. Well, unless you might be dealing with a ghoul, or a basilisk, or something else that likes its meat a little ripe. Actually, when in doubt, just start shooting."''
-->--'''[[NeverMessWithGranny Alice Price-Healy]]''', ''Literature/InCryptid''

-->--'''Barbados Slim''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}: Bender's Big Score''

->''"You have no strong enemies ahead. At this point you don't need to evolve. The Sand-Eater in the next area is very strong. I suggest you run away."''
-->--'''Megausu''', ''VideoGame/EVOSearchForEden''

->''"Just generally: even if you preface something that isn’t racist with 'this isn’t racist,' it will still sound racist. I’ll show you: if you said, 'A lot of people buy jeans at Old Navy' — totally fine. But if you said, 'A lot of people — and this isn’t racist, yeah, try it, try it anyway, this isn’t racist — but a lot of people buy jeans at Old Navy,' now that suddenly sounds like something that’s going to require about three pages of your Notes app."''
-->-- '''Creator/JohnOliver''', ''Series/LastWeekTonightWithJohnOliver''

-> "On this day we can do anything we want. I revise that: within limits."
-->--'''Offred''', ''Literature/TheHandmaidsTale''

->'''Squidward:''' How are you two making that noise?\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' ''[[SignatureLaugh (Laughs)]]'' What noise, Squidward?\\
'''Patrick:''' I could only hear the sound of our laughter.\\
'''Squidward:''' Yes, but those sound effects. The avalanche, the-the-the...\\
'''Patrick:''' Don't forget the second avalanche.\\
'''Squidward:''' ''(Deadpan)'' Forget it.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'', [[Recap/SpongeBobSquarePantsS3E4NastyPattyIdiotBox "Idiot Box"]]

->''"Woah, aw man, this is making me sick... You gonna finish those?"''
-->-- '''Raco''', ''WesternAnimation/ChopSockyChooks'' ("Now You Coliseum, Now You Don't")

->'''Cop:''' Attempted murder is a ''very'' serious charge.
->'''Keisha:''' I didn't attempt to murder no one.
->'''Police Chief:''' If you just admitted to us that you fancy Spencer, we would understand.
->'''[[{{Tsundere}} Keisha]]:''' I don't fancy him! I attempted to murder him!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/BromwellHigh'', "Keisha's in Love"

->'''Celia:''' ...Not if you ''paid'' me.\\
'''Staph:''' What if we pay you?\\
'''Celia:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' ...Alright.
-->-- ''Webcomic/AwfulHospital'', [[https://bogleech.com/awfulhospital/406 p.406]]

->'''Son:''' Dad, can I ask you a question?
->'''Blark:''' Yes! Of course, ask me anything. Literally. Ask me ''anything.''
->'''Son:''' What happened to mom?
->'''Blark:''' Oh, fuck.

-->--'''The ''actual'' Music/RickJames'', from ''Series/ChappellesShow'''

->'''Ludicrus Sextus''': Well, if you could see your way... to letting him get away.
->'''Jailer''': Wait a minute. Do I look like the sort of man who would accept a bribe?
->'''Ludicrus Sextus''': Well, yes, you do, actually.
->'''Jailer''': You're dead right.
-->-- ''Film/UpPompeii''

->'''Ellen''': No, I'm not afraid of it... {the hermit crab}\\
'''Hibiki''': (shows her the hermit crab)\\
'''Ellen''': AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
-->-- ''Anime/SuitePrettyCure''

->''"Now that is a scientific fact - there's no real evidence for it, but it's still scientific fact."''
-->-- ''Series/BrassEye''

-->-- ''Series/TheDayToday''