History Quotes / CatsAreMean

-->--'''Herlock Sholmes''', ''VisualNovel/TheGreatAceAttorneyAdventures''

->''Walter had never liked cats. They'd seemed to him the sociopaths of the pet world, a species domesticated as an [[NecessaryEvil evil necessary]] for the control of rodents and subsequently fetishized the way unhappy countries fetishize their militaries, [[GodwinsLaw saluting the uniforms of killers]] as cat owners stroke their animals' lovely fur and forgive their claws and fangs. He'd never seen anything in a cat's face but simpering incuriosity and self-interest; you only had to tease one with a mouse-toy to see where it's true heart lay...cats were all about using people.''

->'''Garfield:''' ''Why does your sign say "Beware of cats"?''\\
'''Dog:''' ''Because CatsAreMean.''\\
'''Garfield:''' ''[[IResembleThatRemark Take it down or I'll beat you with it.]]''

-->-- '''Tigress''', telling Po he shouldn't be the [[TheChosenOne Dragon Warrior]]; ''WesternAnimation/KungFuPanda''

That “fuck you” look is the same look I throw at anyone who changes the channel while I’m watching the ''Series/TheGoldenGirls''. This is why I love cats. The moment right before that cat sends that cup over the edge, its look clearly says, ''“You’re recording this in portrait mode, right? No sympathy for you!”

->''Sure, dogs are stereotyped as being [[GoodIsDumb lovable but dumb]], with cats being their cold-blooded intelligent nemeses], but between that study and everyday observations of either animal staring into a blank corner and barking or meowing for no reason, it seems pretty clear that deep down they're all rock fucking stupid, God bless them.''
-->-- ''{{Website/Cracked}}'', "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19108_5-reasons-war-between-dog-cat-people-needs-to-stop.html#ixzz2dnYvjhXb 5 Reasons the War Between Dog and Cat People Needs to Stop]]"

->''If cats are growing opposable thumbs, that means they can hold s*** like a [[KnifeNut butcherknife]], [[StuffBlowingUp a stick of dynamite]], a [[Franchise/StarWars lightsaber]], or [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking your mother's favourite toy]], which she refers to as a back massager but we all know that ain't what it's for. I'm just saying, I don't want cats taking over the world. Their videos are already taking over the damn Internet!''

-->-- '''Krosp I, Emperor of all Cats''', ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'', [[https://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070926 "Revenge of the Weasel Queen]]

-->-- '''Krosp I, Emperor of all Cats''', ''Webcomic/GirlGenius''

-->-- '''Agne''' about '''[[CatGirl Bern]][[BigBad kastel]]''', ''VisualNovel/UminekoWhenTheyCry''.

->Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should just get used to it.

->Cats are assholes.

->You should realize by now, your highness-- a cat has no duty but to do exactly as he pleases.

->Bloody things, I hate those bloody cats! The way they meow and they piss everywhere and their shit just smells bloody awful! All over my furniture!

->I don't bloody believe it! They've got fish versions of the little bastards now!

->You're a disgrace to Kung Fu, and if you have any respect for who we are and what we do, you will be gone by morning.

->Cats aren't animals. They're hate in fur. True fact.

-->-- Image captions from [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-pet-products-that-prove-youre-too-lazy-pet/#ixzz2ey4PxCQj this article]] on {{Website/Cracked}}.

->When a cat meows, it doesn't mean "I love you". It means "This is a real nice bed you got here. It'd be a shame if something bad happened on it."

->Sure, dogs are stereotyped as being [[GoodIsDumb lovable but dumb]], with cats being their [[MagnificentBastard cold-blooded intelligent nemeses]], but between that study and everyday observations of either animal staring into a blank corner and barking or meowing for no reason, it seems pretty clear that deep down they're all rock fucking stupid, God bless them.
-->-- '''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19108_5-reasons-war-between-dog-cat-people-needs-to-stop.html#ixzz2dnYvjhXb 5 Reasons the War Between Dog and Cat People Needs to Stop]]"

->Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they'' '''[[AGodAmI are]]''' ''gods.

->You guys, today’s ''{{ComicStrip/Heathcliff}}'' features Heathcliff suspended in mid-air, a là BulletTime from ''The Matrix'', as his angry owner-lady informs her doomed guests that hot furry death is about to descend on their faces, all yowling and slashing claws. It is honestly amazing.
-->--'''''Blog/TheComicsCurmudgeon''''' [[http://joshreads.com/?p=17183 on]] ''Heathcliff''

->Jennifer Morales was recording her Persian pussy playing with stuff on a table, as cats do, when the fluffy little shit swatted a glass to the edge. Jennifer ran over and begged that adorable demon to stop and it stopped for just a second. Jennifer kept recording, because she wanted to capture this stone cold act of cuntiness on camera (and because she knows her cup-killing cat deserve 15 minutes of viral fame). Jennifer’s cat stops for a second, lowers its paw and plays with her emotions by making her think that maybe, just maybe, [[FalseReassurance it’ll take the day off from being a brat]] and spare the glass. HA! Never! If that cat’s thoughts were in human English and you could read its thoughts, you’d probably hear it say to itself, ''“Get the dustpan, trick.”\\\
That “fuck you” look is the same look I throw at anyone who changes the channel while I’m watching the ''Series/TheGoldenGirls''. This is why I love cats. The moment right before that cat sends that cup over the edge, its look clearly says, ''“You’re recording this in portrait mode, right? No sympathy for you!”''

->Supposedly, you can get a tiger to back down [[StaringDownCthulhu by looking it in the eye,]] but I don't really believe that I have the presence to earn the tiger's respect and/or fear. I think the tiger would look me in the eyes and KNOW that I'm a chump, [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome and then he would attack anyway.]] Tigers can weigh up to 700 pounds, and I read here that "a tiger's legs are so powerful that they can remain standing even while dead." That does not strike me as the kind of beast that you can hold back simply by leaning against a two-pound shitter door. The tiger gets you. And then it smokes a cigarette and poops you out.

->A badass criminal cat recently slipped into an elderly English couple's home, proceeding to attack one of 'em, trash some antiques and, yes, shit everywhere...The feral villain then scaled the curtains and squatted in a window until ''the next morning'', when the homeowners [[SummonBiggerFish asked their motorcyclist neighbor for help]]. He suited up in his leatheriest leathers and managed to grasp the cat in a blanket. I mean, look at this cat. This cat does not give a ''fuck''. That's the stare of a hardened criminal. Be vigilant. It seems unlikely cats will actually attempt to seize power, because they've got it pretty good already, but if they ever amass any serious firepower we'll be forced to spend all day, every day serving the local strays Fancy Feast.
-->--'''''[[http://jezebel.com/stone-cold-cat-trashes-home-and-terrorizes-elderly-coup-1599721857 Jezebel]]''''', "Stone-Cold Cat Trashes Home and Terrorizes Elderly Couple"

->If cats are growing opposable thumbs, that means they can hold s*** like a [[KnifeNut butcherknife]], [[StuffBlowingUp a stick of dynamite]], a [[Franchise/StarWars lightsaber]], or [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking your mother's favourite toy]], which she refers to as a back massager but we all know that ain't what it's for. I'm just saying, I don't want cats taking over the world. Their videos are already taking over the damn Internet!

->It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. [[{{Eagleland}} Cats are mean for the fun of it]].

->Billington is an expert at soul-sucking abominations. Now he's in thrall to another, greater evil: one with a damaged body, so he's provided it with a convenient temporary replacement while he comes up with enough sacrificial victims and spare parts to repair its original one. What entity aboard this ship exhibits all the personality traits of a cold-blooded killing machine, combined with the monstrous, overweening vanity and laziness of a convalescent war god lounging in their personal Valhalla while their minions prepare their armor? There's only one answer. The Persian tomcat...

->Walter had never liked cats. They'd seemed to him the sociopaths of the pet world, a species domesticated as an [[NecessaryEvil evil necessary]] for the control of rodents and subsequently fetishized the way unhappy countries fetishize their militaries, [[GodwinsLaw saluting the uniforms of killers]] as cat owners stroke their animals' lovely fur and forgive their claws and fangs. He'd never seen anything in a cat's face but simpering incuriosity and self-interest; you only had to tease one with a mouse-toy to see where it's true heart lay...cats were all about using people.

-->--"[[http://www.basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2021/2/2/howe-to-be-an-informed-customer How to be an informed consumer]]'',
''Webcomic/BasicInstructions''

-->-- '''Carl''', to recently-UpliftedAnimal '''Princess Donut'''

->Supposedly, you can get a tiger to back down [[StaringDownCthulhu by looking it in the eye,]] but I don't really believe that I have the presence to earn the tiger's respect and/or fear. I think the tiger would look me in the eyes and KNOW that I'm a chump, [[RealityEnsues and then he would attack anyway.]] Tigers can weigh up to 700 pounds, and I read here that "a tiger's legs are so powerful that they can remain standing even while dead." That does not strike me as the kind of beast that you can hold back simply by leaning against a two-pound shitter door. The tiger gets you. And then it smokes a cigarette and poops you out.

->''The ancient Egyptians had a rat problem. They tamed some cats, so the cats would kill the rats for them! Little did they know that in a few short millennia, the human race would become... SLAVES to the CAT!\\\

->''The ancient Egyptians had a rat problem. They tamed some cats, so the cats would kill the rats for them! Little did they know that in a few short millennia, the human race would become... SLAVES to the CAT!\\

-->--'''Series/ReallyWildAnimals'''

->'''[[Disney/{{Cinderella}} Jaq]]:''' Ven-Ven! Carefie Rucifie!\\

[[folder:fiction]]

-->-- [[https://garfield.com/comic/2006/09/14 Garfield, September 14th, 2006]]

[[folder:real life]]

->'''[[Disney/Cinderella Jaq]]:''' Ven-Ven! Carefie Rucifie!\\

->'''''Garfield:''''' ''Why does your sign say "Beware of cats"?''\\
'''''Dog:''''' ''Because CatsAreMean.''\\
'''''Garfield:''''' ''[[IResembleThatRemark Take it down or I'll beat you with it.]]''