History Literature / TheTalmud

* WateringDown: It claims that in ancient Israel and Babylonia, wine was made so strong that it was actually undrinkable unless mixed with water in a ratio of about 2 parts water to 1 part wine.

Nezikin, Moed, and Nashim, being the most practical of the three, are the most commonly studied; Kodshim is virtually useless, as there is no temple in Jerusalem right now, and much of Zeraim is considered to apply only to ''Eretz Yisrael'' and as such non-Israeli rabbis don't have much use for it (Israeli rabbis, on the other hand, do have some use, particularly since religious Jews started taking up farming as part of the Religious Zionist movement). As for Tohorot...

Nezikin, Moed, and Nashim, being the most practical of the three, are the most commonly studied; Kodshim is virtually useless, as there is no temple in Jerusalem right now, and much of Zeraim is considered to apply only to ''Eretz Yisrael'' and as such non-Israeli rabbis don't have much use for it (Israeli rabbis, on the other hand, do have some use, particularly since religious Jews started taking up farming in the settlements). As for Tohorot...

Nezikin, Moed, and Nashim, being the most practical of the three, are the most commonly studied; Kodshim is virtually useless, as there is no temple in Jerusalem right now, and much of Zeraim is considered to apply only to ''Eretz Yisrael'' and as such non-Israeli rabbis don't have much use for it (Israeli rabbis, on the other hand...). As for Tohorot...

* {{Doorstopper}}: Some editions can fill an entire bookcase. No, not a book''self''. An entire ''case''.

** Subverted and played straight in the film ''A Stranger Among Us'', and in the novel TheChosen. In ''A Stranger Among Us'' there is a young as well as an old Talmudic genius. In TheChosen, all the main characters, old and young are quite formidable with it.

* WhenYouSnatchThePebble: this book has often been used as a collection of pebbles to be snatched as in TheChosen. That is after all how [[TeenGenius young scholars]] are trained.

* Zeraim (Plants), relating to laws regarding growing things, like tithes and harvesting, or blessings in general.

* TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: God desires this, believe it or not, in Tractate Sanhedrin. Narrowly averted when He catches sight of Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah - the three righteous men from the [[Literature/TheBible Book of Daniel]].

* JewsLoveToArgue: The Talmud is arguably the reason for that trope.

* LoopholeAbuse: Defied. Some Talmudic arguments get into laws relating to cases which could never actually happen, in order to deduce the exact criteria and details of a particular ruling. However, as TechnologyMarchesOn, some of these rulings may actually become relevant later - the Talmud contains laws concerning situations which could be compared to in vitro fertilization and even artificial intelligence ([[JewsLoveToArgue arguably]]).

* SealedEvilInACan: As Yossi Gurvitz, a noted leftist blogger who was raised as an Orthodox Jew, explains, you do NOT want to be around [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSy6ENVAJlY When Israel Is Mighty]].

* ScienceMarchesOn / ArtisticLicenseBiology: The Talmud gets anatomical descriptions of animals grossly wrong, including, for instance, getting the number of a cow’s stomachs wrong, as well as things like saying that only pigs have split hooves without being ruminant and that girls' hymens restore themselves after penetration if they're younger than three years and a day, so [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel molesting one]] is not halachically punishable the same way molesting an older child would be.

* AnachronicOrder: Although Berachos is usually shown as the first tractate, every single tractate cross-references others. Often you will see tractate A assuming you are familiar with tractate B ''and vice versa''. Even within single tractates (e.g. Makkot), sometimes the first part of a chapter will discuss minutiae of a law, while the law itself is not actually given until later on.
** Some say this is why the first page of each tractate is ''page 2'' (bet) rather than page 1 (alef). They say that the Talmud really has no beginning or end, so you need to keep that in mind before going in. Others simply say that page 1 is the cover page.

** StrawmanHasAPoint: There are many aspects of the Talmud that can easily be criticized in modern times, such as attitudes towards slavery, treatment of women as second-class citizens, and the allowance of fathers to forcibly marry off their very young daughters. While some criticisms are justified, others are given without the context of the time it was written (early years A.D.) or the fact that some laws are essentially only "on the books" and were never really practiced (although some of them still affect the mindsets of some extremist Jews regardless). The true nature of the Talmud is somewhere between the assertions of its most ardent proponents and detractors. Only someone who has studied it extensively with an open mind can really interpret which of its statements are meant to be taken at face value and which are allegory, although those interpretations can vary with the culture of the time and the attitude of the person in question.

** The Talmud was written by the Pharisees (yes, the same Pharisees who turned the Jewish population against Jesus and eventually got him crucified), who were very intolerant towards other Jewish sects, especially the Saducees. [[CaptainObvious This reflects also on their treatment of early Christians, and, of course, on Jesus himself]].

* ScienceMarchesOn / ArtisticLicenseBiology: The Talmud gets anatomical descriptions of animals grossly wrong, even for people of the time (including, for instance, getting the number of a cow’s stomachs wrong), as well as things like saying that only pigs have split hooves without being ruminant and that girls’ hymens restore themselves after penetration if they’re younger than three years and a day, so [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel molesting one]] [[InsaneTrollLogic isn’t considered actually molesting one]].

** StrawmanHasAPoint: There are many aspects of the Talmud that can easily be criticized in modern times, such as attitudes towards slavery, treatment of women as second-class citizens, and the allowance of fathers to forcibly marry off their very young daughters. While some criticisms are justified, others are given without the context of the time it was written (early years A.D.) or the fact that some laws are essentially only "on the books" and were never really practiced (although some of them still affect the mindsets of modern ultra-Orthodox Jews or Israeli National Religious Jews regardless[[hottip:*:This is mostly a problem if you aren’t a practicing Orthodox Jewish man and living in Israel, where not only do those two groups have consistently growing political power, but is also located in the Land of Israel, where they’re supposed to be extra-strict, which results in things like separation of women and men on the bus and blatant hostility towards Christians, which is ''de facto'' supported by the police.]]). The true nature of the Talmud is somewhere between the assertions of its most ardent proponents and detractors. Only someone who has studied it extensively with an open mind can really interpret which of its statements are meant to be taken at face value and which are allegory, although those interpretations can vary with the culture of the time and the attitude of the person in question.

** StrawmanHasAPoint: There are many aspects of the Talmud that can easily be criticized in modern times, such as attitudes towards slavery, treatment of women as second-class citizens, and the allowance of fathers to forcibly marry off their very young daughters. While some criticisms are justified, others are given without the context of the time it was written (early years A.D.) or the fact that some laws are essentially only "on the books" and were never really practiced (although some of them still affect the mindsets of modern ultra-Orthodox Jews regardless). The true nature of the Talmud is somewhere between the assertions of its most ardent proponents and detractors. Only someone who has studied it extensively with an open mind can really interpret which of its statements are meant to be taken at face value and which are allegory, although those interpretations can vary with the culture of the time and the attitude of the person in question.

** The Talmud was written by the Pharisees (yes, the same Pharisees who turned the Jewish population against Jesus and eventually got him crucified), who were very intolerant towards other Jewish sects, especially the Saducees.

** StrawmanHasAPoint: There are many aspects of the Talmud that can easily be criticized in modern times, such as attitudes towards slavery, treatment of women as second-class citizens, and the allowance of fathers to forcibly marry off their very young daughters. While some criticisms are justified, others are given without the context of the time it was written (early years A.D.) or the fact that many laws are essentially only "on the books" and were never really practiced. The true nature of the Talmud is somewhere between the assertions of its most ardent proponents and detractors, and only someone who has studied it extensively with an open mind can really interpret which of its statements are meant to be taken at face value.
*** This, however, depends on whom you’re asking, as the interpretation of which parts were to be taken at face value and which ones are allegorical seem to change from time to time (Maïmonides, for instance, lived in the relatively Jew-friendly 11th century Muslim Morocco, and claimed only the supernatural legends are allegorical, while the rulings should be interpeted literally; later on, in much less Jew-friendly 14th century Europe, these legends were interpreted more literally as a sort of escapism from the harsher reality). Also, as mentioned in Sealed Evil in a Can above, the fact that the more harrowing laws aren’t executed is just because this era is not ‘When Israel Is Mighty’, and, in fact, those rules are still very relevant to the way of thought of way too many Orthodox Jews (as the occasional slip of the tongue of way too many rabbis, that is too easily overlooked, can indicate). And ItGotWorse, as the Talmud firmly establishes that while gentiles get wiser with every generations, Jews get dumber (‘''Yeridat haDorot''’), which pretty much prevents any overruling of Talmud rulings.

*** This, however, depends on whom you’re asking: as mentioned in Sealed Evil in a Can above, the fact that the more harrowing laws aren’t executed is just because this is not ‘When Israel Is Mighty’, and, in fact, those rules are still very relevant to the way of thought of way too many Orthodox Jews (as the occasional slip of the tongue of way too many rabbis, that is too easily overlooked, can indicate). And ItGotWorse, as the Talmud firmly establishes that while gentiles get wiser with every generations, Jews get dumber (‘''Yeridat haDorot''’), which pretty much prevents any overruling of Talmud rulings.

** StrawmanHasAPoint: The Talmud really is filled to the brim with misogyny, xenophobia, anti-democratic attitudes, and lots of other horrific things like permission of rape of girls under three-years-and-a-day old by their own fathers. Also, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking it is grossly unscientific, using explanations such as ‘mice can be formed out of earth and snails can be formed out of rain’ to justify the belief in the Resurrection in Jewish eschatology]]. You can look up more about the subject [[http://www.daatemet.org/?LANG=en here]].
*** However, it should be said the vast majority of Jews aren’t that well-versed in the Talmud, if they ever even tried reading it, but Orthodox Jews definitely have more experience with it and more faith in it, and the fact that they are growing in number and influence in Israel is not very encouraging, to say the least... And then again, they often claim that the Talmud should not be taken literally, but often seem to act as if it does (disallowing women to sit in the front of the bus, refusing to rent apartments to Arabs, &c.) and have the occasional slip of the tongue that show extremely disturbing states of mind. To sum it up, [[RuleOfCautiousEditingJudgment this is a complicated issue]].

** StrawmanHasAPoint: The Talmud really is filled to the brim with misogyny, xenophobia, and lots of other horrific things like permission of rape of girls under three-years-and-a-day old by their own fathers. Also, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking it is grossly unscientific, using explanations such as ‘mice can be formed out of earth and snails can be formed out of rain’ to justify the belief in the Resurrection in Jewish eschatology]]. You can look up more about the subject [[http://www.daatemet.org/?LANG=en here]].

* WhatDoYouMeanItsNotForKids: Though most of the Talmud is rated G, some areas are incredibly explicit, such as Kesubos, which has sections dealing with minute details of sex acts.
** And Niddah has all you ever wanted to know about menstruation.
** The holy books are where you learn [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar all the cool things your parents would never let you read otherwise]]. Dina and Tamar and all those concubines, oh my!

* HoYay: Rabbi Yohanan and Resh Lakish in Bava Metzia 84a. Resh Lakish sees Rabbi Yohanan bathing in the Jordan, thinks he's a woman, and pole vaults the river on his lance. When he discovers his gender mistake, he says to Rabbi Yohanan, "Your beauty for women!". They become at the very least HeterosexualLifePartners, and brothers-in-law to boot, as Resh Lakish marries Rabbi Yohanan's sister.

A collection of rabbinical discussions of Jewish customs and theology. It is divided into the Mishnah (written about 200 AD), which is the first written collection of Jewish laws; and the Gemara (about 500 AD), which is a discussion of the Mishnah and Jewish works, including what Christians know as [[TheBible the Old Testament]]. Intellectual study and discussion of the Talmud has an important role among the customs and history of many Jews. If you have a story in which one of the characters is a [[GoodShepherd rabbi]], you can be fairly sure that they [[TheSmartGuy know a lot]] about the Talmud. And if you [[SchmuckBait wish to debate them or hear them expound]], you will [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness get what you ask for]].

Oh, and did we mention that there are no vowels or punctuation in the classic text? (In fairness, that's a lot easier with Semitic languages; to this day, Arabs get by on just the long vowels and ''very'' sparse punctuation). New versions, like those printed by [[http://www.artscroll.com/ ArtScroll]], provide them along with translations, though that's sometimes considered cheating by serious studiers.

* TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: God desires this, believe it or not, in Tractate Sanhedrin. Narrowly averted when He catches sight of Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah - the three righteous men from the [[TheBible Book of Daniel]].
* GoMadFromTheRevelation: Rabbi Akiva, Ben Azzai, Ben Zoma, and Elisha ben Avuyah travel to the mystical realm of Pardes. Ben Azzai dies, Ben Zoma goes insane, and Elisha ben Avuyah does a FaceHeelTurn. Only Rabbi Akiva entered in peace and left in peace.

* TheJudge : Much advice for arbitrating civil disputes between Jews is contained within.

** Played with: When Rabbi Elazar ben Azaryah is appointed as leader of all the Rabbis of Israel, he explains that he doesn't want the job because all of the other Rabbis will mock him for his young age. God steps in and makes him look like a seventy year old man.

* WikiWalk: Due to the rather unusual set-up, these happen quite frequently. For example, Tractate Shabbos includes a discussion that starts with asking whether it is permissible to perform a circumcision on the Sabbath, and ends up discussing [[CrazyPrepared what to do if a baby is born with no anus]].

* BeyondTheImpossible: Some Talmudic arguments get into laws relating to cases which could never actually happen, in order to deduce the exact criteria and details of a particular ruling. However, as TechnologyMarchesOn, some of these rulings may actually become relevant later - the Talmud contains laws concerning situations which could be compared to in vitro fertilization and even artificial intelligence ([[JewsLoveToArgue arguably]]).

* JesusWasWayCool: Averted; none of the Talmud editions have much good to say about him, and some specifically say (in Gittin 57) that he's being [[FireAndBrimstoneHell punished in Hell]] for [[ValuesDissonance being an apostate]].

* JewsLoveToArgue: TheTalmud is arguably the reason for that trope.