History Funny / SCPFoundationSCPEntries

-->''''Dr. Light:''' Every step of the way, when we were trying to purposefully corrupt the American political sphere, there was somebody already there. Someone with their foot already on the gas. Our potential grassroots campaigns in swing states? We didn't need them. They sprung up on their own. The demonstrations, the covert operations, the under-the-table deals. All of it.

** Testing on ''Film/TheRoom'' got a single disclaimer saying that [[NoAnimalsWereHarmed no "slavery or other cruelty" towards [REDACTED]lings]] occurred.

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-6969 SCP-6969]], the joke is sex, isn't particularly funny by itself -- it's a thaumaturgical anomaly that causes men who ejaculate to undergo a GroundhogDayLoop for an unknown period of time, appearing as a few seconds long to third parties, and the sperm's genetics change after the anomaly ceases. More unfortunate victims lose all neurological function or just outright disintegrate, depending on how long their temporal loop went on for. Needless to say, there is no humor in the article itself. What ''is'' funny is that the author knew damn well they weren't going to let the opportunity pass for SCP-[[LOL69 6969]] to be anything other than overtly sexual, naming the SCP "the joke is sex" and even saying as much in the initial discussion thread.

** At the end of the article is a list of charges pressed against Mary Ross as a result of the incident. Due to the nature of the whole thing she is pardoned from all of them... except the last one which is using an official Foundation computer to [[CallBack edit Wikipedia.]] In addition, Phthonus' wikipedia page is, as of February 11th 2023, six sentences and ''very'' informative, implying that that Mary Ross is the reason.

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4223 SCP-4223]] is a universe where Mountain Dew Baja Blast can only be produced by the eruption of a geyser in South America once a year; attempts to artificially replicate it on Earth result in the production of an uncarbonated liquid universally agreed to taste like battery acid. Their Foundation found that while unlikely, Baja Blast being created like that was non-anomalous... right up until someone from an alternate Foundation pointed out that no, that was totally anomalous. Then came the discovery of a third universe where Mountain Dew is actually mountain dew, forming from accumulation on grasses on a few Siberian mountains in the morning, and as a result the Baja Blast Foundation's Department of Extra-Universal Affairs is trying to find out if there are any other universes where this ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin thing takes place.

** When he got delegated to make [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5169 blow-up sex dolls]], he thought it meant sex dolls that explode when used.

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2941 SCP-2941]] has some of the most [[KafkaKomedy hilariously mean]] containment procedures on the site. The Foundation has to make a bunch of adorable fruit people miserable or else they'll grow out of control, so they have to do things like call a melon a "hideous cube" and finger-flick a peach repeatedly while counting how many times they were able to do so. A D-Class ruins things by saying the researcher in care of the SCP has "some nice round melons", which leads to the instantaneous death of him and several other people when the melon SCP-2941-3 suddenly grows ridiculously huge.

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-115 SCP-115-1]], Miniature Dump Truck, is a plastic toy dump truck that functions exactly like a real dump truck, except that it's smaller. It weighs about 90 tons, can carry 120 tons, and runs on diesel fuel. Apparently, some researchers decided to use it to relive their childhoods, and...

** When Dr. Spanko is asked about the dangerous anomalies that express interest in meeting him, the good doctor's… [[NonAnswer explanation]] mentions the word "Ablesauce" and describes them as "tricky mayonnaise". Putting two and two together, this could very well imply that ''[[AxCrazy SCP-076-2]]'' is one of the skips that likes Dr. Spanko, which is as hilarious as it is kind of adorable.

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3045 SCP-3045]] is a computer application that can trim down certain types of text or video-based media file, returning a shortened version of the work inside the original file with superfluous scenes, details, and dialogue trimmed. Running those files through 3045 will result in even shorter versions, until they're reduced to simply the word "bzzz" if text-based or a black screen with a buzzing sound if video-based (unless the work in question directly references bees, in which case [[SurpriseCreepy things go horribly, horribly out of hand]]). The laconic versions of the works used have some pretty hilarious lines as a result, particularly the tests with ''Theatre/{{Hamlet}}'':

** A tape containing 10 minutes of commercials for a supermarket chain turns into 10 minutes of "commercials" for "ARG/OmegaMart," which advertise multiple anomalous objects, and show many strange events.

** The first sign that this is going to be a very silly article is the appearance of "God's Strongest Soldier", an empty mascot costume that looks like a dove and [[RunningGag keeps showing up to screw people over]]. In its first appearance, it defends an otherwise serious anomalous congregation by beating the [=MTFs=] with a mallet, including ''smacking one of them into outer space''. Later, after it's discovered that the congregation has a Foundation-proof forcefield that instantly kills any personnel who cross it, the bird is seen dancing on the wreckage of a helicopter before ''flying away''. Finally, during another incident where the Foundation was trying to deal with an extradimensional cult, the bird suddenly showed up, killed everybody there with his mallet (including the guy they were sacrificing) before flipping off one of the cameras.

--> '''O5-13''': I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR SPIRIT TO BE IRREPARABLY SHATTERED, FIVE.

--> '''O5-13''': NAMES. ADDRESSES. I'LL HANDLE THE LOUD MOUTHS.

-->'''O5-1''': Dead.\\

-->'''O5-2''': Sorry, Nine. I have nothing against orangutans but I see why I made the choice I did. It would just slow you down.

--> '''Researcher John Azniok''': I'm a pasty, 130-pound white dude, you cocksucker.\\

** When tested on a longplay of ''VideoGame/PizzaTower'', A giant spaceship ("☽☽☽ TACTICAL PIZZA CRUSHER") flies down from the sky [[DisproportionateRetribution and obliterates]] ''[[DisproportionateRetribution Peppino's Pizza]]'' [[DisproportionateRetribution with a nuclear laser]], [[OverlyLongScream Cue Peppino's Screaming for the rest of the recording, Even continuing past the SCP-3922 end title card.]]

** "Bludgeoning, but the puppy is only to be hit exactly 7 times, and once this is completed, exactly 33.55 kg of Kingsford brand charcoal is to be placed on the puppy. 3 Samsung Galaxy s6 mobile phones are to be placed around the puppy in a triangular formation, and each phone is to have both "Premium Tetris" and "Dog Barking Translator" installed on them. Once this is done, put a thermonuclear bomb inside the machine that is exactly 3 cm in width and 10 cm in height, and it is to be placed on the second Samsung Galaxy s6 placed in there. It is to be detonated using a functioning remote control made entirely out of sausages." ''It's already been done''.

'''M.L.''': Took you long enough! It's been hours. I've had to [[ADateWithRosiePalms masturbate]] to pass the time!\\

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4960 SCP-4960]] is Kedesh-Nanaya, an ancient Sumerian sex and fertility goddess associated with eroticism and sexual pleasure. The Foundation utilizes her by seeking her knowledge about supernatural phenomena to assist in containing the anomalies they encounter. The problem is she enters a dormant state and can only stay awake if enough people are worshiping her, "worship" here being defined as...well, as [[ADateWithRosiePalms deriving great personal enjoyment from her visage]]. The humor comes in how the Foundation engenders her favor: after requiring Foundation personnel to participate in "worship" stopped being enough to keep her at full strength, ''they opted to start anonymously distributing pornography featuring her likeness online'' to trick civilians into "worshiping" her, ultimately culminating in a ''series of hentai [=OVAs=]'', the circulation of which has had the following effect:

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7169 SCP-7169]]. A planet joins Tinder and gets matched with a Foundation janitor. They get into ''planetary dirty talk''.
* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7399 SCP-7399]]. RAISA contacts Site-333 about why they haven't submitted their annual records. What follows is their desperate attempts to cover up the fact that they are probably the most unprofessional site in the Foundation, and it's all hilarious.

** Testing on ''Film/DieHard'' results in Hans Gruber tricking the LAPD into believing that the SCP-3922-A instances are {{Right Wing Militia Fanatic}}s, leading to a firefight that ends with only 5 3922-As remaining alive. John [=McClane=] then convinces the police that the 3922-As are on their side, and the film ends with the 3922-As taking out Gruber's men while John confronts Gruber and rescues the hostages. One researcher says that [[BetterThanCanon this may be better than the original film]], to which another researcher responds "Heresy."

* [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-2941 SCP-2941]] has some of the most [[KafkaKomedy hilariously mean]] containment procedures on the site. The Foundation has to make a bunch of adorable fruit people miserable or else they'll grow out of control, so they have to do things like call a melon a "hideous cube" and finger-flick a peach repeatedly while counting how many times they were able to do so. A D-Class ruins things by saying the researcher in care of the SCP has [[GagBoobs "some nice round melons"]], which leads to the instantaneous death of him and several other people when the melon SCP-2941-3 suddenly grows ridiculously huge.

** A tape containing 10 minutes of commercials for a supermarket chain turns into 10 minutes of "commercials" for "[[Art/OmegaMart OmegaMart]]," which advertise multiple anomalous objects, and show many strange events.