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* From The Spy Who Shagged Me:
-->'''Random Henchman''': Mama!
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-->'''Daughter''': What do you mean, dad?

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-->'''Daughter''': -->'''Kelly''': What do you mean, dad?



-->'''Son''': You know, the [[OverlyLongGag f***ing]] joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--

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-->'''Son''': -->'''Jack''': You know, the [[OverlyLongGag f***ing]] joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--
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* The entire original [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim "Why don't you just shoot him?"]] conversation.

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* The entire original [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim [[StatingTheSimpleSolution "Why don't you just shoot him?"]] conversation.
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* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27meg0YfEU The ''JerrySpringer'' appearance.]]

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* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27meg0YfEU The The]] ''JerrySpringer'' appearance.]]
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* {[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27meg0YfEU The]] ''JerrySpringer'' appearance.

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* {[http://www.[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27meg0YfEU The]] The ''JerrySpringer'' appearance.]]
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* {[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27meg0YfEU The ''JerrySpringer'' appearance.]]

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* {[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27meg0YfEU The The]] ''JerrySpringer'' appearance.]]
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-->'''Dr. Evil:'''Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

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-->'''Dr. Evil:'''Very Evil:''' Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

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* The group therapy session.

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* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMIDpJ8H7H0 The group therapy session.session]].
** Dr Evil's description of his childhood especially:
-->'''Dr. Evil:''' The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
-->'''Therapist(Carrie Fisher):''' Oh no, please, please, let's hear about your childhood.
-->'''Dr. Evil:'''Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
-->'''Therapist:''' You know, we have to stop.



* The ''JerrySpringer'' appearance.

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* {[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w27meg0YfEU The ''JerrySpringer'' appearance.]]


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* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9H4prE95LE0 When]] Austin uses his inherent sexiness to make several Fembots' [[YourHeadASplode heads explode]].
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-->'''Chinese Teacher:''' Wang! pay attention.

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-->'''Chinese Teacher:''' Wang! pay Pay attention.
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* The wonderful scene in Goldmember when Austin "rescues" his father from four girls at Goldmember's party. HilarityEnsues. (Subtitles are in parentheses)
-->'''Austin''': What's wrong with your neck?
-->'''Nigel''': I took a Viagra and it got stuck in my throat. I've had a stiff neck for hours.
-->'''Both''': Ah thank you!
-->'''Austin''': Listen, Dad, if you ''are'' going to talk about naughty things in front of these American girls, then at least speak ''English'' English.
-->'''Nigel''': All right, my son. I could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China. (I was about to make love to this pretty girl.)
-->'''Austin''': Are you telling pork-pies and a bag of trout? (Is this true?) Because if you are feeling quigly why not just have a J. Arthur? (If you were aroused, why didn't you pleasure yourself?)
-->'''Nigel''': What, billy no mates? (What, alone?)
-->'''Austin''': Too right, youth. (Indeed.)
-->'''Nigel''': Don't you remember the Crimbo din-din we had with the grotty Scots bint? (Remember Christmas dinner with the Scottish girl?)
-->'''Austin''': Oh, the one who was all sixes and sevens. (The insane one?)
-->'''Nigel''': Yes, yes yes she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer that lived up the apples and pears! (She was the wife of the dancer that lived upstairs.)
-->'''Austin''': And she was the barrister that became a bobby in a lorry, (She was a lawyer who became a policeman in a truck...)
-->'''Both''': ??????? (??????) ?????...tea kettle. (????...tea kettle) and then she, she she shat on a turtle!
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* This is repeated in Goldmember with a satellite that looks like a pair of breasts:
-->'''Radar Operator''': Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.
-->'''Colonel''': Which one?
-->'''Radar Operator''': The one that looks like a pair of--
-->'''Hot Storekeeper''': Melons! [''holds up two cantaloupes''] Big juicy melons!
-->'''Random Passerby''': Are they nice and firm?
-->'''Hot Storekeeper''': What do you think?
-->'''Random Passerby''': [''points into the sky''] Look at that! It looks like a giant set of--
-->'''Sports Fans''': [''Yelling and cheering; four of their chests spell "TITS"]
-->'''T''': Hey, men, you're late.
--> [''Two more men with "A" and "N" on their chests walk in and go between the "T" and the "S". The chests now spell "TITANS".'']
-->'''Sports Fans''': [''More yelling and cheering'']
-->'''One Fan''': Check it out! Those remind me of--
-->'''Ozzy Osbourne''': Boobs! [''Watching the game on television'']
-->'''Sharon''': Boobs, Ozzy?
-->'''Ozzy''': These filmmakers are [[PrecisionFStrike f***ing]] boobs.
-->'''Daughter''': What do you mean, dad?
-->'''Ozzy''': Well, they're using the same f***ing joke as they did in the [[LampshadeHanging last Austin]] [[NoFourthWall Powers movie]].
-->'''Sharon''': What f***ing joke?
-->'''Son''': You know, the [[OverlyLongGag f***ing]] joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--
-->'''Colonel''': Johnson! Any sign of that satellite?
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* After finding out that Number 2 failed to get laser-armed sharks....
-->'''Dr. Evil:''' You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with ''frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!'' Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can not be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here. Alright, what ''do'' we have?
-->'''Number 2:''' Sea bass.
-->'''Dr. Evil:''' .....Riiiiight.
-->'''Number 2:''' They're ''mutated'' sea bass.
-->'''Dr. Evil:''' Oh, really? Are they ill tempered?
-->'''Number 2:''' Oh yes.
-->'''Dr. Evil:''' Well, it's a start.
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* "She looks like she's been hit with an ugly stick!"
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-->'''Masi Oka:''' It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws - it's not.

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-->'''Masi Oka:''' -->'''MasiOka:''' It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws - it's not.



-->'''Masi Oka:''' Though it isn't. [[AsideGlance {winks at camera}]]

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-->'''Masi Oka:''' -->'''MasiOka:''' Though it isn't. [[AsideGlance {winks at camera}]]
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-->'''Baseball Umpire:''' Two balls.

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-->'''Baseball Umpire:''' Two balls. balls!



-->'''Chinese Teacher:''' Wang. pay attention.

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-->'''Chinese Teacher:''' Wang. Wang! pay attention.



-->'''Willie:''' Yeah?
-->'''Willie Nelson:''' What's that?
-->'''Willie:''' (squints) Well, that looks like a huge...

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-->'''Willie:''' -->'''WillieNelson:''' Yeah?
-->'''Willie Nelson:''' -->'''Musician:''' What's that?
-->'''Willie:''' -->'''WillieNelson:''' (squints) Well, that looks like a huge...
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-->'''Army Sergeant:''' Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...

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-->'''Army Sergeant:''' Privates. [[NoIndoorVoice Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. object!]] It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...
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-->'''Bird-Watching Woman:''' Pecker.

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-->'''Bird-Watching Woman:''' Pecker. Pecker!
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** ''AMVHell 4'' made this even funny by combining it with a clip from ''The End of [[NeonGenesisEvangelion Evangelion]]'' where a man gets horribly burnt and then shot.

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** ''AMVHell 4'' made this even funny funnier by combining it with a clip from ''The End of [[NeonGenesisEvangelion Evangelion]]'' where a man gets horribly burnt and then shot.
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* Austin just can't resist saying the word [[TheMole "mole"]], [[OverlyLongGag can he]]?

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* Austin just [[SammysGlassEye can't resist saying saying]] the word [[TheMole "mole"]], [[OverlyLongGag can he]]?
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* "FIRST THINGS FIRST -- WHERE'S YA SHITTER? I GOT A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT THAT COULD CHOKE A DONKEY!"

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* "FIRST THINGS FIRST -- WHERE'S YA SHITTER? I GOT A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT THAT COULD CHOKE A DONKEY!"OUT!... I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey!"
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* "You may be a cunning linguist, but ''I'm'' a master debator."
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* The lab after finding Fat Bastard's...[[{{Squick}} stool sample]]...
-->'''Austin''': ''(takes a sniff of what he thinks is coffee)'' Phew! Basil, this coffee smells like shit!\\
''(The camera follows Basil's gaze to the pot, which is labeled [[AC:Fat Bastard Stool Sample]])''\\
'''Basil''': ...it ''is'' [[ExactWords shit]], Austin.\\
'''Austin''': Oh good, then it's not just me. ''(chuckles, then takes a sip)'' ...it's a bit nutty.
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-->'''Nigel Powers:''' My word! You're a [[BiggusDickus tripod]]. What you been feeding that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!

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-->'''Nigel Powers:''' My word! You're a [[BiggusDickus [[BiggerIsBetterInBed tripod]]. What you been feeding that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!
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* Dr. Evil proves he's hip by doing the Macarena.
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-->'''Scott:''' I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
-->'''Dr. Evil:''' An evil vet?
-->'''Scott:''' No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
-->'''Dr. Evil:''' An evil petting zoo?
-->'''Scott:''' You always do that!
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** ''AMVHell 4'' made this even more win by combining it with a clip from ''The End of [[NeonGenesisEvangelion Evangelion]]'' where a man gets horribly burnt and then shot.

to:

** ''AMVHell 4'' made this even more win funny by combining it with a clip from ''The End of [[NeonGenesisEvangelion Evangelion]]'' where a man gets horribly burnt and then shot.
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* When Austin gets back his stuff after being reanimated:
-->'''Clerk:''' One blue, crushed velvet suit.
-->'''Austin:''' Hey, all right!
-->'''Clerk:''' One frilly, lace cravet.
-->'''Austin:''' There it is!
-->'''Clerk:''' One silver medallion with male symbol. One pair of Italian boots.
-->'''Austin:''' Bon giorno, boys.
-->'''Clerk:''' One vinyl record album. Burt Bacharach plays his hits.
-->'''Austin:''' Right, yeah.
-->'''Clerk:''' One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.
-->'''Austin:''' ''(to Vanessa)'' That's not mine.
-->'''Clerk:''' One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
-->'''Austin:''' I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine.
-->'''Clerk:''' One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
-->'''Austin:''' I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
-->'''Clerk:''' One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby", by Austin Powers.
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* "FIRST THINGS FIRST -- WHERE'S YA SHITTER? I GOT A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT THAT COULD JOKE A DONKEY!"

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* "FIRST THINGS FIRST -- WHERE'S YA SHITTER? I GOT A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT THAT COULD JOKE CHOKE A DONKEY!"
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* "FIRST THINGS FIRST -- WHERE'S YA SHITTER?"

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* "FIRST THINGS FIRST -- WHERE'S YA SHITTER?"SHITTER? I GOT A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT THAT COULD JOKE A DONKEY!"
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-->(Mini-Me nods, smiling)

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-->(Mini-Me nods, smiling)smiling, then does just that)

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