All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

"So, Shermy, Lyman, Zeppo, Lunch, Arisa, Suzuka, you, Madoka and Sakurako walk into a bar..." Haruna said.

Misa frowned, waiting for the end of it, and when it didn't come, she asked, "And the punchline is...?"

Haruna grinned. "Who cares?"

Misa punched her in the nose.

As Ryouga finished the final handseal for the Hiriashin no Jutsu, he felt the teleportation take effect. And suddenly he could see Tora, claws extended, lashing out toward an unaware Naruto. Ryouga whipped his hands together into the first handseal for the Kawarimi no Jutsu before realizing there wouldn't be time to use the handseals for the technique. Clenching his hands into fists, Ryouga drew them back, even as he forced his chakra through the replacement technique through sheer force of will. And then, with a loud poof and a large burst of smoke, Naruto was safely deposited where Ryouga had initially landed and Ryouga was the one beneath Tora's descending claws.

CRACK!

With a vicious uppercut to the monstrous cat's center toe, Ryouga brought the slash to a halt. Not giving the cat any time to react, he rushed toward the next closest limb, lashing out with a haymaker. And then to the next limb. And then to the next.

Having located his prey, despite still not being able to see or hear thanks to Chamo's flash bang, a very much enraged Tora spread his claws on his left foreleg and swiped. But instead of the sensation of his claws sinking into a small child that he'd expected, a sudden pain spiked through his foot. With a yelp of surprise, Tora withdrew his paw, now sporting a broken toe.

The scent before him had abruptly changed. Before the massive cat had time to make sense of what that meant, a second pain stabbed its way into his right foreleg just behind the paw, and Tora jerked it from the ground in pain as well. Raising himself to his hind legs, Tora made an awkward hop backwards, blinking furiously in a futile attempt to accelerate the recovery of his vision. Despite his efforts, Tora still wasn't able to spot more than a blur of motion before one of his hind legs was kicked out from under him. The cat suddenly found himself precariously balanced on one leg before that too was bashed aside. With a crash, Tora landed in a heap. Right on top of his attacker.

Biting pain in his side quickly informed the gargantuan cat that this was not somewhere he wanted to be, and he promptly rolled away, swiping blindly at where he'd just been laying with his tail. A painful pinch at the end informed him that something had just grabbed it. Or perhaps bitten down on it. Deciding to repay the favor, Tora spun around and pinned whatever it was that was on his tail with his right paw, before sinking his teeth into... his own tail and a log. Recoiling in pain, Tora landed back on his feet before letting out a yowl of pain and jerking his left foreleg from the ground as the nerves in his foot reminded him that he had a broken toe. It was at this point that Tora began to consider fleeing from the scene like a terrified kitten.

...Er, I mean tactically retreating until he could see again. Don't look at me like that. I'm the narrator, you can't interact with me. Seriously, stop it, you're ruining the story. Okay, fine, be that way, Tora. Let's see how you like this.

Suddenly, Tora's world exploded into pain, and the gigantic cat let out a howl of agony. Dimly, he felt himself landing on something, but it was muted, a vague sensation hidden behind the veil of pain that had suddenly engulfed his torso. Something told Tora he should be trying to run, and the cat attempted to struggle to his feet, only for a second burst of pain to spike through him. Again, the cat tried to rise to his feet. Unfortunately, his limbs apparently no longer felt the need to listen to him, and Tora could do little more than lie senseless on the ground as spasms of agony ran through him. Suddenly, the pain in his side spiked again, and his senses began to return to him. Slowly, he became aware of someone talking to him, and his vision began to clear. Wait... “You... look familiar...”

Sakura watched in horror as Naruto failed to comprehend her warning. And then Ryouga was there, a large, loud burst of smoke signifying that he'd just performed a rather chakra excessive replacement with Naruto. And Sakura watched as her sensei furiously tore into the monster cat that had once been Tora.

At one point, Tora fell on him, and Sakura momentarily thought that the fight had been brought to an end, but the cat abruptly rolled away like it had landed on a massive tack, and Ryouga continued attacking it unhindered.

And then a massive blast of green light sent the gargantuan cat sprawling.

“Whoa,” yelped Ryouga, having just barely avoided being caught in the blast himself. Taking a step back, he suddenly looked off to his side. Following his gaze, Sakura's eyes widened in horror.

From where the blast had originated stood the green ranger, clutching a short black and green dagger with yellow runes running along the blade. Judging by the way he was holding it, the blast had originated from the dagger, or perhaps been channeled through it. Lowering the blade to his side, the Green Ranger began walking toward the downed monster cat. “Hello Tora,” he said in his distorted voice.

Instead of responding, the cat began struggling to his feet. Faster than Sakura's eyes could track, the Green Ranger whipped the dagger toward the cat, and a second blast of green light sent the cat crashing back to the ground. This time, he didn't get back up.

“Now now, none of that.” Once more lowering the dagger, the Green Ranger continued walking towards the cat, fastening his weapon to his belt as he walked. Ignoring the confused Ryouga, the evil power ranger gestured toward the downed monster cat. “You know, my master tells me it's been quite some time since anyone was stupid enough to try feeding on her magical energy. And then you come along. Not only do you flee in battle against her direct orders, but instead of leaving things be, you start tapping into her powers whenever you feel like killing something.” The ranger's hands abruptly clenched into fists, and he slammed a kick into the injured monster-cat's side. “Not a smart move, kitty.”

From the corner of her eye, Sakura could see Naruto and Negi watching the whole thing as Negi hovered on his staff. Initially, the small boy had looked overjoyed, but now he mostly looked conflicted. What's the matter? Finally realizing he's not one of the Power Rangers you were sent to spy on? However, that line of thought was interrupted as Tora began to stir once more.

“You... You look familiar...” grunted the cat.

“I rather expect I should,” replied the Green Ranger. “After all, I'm wearing the same style costume as the people you were supposed to eliminate. Instead of running away like a cowardly mouse.”

“Why...” Tora cut off to groan, then tried again. “Why are you here?”

“Were you not listening?” asked the Green Ranger incredulously. “I'm here because you, a simple house cat gifted with power for the sake of defeating the Power Rangers, decided instead to steal magical power from Rita Repulsa, the greatest conqueror this planet has seen in ten thousand years!”

At that, Negi looked downright alarmed. Ryouga and Naruto continued to look confused.

“So you're here to kill me?” asked the monster cat.

“Actually,” said the Green Ranger, as he raised his empty hand, “I'm here to take back that which was never yours to begin with.” Abruptly, a small clay pot materialized in the evil Power Ranger's hand. “After I've gotten that, you can go back to your life as the Fire Daimyo's pet for all I care.” Tora's eyes widened in desperation. And the giant cat MOVED.

For all of a few feet before collapsing back to the ground and letting out a strangled squeaking noise.

“You aren't going anywhere in your condition,” muttered the Green Ranger as he lifted the lid off the pot. “Why do you think I blasted you before I started talking?”

The monstrous cat suddenly started convulsing, and something came out of him, leaving the original Tora twitching on the ground. As the thing flew into the pot, the Green Ranger replaced the lid, and the pot vanished just as suddenly as it had appeared.

Ryouga looked down at Tora, then back at the Green Ranger. “So, uh, thanks for the help?” said Ryouga, though he made it sound like a question than a legitimate expression of gratitude.

“Don't thank me,” replied the Green Ranger casually. “I wasn't here to save you, I was here to stop a thief at the request of my master. And at the request of my master, I'm also about to kill one of your genin.”

Before he'd even finished the word genin, the Green Ranger had already started rushing her. By the time Sakura had comprehended what happened, the green-clad villain had closed over half the distance between them. Then, just before he reached her, the Green Ranger jerked, as if struck by an invisible blow, and he slid to the side. This was just enough of a delay for Ryouga to reach him, and the jounin tackled him to the ground from behind.

Naruto gaped in surprise, eyes locked on Negi's outstretched hand, and Negi inwardly cursed. But not outwardly. Gentlemen had to hold themselves to certain standards, after all.

Before Naruto could ask how he'd attacked the assassin from that distance, or how he was hovering in midair, or what 'flans exarmatio' meant, Negi dropped to the ground and turned to his orange-clad teammate. “Quick, make a bunch of shadow clones and transform one into Sakura, then replace her with it!”

“Uh, right!” Naruto said, and put word to deed. Before the smoke from the shadow clones had cleared, one of the dozen shadow clones was already going through the handseals for the transformation technique.

Hopefully that will distract Naruto enough that by the time this is over, he'll have forgotten about me flying or casting spells. I hate to admit it, but it's times like these that I'm glad Naruto's not the sharpest kunai in the set.

“Henge no Jutsu!” yelled Naruto, and in a second puff of smoke, it turned into Sakura.

And it's times like these that I wish Naruto didn't yell out every technique he performs as he does them, thought Negi. Hopefully the Green Power Ranger was too occupied to notice. However, the deed was done, and Naruto was already going through the handseals for the replacement technique.

“Kawarimi no Jutsu!”

And Sakura was back.

“Quick, transform into Naruto,” commanded Negi.

“Uh, right,” said Sakura. “Henge no Jutsu!”

Negi didn't facepalm, as that would not be the gentlemanly thing to do. “Okay Narutos, make a defensive circle around us. Sakura, stay close. We'll keep that fake Power Ranger from catching you.”

“Wait!” said Chamo. “Naruto, keep one of the clones in the circle. Sakura, Naruto, join the clones, but keep to the back of the circle. If that green guy comes after us, pretend to be part of the guard, but try to slip away when you get the chance. Bro, get a delayed sp-... uh... get ready to swap with one of the clones?”

Negi promptly transformed into Naruto.

Ryouga stifled a grunt of pain as his green-clad opponent slipped another blow through his defenses. The jounin had quickly discovered that the Green Ranger could strike with enough force to hurt him, despite his iron-like constitution. Furthermore, trying to hit his opponent was like trying to hit Ranma. The guy moved with a speed he hadn't seen from anyone else since arriving in the elemental nations and could casually dodge attacks even while staying close enough to land his own.

Unlike Ranma, however, the Green Ranger seemed to like to keep the pressure on. The entire fight had been a furious exchange of blows, interspersed with the occasional grappling match, and Ryouga hadn't even had time to ditch his backpack. But that was fine. If nothing else, Hibiki Ryouga wouldn't back down from a slugging match. With a snarl, Ryouga surged forward, swinging a haymaker at his opponent's helmet. The Green Ranger dodged both the haymaker, and Ryouga reversed it into an elbow strike. However, the ranger spun out of the way, using his momentum to drive a hook to Ryouga's face. And then Ryouga saw his opening.

As the hook slammed home, the Green Ranger stopped, just for an instant. And Ryouga used that instant to slam his knee to the ranger's stomach. The blow seemed to stun the evil Power Ranger, and Ryouga was certain he heard a cry of pain. Not missing his chance, Ryouga swiftly grabbed him by the helmet and slammed that into his knee as well. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten to take account of the fact that the Green Ranger was, in fact, wearing a helmet, and the blow did little damage. Instead, it gave the ranger time to recover, and he slammed a palm strike into Ryouga's stomach. And suddenly, Ryouga felt like someone had filled his innards with fire.

Gasping in pain, Ryouga dropped to his knees and began dry-heaving. The Green Ranger immediately retreated backwards, sinking to his knees and clutching his stomach in pain. What the hell is this? thought the Green Ranger incredulously. The Power Rangers can't do crap against me, but some random ninja can bring me to my knees in one hit?! Unbeknownst to him, Ryouga was having rather similar thoughts.

What the hell is wrong with me? I'm so pathetic. I'm supposed to be a jounin of Konoha, the strongest of the hidden villages, and I can't even stop some random lunatic sent to kill a genin. And not just any genin, one of my genin. I'm failing them. Sakura is going to die. And probably Naruto and Negi, too. And there's nothing I can do to stop it. At this rate, I'm probably not even going to live long enough to see this asshole do it.

“Fuck this,” growled the Green Ranger, reaching for his dagger. Suddenly, Ryouga sat up, his hands cupped together, a green-blue glow burning in the center of them.

“SHISHI HOKODAN!”

“OH YOU PIECE OF SHI-” In a blast of viridian light, the Green Ranger was sent flying into the forest.

Sakura gasped in surprise. Holy crap! He did it! How the hell did that even happen? However, before the girl had time to celebrate not dying at the hands of what had formerly appeared to be an implacable foe, Ryouga collapsed to the ground, spasmed, and once again began dry-heaving. “SENSEI!”

“-IIIIIIIIT!” With a crash, the Green Ranger landed, deep in the woods, bouncing off the ground twice before coming to an abrupt stop as he slammed into a tree. “Ow,” said the Green Ranger flatly, before trying to sit up. “Damn rocks,” he muttered. “Can't even crash-land in the middle of a forest after being blasted by some sort of knockoff of my own attack without...” The Green Ranger paused as he took sight of what he'd landed on. “No way. It can't possibly be this easy.” But it was. And so, it was with great surprise that the Green Ranger picked up Sakura's morpher.