Your group's jokes.

Players: RETCON!! (Take a drink!)

Which, after the logical issues with this action were pointed out, mutated into

Players: RETCON!! (Pantomime throwing up their drinks back into their glasses)

Apparently I'm the Fountain of Memes for my group. We have three jokes:

• Bob the Cleric: One of our first campaigns (I was DM) had the party riding in a carriage towards a fancy mansion after clearing their first dungeon. I wanted the players to share their backstories, but I wasn't so good at the "subtlety" part. The carriage driver turns around and says, "Hi, I'm Bob. I like backstories. Tell me yours and I won't drive this carriage off a cliff." When our party's instigator attempted to attack him, I informed the player that he was actually a level 21 cleric and could crush him like a bug. Bob became an instant favorite with my group, returning as another high-level priest of Kord in another campaign setting where he punches canker fever in the face. Canker fever is a disease.
• Expanding our Continent: In another campaign, I was playing a Large Ham Neutral Good dragonborn bard. We were in a boat and arrived at a small island. I went up to some natives, who were wary about my party's motives. I said we wanted to expand our country, except my tongue slipped and said "we're here to expand our continent". I caught myself with, "you see that big rope tied to our ship?"
• The party's warden has an int of 8. The party (including the player in question) likes to portray him as a complete moron. His name is Lo-Key, and is often pronounced "Loooooooohhhhh...keeeeeeyyyyy."

edited 7th Sep '10 9:29:13 AM by Magus

Reading this thread, I want to be in an English-language DnD group so badly. German just doesn't have the capacity for that kind of humor. ._.

Faw, do you know how hard it is to translate some puns to English? I had to can the one based on similarity of the Polish word for "horse" and the Kuni family name from Legend Of The Five Rings, even though it sent half the party laughing under the table!

Oh, also Osaka's "I use Origami" on everything while playing Asuka in L 5 R.

edited 7th Sep '10 12:43:46 PM by NotSoBadassLongcoat

"what the complete, unabridged, 4k ultra HD fuck with bonus features" - Mark Von Lewis

Surely German has its own forms of wordplay, right? I cannot conceive of a language without wordplay.

Of course there's wordplay... I dunno, humor's just different here, mostly due to a relative lack of pop-culture. I hung around too much in primarily American forums and now my sense of humor is all out of tune with my peers, it's horrible!

My group has a few of the obvious ones - "I GOT A FOUR!" and responding to "I didn't expect [thing]" with "No-one expects the Spanish [thing]!" but there are a couple that are deep in-jokes:

1. Confronted with any puzzle or riddle, to say "At least it's not a goose in a bottle!", which was a diabolically illogical logic puzzle from years ago.

2. Attacking, without hesitation or regard for storyline consequences, any short jugglers, crying "Death to Popple!" (Popple was a deeply annoying gnome NPC who juggled. We hated him with a fiery burning passion. The game in which he lived (and died) ended ages ago, but still, we watch for him with unceasing vigilance)

3. Prompting the DM to make Fort saves for the monsters, against being "blinded by the Pure Awesomeness!"

4. Knock, knock. Who's there? Roland. Roland who? Roland 'nitiative

EDIT I missed one! Whenever anyone rolls a one or a twenty, particularly if they roll a one and then a twenty (or vice versa), the group immediately claims this as proof of their theory that dice have memory. They do this because they know such blatant disregard of logic causes me physical pain.

edited 10th Sep '10 6:33:35 AM by DeltaOne

Overkill is underrated

Back when I had a group, "to pull a Steve" was to remind the DM about something horrible that he was within the rules to do to us but forgot about. I learned this when I pointed out he hadn't forced my fellow party members to roll saving throws for their gear.

Ironically, the DM at the time was Steve.

I haven't known true fear in a very, very long time.

... Dear god, I think my philosophy teacher asked that to our class of four along the end of the last year of school.

... I never did find the answer.

@Longcoat: let me guess: it was that kind of joke, of which the English analogy would be about choking a member of ["chicken"] Family?

Anyway, there is that one Running Joke, but we play rarely and don't have a fixed group, so only person I can consistently share it with is my bro.

Once upon a time, we were creating his character for a Fading Suns game. The game's got a Point Build System, and the character creation is either by adding up all the N+1 points, or taking the short-cut and using the templates. My bro wanted to play a diplomat/courtier from a minor noble house, so we went for the nobleman-landless-diplomat templates with occasional modifications when something didn't suit our vision of the character.

I have no idea how, but these "occasional modifications" left us with a behemoth of over two meters of height and maxed-out physical stats, running around in a Powered Armour, swinging a huge hammer and as if that weren't enough, with Psychic Powers to go Palpatine.

Of course, any and all social skills were totally dumpstatted.

Since then the name's been used several times in video games, with similar results. Now we joke that any character named Avanidius will inevitably be The Juggernaut.

edited 12th Sep '10 12:05:28 PM by lordGacek

"Atheism is the religion whose followers are easiest to troll"

@Faw

We were presented with a live goose in a glass bottle. The riddle was: How did the goose get in the bottle?

The actual solution was: There is no way for the goose to be in the bottle. Therefore, it is not real. Therefore, you can disbelieve the illusion surrounding the magic key.

We were given no clues, no instruction, no direction. Attempts at commune or other divination magic failed. Intelligence and Wisdom checks didn't help.

Deducing this utterly unexpected answer took FOUR HOURS. One player had to be physically restrained from attacking the DM when the solution was revealed. To this day, we've never forgiven him (the DM, that is.)

Overkill is underrated

Ahaha, I guess it wasn't the koan I was thinking of. Ouch.

No. It happened twice, once as an offhand meme "Nie mogę wam pomóc, jestem Kunim" (for everyone else: "I can't help you, I'm a Kuni" - there's an absurd webcomic strip that ends with "I can't help you, I'm a horse"), and second time as "Popatrz brachu, rodzina Kuni, a podróżują... bez kuni." (for everyone else: "Hey bro, look: they're named Kuni, but traveling... without horses.").

"what the complete, unabridged, 4k ultra HD fuck with bonus features" - Mark Von Lewis

^^^ What.

WHAT.

Your GM threw a blindingly stupid logic puzzle at you and let you spend 4 hours trying to figure it out? No. NO! Bad GM. Throw some ninjas at the players if they spend more than an hour staring at something and not getting it right.

That would be the worst single session I have ever heard of. And I've read that FATAL post.

^Agreed. A good DM doesn't create bottlenecks like these. Logic puzzles should always be optional, or there should at least be a way for the players to collect clues then and there.

Seriously, four hours? I would have killed the DM after the first hour.

Waaaaaay back when my friends and I were playing Hero Quest, our DMZargon neglected to tell us that his BalrogGargoyle had a spell that could shoot diagonally until he used it to take out our Barbarian.

I guess it serves him right for hiding in the corner like that, but that didn't stop us from giving him crap about it every time we gamed after. It's been about ten years and we still watch our angles around that guy.

As gaming jokes go, it's pretty weak on its own. The joy comes when it becomes a performance art, like when we all surreptitiously shift to keep from standing diagonally to him until he notices.

Last D&D4e session, our party entered a new city. Pretty much par routine, we immidiately made a streetwise check. We rolled well, and the DM told us that the citizens were pretty excited about a really good bard that recently entered the city.

I pretty much decided to act all genre savvy on that, and declared out of character that the bard must be evil because Conservation of Detail. We already were on a huge quest, so he couldn't be a plothook. Ergo, the bard was evil.

After two hours of acting paranoid in any situation in which a bard MIGHT be involved, the DM told us that he only made that shit about the bard up for the sake of random flavor. Our party does not intent to fall for that, and will continue to blame everything on the bard. Because it's funny.

edited 20th Sep '10 1:35:12 PM by Kayeka

^^^The worst session I've ever been in was a puzzle that took a good two hours to solve...while only two of the party members were present. The other four of us were waiting around outside for the scouting party to get back. And two of us were tied up.

Some of our jokes:

Ranger: Who are you?

Ninja: We met in the stadium, remember? Your bat saw me.

Ranger: Oh. You look different when you're not invisible.

And my favorite:

"Let's just run in there commando-style!"

"What, with no underwear on?"

edited 22nd Sep '10 11:41:24 AM by jewelleddragon

Also, the Sphere of Ultimate Destruction is an instant kill if you fail your save and a very small amount of damage if you make it.

And high-level characters virtually always make the save.

So we call it the Sphere of Mild Discomfort.

Some of my group's old gags...

The Gilligan: When running games, I would keep a three foot section of lime-green Fun Noodle near my chair with "HEY LI'L FUCKER!" written on it in sharpie. Whenever a player would get out of line (interrupt the GM, try something irredeemably stupid, start whining, etc.) I would shout, "Gilligan!" and give them a belt upside the brain-box with it. "Getting the Gilligan" became synonymous with a big screwup.

Note: no GM should be without a big green stick.

"EEP! EEP!": There was a Vampire storyteller I gamed with who absolutely DESPISED it when people broke the mood by speaking OOC. Well, he ran game for twenty hours one time and started to get a little punchy. During a particularly tense scene of running combat, he fumbled a description and said that the blood was "eeping from your wounds." That shattered the mood into tiny bits as we all started chiming in with "EEP! EEP!" Needless to say the mood was irretrievably broken, and an "EEP" became roughly equivalent to "Narm" in my group's parlance.

"Poopy-Bullshit": Our group's description for metagaming.

"Sputch": Used to describe a character who either A: died in a spectacularly gory fashion or B: was killed because the GM wanted him dead. Used as a verb ("he got sputched"). A "Storyteller Sputch-Stick" was also a description for a scene/NPC designed to kill characters.

"Penis Player": Our term for a munchkin, used because such people seem to do their R Ping with their dick on the table. Also, because our group did a lot of MET LAR Ping, and the Rock-Paper-Scissors action to resolve challenges looks a lot like another thing gamers do on a regular basis (usually while watching porn).

There are more, I'll edit this post when I remember them. I'm long out of the game at this point.

EDIT: "Screwdriver-up" We liked mixing a giant vat of screwdrivers when gaming (vodka + orange juice)...well, sometimes people would partake too heavily and their gaming actions would suffer. A "Screwdriverup" was a stupid IC decision made due to too much OOC libation.

edited 7th Oct '10 2:01:17 PM by drunkscriblerian

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

The running gags/Group terms:

The most infamous term our group came up with was the Flare Fireball, shortened and verbed to "Flaring" a roll.

The story goes that years ago (Probably over fifteen years ago at this point) one player had an infamous arrogant mage called Flare. His death came about when he cast a fireball at a dragon he suspected of eating their horses. He rolled a huge handfulof D6's,... and they all came out as 1's, with a few 2's. Dragon breathed acid in reply, and the mage was no more.

Ever since then, our group uses the term Flare Fireball to refer to bad mass rolls. Technically, it should only involve when rolling large amounts of dice for damage, but it's expanded to healing spells or other similar effcts, and even just plain damage rolls. (Rolling a 1 on a D12, for instance.) The trick is any dice that measures quantity rather than success (So no D20 rolls, unless you're somehow rolling 20's for damage.)

This term has lasted for ages. It began in my hometown, before I even started gaming, and has slowly infected any table me and my friends game at. Even one of my newer friends mentioned that he's heard people use the term who have never heard of the character, so we've been spreading its influence.

It works quite well. "Aww, man, I flared that roll!"

---

Some minor running gags/references.

We begin nearly every game with "When we last left our heroes..." I'm sure lots of other groups do this, but still...

"The next morning you wake up... DEAD!" Fairly often after camping for the night. As in, the DM just saying it, not actually happening.

My halfling fighter's constant referring to the strange demon-creatures the Big Bad has created by the wrong names. They're called the Barak-Kai. Donovan keeps calling them the Barracudas, or the Barakas, or the Barometers.

References to the Knight blocking attacks, including fireballs, with his face.

---

Not running gags, but humorous instaces in our group.

So our DM was describing the scene, and said the smell in the dungeon corridor was very "Irony." One player tried to determine if we were smelling the dungeon, or the intelligent iron golem companion of ours. "So is it a rusted irony, or metal scraping metal irony?"

Me, being the wiseass, asks "Do you mean situational, or dramatic?"

(That's not the joke, though. Keep reading.)

Group facepalms, aforementioned player makes a move to hit me with a player's handbook, but doesn't go through with it. So the DM says "Anybody that hurts [Me] gets bonus XP."

Of course, that's the wrong thing to say to a point whore like me. So I begin beating the hell out of myself, punching myself in the jaw and the stomach. "Where's my XP, dammit!"

edited 9th Oct '10 7:47:19 PM by TriggerLoaded

Don't take life too seriously. It's only a temporary situation.

I really haven't had too many moments like that (mostly due to not having too many people to play D&D with, though playing 40K will be easier due to having a hobby shop that holds matches every Sunday), but one moment that I had found very funny was the "Potion of Cat". At first I had deduced that somehow the potion would be carrying a cat inside of it. It turned out just to be a regular old poison spelled by a drunken man. Later on in that same campaign, there was an actual "Potion of Cat". I found that very amusing.

Later on, when we completely botched the D&D thing and effectively turned it into a turned down Imperium (complete with sci-fi!) we ran into a team that we joined where we had to come up with a funny nickname. I used a gag that we used back during the original Halo Combat Evolved.

"Name's Jak Danylez." (for reference, every profile we made on Halo: Combat Evolved was invariably an alcoholic beverage with horrible spelling, like a drunkard).

The response was, "This kid's a natural!"

Still need More Dakka, and it's about time to start a real WAAAAAGH.

My 4eDnD group has a couple from Alex, the Rogue.

We use a battlemap and mini's, which Alex loves to move around. His Rogue got Tumble recently, and decided that whenever he used it he'd do a little song. He moves his piece around the field like he's flipping around, "Dunn-Duh- Dun DUDUH- Dun DUN DUH DUHHHHHH Dunun"

Also from Alex is the "Eff you, I'm a dragon, I'm a dragon" song. Which he sings anytime our Dragonborn does anything the least bit badass. Which comes from a Heroscape game we played where he got Mimring the Dragon on his team and proceeded to decimate us. "Eff you, I'm a dragon I'm a dragon, Eff you, I'm gonna move 8 hexes! Eff you, I breathe fire, in your faaace!"

I'm gonna introduce a meta-joke on next session of Vampire The Requiem and Werewolf The Forsaken. Both my characters (Shane and Lex) have high Crafts skill, which means they're pretty good at some things, including drawing. And both parties have people with high Academics, who can help me with... creating comics about the other campaign.

"what the complete, unabridged, 4k ultra HD fuck with bonus features" - Mark Von Lewis

Do it! Use it to justify Wealth! Have adventures just so you can tell stories about them!

CAPS LOCK IS RAGE!!!