I need some Memetic Badass One Liners

I'm writing up a character based on the Memetic Badass and Testosterone Poisoning tropes, and I need a few good (and clever) One Liners to give him. Other things for him to do that befits a Memetic Badass would also help.

To give a little background on the character, he's an Occult Detective Intrepid Reporter who's world is a Conspiracy Kitchen Sink and Fantasy Kitchen Sink of paranormal and supernatural events, goes up frequently against ninjas, pirates, zombies, robots, Nazi's, communists, ghosts, aliens and any combination of them, is an Insufferable Genius and a Jerk with a Heart of Gold who solves problems by punching them in the face... even when they don't have a face.

No, I'm not looking for Chuck Norris type feats. Implausible, but not impossible is my motto.

Examples of the types of one-liners I'm looking for:

• 'Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun'.
  • "What's that you got on your face? (Shovels dirt on deadite's face)
• 'I have come to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum'.
• 'AHHHHHH yourself.'

Some examples of Memetic Badass actions I've come up with:

• A duel to the death against two ninjas with flaming chainsaws.
• Swordfighting The Dragon while on fire atop a truck that's sinking into a pool of lava.
• Wrestling an anaconda and a gorilla at the same time on a Conveyor Belt of Doom.
• A mook holds him at gunpoint and demands that he relinquish his weapons. He responds by throwing his gun into the mook's crotch.
• He meets a few shady people, who try to intimidate him by flashing their guns at him. He responds by flashing his guns back at them, revealing that he is much better armed than they are.
• He crashes through a door because he doesn't have the patience to find the keys to it (which are very easily found and close by).
• He gets captured and is frisked by mooks. They pull one gun off of him, followed by another, followed by another, followed by another, followed by another, and so on and so forth. Yes, I know that Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and Pirates Of The Caribbean already did this. I don't care.
• Punches a shark to death, then cooks it and eats it.

Yes, I know I already have a thread on this, but I wasn't happy with the responses I got (no offense). I'm looking for sarcasm here. The funnier, the better.

edited 8th Nov '10 7:19:26 PM by RL_Nice

A fistful of me.

Well I'm not a man who likes to make long speeches before I off the villan...so I won't. BANG!

But really, no one can create a memetic badass, the fanbase creates memteic badasses. But you can make a ridiculously over-the-top badass like Axe Cop[1]. Or you can make just a plain old-fasion regular badass.

edited 8th Nov '10 7:20:31 PM by DrStarky

Put me in motion, drink the potion, use the lotion, drain the ocean, cause commotion, fake devotion, entertain a notion, be Nova Scotian

Walks towardws Poor Sucker. -Hi Poor Sucker looks upwards in fear. -Bang. Poor Sucker falls down in fear, may or may not have pissed himself. then he shots him.

His response to everything: "I've seen worse".

Never be without a Hat! Hot means heat. I don't care if your usage dates to 1300, it's my word, not yours. My Pm box is open.

I'd work to subvert the common memetic lines if you're going for Testosterone Poisoning on purpose. Example:

"I'm hear to kick ass and chew bubble gum." Bear paused for a moment, a bubble of pink expanding from his lips. It popped. "Alright, guess what's next?"

Except more cheesy. (not literally)

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

Trigger, right after killing a guy: "And that's for touching my gun!"

♥♥II'GSJQGDvhhMKOmXunSrogZliLHGKVMhGVmNhBzGUPiXLYki'GRQhBITqQrrOIJKNWiXKO♥♥

^^ I don't like bubblegum. I'm here to kick ass and then kick ass some more.

There are probably endless variations you could come up with. Depending on the setting, it may even be lampshaded.

edited 9th Nov '10 10:08:52 AM by storyyeller

Blind Final Fantasy 6 Let's Play

Here's a few. I could do this all day, but I've run out of time.

• My therapist said to work *WHAM* out *WHAM* some *WHAM* aggression. Ah, that didn't help.

• I tried to be nice.

[Goon] No you didn't.

• Oh. Thought I'd forgotten something.

• I'm going to teach you a lesson. With the traumatic amnesia, though, you probably won't remember it.

• I brought a change of underwear for everyone. You'll thank me later.

• That glassy stare needs a little work.

• Red [or other bodily fluid] isn't your color.

• You mean this isn't my Aunt Harriet's sewing circle?

• Oh, sorry, laser beats scissors, but thanks for playing.

• Did that hurt? Good.

• I was looking for trouble. Guess I found some.

• Better put on your dancing shoes, because we're going to get down.

A good source of one-liners is "Spider-Man." I've probably stolen a few subconsciously.

Under World. It rocks!

Need more Horatio Caine in here.

"Looks like—"

sunglasses and throws molotov cocktail

"we're starting this party hot."

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." Twitter

"CALL A DOCTOR, WE'VE GOT INJURED!"

"No we don't."

"WE'VE GOT INJURED!" *WHAM*

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial

My brother once came up with a bit of dialogue that was partially ripped off from Last Action Hero:

• The hero has a Mook by the shirt
• H: This is for the insult (slaps the thug)
• H: This is for trying to kill me (he lightly slaps the thug on the wrist)
• H: And this is for SPILLING MY BEER!!! (throws the thug through a window)

edited 9th Nov '10 5:58:50 PM by RedneckRocker

Embroiled in slave rebellion, I escaped crucifixion simply by declaring 'I am Vito', everyone else apparently being called 'Spartacus'.

Arson Murder And Beer Spilling

Put me in motion, drink the potion, use the lotion, drain the ocean, cause commotion, fake devotion, entertain a notion, be Nova Scotian

"Good afternoon, sir. Would you care for some Kaboom?"

"Explosives: The gift that only gives once, so always give a lot."

The Revolution Will Not Be Tropeable

"If violence isn't solving your problems, you're not using enough."

If you don't like a single Frank Ocean song, you have no soul.

"Problem solving in two easy steps! Step 1: Punch it in the face. Step 2: Repeat until success."

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial

"If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it."

On that note:

"Ever wonder why violence is the last resort? It's why your keys are always in the last place you look... Hey, look! Keys."

The Revolution Will Not Be Tropeable

If you're intentionally aiming for a Memetic Badass, know that there's an even higher chance than usual of you hitting straight into Narm.

Introducing himself to someone:

I'm <insert name here>, professional asskicker. Here's my card. <commits act of violence> Oh, I'm sorry that was my <gun/fist/whatever is appropriate>. Here's my real card <More violence>.

edited 11th Nov '10 3:58:49 PM by Sidewinder

Ooh! I got another one!

Trigger: (right after killing someone) Tag! You're it...forever!

Or.

Trigger: (finishing up an argument she had with her victim earlier) Did too!

♥♥II'GSJQGDvhhMKOmXunSrogZliLHGKVMhGVmNhBzGUPiXLYki'GRQhBITqQrrOIJKNWiXKO♥♥

Drops a grandfather clock off a balcony and on to a mook.

"Well, that was a waste of time."

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are probably right.

"Man up and eat a cup of concrete!"

SLAM INTO PAVEMENT

"'AY YOU! CATCH!"

1. GRENADE'ED##

• BURYS FOE ALIVE**

"well, that saves some time."

I feel the need to steal all of this shit and change my name to mencia.

badass "This is usually where I say something funny, but I was up all night trying to impregnate the statue of liberty....I'm pretty sure I'm wanted for, statutory rape"

beat

mook laughs nervousely "that, thats a good one man"

"really? you thinks so? hmm...I like you. I think I'm gonna let you live"

"really?"

baddass laughs

Random Bad Guy: "You'd like to quantify me, Officer Starling. You're so ambitious, aren't you? Do you know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. You're a well-scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Your eyes are like cheap birthstones - all surface shine when you stalk some little answer. And you're bright behind them, aren't you? Desperate not to be like your mother. Good nutrition has given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation out of the mines Officer Starling. Is it the West Virginia Starlings or the Okie Starlings, Officer? It was a toss-up between college and the opportunities in the Women's Army Corps, wasn't it? Let me tell you something specific about yourself, Student Starling. Back in your room, you have a string of gold add-a-beads and you feel an ugly little thump when you look at how tacky they are now, isn't that so? All those tedious thank-yous, permitting all that sincere fumbling—"

• BLAP*

Starling: "OH I'M SORRY, DID I BREAK YOUR CONCENTRATION?"

edited 2nd Dec '10 7:47:16 AM by QQQQQ

Hero(es) to cornered smug snake manipulative bastard:

"See this? This is you about to get your ass beat. You will derive no advantage or profit from this, and there's nothing you can do but like it. But you won't."

More Trigger-Happy lines

"I may not be much of a lover but I'm a hell of a kisser." **shoots someone in mouth**

"Insert Memetic Badass One Liner here" **after shooting someone**

♥♥II'GSJQGDvhhMKOmXunSrogZliLHGKVMhGVmNhBzGUPiXLYki'GRQhBITqQrrOIJKNWiXKO♥♥