Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, all old ones were removed and nobody makes new ones anymore.

I wish Ki in Dragon Ball style was real.

Granted, but the Power Levels are too high and people explode each other in the streets.

I wish I had the best computer in the world.

Granted, the computer becomes sentient, overtakes your body, tries to kill everyone you love (Before it takes your body), and pretty much reenacts the plot of Kirby: Planet Robobot.

I wish that Golf was more awesome.

edited 22nd Aug '16 5:47:34 PM by Revaryk

Granted, it becomes soccer.

I wish a space ship.

You wish a space ship would... what? Land on your mother? I'll go ahead and make it land on your mother.

I wish someone would notice me.

Granted. We all hate you.

I wish I weighed 130-135 pounds forever

You get noticed by a Serial Killer. Have fun. ('d)

You grow 1 metre taller, so are now fatally underweight.

I wish for some chocolate.

edited 22nd Aug '16 8:47:03 PM by secretlyasuperhero

Granted. It's a lie.

I wish for total immunity from all diseases and to not be hunted down by the government for experimentation.

edited 22nd Aug '16 8:46:13 PM by TroperNo9001

Granted. Diseases are no problem for you, but you are completely riddled with infections, which are considered to be medically distinct from diseases.

I wish the Transformers/Seven Samurai Fusion Fic featured in my sig would get more traffic and reviews.

edited 22nd Aug '16 9:07:53 PM by MapleSamurai

Granted. However you're now declared the new Christian Weston Chandler or Christine Weston Chandler.

I wish for a better economy.

edited 23rd Aug '16 6:35:42 AM by TheFarmboy

Granted, it gets slightly better but is still completely broken.

I wish Dragon Ball was not such a stupid anime.

Granted, now your favorite anime is the stupidest anime on earth.

I wish Teen Titans GO! Would get cancelled.

Granted, they cancel it just as it was starting to get good.

I wish FOX news would go belly up.

Granted. Alex Jones founds an even bigger media empire in its place.

I wish I could fly at FTL speeds between planets without risk of asphyxiation, starvation or freezing.

Granted, but the speed tears your body apart.

I wish I had the power to inflict Baleful Polymorph on people.

Granted. You get arrested by the authorities and used as an experimental pawn for the military.

I wish I could turn back time and undo some actions.

Granted, you're stuck in a time loop, and while you can go back and change things you can't go beyond the loop.

I wish we had off-world colonies throughout the solar system.

Granted, they are constantly under siege from aliens.

I wish for Brexit not to happen.

Granted, you personally are no longer a European citizen and deported to Iran to be Rouhani's slave.

I wish for some nachos, on a plate. on the middle of the table in front of me. No funny business.

edited 24th Aug '16 5:44:19 AM by TheFarmboy

Granted, but a serial killer kills you before you can enjoy them.

I wish Hasbro would make a crossover Transformers toyline where the toys transform into vehicles/creatures from other Hasbro properties (G.I. Joe, MASK, My Little Pony, Zoids, Dungeons & Dragons, etc).

They malfunction and kill many civilians.

I wish that I had a Catbug plushie.

Granted, the world ends.

I wish Game Theory actually made good theories.

Granted, the theories are so crazy you experience My Skull Runneth Over.

I wish for a steel nail.

Granted. Directly hammered into your skull. Goodbye.

I wish for Nazi-occupied Europe to be brought forward in time to 2016.

No twists since that was already terrible wish. So.... for once declined.

Are you sure you've mistaken this for Fix-a-wish?

I wish for a new hat.