Good magical girl introductions

For a series I\'m writing with a rhythmic gymnastics thematic, I have five members of the magical girl squad of the series:

• Cure Twirl (who uses the ribbon)
• Cure Clubs
• Cure Sphere (who uses the ball)
• Cure Hoop
• Cure Rope

All characters named after a rhythmic gymnastics apparatus uses that one by default.

What would good introductory phrases for them be? In fact, what would make a good introductory phrase for any magical girl, period?

Hmm. That's odd. For some reason, I don't see the more busineslike option of "spot the target, close within range, commence firing", which is probably the best precedent I've seen for engagements involving megucas. Much better than wasting time and energy coming up with choreographed introductions, during which time the opposition has the chance to prepare or possibly fire first...

(Also, off-topic, but I take it that the Heer Twelfth Army's abandonment of Potsdam and its westward retirement towards the River Elbe spoiled at least one of Grofaz's plans. Going to need to watch Downfall at some point.)

All it really needs is a quick justification. Like, since rhythmic gymnastics is a performance thing, they get powerups by performing and showing off. It probably depends on how serious you want to make your story, but that would be a pretty good parody reconstruction sort of thing.

Sadly I have no suggestions for your actual request. Well, what sort of things do people say when doing gymnastics, or what sort of terminology is there?

For example: "The grace of the ribbon and the skill of a tiger! Cure Twirl!!" I figured it'd be a good idea to include the name of the Cure's respective apparatus in his/her introductory phrase.

Oh, and Sabre, we're talking about neither Megucas nor the H Man here (I take it you recognised my sig from Der Untergang?). We're talking about magical girl introductions in general. *sweatdrop*

edited 11th Jan '15 9:39:53 AM by ryanasaurus0077

What I'm calling into question is the need for verbal character introductions at all. It's one of those flashy cinematic conventions that sounds cool but doesn't make much storytelling sense, especially in prose (instead of on screen, where you get a lot of fancy special effects to go along with it). Really, it sounds like an unnecessary element to be skipped over in text.

The way I see it, there are two possibilities. Either they're doing this in an environment without opposition, or they're doing this somewhere with. In the first case, the assumption is that they're well-trained enough not to need verbal coordination on the field, but they'll still be focused enough on their routines—in which case I don't recall, say, Olympic gymnasts calling out their routine names before they perform them. In the second case—i.e., imminent confrontation with an opponent—it'd make even less sense, since they'd be busy enough coordinating team tactics and calling warnings to each other. (And, in the worst case, "help me!")

[I'm aware the Downfall discussion is tangential, but as rusty as my German is, it's enough to notice that the English translation and the German sentence don't quite match up. Translation: "Yes", I believe the trope is...]

Let's just say the work's neither too serious nor too silly. The fight scenes here are just like any other magical girl fight scene, FTW.

(Oh, and Sabre, Jodl's line about the Twelfth Army retreating to Elbe is often subtitled by parodists as an objection to Grofaz's latest crazy scheme.)

edited 11th Jan '15 3:53:54 PM by ryanasaurus0077

Well, you have me there, I confess. My knowledge of magical girls is based on an extremely limited sample size that I understand is somewhat outside the norm for the genre, yet the same general notion of going about a battle with deadly efficiency and overwhelming competence instead of unnecessary flashy showiness appeals strongly. I can see the appeal in individual intros, but might it not be better for there to be a unit introduction instead of individuals? Some variation on "with power and grace: take to the floor", emphasizing that this is a united team. (There's an inherent tension between rhythmic gymnastics' focus on individual prowess and combat's focus on tight cooperation and teamwork, but that is part of the fun of writing.)

[Ah, that'd explain. Jodl: IMDB was utterly unhelpful in identifying him. I really need to see the entire film at some point.]

"Take to the floor with power and grace! Together we're Pretty Cure!"

Would that be a good group introductory phrase?

edited 11th Jan '15 9:13:34 PM by ryanasaurus0077

Sounds as good as any other.

Thanks.

Any ideas from you or other people on the individual introductory phrases? (IIRC each magical girl always has her own, particularly if it's a more traditional Magical Girl Warrior genre story.)

edited 11th Jan '15 10:00:16 PM by ryanasaurus0077

Bah. This is one of those traditions that's worn out its welcome, I think...

I'm voting for at least one character who thinks that it's silly to yell out something before you initiate an engagement, and prefers to give her introductory phrase/one-liner after shooting first and knocking out the opposition (probably to the distress of her teammates, but then again what are traditions for if not to be broken?)

Which one were you thinking of for that?

Whichever one the characterization would fit. At the moment I know nothing about these characters nor how the character dynamics would play out, but there may be one of them who's somewhat genre-savvier than the rest, a veteran combatant and maybe serving as a foil to her teammates: such a character would be ideally suited for firing first and then announcing her presence.

Alternatively, a three-plus-two team arrangement could work. Leader plus two girls makes the traditional flashy entrance-and-transform, and while all eyes are pointed that way a second two-girl element, combat-ready, moves in fast and hits the distracted target from the flank or rear. You can probably imagine the comedy opportunities for when the leader grandly announces that they're a quintet despite being flanked by only two of her teammates, and the opposition has a moment to do the math and realize that something's off before the remaining two hit home.

Waiting for others to come by with their opinions for me to consider. But as of writing, we've confirmed what the group introductory phrase will be:

"Take to the floor with power and grace! Together we're Pretty Cure!"

Still waiting for suggestions for the individual introductory phrases.

edited 13th Jan '15 3:38:53 PM by ryanasaurus0077

Again, that really depends on the personalities of the people in question, and on a multitude of fine points of character. There may be long boasts; there may be threats; there may simply be taciturn readiness reports. You can imagine the differences in personality that may lead one girl to make a grandiose announcement as she's transforming, or for another one to simply say ready, or for a third to say that she's here—a moment after she'd clocked someone on the head.

(Yes, I'm sticking with my vote for that option.)

Here's the personalities of the Cures:

• Cure Twirl - Only boy on the team, and just as compassionate and caring as the usual pink Cure.
• Cure Clubs - Tomboyish, and somewhat of a magical girl fangirl.
• Cure Sphere - Feminine, and cute, yet just as protective of her friends as they are of theirs.
• Cure Hoop - Stylish, and a typical Idol Singer type, kind of like Kilari Tsukishima.
• Cure Rope - Intelligent, feminine, and resourceful.

Ehhh, I'm seeing a lot of overlap between character personality types and not much contrast. Nobody's brash and outspoken? Quiet and focused? Sharp-witted and sardonic?

I'm not up to coming up with catchphrases to build characters around, especially when I still know relatively little about them and what makes them tick. Even for my own characters, I find it's often not for a long while before I discover their "core". Plus, in this case you may need someone who actually specializes in rhythmic gymnastics to help.

(Now if you were asking for help with themes relating to aviation, or history, political science, or radio broadcasting, or a slew of such topics, I'd be able to contribute my two cents' worth...)

Now, then... if it'll be of any help, here's who the Cures resemble in terms of personality:

• Cure Twirl - Think Homura Akemi with neither the edge nor the moe, Yu Narukami, and Nozomi Yumehara
• Cure Clubs - Think Bunny Tsukino, Haruhi Suzumiya, Misty Waterflower, Mikoto 'Railgun' Misaka, and Akane Hino
• Cure Sphere - Think Mikuru Asahina, Pikachu, and Urara Kasugano
• Cure Hoop - Think Makoto Kino, Kilari Tsukishima, Zakuro Fujiwara (only less dark and brooding), Akane Tendo, and Nao Midorikawa
• Cure Rope - Think Yukiko Amagi, Amy Mizuno, Minto Aizawa, Tomoyo Daidouji, and Reika Aoki

edited 20th Jan '15 3:43:19 PM by ryanasaurus0077

That only gives a rough idea of comparable characters, and it doesn't help that I don't recognize/don't know 70% of the characters on the list.

Clubs is more straightforward, at least. It looks like she's the one to go with the meguca classic design: boisterous, enthusiastic, and probably the most willing to go head-on. Some overly-fancy variation on "now I'll show you what a true magical girl can do; chaaaaaarge!" wouldn't go wrong for her.

As for the rest: Twirl is the most confusing one. You're calling for a character whose defining traits are 'caring and compassionate'—and then cite Homura Akemi, whom I would associate more with 'ruthless and driven', not to mention 'more than somewhat battle-damaged': there is affection there but it's buried deep under the ice, and it takes the whole course of the story for us to see it. And then, on top of that, you remove the traits that form the basis of her character.

Forgive me for pointing out that that's not a character; that's an incoherent mass of mutually conflicting character traits. Focus on the central impression that forms the character, at least, and their motivation (which doesn't need to be apparent from the start). If you're going to go with the "sugar and ice, caring and compassionate but hidden under taciturn efficiency" route, well, we may have a candidate for leading the flanking element.

Sphere: uh, I'm trying to square Mikuru and Pikachu and it's really not working. Unless you mean the future version of Mikuru, which still doesn't work but forms a much more interesting basis for a character. Granted, it's more "CIA handler" than "meguca classic", but at least you'd have a basis for a character who isn't completely passive and whose character development doesn't come from the contrast between herself and her dangerously competent future iteration.

So...to sum up, I have a solid grasp on one of the five of your characters, and that's mainly because their characterization and motivation is extremely straightforward. No help possible on the rest because they're incoherent characters. Heck, I don't even have names for them as opposed to codenames.

I did say "neither the edge nor the moe". Strip Homura of those, and you've got determination. I'm not trying to combine "compassionate" with "ruthless", after all. Rather, I'm going for a character who's both caring/compassionate and determined to get the job done no matter what.

As for Mikuru and Pikachu, Mikuru's got the moe, and Pikachu's got the electricity, in case you were wondering what their connection is to Cure Sphere.

No need to worry about the names, BTW; I've already gotten that part taken care of.

As for Hoop and Rope, who did you recognize in the character blends, if any? (And what was the recognized:unrecognized ratio for each of the five characters? You did say the total of characters you recognized there was 30%, but what about the individual characters?)

edited 20th Jan '15 6:08:23 PM by ryanasaurus0077

Grand total of characters I recognize enough to apply: Homura, of course; Haruhi and Misty; Mikuru. The rest of the characters are either complete blanks or recognized only as a name. Or, in Pikachu's case, utter confusion why it was there.

(Dammit, Jim, I'm a political scientist, not an otaku.)

I suppose the next question is this: should the battle-cries relate to their capabilities? Their role on the team? All of the above? None? For that matter I remain unconvinced that individual catchphrases are necessary. (To take two of the characters you mentioned as examples, while Haruhi Suzumiya might happily yell out more-or-less coherent slogans with exuberance, Mikuru Asahina would probably have to be pushed into it by Haruhi, and even then the results are more likely to produce muffled laughter rather than respect.) Maybe that's one way to take things; Clubs does her perpetual best to unsuccessfully convince everyone else that individual slogans are a necessity, to varying degrees of success. ("TWIRL! You forgot to yell out your catchphrase again!")

Yes, I already figured out that Cure Clubs is a magical girl otaku in her civilian form.

Oh, and I did say that Cure Hoop is a stylish Idol Singer type earlier, but I'm not sure that was enough for you to go by. Should I elaborate further?

BTW I was thinking their intro phrases should reflect their personalities, their capabilities, and their respective rhythmic gymnastics apparati.

edited 20th Jan '15 6:07:49 PM by ryanasaurus0077

Bump for input from others.

So why do they need intro phrases at all? As pointed out earlier, it's not very pragmatic.

Just a good old magical girl tradition, is all.