TrueLoveIsBoring. How to avert?

This is a thread for real-ish romance and love. So, a lot of romance plots focus on how the pair ended up together or how they break up (generally to go back or go with someone else). Now what about the middle of these extremes? It needs to be a healthy relationship. Now, i need balancing the time properly given to the relationship itself and the rest of their simple lives, as they aren't the only people in the place.

Rules

• No Ship Tease, they are a confirmed couple. "Confirmed" in-story, so if i were to make a fanfic, the couple may or may not be canon.^* Note that in my personal case it is an original work
• They aren't Star-Crossed Lovers, they do get to be together since the let go.
• They get plenty of time for themselves and their friends, they aren't together 100% the time.
• The physical part gets mentioned, but the main appeal is the emotional part.
• They don't have relationship conflicts (ie. adultery, abuse, doubts, etc.).

Optional

• They are a couple since before the plot starts, and then we show the development.

See some posts below because i'm an idiot who can't properly explain himself.

edited 1st Jan '15 2:29:52 PM by dreamofwritting

Whoo! I love writing realistic couples who are still true loves!

All your stuff is good, and I'm just going to add these two:

• The conflict is realistic conflict (or treated realistically), not just "oh noes we can't be together because [cliched reason]". If they're a Lady and Knight pairing, they don't just get the romantic protection and courtesy—battle prowess and honor can only go so far, and people important to the story feel weird/iffy/disapproving of their unequal status.
• They don't actively try to change each other. The Love Redeems trope can do a lot of character-development organically, but if I see a pirate/thief/unsavory-character outside of a harlequin novel magically decide to settle down just because their True Love wants them to, not because they want to turn over a new leaf or keep them safe from old/new enemies, I will react badly.

I'd say the simplest way to avoid it is to show them having conflicts. Let them disagree with each other. Even let those disagreements be very intense. And let them also have fun together, making each other laugh.

Basically, let them stay two separate, distinct characters, each with their own personality.

If you can't write love without your characters ever touching. You don't know how to write romance, imo.

Ahem, in my OP i was mostly giving the do's and don'ts. I'd like a Slice of Life setting (ie. day-to-day of ordinary people. "Ordinary" in context, so may include fantasy/sci fi/comedy/drama"). I want the romance of some characters for the development, but without being central to the plot. I need to Show, Don't Tell that, yes, [name] and [name] are in a romance but that they still have lives out of it. Now i need some directions for the relationships to make it interesting (the characters shoulda have identities that are interesting by themselves) while being healthy. Conflict is okay if it isn't directly attacking the relationship itself (extreme basic example: "A is doing something out-of-place in the classroom. Pair B and C make snarky commentary". NOT "B is feeling doubts of C".)

So Will They or Won't They? They Do (maybe we the readers skipped the first part). Now exactly, what are they doing now?

edited 30th Dec '14 4:44:10 PM by dreamofwritting

A and B's goals/teams are opposed to each other, where the success of one causes the other to fail. They have to decide what to do when they would face each other, and how to convincingly throw their challenge so their significant other can prevail, without arousing suspicion.

Whatever main conflict the plot doles out, they team up with the strength and skills of one compensating for the weaknesses or failures of the other in mutual reciprocity without obligation or resentment. Challenges are overcome, things that the world needs more of is created, interests are shared, new discoveries made about the other that are not necessarily unpleasant just because they're surprises in fact they give more of that person to love. They can change as personalities, generally for the better as individual people and just more enlightened or moral or formidable as a dynamic.

Okay, so I'm confused by your main post. Is this some kind of forum game? Or are you laying out rules for discussion? Or is that list just a list of what you prefer in stories?

I need some ideas for an ongoing and healthy relationship. Most romance plots focus on how the pair ended up together or break up. I need to know what are they doing in the the meantime. The problem arises when balancing the relationship and, ahem, pretty much the rest of their day-to-day life.

I'm changing the main post, was a jerk move not doing so after the previous post.

Two people in love are devoted. That can me a lot of things, mind, but I should never doubt it. And to be devoted is not necessarily to be blind to someone's faults. It can often mean you are quite aware of them and trying to cover for or correct them. Love need not change you to make you better, as long as you are capable of recognizing someone handles certain things better than you and listening to them.

question, have you ever written one of those epic friendships, or that epic ragtag group of life long friends?

It's kinda like that.

Some rhetorical questions (coming from someone who has written stories about couples; take these with a grain of salt):

-Do the characters have individual goals? Do the characters have a shared goal? At any point do these individual goals conflict with their shared goal?

-How much time do they spend outside of their relationship (with like friends/family/associates); if story focuses on these outside moments what do the characters do? How do these outside relationships impact the characters' relationship?

-How open are these characters are with one another; how much do they talk about important issues?

-Is the story told from one character's perspective or both? How do the characters view one another, and how will the reader know?

-Are there any things that the characters don't like about one another but either tolerate/understand?

edited 6th Jan '15 7:36:17 PM by Coujagkin

Forgive me please if this has been mentioned—I somewhat skimmed the preceding posts, and am a little tired, I fear—but one thought that comes to mind is making the conflict something that they face together. In working together to deal with something that they haven't encountered before—or have only encountered alone—they may learn more about each other, and how to operate as a couple.

Quite how their couple-arc goes would likely depend on the characters—for two (general) examples, they might trip up on old, solitary habits from previous encounters, or not realise certain of each other's traits or skills, leading to misunderstandings or failures.

edited 7th Jan '15 3:52:59 PM by ArsThaumaturgis

I think Mr AHR above summarised the basic attitude a writer should take pretty well.

If you can conceive of how True Companions can be narratively interesting, you should have the foundation of basic Beta Couple dynamics. When you think about it that way, the two characters having made an intimate commitment of some kind to each other only adds to the complexity of their relationship, and therefore, presumably, its narrative potential. It's a bit off-putting that so many writers in this situation rely on jealousy drama or a wannabe saboteur to create interesting conflict, when a pairing that's worth including in the first place should have some kind of chemistry to work with.

Personally, I think True Love Is Boring is a misconception; Flat Characters who don't change even when they go through a dramatic experience like a Relationship Upgrade are boring, and the Romantic Plot Tumour that ensues falls far short of the complex dynamics of the real thing. I find that realistic relationships can be a whole lot more interesting and full of meaningful conflict than the cliched Will They or Won't They? There's so much more for two characters to discover about each other and how they fit together even long after They Do. How do they work together as fixtures in each other's lives? What happens to them as they grow and change over time? What do they each want and need in their lives, and how do they compromise? Even if their relationship is generally stable and healthy, having a supportive partner isn't a cure-all remedy for the things we suffer in life: depression, fear, trauma, personal tragedy, existential angst, etc. There are some things we face that nobody, however intimate, will be able to fix for us, and that is a difficult thing for both parties to come to terms with. Caring for someone more than anything in the world and being unable to help them with their troubles can hurt a lot deeper than pining over a relationship that couldn't be in the first place. Furthermore, insecurity in a romantic context doesn't begin and end with "Is he looking at other women?" When we open up to loved ones, we often come to face our deepest fears about ourselves, about all kinds of things. Intimacy is raw. And not even sex is guaranteed to be an easy matter between people who love and care for each other.

I think Zoe and Wash from Firefly are a good example of a Beta Couple; their personalities are in stark contrast, and yet you can see how that enriches their lives even as it causes a tension. The writers don't have to threaten the relationship to create drama. The narrative creates the drama, and their relationship reflects that drama in more interesting ways than if they were two platonic individuals.

The way you handle it also depends a lot on how central the couple is to your writing; if the focus is on those two in particular, you had better give them a lot of Character Depth and consider the implications of how their respective innermost conflicts will intermingle. If the relationship itself isn't the focus of the plot, but there's plenty going on outside of their relationship, there's no particular reason they can't just be together, and that's it. Furthermore, if they're part of a bigger ensemble, obviously the story won't be riding on how intricate their chemistry is. (For example, the relationship between Izumi Curtis and her husband in Fullmetal Alchemist seems fairly straightforward, but since the plot and themes aren't riding on it so much, we can just enjoy it for what it is: frickin' adorable.)