Hi, guys. :D
I find it kinda funny how two of the replies to this thread have been the exact same sentence. I laughed. xD
..so! You want some examples of abuse that are more subtle than the ones given in my thread? Alright, I'll give you some. Remember, though, the characters shouldn't be able to realize this is abuse until after they've heard a LOT of how most people don't do it. And a lot of this stuff has already been said. Tropers, man. Gotta love 'em.
Relying on the kids for help in coping with their own mental problems (mum confides in us boys about most of the shit dad says to her). "Please don't do this, or else your dad'll be mad at me." "If my
mum ever saw me
doing that, she'd (bed with no supper, smack my bottom, something)." "There's a list of things a son can't say to his father, but there's no list of things a father can't say to his son." Brother points a knife at kid, parents give brother minor scolding while yell at kid for "provoking" him.
Ooh, here's a good one, a rule my dad has almost made me believe: "It is your own fault for getting offended/getting mad/getting upset."
Really, that's.. just a brilliant example. The only reason I don't believe it is because I've started to notice he's saying the opposite lately, how "It's your own fault for offending me."
More examples! Does something ever happen to the kid to injure him or harm him? "You need to stop being so clumsy." Does the kid ever get into any arguments with the parent where the kid gets offended enough to cry? "As soon as you get emotional, you automatically lose the argument." Or "I can't talk to you when you get like this." Or "You always make me out to be the bad guy, asshole," under some contexts.
Actually, getting mad at people for getting offended
sums up a lot of subtle abuse. Pair it up with "I'm the parent, so I'm right," and "If you don't shut up, I will smack you," then you'll get yourself a kid who gets so used to the abuse that it seems like the norm. The kid may grow up to be a jerk, or if he makes the right choices, a nice person.
More examples! <_< I've really got a lot of these, y'know. Never showing interest in what the kid likes, always pushing the parent's own interests on the kid. If the kid is legitimately uninterested, "OH, *fake yawn* SO BORING, y'know, I don't ever get that rude when you show me things."
Never having time for the kid (example: Dad works late, gets home too tired; mum is housewife, always too busy/tired). Never in the mood for quality time or anything. Spoiling the kid just to shut him up (buying him toys so he can keep himself busy, not even paying attention to what the toy is; thanks to this, I learned my swear words early), later chastising kid for how spoiled he acts.
More! Comparing kid to other kids/siblings ("Why can't you ever be as good as _____?" "You're starting to end up like _____, change that!"). Parents might go out drinking/romantic dinners a lot, leaving kid(s) at home by themselves ("You're responsible enough to get your own dinner, right?"). Often telling uncles/aunts/other adults how bad kid(s) are. Telling kid he owes the parent for having supported him as he grew up.
Then, finally, occasionally having what they view as beautiful family moments where the kid gets a hug and "talks about their problems." Usually has the kid too insecure to tell problems. ("I don't want to tell you." "WHAT?! WHY THE FUCK NOT?! I'm your [parent]!" "I.. I don't know! I just.." Kid does not trust parent, or parent IS problem, but kid does not realize this; kid is just too insecure thanks to being raised through all the abuse. Parent yells at kid for not talking about problems.) After all this, the parent says everything is all better, and kid is left with impression that the parent truly cares, so the kid's just being ungrateful.
...there, that good enough for you, TC? I can give more.
edited 12th Mar '11 2:30:04 PM by DJay32
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