The strangest thing you've said today...

"John and Carol only beat rhinos on buses every right turn."

"I went around back to grab some balls, but couldn't find any."

I work in the toy department of a store

Right, eating human flesh is okay, but you're weird if you don't have it deep-fried?

and

And now someone is heat strucken. (beat) "Strucken"?

edited 1st Jul '16 9:53:00 PM by Fuzy2K

"Strucken? Is that right?" "No, no, I'm sure it's 'strucked'." "Are you sure it's not 'stroked'?"

edited 1st Jul '16 11:19:39 PM by Noaqiyeum

"I want him to tae kwon DO ME."

"It's like an Advent calendar of horrible death!"

"Spiders do not have tentacles!"

A response to this Drawception game.

"Making sandwiches is evil?"

*Beat*

"No... Making toasted sandwiches is evil."

Explaining why I was laughing maniacally after putting a sandwich in a toaster oven.

edited 5th Jul '16 7:37:23 PM by WillDeRegio

"Hunk, you adorable lunk"

"Hey, i just make burgers, I am not for sale."

Not me, my wife:

'High five, girls, then let's all go wash our fishy hands!'

My tea went up the wall.

"Ah, the poor children! The poor, high schoolchildren! Such a tragedy..."

...I just did the Grozny thing, didn't I.

Wargame: Red Dragon match with Sabre's Edge. We had a number of infantry squads shooting it out across a city block, and seeing my blokes about to get overrun, I decided to order a bunch of tanks into the town centre to provide fire support. They ended up wandering confusedly for a while, trying to spot the enemy forces, before inevitably taking a flurry of RPG fire from point-blank range.

"Pretty explosions"

"Prettier explosions"

"Galra go boom"

Sleepdep and binging on Voltron: Legendary Defender

"I'm deceiving the hipsters with DEVO lyrics..."

"The only way I'm buying Infinite Warfare is if there is either a Furry or a Jews DLC"

"...oh I just remembered! I asked for a picture of me as a cyborg driving a car through a pouring thunderstorm while punching falling sharks in the face.

Totally forgot about that.

Not sure how."

"The polygamist gay illegals terk er jerbs!"

"Be classy. Do opium."

"The only way he's dangerous is that you're in great danger of punching him!"

Yeah, [my car] was 20 years old when I got it, and it ran awesomely!

Well, except when the battery died.

...And the alternator died.

...And the windows started failing.

...And then the fuel injectors went out.

...And then the fuel injectors went out again.

...But hey, the clock worked, and the antenna worked!

"There was a second face, hidden in the shadow of the first face!"

Sounds like John Denver swallowed a hot squirrel...

and

Well, we here on the Satellite of Love thought it would be a great idea to make a popcorn popper that also does your homework.

(after having remarked that David Byrne sounded kind of like Joel Hodgson in this video.)

edited 10th Jul '16 2:04:21 AM by Fuzy2K

[throws both middle fingers up in the air]

[no, literally]

"Mimseh. When you exist, do the face so we can complete the circle and release the Lich King from his prison."